They don't like it up 'em

[TrenterPercenter]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10270067/Man-seeks-medical-help-artillery-shell-lodged-rectum.html?ito=social-twitter_mailonline

Sorry for the DM link but I think you'll understand why this is of major importance to the CaB brethren.



Come on, let's get this done then.

[Chollis]

Sad to see Sir Killalot's career end up like this

[TrenterPercenter]

It's known as a Doodle-plug in the biz (I've heard).

[Butchers Blind]

Like that he had the brassneck to use the old 'slipped and fell on it' excuse. Just tell them you like shoving old ammunition up yer arse, it's 2021 no-one is going to make fun of you for it.

[Porky]

How does admitting that you have bought the daily mail rank in things that are not easy to explain?

[Icehaven]

How does admitting that you have bought the daily mail rank in things that are not easy to explain?

Quite a long way from admitting to looking at their website I should think.

[idunnosomename]

I was going to post it with this.

https://www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk/news/gloucester-news/bomb-squad-called-gloucestershire-royal-6298076

I think The Sun reported it first.

Bit on the nose really innit. Right down to the "slipped and fell". It's not quite got the man has sex with pile of leaves magic

[Porky]

Quite a long way from admitting to looking at their website I should think.

All I get is "WE CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE USING AN AD BLOCKER"

[Captain Z]

I was going to post it with this.

https://www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk/news/gloucester-news/bomb-squad-called-gloucestershire-royal-6298076

I'm guessing it wasn't attached to the cartridge shell as in the picture on the news site, otherwise getting 26" up inside you is seriously impressive.

[Tony Tony Tony]

Couldn't he just claim he was bending over to pick up a small child who had fallen over and got shot up the arse?

It can happen.

[dissolute ocelot]

At least in Croatia they're willing to admit it was from a "sex game". They probably have a lot more shells than us, tho. It's probably a daily thing "I liked the ticking sensation."

[studpuppet]

No word of a lie, this is trending at present:

[Mobbd]

I wouldn't trust them to open a tin of beans.

[Huxleys Babkins]

A lot of mirth on Twitter over this, but why would they make artillery shells the same shape as dildos if they aren't supposed to go up your arse?

[Mr Banlon]

Poppy one-upmanship reaches zenith

[Alberon]

You've got to feel sorry for people who have genuinely slipped and fallen on phallic shaped objects. No one would ever believe it was an accident.

What other excuse could you give for having a foreign object up where the sun doesn't shine?

Asking for a friend.

Quickly, please!

[madhair60]

my arse exploded once but it was just a big fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Piles the Beaver]

Call the bum squad!

[Huxleys Babkins]

You've got to feel sorry for people who have genuinely slipped and fallen on phallic shaped objects. No one would ever believe it was an accident.

What other excuse could you give for having a foreign object up where the sun doesn't shine?

Asking for a friend.

Quickly, please!

There was one from donkey's years ago where someone in Brazil claimed to have slipped and fallen on a mobile phone in a condom in the shower. I, for one, believe them. Who doesn't take a sheathed mobile phone in the shower with them and just place it in the tray/bathtub behind them?

[Bigfella]

A priest once claimed in hospital that he had been fixing his curtains in the nude -as you do- and had the misfortune to slip and fall onto a potato.   Pre-Python Graham Chapman was a doctor studying genital problems and had guys come in with tall tales about how their dick ended up in the hoover tube.

[Blumf]

Call the bum squad!

[Rizla]

Pre-Python Graham Chapman was a doctor studying genital problems and had guys come in with tall tales about how their dick ended up in the hoover tube.

Is there not a bit in A Liar's Autobiography about a retired colonel using an artillery shell to resituate his Emma Freuds?

[shoulders]

Imagine a load of unexploded ordnance right up your hole there.

You'd need to get the dogs in and before you know it you're fending off bestiality accusations.

In Tring.

[flotemysost]

I wonder if that bloke who put a flare in his bum at Wembley was actually just trying to follow safe putting-things-up-bums protocol and took it a bit too literally.

[Kankurette]

Boom boom up the bum bum.

[flotemysost]

Isn't the theatre safety announcement code for a bomb scare something like "Mr. Brown has entered the box"? Makes you think.

[shoulders]

The problem with putting stuff up your arse is, where do you start?

[Mavis Golightly]

I was going to say something about a man of his calibre, but with a headline like that, anything else pales into insignificance.

[Sebastian Cobb]

[bladerunner voice]But then again, who does?[/bladerunner voice]

[Mavis Golightly]

How did he get to A&E exactly? 'Turned up' sounds like he casually sauntered in off the street. I'm assuming he didn't get there on his bike.