X-Men discussion thread

[Dr Rock]

Ted is reading a letter from home and is brooding about his brother. Ted somehow knows there is more to this story than a simple robbery, interesting.

'I have four wheels, and I can go far. You fill me with gas. Could I be a car?"

[letsgobrian]

The art looks terrible here by the way, Banshee looks like an actual human chimp and the faces on the X-Men look weird, their chins especially.

Banshee is drawn like an anti-Irish caricature. Good thread here on the "simian shelf" https://mobile.twitter.com/ClaremontRun/status/1283368107415941121

[bgmnts]

Fuck oooooff that's mental! Is he even portrayed as Irish in that first issue? I must have skimmed it too much and missed it. Obviously the actual banshee and the painting are clues but it didn't explicitly state anything.

Still, jesus christ Werner!

[letsgobrian]

Fuck oooooff that's mental! Is he even portrayed as Irish in that first issue? I must have skimmed it too much and missed it. Obviously the actual banshee and the painting are clues but it didn't explicitly state anything.

Still, jesus christ Werner!

It was more surprising to see former Generation X mutant Skin show up sporting the simian shelf in an issue of Sabretooth from this year.

As the rest of the comic has its heart in the right place, I'm guessing Leonard Kirk referenced his earliest appearances from before someone presumably had had a word with Chris Bachalo.

[bgmnts]

29: The Super Adaptoid (sigh)

  So the gang are skating in the frozen lake and having a right laugh. Rankin is being his usual arsehole self but everyone is having fun. Fittingly, Iceman can't skate on ice. Cyclops does his usual loner "my eyes make me a danger to everyone especially my beloved Jean" act but this time it isn't just an errant thought, stuff actually happens. He wanders off and ruminates and he tells us that he subconsciously lowered the blast that hurt Angel in a previous issue, so he has control over it now somewhat. He takes off his glasses and his beams do not shoot through his eyelids, so progress! However he loses control and legit lashes out in anger, letting out a massive beam that almost causes his death in a mini avalanche or whatever.
   This pours into the Super Adaptoid's lair underground. The Adaptoid seemingly is a robot thing built to destroy captain america and has all the powers of the avengers. To me he just looks like a green captain america with a silly mask and love heart wings but there we are. He leaves his cave as Scott's mini avalanche pours into it and seeks to turn the world into his domain, replete with little robot servants.
   Everyone heads back except for Iceman who wants to practice his skating, but immediately just ices up and has a great time pirouetting and twirling around. He gets accosted by the Adaptoid and freezes him.  Interestingly, these comics seem to always reference my internal thoughts after I have had them. I spent a good few pages really thinking about Iceman and Angel and Beast etc and it is hard to forget they are not humans, these are a different species. You get the sense of this when Angel talks about flying and Iceman is in his ice form. I think this is the natural state and is pleasurable to them. You just assume they are basically us but with cool powers but they are not. Adaptoid immediately highlights my thoughts by thinking "another mortal human with superpowers" in reference to Iceman, and I thought "well is he?".
   Anyway, Iceman tries to warn the crew but they have none of it and head to the danger room to practice. Mimic is an arsehole and starts a fight again, leading to Xavier expelling him from the school.
    Adaptoid then shows up and wrecks the X-Men, taking them out with one of his Hawkeye gas-arrows that he comically throws at them. Mimic then returns and they have a knock-down fight after he tries to submit to Adaptoid's thralldom but then quickly decides against it. They fight blah blah and then Mimic uses Xavier's telepathy to suggest the idea of absorbing his powers, which causes Adaptoid to get some form of weird feedback, because Rankin's powers are artificial I guess? I don't understand why Adaptoid can harness Capt America's powers then because he is just injected with serum isn't he? Fuck knows.
   Anyway, Adaptoid falls into a river and loses his power (but it's not the last you've seen of him!) and Cal Rankin is saved by Angel. Cal then says Mimic is gone for good but Cal is back. Next issue shows Mimic not on the cover so i'm a bit gutted as he had the piece of dialogue in the entire book so far and he adds SOME tension to this otherwise harmonious team.

Next up: Warlock!

[Dayraven]

Next up: Warlock!

The caption should go on to say "Not either of the good Warlocks, though."

[bgmnts]

The caption should go on to say "Not either of the good Warlocks, though."

Yeah he looks really crap to be honest but let's see!

[bgmnts]

Oh and shit! Whatever is behind that giant oaken door is Xavier's 'greatest failure'. So i'm expecting great things for that reveal. I'm expecting it to be a naff robot but i'm praying it is basically the bloke from Robocop who get's drenched in acid and half melts.

[bgmnts]

30: Not even the best Warlock in the Beatles

  Straight into it, first page they all get sucked into a void, Jean and Xavier being pulled out by a large hand with Angel close behind. Jean get's hypnotized by this lad Warlock who takes her and Xavier on a flying horseride. Angel managed to escape the void and is flying behind them. Warlock spares Angel because he's a laugh and all that fuck knows.
  Warlock explains that he is Merlin the Wizard of Arthurian legend and he was in a coma for millenia only to wake up and fight Thor. He then feigns another coma and is now residing in a medieval style fortress with goons with modern weapons. His plan is to revert life back to medieval times so he can control the world.
   Xavier pretends to be knackered and pass out and then pulls the other three out of the "negative space" and then big fights happen. Fights happen until Jean breaks out of her spell and they get the Warlock to be mind raped by Xavier.

The End.

Sorry but this was a waste of my time dogshit crap.

Up next: fucking COBALT MAN.

[bgmnts]

Issue 31: The fucking Cobalt Man

   Okay so Danger Room sequence and, say it together now, vacation! Well, weekend off but same thing, Xavier needs time off to work on his secret xperiments. Hank and Bobby double date as per, Warren wants to ride off in his Mustang and Scott as always wants to stay in and help the professor. Professor, presumably to sick to death of Cyclops, tells him to deliver Jean some books. Warren gives him a lift and they decide to let Jean choose between them... TODAY!
   Jean is with Ted Rogers and they both meet Ted's brother Ralph, they immediately start getting competitive and get into a pole vaulting contest, leading to Ralph donking his head on a pole like a div. Ralph used to work under Anthony Stark and his experiments involved cobalt! Dun dun duuuuuun!
   Cyclops and Angel arrive and Ralph invites them all to his lab. Angel, being a young handsome incredibly wealthy playboy, immediately fucks off and gets over Jean again, realising there are so many fish in his sea it's laughable.
   Bobby and Hank are doing double dating things and Bernard the Poet puts some moves on Zelda. Angel arrives at a new place called the Monkee's Paw and the teeny boppers are all there bopping away to I'm a Believer. Angel then meets Candy Sothern, his childhood sweetheart and they hit it off and get a drink.
   Cyke, Jean, Ted and Ralph are all hanging out and Ralph shows Ted his Cobalt Man costume, the caveat to wearing it being after two hours it enters critical mass and will turn into a radioactive Cobalt bomb. I've seen and written the word cobalt more times than I will in my life again. So Ralph puts the costume on and because of his earlier knock he goes mental and starts wishing death on Stark and goes on a rampage. He fights and traps Cyke and Jean.
   Cyke reaches out to Xavier who telepathically contacts the gang. Angel arranges a date with Candy Sothern tomorrow morning and she agrees, get in there Warren boy. Hank and Bobby fuck off Zelda and Vera for the umpteenth time and i'm surprised they're still around to be honest.
   Cyke and Jean escape and Ted regains his composure and drives to Stark HQ in a van, with the two secretly in the back, to confront his brother. The other three arrive at the same time and fight happens. Fight happens until Iceman ices up the chest plate and Cyclops blasts it, melting the ice and seeping water through any gaps in the armor, short circuiting it.
   Angel saves Cobalt Man from falling in the river and drowning and Ralph reflects that the Iron Man costume is too much power for some people to handle. Ted hints at the end that he sees through Jeans costume, because fucking OF COURSE he does jesus christ.

Next up: JUGGERNAUT FUCKING YESSSS

Okay so this endeth the first book, 31 issues. It's been a fair old slog. The Stan issues were really silly but had a certain charm about them, they overused the same villains but also introduced some really cool, iconic ones. The interpersonal relationships have taken an absolute age to develop and to be honest only really Cyclops has had a fair whack at character development. Only one of the x gang has had an origin story and I think Iceman had that one issue where he saved the day but I dont know it's a trudge.

I'm hoping the next half get better but not holding my breath. I will say I miss Stan Lee ('kin 'ell) and i'm REALLY looking forward to getting this silver age shite behind me to read some genuinely good comics stories.

[bgmnts]

#32

So anyway, it is Bobby's 18th today so his girlfriend Zelda threw him a suprise party at the Coffee-a-go-go and they're all having a wonderful time; Bernard the poet even performs him a poem, to which the regulars accuse him of being a petit bourgeois sellout. A biker gang come in as the leader was rebuked by Zelda last week and the gang duff them up. Scott finally admits to Jean he is anxious about his power hurting the people he loves, and, in his thoughts, he is certain Jean loves him, which she does, and, for her part, she wants to strip away his shell and be closer to him etc.
   Meanwhile, we finally get a look at what was behind the huge, locked door in the mansion, and it is... THE JUGGERNAUT. For some reason, the authorities handed over the comatose Cain Marko over to Prof X and he has had in him locked away for months. He wants to use this machine to counteract the malevolent Cyttorak spirit in Cain with his own psychic power but as he does something interferes with the process, X gets conked out and Juggers not only wakens but acquires his mental powers.
   He uses these powers to fuck up the gang when they get back to the mansion and starts demolishing the mansion, but he gets contacted telepathically by the mysterious Factor Three. It turns out Factor Three was/were the reason X's mind thing got messed up and Juggers agrees to scarper in the jet and go see whoever they are in their secret European base. Gang wake up and X is in critical condition OH NO.

Juicy Juggers appears next up in Issue 34 (along with an apparently blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo from Dr Strange, of all people).

[bgmnts]

34

So, whilst Juggers is on his rampage trying to find a jet to fly out to Factor Three, Jean enters barely alive X's brain and sees The Ancient One, who finds the crystal being guarded by a being that picks a fight with him. The AO then sends the being into the crystal, Superman style, and wanders off. The gang then fix Prof's machines to summon AO and instead they summon DR STRANGE! Well, his astral form, as he is physically at Stonehenge doing magic shit (I'm guessing, anyone read Strange Tales?). Doc says he can help them get into the dimension or whatever - where they have an hour to find the crystal and recite an incantation - but only two can go! Cyke chooses Jean obviously and the other three have to slow the big fucker down.

So, Bobby, Hank and Warren shoot off in the jet and Cyke and Jean disappear into the crystal dimension. Whilst the guys are fighting Juggers, the frustrated lovers find the crystal and recite the incantation but are accosted by the same being from ages ago, who has called himself the Outcast! They have a bit of a fight but then Jean uses her ticking watch, and it drives the Outcast nuts, and he disappears into nothingness, leaving the crystal behind. The pair rematerialise back in the room with Prof X's coma body and shoot off to face the juggernaut with the gang.
   As they go to fight juggers, two shadowy figures appear by Prof's chamber pod bed thing and seem to be lackeys of FACTOR THREE...
   The lads are getting wrecked by Juggers but then behind the big fuckers appear Jean and Scott, crystal in hand, bathing him in crimson rays. In a panic Jugs lunges and snatches the crystal and he, of course, disappears into the crystal dimension.

   Finally, the gang arrive back to find Professor X GONE! What will happen next? Same X time, same X channel.

[Magnum Valentino]

Welcome back (thread)!

[bgmnts]

Aye I wanted to get back into it.

As an aside, a letter from Norn Ireland in issue 34, and it made the bizarre claim that Magneto isn't a mutant but got his powers but got his powers from a space accident.
I think he may have been confused by one of the other thousand origin stories like that (the response even suggests such) but unsure where he got this idea from.

[Dr Rock]

A welcome return. It was very exciting!

[Dr Rock]

It would be good if you could find panels from the relevant issue and add them!

[bgmnts]

The whole issue?

[Dr Rock]

No, just several.

[bgmnts]

Aye I can give that a go I spose.

[bgmnts]

#34:

  Another bit of a distraction issue as the gang are repairing Cerebro after Factor Three goons busted it last issue. Scott and Hank stay up to repair the wiring and order Bobby and Warren to bed, to which Warren gets pissy and Scott tells him to do one. Jean reiterates to get to bed, or she will bend them over her knee and give them six of the telekinetic best. Jean goes back to her dorm and gets a call from our boy Ted Rogers, who informs her that something has happened to his brother (Cobalt Man #31) and to get the X-Men right away.

Spoiler alert

[close]

  Jean calls on Iceman and Angel and leave Cyke and Beast to their wiring. They arrive a Ted's who recounts the story of him and his brother discussing his new super cobalt alloy, only to then be assaulted by a man named Tyrannus, who sparks Ted out with one punch. Tyrannus' goons kidnap Ralph and take him back to underground (yeah, this issue is about cobalt being strong enough to go to the earth's core, is that real or shitscience?).
  Ted Rogers gives the half-gang his brothers' sci-fi earth digger car thing and then gets a bit pissy when Angel tells him to stay there, despite having his face rearranged quite easily a few hours before. There is a quite cool visual of the digger dropping down and digging through the earth down into what is a subterranean realm of sorts, like a large cavern. There is also a cheeky Ted Rogers reference.

Spoiler alert

[close]

  They then get accosted by the Mole-Man! He has a stupid eye mask and a stupid laser gun. They easily fuck him up, but he releases the mists of Lethe (oh yeah a bit of a greek theme here I suppose) and the three forget who they are and serve Mole-Man. It turns out Mole-Man has been beefing with Tyrannus for yonks and Mole-Man has developed a large diamond encrusted wicker man thing and keeps fucking up Tyrannus' lair. Tyrannus, in response, has kidnapped Ralph in order for him to coat Tyrannus' own super wicker man in his mega cobalt. However, there is something he doesn't know...
  Meanwhile, Beast and Cyke have finished the wiring and follow the other three's tracks. Notably, Hank at one point refers to himself as the 'bountifully endowed Beast'. It's no wonder Vera puts up with his constant nonsense.

Spoiler alert

[close]

  So, Mole-Man is controlling his metal man and Tyrannus and Ralph are controlling their metal man (they both look stupid, Tyrannus' has that ancient greek hoplite vibe to him, as I guess that is what they were going for) and they FIGHT! Tyrannus' metal man whacks Mole-Man's with a sword and wrecks it but then Angel flies up on it and it ends up falling into a lava heated pocket and explodes.
  Ralph tells Tyrannus that he mixed the super-cobalt layer with low heat resistance materials and that is why it went up in flames, to which Tyrannus' goons grab Ralph and then subsequently get wrecked by Angel, Jean and Iceman. Meanwhile, Beast and Cyke bust up Mole-Man and then go to get the guys. Cyke just trips Angel up when he charges him and sprays him with Mole-Man's antidote.
  The gang then spray both Mole-Man and Tyrannus with Lethe mist and the issues ends with Cyke a bit anxious about Ted Rogers knowing their identities. Poor Mole-Man and Tyrannus end the last panel confused the losers.

Letters page is a bit dull this issue.

Bit of a nothing issue again, and I'm a bit tired of the villain of the week stuff already. It is much better when there is a recognisable character and a proper threat in the way, if there is no characterisation going on. Obviously in hindsight we know Juggers but even surely back then you know he is one of the big dogs and an actual threat to people, as well as being a cool - or at least different - design and character. One look at Tyrannus and Mole-Man and you know they are total jobbers who will be forgotten instantly after finishing the issue. On a pet peeve level, I'm slightly irritated by the use of "female" when referring to Jean, it's almost dehumanising in a way. Oh and BY THE WAY, the notion that Hank McCoy is in his late teens or just in his early 20s is absurd. I know it's the 60s but he looks 40+ always.

Up next: Spider-Cunt!

[Magnum Valentino]

Ah come on now the Mole Man is a classic villain, he was in he first ever issue of Fantastic Four and was involved in that great Mark Waid Daredevil story where he stole Daredevil's dad's dead body by accident.

[bgmnts]

In fairness the X-Men do mention his history with FF. Somehow they've read their file on him, I have no idea how. They all just seem to know and be aware of each other. He's very naff though, it must be said.

Apparently his and Tyrannus' previous fight was a story in an issue of some other comic, which I'm actually almost sort of intrigued in, but I want to get out of this silver age ASAP.

[Magnum Valentino]

He's not naff he's a wee fucking tiny guy that can't see but has top fighting skills and an army of underground monsters! Comics!

(I love the Mole Man and send my brother a picture of him cackling every time there's a story in the news about a sinkhole)

[bgmnts]

Okay you know what I love moles and it is a naff idea but I will have a look at any other Mole-Man . I actually would love to see current Disney have a crack at introducing these shiters into the modern marvel Canon.

[Dr Rock]

Mole-Man's origin of course is that he was so spectacularly ugly that he decided to live underground, away from the shame he felt when other people reacted to his ugly mug with revulsion. At no point does Reed Richards or anyone else suggest he'd possibly benefit from a bit of counseling, rather than live out his life in the Stygian depths with only giant monsters for company. Or maybe Agatha Harkness could magic him all normal looking.

In fact I just looked at FF1, and after they seal him underground forever* Reed says 'it's for the best, there was no place for him in our world'.

*not forever

[bgmnts]

I'm actually turning a bit now. In fact, in the same way the 80s revived all these odd films from the 50s, I'd love for Disney marvel to have a cracking at bringing all these nobodies back - there're about 10 of them in these issues at least- and bringing them to the screen, maybe fleshing them out. Mole-Man, Count Nefaria, The Eel etc. Characters that nobody outside of diehard marvel fans will know anything about.

[Dayraven]

Reed says 'it's for the best, there was no place for him in our world'.

Which you only say in front of the Thing when you've got an unwringable neck.

[letsgobrian]

Cobalt Man finally made it into an Iron Man comic a few weeks ago. 55 years of considering yourself Tony Stark's rival without ever facing Iron Man is some going.

[bgmnts]

Very happy for Cobalt Man! Although last we saw of him in this era, he isn't a villain. Presumably he still hates Stark, that is indeed a good run.

Anyway, #35: Spider-Farce. Cover here.

Spoiler alert

[close]

  This is a quick one. Banshee is searching for Factor Three in the mountains of 'Central Europe'(thats as specific as it gets) and a door into the mountain opens and Banshee faces off against a giant metal spider machine that wrecks him. He flies back to his rented chalet and warns the X-Men, using the device Xavier gave him, to 'beware the spider'. This now becomes a shit episode of Friends or Frasier where simple communication is rebuked in favour of not thinking about anything for more than a second. Cerebro detects a mutant nearby...
  At that exact moment, Peter Parker is in Westchester, taking his motorcycle out for a short ride after a tussle with Kingpin. He gets lost and goes to a nearby mill, where he is accosted by a giant mechanical spider, that seems to be remotely controlled, and he wrecks it easily. The gang shoot off to find this mutant, leaving Jean behind of course because she's a LAAAADY. They see Spider-Man and go 'wait this must be the spider we were warned about', and they fight for most of the issue. Possible typo here where Spidey says he can't be stopped by five masked mutants, despite Jean being absent. Perhaps they edited her out of the fight, or the writer got confused I dunno.

Spoiler alert

[close]

  Anyway, they get back and Jean has bounced some shit off a satellite into a device in Banshee's head (oh yeah he has been captured by Factor Three) and they now know where they need to go to rescue Xavier.
  We get a sneak peek at I assume Factor Three watching events unfold here and he looks new at least so there's that.

Spoiler alert

[close]

[bgmnts]

#36: Some more shit

So, the gang need cash to get to Central Europe and Warren's parents are off on a cruise. They shoot off to a welfare centre for a loan and get denied obviously. They then drive in their Rolls Royce to a nearby construction site while Bobby and Hank shoot off to make scratch elsewhere. There is a humourous aside as Warren complains to Jean takes too long to get changed, but eventually Warren, Jean and Scott do a good job welding girders but they aren't union so don't get the job. Interestingly, Jean's powers have grown so that she can lift heavy girders up multiple floors, and Scott is able to shoot a beam in multiple directions, which is a very useful ability for him to have that has never been utilised. Does Scott ever do this again in any future issue?

Spoiler alert

[close]

  Their Rolls gets towed as it was parked by a sign-obscured hydrant, and a man named Tom Regal gives them a lift to where Bobby and Hank are. Regal seems to be an embittered young man with a secret box in his car but no matter as he drops them off in the square to see Bobby and Hank performing, hoping to scoop up some donations. Meanwhile Tom Regal pulls up next to the adjacent library, that is set to go public soon, and changes into his outfit, becoming the mighty Mekano! Mekano announces from the rooftop that he is thankful to the Bobby and Hank for gathering a crowd for him, attempting to implicate them, attracting the attention of the nearby coppers. He looks stupid and is stupid of course but his mighty orange and green exo skeleton is no match for any X-Men. The police cuff Bobby to a banister, leading to an amazing bit of art that had me howling.

Spoiler alert

[close]

    The police get the drop on Scott and Warren but Jean saves the day, commenting to Angel that he wont mind her taking a bit longer to get changed now, which is top bants.
  Mekano leaps off the building to the roof of another but is hanging off the ledge about to fall. An old man in a limo pulls up and recognises the voice of the screaming Mekano and asks what's up. Jean saves Mekano and lets him down gently, who is approached by the old man, who unmasks Mekano and reveals that he is Tom Regal's father! What's more, he owns the library that Mekano was wrecking! Tom lays bare his motivation about his dad being too busy with his philanthropy and he wanted his attention. As payment, Regal Sr loans the gang 1500 quid to get a plane to Central Europe. They literally fly coach to go and rescue the professor, exceptional.
  We get a second look at Factor Three observing through a monitor and he looks totally different, so I think they mucked that up straight away. Not a good sign, is it?

Spoiler alert

[close]

  Next up: Factor Three!

So yeah, two filler issues really that nudged the plot along by a few inches. Nothing worth talking about really which is a shame. I wonder if Mekano will show up again I guess I don't know. Thankfully we at least get to wrap up this Factor Three shite soon I hope.