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Masterchef: The Professionals S14

Started by beanheadmcginty, November 12, 2021, 07:36:16 PM

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Spode

That thing they do when they turn a meringue upside down to see if it's set. But with a roast dinner. And instead of checking it's set, just pouring it over Tom Parker Bowles' stupid Dolmio puppet head.

Straight into the final.

beanheadmcginty

Whenever Parker Bowles disagrees with the other two critics I just assume it's because the chef has sneaked a little bit of shit or spunk into his meal, as it should be.

wooders1978

Yet another week of "two chefs did well, 2 chefs did shit" decision panto

Jittlebags

I quite like it when they occasionally take an extra chef through. Still waiting one where they're so piss poor they take none of the cunts through.

mothman

Relationship top tip: find someone who smiles at you the way Monica smiles at chefs provided they're not female.

wooders1978

Quote from: mothman on November 29, 2021, 01:43:33 PMRelationship top tip: find someone who smiles at you the way Monica smiles at chefs provided they're not female.

I always find she's particularly nice to the female chefs, unless I've misunderstood your posts?

She used to be really horrible to everyone pre-Marcus, glad she's chilled out a bit

Icehaven

I've watched Masterchef for years and have only just noticed she pronounces "butter" in a Geordie accent.

bgmnts

Yeah I only noticed that this time round. Maybe she rapidly developed a northern english accent in time for the show.

wooders1978

She's been calling it "botter" for years - rankles me

amateur

I'm a fan. Say it to myself when cooking with butter, quietly.

"...botter"

touchingcloth

They seem to be going in for themed batches of contestants in the heats this time around, is that usual? As well as the MENTALISTS batch with fireguy, there was an episode there all four of them were shit hot fine dining chefs who have done the rounds of Michelin kitchens. I feel like in past years the heats have always been a bit more mixed up, so that you'll have a Michelin, a mentalist, and an ethnic all in the same episode rather than grouped together.

Spode

The skills test always confuses me. You'd think it would be the barometer for the entire episode and they'd be really critical but they seem genuinely delighted every time they're not poisoned during it. There was a lad last night who couldn't even cook an omelette and they still praised it for tasting alright. Two of them couldn't even get chicken on a plate.

They should handicap the next round based purely on your standing after the skills test. 1st place cooks as normal, second gets twenty minutes less, 3rd place with their hands tied behind their back and 4th places kids get brought into the kitchen with homework they need help with.

beanheadmcginty

I don't understand how they knew how little time they had but insisted on making big fat fucking koftas that would never cook in time. Just make little tiny/thin ones. A chef really ought to understand the basic cooking time of meat.

wooders1978

I'm doing that king prawn omelette thing Friday night - without Greg saying "roit gerrit on a plate!" I might end up just dropping it all over the floor though 

touchingcloth

Two of them fucking up the chicken was astonishing. I know it's too easy to sit on your sofa and proclaim that you would do things better or differently so I usually don't, but in this case I'd like to think that I'd see the 20 minute limit and the fact that it was chicken I was being asked to prepare and know enough to get that into the pan as a priority.

Quote from: Spode on November 30, 2021, 12:09:16 PMThe skills test always confuses me. You'd think it would be the barometer for the entire episode and they'd be really critical but they seem genuinely delighted every time they're not poisoned during it. There was a lad last night who couldn't even cook an omelette and they still praised it for tasting alright. Two of them couldn't even get chicken on a plate.

They should handicap the next round based purely on your standing after the skills test. 1st place cooks as normal, second gets twenty minutes less, 3rd place with their hands tied behind their back and 4th places kids get brought into the kitchen with homework they need help with.

I think I've heard one of them - Monica, maybe - say that the skills test is really just a way to get the contestants used to being in front of the camera and judges, so they get their nerves out of the way while the stakes are low and can focus more easily when it comes to the real test of the signature round.

amateur

It's also fucking funny when they fuck up something easy. Guaranteed gold telly.

Gurke and Hare

Quote from: amateur on November 30, 2021, 03:44:55 PMIt's also fucking funny when they fuck up something easy. Guaranteed gold telly.

Yeah. Who doesn't want to watch professional chefs struggle to make an omelette?

bgmnts

Obviously raw chicken is hilariously shit for a chef but how do you fuck up an omelette? I havent cooked an omelette in about 4 years but I reckon I can do better ones than that.

But then I wouldnt have the human egg cunt going "WE NEED SOMETHING ON THE PLATE NOW"

Spode

Can you imagine how hard it must be, as a chef, to see him pop up in your peripheral vision and not instantly try to crack his head on the side of a bowl and make a Hollandaise. Against all your egg instincts from cookery college. No wonder so many of them fuck up seemingly easy tasks.

Gurke and Hare

I also think the skills tests are good as learning thing - for a reasonably competent home cook they're a good "here's something good you could knock up fairly quickly" thing. I'm definitely going to give the sea bream and couscous one from last week a try.

Icehaven

To be fair the koftas Monica made were ridiculously small and not at all what I'd think of when I think of koftas, however if I only had 20 minutes to make and cook them then yes maybe I'd think they needed to be smaller than usual. The fact they both buggered it up though does suggest it was a bit unfair, they were clearly torn between making what they'd been asked to make and getting it done in time, which was basically impossible unless it occurred to you to cheat and make funsize koftas.

Gurke and Hare

"And how long are you going to give them to do this? Is it, by any chance, like in 100% of the skills tests, going to be twenty minutes?"
"I'm going to give them twenty minutes Gregg."

sevendaughters

Quote from: Gurke and Hare on December 01, 2021, 12:16:32 PM"And how long are you going to give them to do this? Is it, by any chance, like in 100% of the skills tests, going to be twenty minutes?"
"I'm going to give them twenty minutes Gregg."

One of them was 15! I almost fell off my chair.

Icehaven

The next big BBC scandal is going to be when it's discovered Marcus and Monica actually take way more than 20 minutes to do theirs. Seriously though they say what the dish is, then make it, and it's only after they've finished that Gregg asks how long they're giving the contestants and they say "20 minutes", so while it's implied they've done it in the same time limit they never actually say they have.

dr beat

I've always wondered if Marcus and Monica have to do multiple takes of their demonstrations and whether they waste  food in doing so.  Also those larder challenges. 

Gurke and Hare

Quote from: dr beat on December 01, 2021, 02:39:59 PMAlso those larder challenges. 

As in what happens to the food that the chefs do't pick? I'd hope they do something vaguely sensible with it, even if it's just Marcus and Monica cook it all up to feed the crew and anyone working in the studios. Surely they can't just chuck it all in a big bin?

Twit 2


colacentral

Quote from: dr beat on December 01, 2021, 02:39:59 PMI've always wondered if Marcus and Monica have to do multiple takes of their demonstrations and whether they waste  food in doing so.  Also those larder challenges. 

I feel like that happened with Marcus' omelette. It looked like he was fucking up the folding of it good and proper in the pan, then it cut to him serving it and it was pristine. Even felt like the little smirks the three had on afterwards was one of them knowing they were cheating.

I'm glad they're less cunty about the skills test now than they used to be. A few years ago and they were pretty cruel with their comments.

kalowski

Oh I do like Daniel, from Portugal. What a lovely, unassuming bloke.

touchingcloth

He's got his little squab pigeon and he's roasting it off on the bone with a jus. Wow, delicious.