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August 10, 2022, 07:04:53 PM

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got no mates always on the computer

Started by popcorn, September 13, 2021, 12:25:38 AM

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I post exclusively on my phone so how'd you explain that then?


Sorry to inform you all that popcorn was found with underage porn under his bed. It was a magazine entitled "international lamb poons"
This is the only photograph that we're able to show because the rest are caked in ram spaff.

Popcorn commented outside the police station "I am a monster. Who has less friends than a monster? I am truly sorry, mostly to my best internet friends who are really handsome and great at shooting games, very popular. They will all disown me now, quite rightly, I wish I wasn't a monster and hadn't spent all that time on my computer, now that I don't have my freedom, I wished I'd gone out more and gone bowling"

Wow, thread really took a turn. Lots to process.
Can't help being the bigger person and feeling a bit sorry for popcorn. He had nothing and now he's even lost that. All because he was a massive nonce.
A massive nonce.


I deny everything. they were lambs dressed as mutton.

"Disappointed yet unsurprised" seems to be the prevailing response across the forum.

Just heard on the news that a doctor who has just been to assess his levels of noncery said that it was the most massive he'd ever seen.

The area of the brain which deals with noncing, that lies dormant and unused in most healthy animals and people, that had been so exercised in popcorn that it had swelled up and swallowed the rest of his brain.
There was only a slither of none nonce brain left, right at the front, a region of the brain, he said, that deals with regulating breathing, not having any mates, and remembering how to use a computer.

"His brain has almost entirely, irreversibly, gone to nonce" :(
That's from a qualified professional. I can't see them bothering with a jury.


Takes a nonce to know a nonce. ball's in your court.

Whoever smelt it, dealt it?
This is the best we can expect from a brain that has morphed into a glans penis with bad intent.

I'm just reporting the news. If your theory were true then the doctor that came to examine you would be some sort of Jimmy Savile figure!

Replies From View


I am NOT always on the computer. I hardly ever go on the computer. only today I was playing squash with my twenty-six friends and didn't even think about a computer until you mentioned it.

Aw no, they've found a huge stash, seems he was into interspecies stuff and worse. They've found a load of kid porn (young goats) in the loft, and a few "ravishing roadkill" magazines.

I have to leave the computer for a good few hours because I'm going bowling with some friends who are all either well over the age of consent or thoroughly unsexy.
Won't be able to report on any updates for a while, or ever, might not even turn the computer back on. No need really, too much to do, too many people to see, too many bowls to bowl.


Just heard about this on the radio, came here to see if it's true. Never would have believed it.


Get off the internet and into my car.
You're going to have to accompany me down the station.
You'd best bring your laptop with you.

Replies From View

hey popcorn when you get your computer fixed remember to say "don't look at the files" - ha