CAB & Work

[cunt]

Right now I'm thinking that if the big cheeses were to see me waste my time writing this they would be rather cross. The reason I can be on the forums at work is because I can obstensibly call it 'research' and therefore be clear from getting told off by the bossbossmen with their scary ties.

I thus wunder, if it is not necessary to surf the internet, how does anyone else excuse their time on here when they're meant to be doing their job, and more importantly how do you fool the bosses?

Yes you.

[Hypnotoad.]

being on IT staff I can bypass any monitoring, which is handy

[shatnersbassoon]

I fortunately have a shit lap top with a very narrow viewing angle, so that unless anyone is right behind me, they can't see what I'm doing. But I've handed in my notice now (I'm going back to university (yay!)) so to be honest, I've given up giving a shit about it

[shatnersbassoon]

incidently, I've just found a synopsis of  "Bonjour Paresse" (which I started a miserably unsuccesful thread about a couple of weeks ago) in the TImes today

How to reach the top without working



Follow these rules not only to avoid doing any work but to guarantee rapid promotion:
1 Yes, yes, yes — agree with every decision, never argue: better to be collectively wrong than right on your own



2 Look and sound the part: dress in corporate style and always use meaningless words. "Benchmarking" is a perfect example.

3 Never, under any pretext, accept a position with real responsibility. And never, ever, do any work yourself: delegate everything. Temps, trainees and freelances are the only people who are paid by results, so they will do any real work that needs doing.

5 Always be available: make it clear that "work comes first". Leave a few minutes late — never early — in the evenings.

6 Lunch with your colleagues; eating alone is too individualist and therefore suspect.

7 Attend all meaningless seminars, motivation weekends, office drinks, works outings, the boss's wife's birthday party.

8 Look desperately busy — always carry files in the corridor, take files home with you (no need to open them).

9 Never instigate any changes or innovations — only executives who make themselves visible are ever sacked.

10 Seek positions in which your progress is impossible to determine: a highly specialised technical post nobody else understands, or an area so vast, such as "integration of anti-discriminatory strategies", that though it may be important, success cannot be determined.

I think it squares nicely with CAB day-time contributor values.

[Almost Yearly]

They won't fire me, damn them.

[Bilko]

I couldn't give a flying fuck who knows I'm on the net.

[TraceyQ]

No CaB at work. Nope. I'm not allowed to have a personailty beyond lipstick and an air of being tired of travelling.

[Uncle_Z]

When I'm not pissing around I get sickeningly good results.  The few people who might notice my transgressions therefore do not care.  (Another "Yay, me" post from the desk of Zeddeh)

[Jemble Fred]

There's a difference between spending 75% on your working dayon here and taking the piss. If I missed my deadlines or was generally shit, I'd soon feel the pinch. As it is, I'm just great. A couple of years back I was a one-man editorial team editing, writing, subbing and part designing a 114 page international games title all on my todd, and still spent most of the time on here, and still met all my deadlines. Perhaps I'm God.

[Purple Tentacle]

I am the master of alt-tab, I'm mates with the IT manager, and I have a big reflective pane of glass in front of me which works as a rear-view mirror.


I DO lunch alone, however.... I value my quiet time, and you're right.... people do think I'm weird.

[cunt]

a shit lap top

10 years ago that would be a very expensive transgressive favour.

Getting back to topic, I had to convince my sales manger that bill drummonds' youwhores.com was not porn, it was 'art'. She looks at me funny now, I don't know if this is a good thing or not. the minx

[TraceyQ]

Perhaps I'm God.

Nope, got to disagree with you there...

God Is a Woman.
God is also a DJ.

Yay! Me!

[Almost Yearly]

CaB is evidently a polytheistic society.

cunt

falmouth

Your name's not Tony is it?

[cunt]

CaB is evidently a polytheistic society.

cunt

falmouth

Your name's not Tony is it?

The question answers itself like a tail wagging a dog.

[The Man With Brass Eyes]

I'm not going to reply to this thread.  It will acknowledge that I log on to these forums.  I cannot take that risk.

[Elastic Spastic Shashlik]

I'm the IT Manager and can do whatever I please. Keeping to deadlines and getting results helps. Seriously, some days I have a 2 hour lunch and nobody bats an eyelid. But then, on average I'm here at 8:30 and I leave around 6. I spend comparitively little time on forums.

[Almost Yearly]

cunt - No it doesn't.


Anyway, how can China and the far east possibly hope to ruin us when we have such a laudable work ethic, as revealed above? "Well I get everything that's required of me done between the hours of 10 and 11am of a Tuesday. I rule." :-)

[steevbishop]

God Is a Woman.
God is also a DJ.

So...
God = woman?
God = DJ?

*contemplates possibility of Jo Whiley being God*

I want to die.

[terminallyrelaxed]

Its an old story now, but my now ex-boss came up to me and asked what 'that blue site was that I'm always on and laughing at' in a friendly way as if he was interested himself - and the next day it was blocked from the proxy server. This was while I was stuck ina satellite office as nominal support with absolutely nothing to do but read the web, mostly on my own for days at a time.
Should have taken it as an omen.

[ColaCoca]

No CaB at work. Nope. I'm not allowed to have a personailty beyond lipstick and an air of being tired of travelling.

So you're a trolley dolly then?

[TraceyQ]

Of kinds, I suppose, yes.  More coffee, sir?

[Gazeuse]

I work at home in my back bedroom and Mrs. Gaz works downstairs in the front room (No, it isn't a brothel) so this is about as social as my work life gets.

CAB is my water/coffee machine/photocopier.

[notnotnatnats]

I'm leaving this shite job on Weds and going to Reading Festival, then back to the bliss of student life.

So I dooooon't caaaaaare!

Not that I did before.

[sky news]

I'm leaving this shite job on Weds and going to Reading Festival, then back to the bliss of student life.

So I dooooon't caaaaaare!

Not that I did before.

typical student

[shatnersbassoon]

I'm leaving this shite job on Weds and going to Reading Festival, then back to the bliss of student life.

So I dooooon't caaaaaare!

Not that I did before.

Me too (as I said above)! Though not for another month or so. Yup tried a year of real life, didn't like it so off to do an MSc. What you doin?

[Evil Knevil]

Okay, I'll tell you my IT story. I only tell it to people I don't know :)

I came back to the office after a particularly boozy and long lunch, and proceeded to browse the web, and attempt to sober up. Just as I click through the second page of a thread on here, it gets IP blocked. Obviously IT services is on to me, and probably watching my every step...
So I figure I should fire off an email to the IT manager, calling him "an odious wanker", with the request that his "arse seals up and festers".
Fair enough you say? In my wasted state I forgot to change the default sender's address, which was in fact that of one of my collegues 'Shaun' (I was using his PC for reasons I can't explain).

Time passes, I get a phone call from Shaun about an hour later. Apparently what happened was that the IT manager passed the message onto our immediate boss, who passed it on to his superior. Who in turn phoned up Shaun, who was about 200 miles away at the time, and demanded to speak to him, even though he was in conference with clients. 'Shaun' gets a bollocking and a suspension, in *front* of some prospective clients, despite the fact that he couldn't possibly have send the message.  He phoned me up to ask if I knew what was going on.

After I twigged --and sat in the office walk-in fridge to sober up-- I went directly to my superior +1 and told him the whole truth.
"...could you come back in half an hour?"

I leave, and I can hear him pounding his fist against the desk.

Summary: Boss phones up 'Shaun' and gives him a groveling apology, again in front of clients (suffice to say, the deal wasn't sealed). I become the office punching bag for several weeks.

[Garfield And Friends]

After I twigged --and sat in the office walk-in fridge to sober up-- I went directly to my superior +1 and told him the whole truth.
"...could you come back in half an hour?"

At least you did right by 'Shaun'.

[Abbie]

I've stopped browsing at work since I was revealed as the third most prolific web browser in the company.  Even more embarrassingly, it's me that produces the reports, and the fact that I failed/couldn't be arsed to cover my own tracks reaffirms my belief that I am in the wrong job.

[Brinx]

I work as a UNIXey IT helpdesk bod. Fortunately my boss who sits next to me spends as much time browsing fantasy football as I do on CaB and music review sites so it's a mutual understanding.

[Pinball]

Now I'm worried. I browse CaB an awful lot. Naturally it's just on in the background and the time the window's open doesn't reflect actual "wasted" time blah bollocks blah, but what to do? Is there any software to confuse the IT audit progs and general busy body mofos??