The King, King Charles, has Cancer

[Marbles]

Maybe he can touch himself

He'll never get one of those fingers up his own arse

[Cuntbeaks]

Savile has saved him a seat.

[superthunderstingcar]

Prince Andrew about to be one place nearer the crown.

When asked for a quote, he is reported to have said "Tut, were it farther off, I'll pluck it down."

[J Peasemould Gruntfuttock]

I blame Jeremy Corbyn. Well, someone's got to say it.

[Alberon]

The fact he's stopping his public facing duties and the traitor is rushing over from America does suggest this is very serious indeed.

Would a death sweepstake be in bad taste? Probably would be, so I'm picking 23rd September.

[hamfist]

No wonder that bit was hidden from view. Too holy to broadcast? Something like that.

They put the ointment on his prostate

[Kankurette]

He'll never get one of those fingers up his own arse

I'm sure he's got servants for this sort of thing.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

the traitor is rushing over from America does suggest this is very serious indeed.

the red heads are coming!
the red heads are coming!
-paul "cancer" revere

[Cuntbeaks]

He'll never get one of those fingers up his own arse

That's probably what's caused all this fuss in the first place. The dirty auld cunt.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

charles will love coffins, surrounded on all sides by the conversationalists he can imagination AND perfect for imagining you're a tampon

[Thursday]

I can't believe Harry and Meghan have done this.

[Alberon]

Has Phil said anything publicly yet? Or is he still helpless with laughter?

[Blue Jam]

I'm intrigued by your confidence: what are your sources for divorce news? (I do my best to ignore Kate'n'Wills coverage as best I can, usually, if that helps pitch an answer suitably.)

- Supposedly in hospital though no-one saw her arrive or leave while there were loads of pics of Chas and Camilla at the same hospital at the same time
- Chas has been open about his walnut woes while the silence on Kate has been deafening
- Disappearing for half a year with no explanation and none of the usual "in good spirits" or "undertaking light duties" announcements
- Not much sympathetic coverage, lots of snide articles on the Middletons' dodgy finances etc by mates of Camilla
- Uncle Legend Gary going on Big Brother instead of the Palace pleading "Oh gawd no, look, whatever they're paying you we'll double it"

I saw a comment saying that whatever this is it's something that can't be spun for sympathy, which made me wonder if it was a facelift, but those don't take all that long to recover from these days. My thoughts are either that she's being given the boot or that there's something very seriously wrong with her health-wise. Not sure I buy the coma rumours as it doesn't look like she was even in hospital. Something very dodgy going on there in any case.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Has Phil said anything publicly yet? Or is he still helpless with laughter?

rumour has it he's responsible for the phrase "this cunt dead yet" becoming a meme on the Goon Show preservation society phpbb

[Clatty McCutcheon]

In this scenario, what happens to 1.0? She can't retire and drink exoctic liqueurs all day like the queen mum. She's nobody's mum*.

Presumably they stash her in a castle somewhere until the local townspeople rise up with flaming torches and pitchforks? Uncharted territory, it's all to play for.

_{*excluding the restaurant critic of The Mail on Sunday}

She'd be a dowager queen, which presumably just means that she gets to stay on in one of their spare palaces for the rest of her days.

[Kankurette]

Nicky nacky noo-hole, he's got cancer of the poo-hole.

[jobotic]

- Supposedly in hospital though no-one saw her arrive or leave while there were loads of pics of Chas and Camilla at the same hospital at the same time
- Chas has been open about his walnut woes while the silence on Kate has been deafening
- Disappearing for half a year with no explanation and none of the usual "in good spirits" or "undertaking light duties" announcements
- Not much sympathetic coverage, lots of snide articles on the Middletons' dodgy finances etc by mates of Camilla
- Uncle Legend Gary going on Big Brother instead of the Palace pleading "Oh gawd no, look, whatever they're paying you we'll double it"

I saw a comment saying that whatever this is it's something that can't be spun for sympathy, which made me wonder if it was a facelift, but those don't take all that long to recover from these days. My thoughts are either that she's being given the boot or that there's something very seriously wrong with her health-wise. Not sure I buy the coma rumours as it doesn't look like she was even in hospital. Something very dodgy going on there in any case.

Who's Uncle Legend Gary?

[mechanical blood goat]

Charles gets out his magic whistle and attempts to charm the cancer out of his kinghole.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Charles gets out his magic whistle and attempts to charm the cancer out of his kinghole.

false alarm everybody, its a homeopathic amount of prostate cancer so he's heathier than ever

[Milo]

The bit about the PSA is true, but getting it checked over a number of years can be useful. If it starts rapidly going up it can be a signal to check. Though it can go up without being cancer AND it can stay level while being it.

Which is a lot of why I'd rather just ignore it, it's not a very good test as things stand and the treatments are too often unnecessary and shit. Youve generally got to wait for it to spread before knowing if it's worth treating and then it's often not worth bothering because it's too late to do much good. But opinions on this differ.

(although I'm not mega-attached to the idea of living long into old age anyway so there's lots of things I wouldn't necessarily bother keeping an eye on)

[mechanical blood goat]

I'm serious as cancer
When I say that Charles will soon require a necromancer

[Butchers Blind]

Stupid cancer cunt.

[Blue Jam]

Who's Uncle Legend Gary?

Gary Goldsmith, often referred to as Kate's "shaven-headed tattooed uncle", reputed gangster and convicted wife-beater, black sheep of the Middleton family who like to pretend he doesn't exist. Allegedly signed a lucrative deal for this year's Celebrity Big Brother. I would have thought they were going to fire up the Uno over this.

[Terry Torpid]

Has Phil said anything publicly yet? Or is he still helpless with laughter?

Actually, he's surprisingly morose about it all.

Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountain, like wind in the meadow, like a Fiat Uno in the tunnel. The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow. How did it come to this?

William is only 41, which is a silly age for a King. It needs to be an old man. I think it's only fair that Phil finally gets a crack at the top job.

[Blue Jam]

The bit about the PSA is true, but getting it checked over a number of years can be useful. If it starts rapidly going up it can be a signal to check. Though it can go up without being cancer AND it can stay level while being it.

^ All of this.

Which is a lot of why I'd rather just ignore it, it's not a very good test as things stand and the treatments are too often unnecessary and shit. Youve generally got to wait for it to spread before knowing if it's worth treating and then it's often not worth bothering because it's too late to do much good. But opinions on this differ.

^ and this.

Walnut-havers, just weigh up the pros and cons and go into things fully informed before you get it probed, and just do what you feel is right for you:

https://prostatecanceruk.org/

[Blue Jam]

William is only 41, which is a silly age for a King. It needs to be an old man. I think it's only fair that Phil finally gets a crack at the top job.

I for one would welcome King Bob I.

If I could choose anyone it'd be Brian (not the physicist) Cox. Looks the part and an old man who can tell Rishi Sunak to fuck off is just what we need.

[Ferris]

Something very dodgy going on there in any case.

I mean its pretty obviously a divorce, isn't it? He's going around having affairs that are so poorly hushed up even I've heard about them.

[Terry Torpid]

I for one would welcome King Bob I.

"I'm an American. I'm not a monarchist. I don't believe in that. You know, I feel like it's a little twisted."

Odenkirk confirmed for GBOL.

[Ferris]

I think it's only fair that Phil finally gets a crack at the top job.

Give it giggsy til the end of the season

[Blue Jam]

I mean its pretty obviously a divorce, isn't it? He's going around having affairs that are so poorly hushed up even I've heard about them.

They clearly can't stand the sight of one another. I know it's a royal arranged marriage in the direct line of succession so that's a given, but there's the Rose Hanbury/Prince of Pegging stuff, the superinjunction and the fact that he seems to like going on holiday with his exes an awful lot.

There are also rumours that "Basher Billy" may have caused Kate to "fall down the stairs" but I really hope it's not that.