Oft-forgotten gems from the Alan Partridge canon

[Ja'moke]

The section on Gatwick airport in Nomad:

"It's the London airport it's okay to like. Stansted, or Stanstead, or Standstead, or Standsted as it's variously known, is an arrogant upstart. City Aiport? Full of bankers. London Luton isn't in London and is barely in Luton; and Heathrow is just an absolute tit of an airport. No, Gatwick is the place to be."

The way he says tit makes it.

[rm2kmaster]

"It's funny that she's called Sue Cook when she can't cook, but she will sue."

[Utter Shit]

The section on Gatwick airport in Nomad:

"It's the London airport it's okay to like. Stansted, or Stanstead, or Standstead, or Standsted as it's variously known, is an arrogant upstart. City Aiport? Full of bankers. London Luton isn't in London and is barely in Luton; and Heathrow is just an absolute tit of an airport. No, Gatwick is the place to be."

The way he says tit makes it.

Can't remember who it is, but his line about a fellow minor celeb spotting him and going "FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?"...Christ that is good.

[rm2kmaster]

Can't remember who it is, but his line about a fellow minor celeb spotting him and going "FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?"...Christ that is good.

Nick Knowles

[Cuellar]

He really is the go to celeb for evoking...something slightly desolate. C.f. Athletic Mince and the Beardsley Tales.

NICK KNOWLES!

[QDRPHNC]

I think The Gatwick Candidate might be my favourite chapter in Nomad, just the perfect mix of funny and bleak.

Although the end of the preceding chapter needs to be mentioned, when he walks 160 miles out of his way to visit the agent at home and then he's not in... "That's fine!"

[Cuellar]

Describing a booze influenced sleep as 'grolschy' is an excellent way of putting it.

[Ferris]

Nick Knowles

"PLANT ONE ON HIM, KNOWLESY! LAY 'IM OUT!" But Knowles didn't plant one on him. He pretended not to know me, and sauntered off.

Or something.

I also like that the line about him not presenting "D.I.Y S.O.S unless he was S.L.O.S.H.E.D (sloshed)."

Edit to stop getting Partridge wrong.

[Ja'moke]

Nick Knowles

"He's a big man with a craggy face and an ease among labourers and tradesmen that suggests, if the mood took him, he could summon them like Tarzan summons the animals and have them take you to pieces, violence-wise."

I also like that the line about him not presenting "D.I.Y S.O.S unless he was P.I.S.S.E.D: pissed"

It's actually S.L.O.S.H.E.D (sloshed). Which is even funnier.

[Ferris]

It's actually S.L.O.S.H.E.D (sloshed). Which is even funnier.

I stand corrected (said the man in the orthopaedic shoes)

[Captain Z]

It's actually "D.I.Y.S.L.O.S.H.E.D. (sloshed)"

[Ferris]

I'm so ashamed of getting this wrong, twice.

[Terryfuckwit]

"It's funny that she's called Sue Cook when she can't cook, but she will sue."

Brilliant.

'Bladacker' - when he's nervous on Live TV

[Enzo]

The section on Gatwick airport in Nomad:

"It's the London airport it's okay to like. Stansted, or Stanstead, or Standstead, or Standsted as it's variously known, is an arrogant upstart. City Aiport? Full of bankers. London Luton isn't in London and is barely in Luton; and Heathrow is just an absolute tit of an airport. No, Gatwick is the place to be."

The way he says tit makes it.

Also in Anglian lives he says his favourite place in the world is Gatwick Village.

[New Jack]

"The Eighties', delivered in a way to, somehow, make  the decade sound like it's scary

[magval]

Did anyone mention the way he says "nestle" instead of Ness-lay when he's talking to the Milky Bar Kid? Cause that's funny.

[DrGreggles]

Did anyone mention the way he says "nestle" instead of Ness-lay when he's talking to the Milky Bar Kid? Cause that's funny.

But it IS "Nessels" and not "Nesslay", as per the original Milky Bar jingle!

[magval]

Ah shite. As always, context and explanation have made a thing much less funny than its face-value appropriation.

Thanks* Dr Greggles

*FOR NOTHING

[Utter Shit]

Listening to those IAP commentaries now, there are some fantastic lines throughout. At one point Alan says that he didn't include Denise and Fernando in the show (in case you don't know, the commentaries suggest that IAP is a dramatic re-enactment of real events) because he "didn't want to give them the oxygen of publicity".

[DrGreggles]

Ah shite. As always, context and explanation have made a thing much less funny than its face-value appropriation.

Thanks* Dr Greggles

*FOR NOTHING

[gilbertharding]

But it IS "Nessels" and not "Nesslay", as per the original Milky Bar jingle!

It WAS pronounced 'Nessels', in Britain. They went along with our inability to cope with foreign language for quite a while. I reckon the 80s was when they decided to put their foot down. Around the same time they (the same people) decided the small black coffee was definitely eSSpresso and not eXpresso, and only common people ate in 'Kaffs'.

There's something funny about persisting in calling it Nessels though.

[Chollis]

"i haven't been this angry since the 9/11 debacle"
perfect

[DoesNotFollow]

"Over Maxwell's there was a painting of a topless female biker, her hair flailing in the wind, her nipples standing to attention like a couple of boob soldiers".

From I, Partridge. Listening to Nomad for the second time today (was underwhelmed first time round but am enjoying it much more now) and any time Alan says "sandwiches" is also joyous.

[kalowski]

"I like a man who knows who he is."
"I'm Alan Partridge. Carry on."

Also includes the great lines:
"Who's Montgomery?"
"The man who masterminded the battle of El-Alamain."

"I thought you were sexy. I don't now, you're a bloke. I've a good mind to knock your block off!"

[Ferris]

"You're sexy... but I don't trust you!"

[QDRPHNC]

I was thinking the other day that, as brilliant at the books / audiobooks are, they would be improved slightly by being just a touch less on-the-nose in some circumstances.

The one quote that jumped out at me was when he's talking about the military in I Partridge, and it's something alongs the lines of, "whether they're [doing something heroic] or [doing something heroic] or making pyramids out of prisoners, those guys are all heroes."

Which is funny, but too knowing and subversive to be realistically Alan.

Darkplace steps over that line too, although much more often. It gets a laugh, but at the price of it's own internal integrity.

Edit: While I'm here, "They're not dirty, they're unwashed. Big difference, sweetheart."

[Ferris]

"Braver than ten firemen... or a dozen policemen"

[Ja'moke]

Edit: While I'm here, "They're not dirty, they're unwashed. Big difference, sweetheart."

That part is hilarious. When he's trying to tell them to put the Sport Relief banner down but they can't understand what he's saying, and so he tries to tell them in a friendlier manner: "Get rid of the banner. Now."

[Tony Yeboah]

It WAS pronounced 'Nessels', in Britain. They went along with our inability to cope with foreign language for quite a while. I reckon the 80s was when they decided to put their foot down. Around the same time they (the same people) decided the small black coffee was definitely eSSpresso and not eXpresso, and only common people ate in 'Kaffs'.

There's something funny about persisting in calling it Nessels though.

Why do they have to change things? It's not Scope, it's The Spastics Society.

[kalowski]

Pipped at the post by Dave Lee Travis. Again.