Things your dad is still doing.

[Glebe]

"We didn't have have Cushelle when I was a lad. If you managed to lay your hands on a sheet of Andrex you were living the high life!"

[frajer]

Your dad converts an old wheelbarrow into a garden chair. It's pretty smart actually! Very nicely devised and finished.

"Great job dad! Didn't even know we had a wheelbarrow."

"Don't. Borrowed it off the neighbours. Legally he can't do a thing because he lent me a wheelbarrow not a chair."

"Fuck's sake dad."

[Glebe]

"I see that new Star Trek with the bald guy and the worf alien opens with 'To boldly go where no one has gone before' rather than 'no man'... PC gone mad as we approach the 21st Century!"

Even Norm is confounded. Even Norm.

[drummersaredeaf]

Your dad has discovered Cameo

[Glebe]

"I'll tell you what son, they should send these immigrants to futuristic prisons in Antarctica! I'm only saying what everybody's thinking!"

[frajer]

Your dad is filling in that annoying pothole in the crescent with your treasured childhood toys.

[Glebe]

Your dad is filling in that annoying pothole in the crescent with your treasured childhood toys.

"Not He-Man Dad! What has he ever done to you?"

"Simon Says is plugging up that hole too, son! I'm psyching you out!"

[jenna appleseed]

Your dad is wearing his lucky vintage Argos pants again

[Glebe]

^I'm beach-ready son! You just try and stop me!"

"I probably should Dad, before the rozzers do!"

[Glebe]

"Who would you have play you in a movie about your life?"

"Oh, Leslie Nielsen, all day long. What about you, Norm?"

"I'd have to say Norman Collier. Not just 'cos he's my namesake, there is actually some resemblance!"

[frajer]

Your dad is scared of vampires so shoves a string of garlic bulbs up his arse before bed every night.

"I might look like a helpless snack, but one strong guff and I'll peel his face off!"

[Clatty McCutcheon]

Your dad is busy inventing a new alphabet which has only nine letters, but three differently sized letter Ks.

[drummersaredeaf]

Your dad is looking for cheap sustainable hair dye in Starbucks' bins

[batwings]

Dad's been banned from another Morrisons, this time for taunting Coinstar users.

[batwings]

Your dad's been going online, trying to find the address of someone off Gogglebox.

"Just wanna have a little word with him." He says through gritted teeth.

[PlanktonSideburns]

You and dad BNQing it up

Dad holds a can of wood stain aloft like the monkey and pup at the start of lion king

IT BEARS THE SEAL OF RON!!! THE PROPHECY IS TRUE!!!

come on Plonker, let's get a spray gun

[Fishfinger]

Heaving.

He's heaving a lot.

It's hard to put together a perfect chain of events, but the cat gobbled up a used condom, and then puked it up, then the dog did a shit and ate that and also the puked-up used condom, and then vomited forth the mass of same, and then dad was left alone in the room to clean it up.

To answer your question, he is trying not to sick it all up, and to keep the animals away from taking advantage of that probable outcome, should it be regurged onto the carpet, which is regrettably new.

Classic dad.

[Glebe]

"See you later Dad, I'm off to join an anti-goverment protest march! It's important to be active in encouraging change in our country!"

"He's getting very bolshy lately. Can you sort this Norm?"

"I'll get 'The Squad' together' whispers Norman, picking up his cudgel.

[Glebe]

"I'll tell you what son, the title of Rainbow alone marks it as a forerunner of the LGBT movement before you even get to the small pink hippo!"

[jenna appleseed]

"I'll tell you what son, the title of Rainbow alone marks it as a forerunner of the LGBT movement before you even get to the small pink hippo!"

"Good job they let Zippy on as the token straight man, or I'd have been writing to my MP demanding representation".

Before you can even begin to think to say anything....
"No son, Jeffrey doesn't count"

[jenna appleseed]

Your Dad's off to join the straight pride party, wearing his most dull coloured clothes.

It's a shame really, he quite liked getting all dolled up like a Panto Dame & and dancing to that YMCA, 'before they made it all political'

[Sebastian Cobb]

https://twitter.com/punkrockfactory/status/1542900607060688898

[drummersaredeaf]

Your dad has released a line of merch.

[PlanktonSideburns]

https://twitter.com/punkrockfactory/status/1542900607060688898

Fucks sake

They've even done a version of babooshka in the same style, awful

[Glebe]

"What did the doctor at the STD clinic say, Dad?"

"-Crabbin'."

[Sebastian Cobb]

Starts googling 'heat resistant capsules' after having the epiphany* 'if we send Jim Davidson to the center of the earth he'll always punch upwards'.

*subconsciously caught a facebook group recommendation out the corner of his eye, offered up by an algorithm with no concept of irony.

[Glebe]

"Son? Come on son, get out of bed! Up an' at 'em!"

"Dad, I can't talk right now, I'm about to go into a very important meeting that could decide the future of the company!"

"Come on lad... splash a bit of water on y'face and pop the kettle on!"

"Dad I'm hanging up I can't talk right- oh, good afternoon Mr. Tamigoshi!-"

*click!*

"Son? Son? Sigh. Be it on his own head, he'll not get anywhere in life if he takes another of these modern 'duvet days'!"

[Glebe]

Norm has started going to Zumba classes, so now has to endure your dad naming him "Zumbie McZumbface."

[jenna appleseed]

Your dad now thinks your boss is a tamagotchi and mocks you for being far too old to be messing about with one of those kids toys.

[Glebe]

Your dad now thinks your boss is a tamagotchi and mocks you for being far too old to be messing about with one of those kids toys.

"WE GOT THE CONTRACT DAD!"

"Oh really?! Even though you were sitting in bed all afternoon playing with your electronic Japanese pet?!?