Edward Spanking Fetishist Merredith Cummings

[T ørs ø]

Boy stripper active in the 1920s.

Owned nothing of value except his body, and the long hours spent spinning the poles at Tom Clancy's Op Centre (gentlemen's club in central flapper district) had whittled that down like a bar of fine soap.

Edward Spanking Fetishist Merredith Cummings kept a picture of Edward Spanking Fetishist Merredith Cummings by his bed and whispered to it each night "I love you Edward Spanking Fetishist Merredith Cummings".

[T ørs ø]

He spent long languid limousine hours staring into the mirror and wishing he could run away with himself.

Poor Edward Spanking Fetishist Merredith Cummings, signed up with a dating agency where an old man on a horse would wander through the streets shouting out about if anyone fancied a shag. But it was all for nought and Edward Spanking Fetishist Merredith Cummings would never find his own Edward Spanking Fetishist Merredith Cummings and every minute was an acre of heartsickness.

[dontpaintyourteeth]

Sad

[T ørs ø]

Edward Spanking Fetishist Merredith Cummings tries his hand at stand-up. Here he is on a stage, unlit.

"How many Edward Spanking Fetishist Merredith Cummingses does it take to change a light bulb? ...

what is a light bulb? ...

...It is a tumour in the roof where the sun bleeds through, father."

We cannot change what we have been born to spank, Edward.