Support CaB

Subscribers don't see this.


Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

May 27, 2022, 10:39:43 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at

Only Fools and Horses

Started by Leej88, June 08, 2021, 05:27:09 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Fambo Number Mive

Rodney creeps into Boycie's shower at the car dealership and replaces his shower gel with epoxy resin solution from Micky Pearce's helmet repair kit, which glues Boycie's hands to his hair. He ends up embarrassing himself in front of a load of prospective customers and has to wear a wig through the remainder of the episode.

Fambo Number Mive

Imagine if Jason and Lyndhurst had gone into politics instead

QuoteDavid Jason's first impression of Nicholas Lyndhurst was shiny-faced.

He was sitting at his desk in the basement offices of the Conservative Research Department, staring at his smartphone. Jason's role was to ensure the candidate's message was being well-received and understood, at a time when most voters aren't listening to politicians but just to their headphones.

But Lyndhurst, who was then the party's vice-chairman, was still in an awkward post-election funk. His phone was full of emails and Twitter messages, with people suggesting he had won his heartland seat of Charnwood with one of his witty, if occasionally awkward, campaign slogans:

I think I'll vote for the Lib Dems.

It was a reference to Lyndhurst's unusual campaign pledge to vote Lib Dem. "It wasn't as if I was going to be out on the streets trying to persuade people, so I thought it would be kind of odd not to have a manifesto if I was going to be in politics," he says. "So

Remember when Trotsky commented on Only Fools and Horses?

QuoteBoycie On Rodney
"I have heard rumours Mickey Mouse wears a Rodney Trotter wristwatch."

Trotsky On Boycie
"The whole of Trotsky's body is a big mass of lumps of flesh. If there is a revolution in Britain I will make it a long one."

Sid And Marty On Boycie
"I have seen Sid make a few comments to me that I wouldn't say to anyone else - but you would have to be blind not to notice he's very partial to me."

(Trotsky) "If a child of four can live alone in the world it can only be because of the revolution."

(Boycie) "What I have done to annoy Trot, he would have done for me."

Trotsky On Rodney
"In Russia, the last king was murdered by the people's tribune - well here the people have got rid of the last millionaire by a poor comedian!"

Rodney On Trotsky
"I would rather die than give the people anything to


The new barman is her miscarriage. A reunion 30 years in the making.

Fambo Number Mive

Only ticket holders will know the exact location. They do give the postcode though, which would narrow things down a bit.

Will people be allowed to fall through the bar?


It wasn't the Nag's Head where Del fell through the bar.

I would be curious if they allow people to wear novelty beards and fall through the door into the basement and onto Mike's corpse.


Was speaking to a friend last week and he mentioned that he had never seen an episode of Only Fools but he saw a clip on YouTube that he found funny. I started to mention a load of plots to him:
"Have you seen the episode where Del has a mafia boss duplicate?"
"Have you seen the episode where an escaped axe murderer tries to kill them all?"
"Have you seen the episode where Rodney is a rapist on the run?"
"Have you seen the episode where they write a movie about an escaped rhino?"
"Have you seen the episode where Uncle Albert fucks a load of French women and has Uncle Albert babies?"
"Have you seen the episode where a plane flies into their flat?"

For some reason he didn't believe that they were real episodes. I don't see why he wouldn't believe me. I had to send him a Wikipedia link to Strangers on the Shore for him to believe that they were real.

Fambo Number Mive

The one where Rodney and Del realise they are in a gay bar and are worried they will be bummed. I found it hard to believe Rodney would be.that ignorant. Del though, I can believe he is that stupid and thinks all gay people are just waiting to bum him.

Still, they made up with it in Modern Men when Del Boy announces he wants to be known as "Gay Boy, y'know, in solidarity with the poofters and that".


Is that real? It could well be and was probably edited out of GOLD repeats.

Yeah, they wouldn't dare show it now because of the PC brigade, but it was real.

Gay Boy, mincing around Peckham in his pink sheepskin coat, fetching the handbag from the van. Of course, he snaps out of it when he has to punch Phil Cornwell as gay people can't throw punches. The audience is in bits as he declares "I bet you wish you'd gone private. And much like Cassandra's baby, so too is this the end of Gay Boy."

bloody hell you cant go out looking like that Del
dont be a plonker all your life, Rodney. im one of them steryatypes aint I

It's Only Kushty and Natural by Freddy the Frogs


As the grossness of spring lolls its head against the window
As the grossness of spring lolls its blooded head
Curare! Curare! Curare!
Rodney cries from the street
Curare! Curare!
As the grossness of spring rose
A tumor balloon to squeak against the window
With the grossness of spring staining into the walls
The chair had been shifted ever so slightly
Say five feet or two centimeters
The prints of my fingers dusted from doorknobs
A lamp had been dimmed
Some sawdust where a ring had been
Where nice girls were turned into whores
Gardens with fountains where Trigger had strutted
Where deaf children were born
The splendor of tigers turning to gold in the desert
Pale meadows of stranded pyramids
Del boy
Such a Del boy
There's a song in the air
Curare! Curare! Curare!
But the fair Cassandra don't seem to care
Curare! Curare! Curare!
As the grossness of spring lolls its head against the window
As the grossness of spring lolls its miscarried head
I merely got up so slowly
Shuffled across the floor
Closed the door on the landing
Descending the stairs
Dipping through the bar
The paralysed street
Rodney says "Good afternoon!"
I say "During the war!"
"It's a lovely afternoon"
"Yes, it's a lovely afternoon"I
Into pockets unstitching so weighted with pins
Into eyes imploding on mazes of sins
The puddle beneath the cork
Bobbing on a mild chop that rolled in
Off the Nag's Head and the open water beyond
Rodney says
Then me
Del boy
Such a Del boy
In her voice, there's a flaw
Curare! Curare! Curare!
Del boy
Bye-bye, Del boy
E-e-aw and e-e-aw


Saw Only Fools and Horses trending on Twitter so decided to read some of the tweets. Here are the highlights:

QuoteStill a travesty that we lost John Sullivan so young. Think of all the hours of classic comedy we missed out on.

QuoteShame that we won't ever see comedy like #OnlyFoolsAndHorses  or even others like On The Buses, Fawlty Towers all the classics due to political correctness and how people are so sensitive this era that they complain. Comedy these days feels fake, whereas back then it was natural.

Quote from: @goldchannelAnd who better to have through our doors first than #OnlyFoolsAndHorses cast members @Andree_Bernard (Nerys) @gwynethstrong18 (Cassandra) and @philpopemusic (Tony Angelino)

Also saw a Lego tribute to Roy Heather.

These days its a crime just being a Del Boy


Yeah, these days they lock you up just for falling through the bar.

You can't even break all the bones in your little brothers hand anymore without someone from the loony left complaining


These days, if you say "this time next year, we'll be millionaires", you'll be arrested and thrown in jail.


The so-called wokerarti won't let you fake a fall into a pub cellar without cancelling you.

Can't even arrange to watch an old man drink my wife's piss from the fridge without getting "cancelled"


The left would be up in arms these days if Uncle Albert fucked a load of French women and made Uncle Albert babies.

I've had it up to here with miscarriage culture


Rodney triggers the libs by injecting himself with cum.

Uncle Albert DESTROYS liberal radio host with logic (and by suffering an anal prolapse so enormous they have to dangle it out of the window before it starts choking people like an anaconda)

Cold Meat Platter

Rodders cuts a fanny into his taint after being trolled by Mickey Pearce on the Nag's Head forums.

Quote from: franticplanet on September 05, 2021, 12:14:16 AM
Rodney triggers the libs by injecting himself with cum.

on her death bed do you know what our mum said to me? she said del boy, make sure you incubate a homunculus in our little rodney

Del, fallen on hard times, works at a supermarket, sticking barcode labels onto products.  He does this during the whole of autumn, so bars through the fall.


It's a tragedy we lost Buster Merryfield so very very young. We missed out on him wearing shades as Livin La Vida Loca plays, and him falling over and cutting his head open again at the British Comedy Awards. 78 is no age.

With the anniversary of 9/11 upon us, my most chilling memory of that terrible day was when the BBC interrupted their live coverage of the World Trade Center attack to tell us that Buster Merryfield was dead