good bloke, honest, loves his family, works hard, has to wank on flights abroad

[Goldentony]

medical condition, just whenever it gets to take off and the belt signs go on as you're going up he just has to get up and start going fo it like his dicks on fire

[Replies From View]

sir could you keep your seat belt on please we are about to take off

[Replies From View]

this is the exact wrong time to be doing that sir

[shoulders]

An honest man

[Replies From View]

honest = follows his impulses there and then

impulses = always the same impulse, if truth be told

[Goldentony]

john dont wank yeah, no wanking on the flight, literally no need, docto said theres no condition that would make you do this

yeah yeah alright kinell

#binggggggg#

wanking time

[Replies From View]

excuse me sir you really must stay seated while the seatbelt symbol is on.  we don't announce that many rules at the start but this happens to be one of them; quite crucial that you stay seated sir just for now sir

I WILL SUE YOU FOR DISCRIMINATING AGAINST MY CONDITION, I AAEEEUUUUUURRRGGH WANKING I MUST WANKING COMMENCE WANKING FUCK

[Glebe]

"Sir are you okay in there? There's a queue out here."

"Yeah I'm fine I'm just having an extra-long wank!"

[Replies From View]

"A triple-X wank, if you will!!"

[Glebe]

"Sir please return to your seat."

"Ryanair - the short-wanks airline!"

[Replies From View]

ARRUURUURURGGHGHGHHH WANK TIME

TIME FOR WANKINGGGGG

- sir if you wouldn't mind please staying in your seat

AAIRRURUUUUURRRUUUUUUGHH WANKING

[Replies From View]

aauuaurururgrhhHHGHGHGHGHGHWAANKING I MEAN IT THIS TIME WAHAHGHGHHHRRRHRHHHHHGHGHH

- sir please you started the very moment of the seatbelt symbol which was exactly the wrong time

airiririrhghghghgghghghghghghWANKING WANK TIME

- sir please I asked you already to sit down and maintain the seatbelt as earlier requested

AAUAURURRUURRUGHGHGHGHGHGHHH WANKING

[Replies From View]

Nowadays of course the flight attendants have a special rule that he has to wear earplugs and a blindfold at the start of every flight so that he misses all the crucial safety information and signage.  When the seatbelt sign lights up he's miles away inside his own head.

[Glebe]

"Fancy buying some Ryanair scratch cards love? Love?!"

*wanking furiously*

[idunnosomename]

its sad because he cant wank anywhere else. has to expend all this carbon just for a tug. tragic.

[Goldentony]

be fair he has to wank though

[ImmaculateClump]

Might he just be really scared of flying? This might be his way of comforting himself and keeping himself distracted.
He doesn't want to disrupt the flight by panicking and making a scene.
Just gently nursing a semi bonk on, minding his own, nothing to worry about.

[Replies From View]

NNNNNAAAAAARRRRGGGHH

he has sensed the seat belt sign coming on beneath his blindfold and ear plugs

blindfold RIPPED like hulk tearing out of a shirt
earplugs fuckin WHAT outta here
seat belt OFF
stand UP

- excuse me sir may we request that you stay-

cock OUT

EEEUEUEUEEURUUFDUUDJHGHHH

[shoulders]

'At least use the toilet if you really have to'

'At least fuck off'

[Replies From View]

Before the flight attendants have completed all their safety announcements everyone already looks like this:

[madhair60]

Little red sign with a graphic of a dick being wanked commissioned especially to prevent behaviour like this, rollout costs tens of millions. Doesn't, for even one single second, at all work.

[Fambo Number Mive]

"This is your captain speaking. We're flying over the Alps and if rows 1-20 look behind you you can see a man masturbating into a rolled up in flight magazine."

[Mr Farenheit]

~window seat, AGAIN!~

-Sorry, can I get out?

-They just served the meal, can you wait until I've finished?

-I can wait to get out of my seat, but I can't wait for the other thing

-What other thing?

-Oh, you'll see mate. You'll see

[Povidone]

"The belt sign means 'belt one out' and no amount of so called 'safety briefings' will convince me otherwise"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Waiting to collect his luggage at the end, wiping a few drops of spunk from his trousers while the other passengers look at him in disgust.

[Replies From View]

As he climbs aboard, stuffs his luggage into the overhead bit, clambers to his seat, right up to the part where the seatbelt symbol lights up, the entire time a damp patch of pre-cum is steadily building up in the fabric of the front part of his trousers.

Seatbelt symbol *BING* and you'll recall the Geldof song about the silicone chip inside his head switching "to overload".  Great track about a man spunking a plane to a premature landing.

[Glebe]

He's still at it going through customs in Lanzarote airport. "Take your hand out of your trousers love!

[Mr Farenheit]

There's snakes on this plane!!

Not really bothered (wanks vigorously)

[Fambo Number Mive]

"Is there a doctor on this plane? This man can't stop wanking"

[Glebe]

There's trouser snakes on this plane!!