The Amazon Knee-Jerk Contrarian Game

[MojoJojo]

Yes.

Santa's Boyfriend going for another Terry Gilliam film made it a bit easier.
Not that there are many films with people stealing from god that I know of.

[Ambient Sheep]

It was the line about "ultimate evil" that really gave it away - until then I hadn't quite worked it out.  Then it clicked and looking back up at "stealing from God" clinched it.

[mr suit]

It's not akin to the Blood Libel though. The comparison eludes me.

it's the notion of all-powerful and unaccountable groups of people that have the right to do as they please, be it dictate US/Western foreign policy or make little Christian kiddies into matzah and get away with it because they are wily jews that draws similarities to me.

though to be fair, yeah, i can see why that isn't a clear comparison to make.

the G Comment Page/Question Time etc. parallels are basic enough though.

[kenneth trousers]

This movie is an insult to England. Not only is it grossly historically inaccurate, but this information appears to presented as if it is intended to be in some way realistic. Doing some research at a local university, I discovered that in fact, there was no castle Anthrax! Not only that, but the castle of AAAAAAAG is also a lie! I find it despicable. And the remaking of the trjoan horse was ridiculous, they thought it was a rabbit. No wonder that this ploy failed in the movie. The weight that a pigeon can carry was also inaccurate, and African swallows are migratory.
Its this kind of rubbish that is ruining our world.

Spoof?

This movie is just plain awful. Sting's performance is unbelievably bad. Thi story is just stupid: Jimmy Cooper is depressed woe-is-me whiny boy who revels in teenage angst everyday. Only in the company of his "Mod" friends does he find some comfort for "horrible" life. Pure white boy pain. Sting prances about as the Mod leader (yeah, right) and once poor Jimmy loses everything from his dim girlfriend to his home and his belief in the Mod ideal, he tries to commit suicide, but stops at the last minute because he is too scared, like any sad white boy. The soundtrack from the Who is equally awful, since the Who were one of the WORST bands ever.
In short, this grimy, cheap Brit movie tries to explain to day to day suffering of the poor white boy, and succeeds as an exercise in in self indulgence and pretentiousness.

I'm guessing this reviewer doesn`t own a Radiohead album.

[little pianist]

Repugnant. Repellent. Lacking in artistic or literary merit. Drivel. Goo. Morally beyond the pale. Masturbation material for vampires, ghouls and the criminally insane. Toilet. Alcohol for witches. Night of the Living Dead made flesh. Macabre. Ghoulish. Ghastly. Foul, demonic and nonsensical.

???

[chand]

Pro Evolution Soccer 3:

I can't tell you how excited I was about this game being released. I'd read all the reviews & thought it was going to be a master peice how wrong could I have been??? Poor game play, totally confusing controls (why so many buttons to press it's football not brian surgery), and long loading times are the tip of the iceberg. I'm not a fan of the E.A sports FIFA series but can honestly say that it can't be any worse than PES3.

I particularly enjoyed the criticism that Konami had made football into 'brian surgery'. This person provides a stinging and yet reasoned critique of the yet-to-be-released GTA: San Andreas. Note his intriguing use of a subject line which seems to bear no relation to the text, or indeed, anything:

The PS2 is more MATURE than Gamecube, July 28, 2004
Reviewer: hefton from Reading, Berkshire  
if you think shooting hookers and running over pedestrians is mature, then you are stupid. Eternal Darkness and Resident Evil have 10 times the brains and maturity then that GTA garbage.

[Purple Tentacle]

I think he's annoyed that someone told him that "the PS2 is more mature than the Gamecube", so to get his own back he's ripped into San Andreas on Amazon to show him what a stupid console the PS2 is, hahahahaha I am SO mature, nobody understands me.

VM often does the same with things that haven't been released on the Xbox.

[chand]

Yeah, I think so, perhaps if he'd used a question mark or something it wouldn't look so daft.

There's still a lot of inter-console rivalry, it seems, takes me back to the Sega vs Nintendo days...

[king mob]

Scarface

BEST FILM IN THE WHOLE WORLD, WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE TONY MONTANA (APART FROM THE END)

[Bogey]

Repugnant. Repellent. Lacking in artistic or literary merit. Drivel. Goo. Morally beyond the pale. Masturbation material for vampires, ghouls and the criminally insane. Toilet. Alcohol for witches. Night of the Living Dead made flesh. Macabre. Ghoulish. Ghastly. Foul, demonic and nonsensical.

???

Oh, there's a little full stop there. I assumed they were talking (oddly) about the sort of perfume a witch might use. Which would have made a superb DVD box quote: "Toilet alcohol for witches" - The American Brian Sewell*

*Yeah, I know, but I don't care.

[Kingboy_D]

Stupid White Men

Support Hezbollah and buy this book!
Michael Moore's crew is currently working with Hezbollah so that they can show his new movie in the Middle East. Is this someone we should be giving any money to?

Another guy clevery called him Boor instead of Moore.

Boor's cancer of exploiting societies' KUCKLEDRAGGERS (LIBERALS) is chronically blatant in Chapter 2, where Boor sells people their own narrow-mindedness in willfully believing Prescott Bush's Nazi-financier accusations. I'm forcibly encharged with EDUCATING the unclean liberals who succumb to Boor's dictatorship. What Boor overrides is those brandings at Prescott Bush are just circumstantial hearsays of a self-righteous "Nazi Hunter", Loftus-who's untamed due to hypersensitivity of being Jewish-founded on the mystery "testimony" of some secondary contact's "informant", and a calamity of CONJECTURE!!!!

(Prescott Bush was prosecuted under the Trading with the Enemy act in the 1950s)

Lies, Lies, and Moore Lies by the Fat Trickster. Moore deceptions from the Left's Minister of Propoganda. Sheer fantasy. Skip it.

This guy must be going for a record for the number of kneejerk cliche's that can be squeezed into a singly paragraph.

I must admit I am very right wing when it comes to politics and I think George W Bush is a fine president. Many of Moore's claims in this book were extreamly biased, and seemed only to be aimed at destroying my country's pride. I do not think it is fair that Moore can write these insults while shoving a burger in mouth with his chubby fingers, while other everyday AMERICAN citizens are out there protecting us from hostile agressors of the world. I (as well as many other more informed Americans) feel that Michael Moore should move to Paris, and complain [like the rest of France] about how the US helped France in World War II. If I had to go back and do WWII over again, I think I would have let Germany have France before helping the British finish the job of defeating Hitler.

And again.

Michael Moore is a liberal spineless piece of trash.He complains about the united states but yet still enjoys the luxuries of living in this country.He bashes Bush but yet Bush keeps him safe in the country.He should stay in France

And again....

You're nothing more than a bleeding heart liberal who is still pissed off because GWB won the election and folks in Florida don't know how to use modern day voting machines. Please spare us all and don't write anymore left-coast liberal progaganda...smart American's aren't buying it!! BTW -- I didn't spend a dime on your trashy book about the USA...I wrote my review based on what you've said about the book and from liberals I've interviewed who don't know a damn thing about America and why it's so great. If you don't like it here, please leave and move to France or England where they read trash like yours.

I could go...

[Santa's Boyfriend]

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:

This movie is so wierd, there isn't a story and if there is, it's really hard to find. All the people seem mad and the movie is boring because you do undersand what is happening because there's no logic. I bought this movie because I saw that Cameron Diaz was acting in it (I've got all her movies)but she appears during exactly 1.27 minutes!! I'd return it if it wouldn't be that 1.27 minutes of Cameron's appearance. It's such a shame that you don't see her more, it's a terrible loss! IF YOU DON'T COLLECT CAMERON DIAZ MOVIES, DON'T BUY THIS, IT'S A COMPLETE LOSS OF MONEY.

and another guy:

If cameron diaz appeared more often, i would rate this movie five stars! but you only see her during 59 seconds, there is no story don't buy this unless you collect Cameron's movies
like I do.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre:

If you must watch this gory, deeply disturbing flick, rent this version and not the remake. Just, please, take off the "True Story" line someday.....everybody who lives in Austin is sick of tourists asking to be shown "where the house was!"

I love the last line of this one:

this is by far the worse horror movie ever. the acting is pATHETIC, THE KILLER IS A total idiot, the camera footage suckz and theres no story line that goes with it, itz just about a guy that kills people with a chainsaw. i rented this movie and instantly regreted it. PLEAZE do not DO NOT buy this movie and if u do yer screwed

I hate that movie you people are totaly sick of thinking you should make and old moive and a new graphic movie. About those kids who died, you shouldnt even think like that to make a repeat of what happened to them, just think if it was about you would you want other people to watch it? How about your kids? why the HELL!!!! would you want them to see a movie like that. people are sick now a days just think when your were littel they didn't have half the bad movies they do now i think they should get rid of that movie and start making funny, happy, movies and get rid of the violence. Why do you think that their is so much violence now,oh well i dont know because you make those GOD DAMN! movies. STOP making them and it will be a much better world and kids will not be influenced about it you sick fools.

[Munday's Chylde]

I was recently on amazon for real (ie looking for a review of a new book i bought rather than actively seeking out silliness) and one person who didnt enjoy it suggested that "if it was by another author i would have crushed it under my foot" which is an odd (and rather hard) way of destroying a hardback novel. They are a funny bunch some of them, that they read at all is amazing. Another I recently saw advised that a rather good book i had enjoyed was 'the most amateur thing i ever read' his reason for thinking this? ...the chapters were all short!

[DJ One Record]

What does it take to be a Top 1000 reviewer on Amazon? You could learn a bit from this guy:

I feel that it is my duty to exercise all of our basic rights to the maximum. I will start this discussion by arguing that "Dig Your Own Hole" frequently engages in violent fantasies involving callous foolish-types. Then, I will present evidence that if we are to plant markers that define the limits of what is deranged and what is not, then we must be guided by a healthy and progressive ideology, not by the grumpy and bestial ideologies that The Chemical Brothers promotes. No matter what else we do, our first move must be to educate everyone about how "Dig Your Own Hole" has vanity without pride, voluptuousness without taste, and learning without wisdom. That's the first step: education. Education alone is not enough, of course. We must also expand people's understanding of The Chemical Brothers's malodorous recommendations.
If a modern Dante were to update the Divine Comedy, he would have to create a special circle in Hell for meretricious recidivists who feed blind hatred. Which brings me to my next criticism of "Dig Your Own Hole". We mustn't let The Chemical Brothers put fickle thoughts in our children's minds. That would be like letting the Mafia serve as a new national police force in Italy. While there is inevitable overlap at the edges of political movements, I wonder if The Chemical Brothers really believes the things it says. It knows they're not true, doesn't it? To turn that question around, why do we put up with "Dig Your Own Hole"? Whatever the answer, The Chemical Brothers is not just stupid. It is unbelievably, astronomically stupid. The Chemical Brothers hates it when you say that it is a card-carrying member of the Hypocrisy Club. It really hates it when you say that. Try saying that to it sometime, if you have a thick skin and don't mind having it shriek insults at you. "Dig Your Own Hole", the worst types of militant knee-biters I've ever seen, and a few decent but occasionally insolent people are engaged in a desperate struggle for the soul of society. So I give you this review. I hope it helps.

And the fact that writers of more accessible, down-to-earth reviews like the following aren't ranked higher is surely a national crime:

If you like Barnie's sing a long you can listen this cheap atempt at streaming horse s@%*! I listened to this once and I have heard trained baboons who can mix better techno! If you like the sound of things flushing down the tolit buy this cd!!!!!! It's great! If you like good techno music buy this cd!!!!! And wipe rear with it!!!!!!! All in all I give this cd my lowest rating POS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[shatnersbassoon]

Realise I am a bit late with this one, but:

Bill Bryson - Short history of nearly everything

This author will be judged by God

This book, and so many other horrible books, should not be allowed to be published or sold. It was written by a liberal who has been possessed by the Devil. Belief in, and a personal relationship with our Lord, Jesus Christ is the only way to understand the truth about these things. The only book you need to read is the Bible. The Bible is 100% accurate and true, this laughable book is a book filled with horrible lies.

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

'You say liberal like it's a bad thing'

Anyway:

VM often does the same with things that haven't been released on the Xbox

I don't think I do. Any examples?

[shatnersbassoon]

Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy:

The book begins with the hero sitting down in front of his house in order to stop it being demolished to make room for a highway. He's lucky he wasn't Rachel Corrie, an American who was killed by an Israeli driving a bulldozer. Her death didn't receive one per cent of the publicity accorded this book, which descends into a cycle of abstruse stupidity. If you want a laugh that will make you wiser, read Mark Twain or Joseph Heller. If you want a good story, read Chehov or Tolstoy. They won't make a fool of you.

I was told more than hundreds of times that this book was a classic and truly funny. In the end, I was truly disappointed. In no way did i find that this book was good. It attempts to make fun of the creation of Earth, praises the "intelligent" mice and most shockingly, pokes fun at the High and Almighty God. In the end, of course, the author, Douglas Adams fails miserably...except for the part where he worships the lowly mice.

And finally... what the fuck?

it sucked it was boring and stupid anyone who thinks ball point pens are funny is an idiot

[Purple Tentacle]

VM often does the same with things that haven't been released on the Xbox

I don't think I do. Any examples?

Oh yes you do!! You're the second biggest Xbox evangelist on the internet! Supplanted only by VegaLA, you two should both climb into a tree and kiss eachother so I could sing a song about how you and VegaLa are sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

You fancy Xbox and you want to marry it.


And I remember quite a few times when you've critisised a game (GTA:SA and others) for being released on PS2, moaning that they'd be so much better on the Xbox blah.  Despite the fact that a squillion times as many people own a PS2 than an Xbox, and in your nazi utopia they would all be forced to line Gates' pockets and burn their Playstations just so you could go "oooh look, trilinear filtering".

You may have 3 Bs, but you are a nazi, you nazi.

[Jemble Fred]

Realise I am a bit late with this one, but:

Bill Bryson - Short history of nearly everything

This author will be judged by God

This book, and so many other horrible books, should not be allowed to be published or sold. It was written by a liberal who has been possessed by the Devil. Belief in, and a personal relationship with our Lord, Jesus Christ is the only way to understand the truth about these things. The only book you need to read is the Bible. The Bible is 100% accurate and true, this laughable book is a book filled with horrible lies.

Why do I keep clicking on this thread if it's just going to make me want to kill Americans? Ditto the H2G2 cunts.

[neveragain]

I recently read a review for 'Big Train' (while other reviews loitered around 'dun't worry, the second series is JUST as good as the first ifnot better' or something similar) that compared the series with Monty Python's Flying Circus and said 'the one thing that this series has got which Python hasn't is the acting'... Now there's a sentiment I don't like. And can barely understand to be honest.

[RFT]

a dodgy amazon review of dig your own hole...

That's been generated by some sort of program using the name of the band and title.. I've seen links to places on the internet that do stuff like that, though never that long before...

[Santa's Boyfriend]

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Amazingly awful. Putrid. This film is so unfunny it isn't even funny. Its effrontery is not amusing. The only good part (that I saw) was when Karl Marx appeared as God. But, like most of the reviewers here, I didn't get much past the Exocet rabbit, since I couldn't bear to watch the rest, and just punched my way through the chapter beginnings. All the extra features on Disc 2 were absolutely excellent, but I haven't watched them yet, and probably never will. The only part of myself that I wet was my head, when I dipped it in a cold basin of water in order to revive my brain. Your review is a joke, Jeff Shannon. If they couldn't afford horses, why didn't they get some donkeys? This film isn't British.

nee., May 11, 1999
Reviewer: A viewer
hello. my name is nee. i like to say nee. so here i go:
"nee"

now i will sing:

nee nee i like to say nee

neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

I like these for Kill Bill 1.  They should've been on the DVD box.

1) Uma Therman, what a strange looking woman, puts me off.

I almost walked out of the theater 7 times--but kept thinking it would have SOME socially redeeming value--

somebody ougtha slap tarantino a million times for making this movie.

i like the animation but i didnt like the rest of the film. it was like watching backstreet boys against christina aguilera with their crappy music in the background.

I have no idea what the fuck that last one is about.

[SimonJT]

I almost walked out of the theater 7 times--but kept thinking it would have SOME socially redeeming value

I like to think that they mean that they went to see the film six times, and walked out each time, but finally, on the seventh go, sat through the whole thing, despite being tempted.

Probably not, though.

[VegaLA]

Oh yes you do!! You're the second biggest Xbox evangelist on the internet! Supplanted only by VegaLA, you two should both climb into a tree and kiss eachother so I could sing a song about how you and VegaLa are sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

You fancy Xbox and you want to marry it.

Am I really THAT bad ? You know when it was first released I was so set against it !! I tried to talk a friend out of buying it but... dunno.. a year passed since then and I was going to get a GameCube after I moved to the US and went on the GC board asking about online feature but no.. zip..nothing so.. the XBox had what I wanted and when I found out that Street Fighter 2 was coming out for it.. .online feature as well... that pushed me over the edge ! Damn... is that my rep on the board... butt kissing the XBox ?