Words and phrases that only newspaper headlines use

[Twonty Gostelow]

Haven't seen 'confirmed Batchelor' for a good few years.

Sub-editors have improved since then.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Rihanna is the 'Umbrella hitmaker'.

In the Daily Mirror she's always 'Bajan singer' and I have to look up what it means every. fucking. time.

Before the millennium when I used to buy music papers Melody Maker, NME and Sounds (and I don't remember if all 3 of them were guilty of what I'm about to mention or if one of them did it more than the others)... I used to get annoyed that the headlines were always a pun on a band name or song title, or sometimes not even a pun but just a band name or song title, unchanged.  But here's the thing... usually it wasn't a band name or song title related to the band the article was about, but some other band.  Whoever came up with the idea first probably thought they were being clever, and maybe they were, but it was so overused it used to drive me up the wall.

[Twonty Gostelow]

De Do Do Do De Da Da Da hitmaker Sting.

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm hitmaker Crash.

Ne Ne Na Na Na Na Nu Nu hitmaker Bloodvessel.

[Brundle-Fly]

'a gentle giant'.

Probably dead then.

What? As apposed to the usual 'an aggressive giant'?

[Jockice]

Harry Potter star Robbie Coltrane. Because of course he'd done nothing before then.

[Two Headed Sex Beast]

Maybe it's a Scottish newspaper thing, but footballers and managers only ever seem to "insist" things.

[xxxx xxx x xxx]

SCREAMING MOB

[idunnosomename]

BUXOM BOUNCING BORIS BUMS BABIES BOOSTED BY BARBITURATES

[Donnas Cakes]

THAT

[Blue Jam]

On the subject of boy bands, "tubby ex-boybander" is another one. Always seems unnecessarily mean.

[Gurke and Hare]

Hello :)

"lifting the title" is one I hear/read a lot in association with snooker. At first it was only Dennis Taylor saying it when he obviously meant "lifting the trophy", but now everyone seems to be using it.

The correct phrase, of course, is "winning the snooker crown".

VILE is a word that is synonymous only with sex criminals. You rarely, if ever read it on a tabloid front page to describe a murderous armed robber or a world leader who has fucked over millions of people.

Surely these days it's "internet trolls" that are the most common vile thing?

[Bigfella]

They love a good SNUB.  Especially a ROYAL SNUB.  Scottish sports writers cycle through synonyms in strict order - if the headline concerns TICKETS for a match, the opening paragraph calls them BRIEFS.  They don't like repeating team names in match reports, Celtic will needlessly become 'Ange's boys', 'the Parkhead outfit', 'the Hoops' etc.

[Jittlebags]

There's quite often a Job's Blow headline in the Daily Post.

[Jittlebags]

The Daily Mail used to trot out the All Grown Up line for various starlets that had recently passed the 18 mark.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

"that moment when"/"the moment when" seemed like it was very briefly an hipster thing for half a summer then suddenly 95% of Mail headlines for ten years after

[Norton Canes]

DO-GOODERS PLEAD FOR TOT-KILLERS RIGHTS AS JAILBIRDS BOAST OF HOT-POT PLOT

Depeche Mode's 'New Dress' has let itself go

[greencalx]

They love a good SNUB.  Especially a ROYAL SNUB.  Scottish sports writers cycle through synonyms in strict order - if the headline concerns TICKETS for a match, the opening paragraph calls them BRIEFS.  They don't like repeating team names in match reports, Celtic will needlessly become 'Ange's boys', 'the Parkhead outfit', 'the Hoops' etc.

On which note, does anyone call Rangers just "gers" or is that also a tabloid thing?

[canadagoose]

On which note, does anyone call Rangers just "gers" or is that also a tabloid thing?

It's not just a tabloid thing - though it's usually Rangers fans themselves that call themselves that.

[Jasha]

Hotbed, of anything but usually sex.

Wows, usually the crowd and usually with a dress or magic trick.

Hard earned, onlookers and disgruntled too.

[beanheadmcginty]

LAGS = prisoners

[Cold Meat Platter]

Rift.
Fury.
Probe.

[itsfredtitmus]

chubby funster

[Mrgeebus]

Surely these days it's "internet trolls" that are the most common vile thing?

I think they're on a par with "sex acts, too obscene to be printed in a family newspaper" - usually either blowjobs or any form of intercourse which does not involve some form of Congress between a man and a woman.

Warchest - football transfer budget

[Mrgeebus]

Using the suffix -gate for any scandal.

For example, Pizzagate, Celebgate, Camillagate, Beergate, Partygate etc.

Water was not the item at the centre of the Watergate scandal, a scandal which journalists should know better than laypeople such as I, given it is potentially the biggest moment in investigative journalistic history. You and I both know that it was called the Watergate Scandal because it happened in the Watergate hotel.

Why, since that fateful day, have journalists insisted on using said suffix for every scandal?

[shoulders]

The buboe-mollusc race that picks up the traces of our ruined civilisation will be all 'fuck were that about mate'.

[greencalx]

For someone more familiar with Watergate Bay in Cornwall, the whole Watergate business was very confusing.

[idunnosomename]

Because british journalists are absolute bottom-feeding scum with completely static brains that do nothing except churn snide bile up to constantly keep their readership of decrepit boomers and love my famly footballer wankers afraid of any change to our conservative little fallen empire shithole island full of shit cum and hairy fucking balls

[Rizla]

Using the suffix -gate for any scandal.

For example, Pizzagate, Celebgate, Camillagate, Beergate, Partygate etc.

Water was not the item at the centre of the Watergate scandal, a scandal which journalists should know better than laypeople such as I, given it is potentially the biggest moment in investigative journalistic history. You and I both know that it was called the Watergate Scandal because it happened in the Watergate hotel.

Why, since that fateful day, have journalists insisted on using said suffix for every scandal?

Similarly, there's no such thing as workahol, or chocahol either (more's the pity, tee hee!).

I learned only the other day that seemingly Iran/Contra was the first thing to get the -gate suffix in the media.

[Kankurette]

Using the suffix -gate for any scandal.

For example, Pizzagate, Celebgate, Camillagate, Beergate, Partygate etc.

Water was not the item at the centre of the Watergate scandal, a scandal which journalists should know better than laypeople such as I, given it is potentially the biggest moment in investigative journalistic history. You and I both know that it was called the Watergate Scandal because it happened in the Watergate hotel.

Why, since that fateful day, have journalists insisted on using said suffix for every scandal?

They must have loved it when a player whose name ends in 'gate' screwed up England's chances of getting into the Euro '96 final.

[canadagoose]

Because british journalists are absolute bottom-feeding scum with completely static brains that do nothing except churn snide bile up to constantly keep their readership of decrepit boomers and love my famly footballer wankers afraid of any change to our conservative little fallen empire shithole island full of shit cum and hairy fucking balls

Yes!