Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => H.S. Art => Topic started by: Bazooka on June 27, 2019, 12:14:13 PM

Title: Just seen your dad
Post by: Bazooka on June 27, 2019, 12:14:13 PM
Just seen your dad, nude, awful.

Just seen your dad fucking a trout.

Just seen your dad, down the park, silly bastard.

Just seen your dad, driving the wrong way.

Just seen your dad kissing an old man on the neck.

Just seen your dad with your mum buying reduced ham.

And I'm going to tell the whole school.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on June 27, 2019, 12:15:28 PM
Seen yer da nicking flowers from the accident blackspot.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Ray Travez on June 27, 2019, 12:22:15 PM
Quote from: Bazooka on June 27, 2019, 12:14:13 PM
Just seen your dad, nude, awful.

Mate you saw my dad nude

You saw my dad nude through the curtains

You saw my dad nude 'cos you'd been waiting up all night with your binoculars

You saw my dad nude through your £1.99 telescope and it was the best moment of your life when you caught a glimpse of his OAP winkie
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on June 27, 2019, 12:53:14 PM
Saw your dad pay off The Yorkshire Ripper to take the fall
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: ZoyzaSorris on June 27, 2019, 01:03:25 PM
Only man with a cock that smaller erect than flaccid.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: bgmnts on June 27, 2019, 01:49:49 PM
Was he beating up my mum lol
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 27, 2019, 02:06:34 PM
Just seen your dad riding his mobility scooter round the park with his bomber jacket on inside out like he thinks he's nicholas lyndhurst or something
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: willpurry on June 27, 2019, 02:13:49 PM
Saw your Dad invade Poland.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on June 27, 2019, 03:45:50 PM
Crying into a jockstrap.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Chollis on June 27, 2019, 04:29:54 PM
but he's been dead for 8 years
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Dr Trouser on June 27, 2019, 04:31:00 PM
curling one off into a B&Q display toilet
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on June 27, 2019, 04:31:29 PM
Quote from: Chollis on June 27, 2019, 04:29:54 PM
but he's been dead for 8 years
Just seen your dad....
Still some tasty morsels of preserved meat neath the sacrum.

He was cremated.

Just seen your dad...
Blowing in the wind
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on June 27, 2019, 06:22:11 PM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on June 27, 2019, 12:15:28 PM
Seen yer da nicking flowers from the accident blackspot.

Uuuummmmm I'm telling your mum that you said the n word
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on June 27, 2019, 06:23:31 PM
Just seen your old man huffing farts from a brown paper sick bag


I was like what are you huffing, farts or puke and he was like this:  farts mate


An he looked so blissed out he told me you should try it yourself, being his son an that
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 27, 2019, 06:38:34 PM
Just seen your dad do a double take of the toilet

Just seen your Dad drinking his dogs piss.

Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Mr Banlon on June 27, 2019, 06:41:22 PM
Your dad is Paul Gadd
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: NoSleep on June 27, 2019, 06:56:18 PM
Just seen your dad, flaunting his drink in front of Will Self.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on June 27, 2019, 07:00:12 PM
I've just seen your dad, by the way.  At first he was calmly pissing into his wallet, but then as he realised he was going to piss more than a wallet's worth he started panicking and there was all piss sloshing everywhere.

The member of staff in the Natural History Museum gift shop was going AAARGH WHAT ARE PLAYING AT, IT'S GOING ALL OVER THE GIFTS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.  All manic and shouting when there were kids about.


I took your dad's side because they're not gifts are they.  You have to pay for them and once you are on that particular slippery slope, you may as well piss on them.  That's what I think.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Glebe on June 27, 2019, 07:38:31 PM
I saw him wearing a sensible sweater and having a nice pint of bitter down the pub.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 27, 2019, 08:19:03 PM
Just seen your dad baby and he was lookin FRESH
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Lordofthefiles on June 27, 2019, 08:24:59 PM
...centre spread off an early '80's Welsh language gay porno mag.
Nowt on except a cowboy hat and holster belt, vicious looking dildo in each pouch, snakeskin boots, one foot on an upturned metal bucket, tab in his mouth, nob on the throb, proper diamond cutter. Good nick for his age.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 27, 2019, 08:28:00 PM
Just seen your Dad fondly remembering a great kebab
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Bazooka on June 27, 2019, 10:02:49 PM
Just seen your dad speaking with you and your brother, your brother definitely got more looks in.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on June 27, 2019, 10:11:58 PM
Just seen your dad getting headbutted by Jimmy 5 Bellies in the Bigg Market, mid-90s. Fucking hell.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 27, 2019, 10:34:51 PM
Just seen your Dad get skinned by a full back, Longbenton Costcutters
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on June 27, 2019, 10:44:33 PM
Just saw your dad, mate.


He secretly reads the TV Times in WHSmiths.  He watches ITV in your house when nobody is around.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Glebe on June 27, 2019, 11:22:03 PM
I've just seen your dad fixing a radiator on a Sunday afternoon, as they all do!
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on June 27, 2019, 11:45:29 PM
I've just seen Shoulders' dad on a motorised lawnmower bombing down the A62

He's well disappoint in his son
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 28, 2019, 02:10:20 PM
I have just seen your dad in Primark buying a ceramic arse with a cactus growing out of it, up at the till with a "I can't believe this is what I am buying my son for his wedding" expression on his face.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 28, 2019, 02:16:52 PM
Ah I have just seen your dad driving naked except for a baseball cap with a pair of tits on it that says "FUN BAGS '99" and as he went past me he screamed "there is no place for regrets here, little boy"
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 28, 2019, 02:19:39 PM
I saw your dad on Dragons Den trying to pitch a business idea, "tuxedos for paedos" and when Duncan went "all in, no backsies" your dad ran off down the stairs crying, saying it was never meant to get this far.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on June 28, 2019, 02:24:35 PM
I've just seen your dad dressed in your skin after a night toiling on your corpse, Silence of the Lambs Blu Ray still in the player. He's posting using your account now

"....except for a baseball cap..."

You can still tell its your dad as the penis skin chafed off on the wooden stool he is now perched on.

Chilling stuff.

"I saw your dad on Dragon's Den..."
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 28, 2019, 02:31:45 PM
ah seen your dad, big grey and humourless, lumbering through the forest, saggy oak tree bark man, coming back from the hunt with his squealing sack. his mind an unyielding lunchbox of meaty secrets, your dad.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on June 28, 2019, 03:53:25 PM
Your dad, seen, coming last in a French village pétanque contest

"Fucking Roast Beef cunt" the villager laugh. He's forced to eat their faeces and be mounted by the village goat before shuffling back to the Eurocamp site and snuggling up to you in the shared sleeping bag, whimpering and damp.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 28, 2019, 04:06:43 PM
I have seen your - yes it was definitely your dad in the pay-and-display car park behind Pizza Hut, shouting MACHINE IS SWALLOWING MONEY, MACHINE IS SWALLOWING MONEY. HELLO. IS THERE SOMEONE THERE WHO CAN HEAR ME. MACHINE IS" until the moon dipped behind a cloud and he forgot where he was and what he was doing.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Bazooka on June 28, 2019, 11:21:19 PM
Just seen your dad, asked him if everything is ok after the allegations were made.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on June 29, 2019, 07:40:13 AM
Just seen your dad at a Hooters telling a waitress she has lovely eyes... oh christ, he's now down on one knee, proposing
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Lordofthefiles on June 29, 2019, 08:36:13 AM
Just seen your dad... He was still furiously pulling at it as the security guards let him out of the bus station.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 29, 2019, 10:10:50 PM
I have e'er seen your dad on all fives, truffling around in the neighbour's spinach patch, digging for enchantments, the stiff jagged bone sheath from which you dribbled frothy forth pistoning violently into the loam beneath, bawling for his joanna lovely.

I have seen your dad then, rooting around in the neighbour's bald patch, pulling up clumps of hair and stuffing them under his cap, cackling like the shits.

Your dad on view, his hair combed up like a greasy Ayers rock, his face red and hived, a small english breakfast, a derelict in the driveway.

Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on June 29, 2019, 10:15:33 PM
I have just seen your dad tumble down the escalator at the last remaining mothercare, wearing only a nappy and bra. A security guard hauled him up but retracted in horror at glazed but ecstatic grimace smeared across the face of the once respected pillar of the community.

Ah! I see you shrugging...just the usual shenanigans, but this time, for the first time, in public.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 01, 2019, 02:05:12 PM
Just seen your dad playing a gnome in Dungeons & Dragons.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 01, 2019, 02:06:18 PM
Just seen your dad get a blow job from the lady with the cleft palette at the sweet shop. No idea where that gobstopper went though.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on July 01, 2019, 05:16:11 PM
Just seen your dad foaming secretly at the mouth and dashing his frost on some pick and mix.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on July 01, 2019, 08:29:44 PM
Just seen your dad coming down the stairs in pyjamas to the accompaniment of a really shite song.

He was having a whale of a time, but just so you know all of us watching were all cringing ourselves inside out, and one of the lads in our group (not me!) even wished death on him!!
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 01, 2019, 09:26:13 PM
Seen your dad rage-burying himself in the cemetary because you wouldn't let him bring egg-fried rice in a box to uncle Ted's funeral.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on July 02, 2019, 12:10:33 PM
Just saw your dad up Everest ripping his own cock off in fury.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 02, 2019, 12:12:34 PM
Just saw your dad buying an Ant & Dec Maxi Single on CD in Asda and toughing out the sniggers with some sly finger flaps.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Neville Chamberlain on July 02, 2019, 12:47:30 PM
Just seen your dad. Nice bloke, actually. Just bumped into him outside the butchers. Told me all about his new life with Sandra from the newsagents. Have you seen your mum recently? Didn't she move to Yeovil after the divorce? Anyway, yeah, your dad, nice bloke. Seems a lot happier these days. Said he's built a new porch. Have you seen it? Said I should come round and have a look next time I'm over in Martock. Don't really go there much these days, not since the Co-op closed. Always had a better range there than the one here. You been to the new Tescos in Ilminster? Pretty good, actually. Use it as a car park as well while I nip into the Bread & Buttie on my breaks. Two hours free parking - why not, eh? Your dad was talking about Dan as well, how he might be getting an apprenticeship at Wickes. He works at Richer Sounds now, doesn't he? The one in Yeovil. Yeah, that's right. 'ere, I'll tell you what, your dad was telling me about Paul, you know, the speccy kid we were at school with. You were always teasing him. Anyway, apparently, he was killed in Australia, cycling accident apparently, head came clean off, they said; arms and legs were found a few days later in dingo puke, they said. Oh, and did you hear about Jonny from the petrol station? Got done for porn, really horrible stuff apparently, kids and animals and everything, apparently. He'd better not be showing his face round here again, I can tell you. Oh yeah, you know that Chris, the bloke who runs that landscape gardening business? Dead, he is. Apparently a dumbbell fell on his face in his garage, caved it right in, nothing left of it, they said. Horrible stuff. Brains everywhere, apparently. Didn't know he had brains, to be honest. Oh, you remember Gavin, Kevin's little brother? Getting married to Kelly, you know, the one you used to really fucking fancy. Anyway, your dad says he's having a do up the cricket club, if you want to come along. Did you hear about Janet? Shot herself apparently. Never got over losing her husband Chris. And then what with the fire an' all. Terrible. Oh, apparently Trish is starting up a Legs, Bums & Tums class down in St. Michael's Hall, I know your wife said she wanted to do something like that. Maybe she could give Trish a ring? Remember that stupid old bint who lived on her own in that house on the corner of West Street and Pickards Lane, the one who was always shouting at people about her varicose veins and how she reckons her house was full of ghosts? Dead, she is. Apparently she'd been dead for weeks inside her house, next to the front door. Neighbours only noticed when they saw all this liquid coming out from under the door, had her eyes in it, they said. etc etc etc
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on July 02, 2019, 01:49:38 PM
Just seen your dad going into a brothel with a Spar bag full of coppers.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 02, 2019, 01:54:43 PM
Quote from: Cold Meat Platter on July 02, 2019, 01:49:38 PM
Just seen your dad going into a brothel with a Spar bag full of coppers.

...pale when he came out mind
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 02, 2019, 03:11:02 PM
Just seen your dad at a comedy gig. He looked fat and depressed.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 02, 2019, 03:16:43 PM
Staring at tadpoles. I guess he was curious about their evolutionary trajectory, but I don't know. I tried to engage him in conversation but he had his ear muffs on.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 02, 2019, 03:18:49 PM
Pretending to buy a doughnut in a Robocop reboot.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 02, 2019, 03:23:24 PM
Stumbling into a gutter.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 02, 2019, 03:24:48 PM
Quote from: Fishfinger on July 02, 2019, 03:18:49 PM
Pretending to buy a doughnut in a Robocop reboot.

Got a cheap German made film based on Turner & Hooch called "Gerhard und Hündchen" (straight-to-bin VHS). Just seen your dad, in the background and unaware, wanking off a bulldog in one of the deleted scenes.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 02, 2019, 03:36:00 PM
Just seen your dad being interviewed by Piers Morgan.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 02, 2019, 03:38:10 PM
Quote from: Fishfinger on July 02, 2019, 03:36:00 PM
Just seen your dad being interviewed by Piers Morgan.

Why did you change it...my dad's CV was nicked from your dad's alligator skin briefcase whilst he was being sucked off by a Thai ladyboy in Bangkok
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 02, 2019, 04:01:42 PM
Just seen your dad editing his CAB post 'cos he's day-drinkin'.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 02, 2019, 04:13:50 PM
Gazing into the mirror miming to This Corrosion wearing an open cagoule.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 02, 2019, 04:14:57 PM
Wearing your mother's best evening gown, howling at the bin men "don't take her...for God's sake...don't take her away!!!"
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on July 02, 2019, 04:49:13 PM
Your dad is on the roof btw saying he's going to take after Rod Hull.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Bazooka on July 02, 2019, 05:11:43 PM
Just seen your Dad frantically looking for Woolworths on the high street,  I gave him a swig of my Apple Tango to keep his blood sugar levels up.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 02, 2019, 05:19:31 PM
Has anyone seen Bazooka?

I just seen your dad shove an rolled up old carpet into the back of van. Could have sworn it was twitching
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: non capisco on July 03, 2019, 12:26:45 AM
Just seen your dad in a shop with one of those big wicker laundry baskets and he was stood by it stripped to his pants with a towel on his head miming playing a flute.

Not very PC.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: non capisco on July 03, 2019, 12:30:27 AM
Just seen your dad dancing about on a bit of old lino looking through the bars of a playground going "Well, my name's Grimey Gerald and I'm here to say/I like to rap in a grimey way!"

Bit off, that. What's he playing at?
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: non capisco on July 03, 2019, 12:31:36 AM
Just seen your dad naked in Bexleyheath town centre bellowing "I AM OMNICRON, EATER OF WORLDS!!"

Not again.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on July 03, 2019, 12:35:06 AM
Sorry buddy but I've just seen your dad ironing cress into all of your underpants  :(
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: non capisco on July 03, 2019, 12:41:37 AM
Just seen your dad queuing at Chelmsford beer festival telling a stranger "Of course, you know Michael Barrymore's made a new sitcom, don't you? Only Pools And Corpses!" and then the bloke went "Oh, right, has he?" and just walked out of the queue.

Your dad's patter is shit.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on July 03, 2019, 12:53:07 AM
Just seen your dad.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 03, 2019, 01:16:34 AM
Painting an anus on an android. It's good he's keeping busy.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Bazooka on July 03, 2019, 12:01:44 PM
Quote from: Cold Meat Platter on July 03, 2019, 12:53:07 AM
Just seen your dad.

Hello brother, let's bury the hatchet.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 03, 2019, 01:38:15 PM
Dressed as a mole being shoved into the back of a police van.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Bazooka on July 03, 2019, 09:02:13 PM
Quote from: BlodwynPig on July 03, 2019, 01:38:15 PM
Dressed as a mole being shoved into the back of a police van.

*Gave me a genuine 4am belly laugh, you wanker.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 03, 2019, 09:10:40 PM
Quote from: Bazooka on July 03, 2019, 09:02:13 PM
*Gave me a genuine 4am belly laugh, you wanker.

Its what the arresting officer said too
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on July 04, 2019, 12:22:47 PM
Your dad is so generic looking how would I even know
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 04, 2019, 12:42:44 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on July 04, 2019, 12:22:47 PM
Your dad is so generic looking how would I even know

Mole costume
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 04, 2019, 01:05:55 PM
Just seen your dad at the returns desk in B&Q, asking the 17 year old goth lass if she fancies going out for a drink on Saturday.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 04, 2019, 01:10:00 PM
Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on July 04, 2019, 01:05:55 PM
Just seen your dad at the returns desk in B&Q, asking the 17 year old goth lass if she fancies going out for a drink on Saturday.

*whomp* that is a real sucker punch to the stomach.

(cos I did this recently, but in a Homebase)
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 05, 2019, 03:39:56 PM
Ceremonially draped into a canal.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 05, 2019, 03:41:49 PM
Mulched at the push of a button. Not what he would've wanted, had anyone asked.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 05, 2019, 03:42:56 PM
Dalek top, nothing below, but you could tell.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on July 05, 2019, 03:50:57 PM
Just seen your dad on one hit point, but still giving it all that to a bunch of goblins. Fair play.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Lordofthefiles on July 05, 2019, 04:02:40 PM
Just seen your dad attempting a streak on centre court.
Got one of his brogues caught in his kegs and fell face first onto the concrete steps.
He was crying, face covered in snot, blood and gravel, as security lifted him away to the cells. Last thing I heard was him shouting "don't tell my son, I'd die if he knew how low I've sunk".
...Whoops, forget I said owt.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: rasta-spouse on July 06, 2019, 11:14:15 AM
Just seen your dad aiming his gloom beam at Montenegro.

Just seen your dad watching A View to a Kill with Cornish subtitles.

Just seen your dad telling a curious fly-tipper that instagram can't show you his broken heart.

>>> maybe that's why Rory Stewart is his kind of guy!
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 06, 2019, 08:16:59 PM
Seen your dad running himself an early grave.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 06, 2019, 08:18:39 PM
Your dad made a song about how much of a great dad he is. He played it to everyone on a radio in his garden. There was no sound or any music, but he made everyone listen for three hours.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 06, 2019, 08:20:51 PM
Saw your dad in a pet shop asking the owner why he keeps his children in prison.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 06, 2019, 08:53:11 PM
Saw your dad driving on the M4, hand behind his head, look of bliss on his face. "Driverless car" he yells at me as his zips past before plowing into the BP service station outside Chippenham, killing ten. Daft oaf believes everything you tell him about technology apparently. But I won't tell them in court.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: a duncandisorderly on July 06, 2019, 09:00:31 PM
he said to say "hello".

so- "hello".

you don't look much like him. shame.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 06, 2019, 09:15:13 PM
See your dad do a livestream suicide video, ranting at the world and how he's owed big money by some dodgy "cam show operation". No wi-fi in deepest Norfolk. I won't reveal which barn it was...it wasn't pretty...no-one needs to know...pigs'll clear him up.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 06, 2019, 10:00:41 PM
I've sawn your dad in half.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 06, 2019, 10:03:06 PM
i've seen dads, you wouldn't believe the dads i've seen.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 06, 2019, 10:08:04 PM
To be honest I am sick to the back bollock of seeing your dad.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: seepage on July 06, 2019, 10:11:52 PM
just seen your dad on the train, marking key words from the Hornby catalog in highlighter pen then throwing the pages out the window.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: seepage on July 06, 2019, 10:34:52 PM
just seen your dad posting on CaB just to avoid the edit bug.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: rasta-spouse on July 07, 2019, 01:31:56 PM
Just seen your dad summarising Leviticus to a precocious open-minded minor.

Just seen your dad whistling the theme to The X-files while urinating on some corrugated iron.

Just seen your dad on the passenger list of the Costa Concordia.

Just seen your dad incessantly complimenting the neighbour's wife on how she's lost weight.

Just seen your dad on the guestbook at the Avanos Hair Museum.


>>>  this is why your mother drinks and your front lawn is in a state!
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Lordofthefiles on July 07, 2019, 03:39:01 PM
Just seen your dad. He was gettin the Turkish barber to redo the tramlines in his back hair, reckon he's got a date.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 18, 2019, 10:19:01 AM
Saw your dad on the Jeremy Vine show, in the audience. He put his hand up and asked Jeremy if his "vine" could support a full tarzan swingin on it. He got booed off the TV. Everyone was watching.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 18, 2019, 10:26:15 AM
Just seen your dad visiting the local police station - turning in his massive stash of child pornography, telling the desk sergeant that his son is a very sick individual indeed.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 18, 2019, 10:42:50 AM
Just seen your dad in cash convertors, he looked like a jigsaw some kid had hammered and bashed together all wrong. He told me his new girlfriend can fit six frankfurters inside her and then disappeared in a cloud of lynx.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on July 18, 2019, 07:24:56 PM
Just seen your da shooing away the dog and wiping the peanut butter off of himself and onto some bread.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: rasta-spouse on July 19, 2019, 02:34:27 PM
Just seen your dad on the writing credits for Tonight with Vladimir Putin.

Just seen your dad blowing on a trumpet in a dinghy. When he realised Space: 1999 was on Forces TV he rowed back to shore and drove home.

Just seen your dad on a neardeath compilation. As he falls off the roof onto the barbecue and the girl screams the video cuts out.


>>>> he thought he was going to die at sea like Robert Maxwell!
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Lordofthefiles on July 29, 2019, 06:48:08 PM
Just seen your dad, he was in the front row on Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" video.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 29, 2019, 09:36:41 PM
Quote from: Lordofthefiles on July 29, 2019, 06:48:08 PM
Just seen your dad, he was in the front row on Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" video.

Fantastic.

Just seen your dad rocking an old skool Michael Bolton mullet to a uber-funfzig party in Bremen
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 04, 2019, 01:25:45 PM
Just seen your dad cementing himself into the driveway, screaming "NO SIR I WILL NOT". Fair fucks, nah i mean really, fair fucking fucks to the lad. No one likes being cold called do they? On a monday evening when you're just started defrosting the canker pie? You are having a fuckin giraffe mate, leave it out you cunt, i'm having my tea. you people, you just won't leave me alone, and into the ground he goes.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 04, 2019, 01:33:16 PM
Just seen your father going out to dinner wearing a t-shirt with Mickey Mouse smoking a blunt on it and the t-shirt says "Head Of Da Motherfukin' Club House".
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 04, 2019, 01:34:37 PM
Your dad asking a puddle if he can please have a sip of its water.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: seepage on August 04, 2019, 02:06:20 PM
just seen your dad trying to make rosé wine in the garden, silly sod.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: seepage on August 04, 2019, 02:10:09 PM
just seen your dad down the library, typing out his first program in BASIC. Wanker.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 04, 2019, 02:36:54 PM
Your dad, lord of all crabs

Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 04, 2019, 02:39:02 PM
Quote from: seepage on August 04, 2019, 02:10:09 PM
just seen your dad down the library, typing out his first program in BASIC. Wanker.

Prints the crude image of a naked woman on the dot matrix printer...takes ages and he chucks it in the bin, the sexual urge long since dissipated.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on August 04, 2019, 07:18:41 PM
If your dad is playing at something I don't know what it is


Either way I don't like it
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Twit 2 on August 04, 2019, 10:16:29 PM
I have just seen your father repointing the brickwork on Satan's House of Arses. Haborym was stood beside him tutting at the workmanship. Your father blamed his trowl and there was cursing from both parties. I later followed him to a Gregg's where he bought a dry and tasteless pasty, crying by this point. I watch him every day in fact, I am there for all his failings and fleeting victories. All his pasties. Your father's vicissitudes, what a song! What music he makes in his sobbing. He strums the galactic lyre in a closed down Halfords.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 04, 2019, 10:19:54 PM
Quote from: Twit 2 on August 04, 2019, 10:16:29 PM
I have just seen your father repointing the brickwork on Satan's House of Arses. Haborym was stood beside him tutting at the workmanship. Your father blamed his trowl and there was cursing from both parties. I later followed him to a Gregg's where he bought a dry and tasteless pasty, crying by this point. I watch him every day in fact, I am there for all his failings and fleeting victories. All his pasties. Your father's vicissitudes, what a song! What music he makes in his sobbing. He strums the galactic lyre in a closed down Halfords.

Yours Faithfully

God the Holy Ghost
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Earnest Sexpot on August 04, 2019, 10:45:55 PM
Just seen your dad kissing his hand for practice
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Bazooka on August 05, 2019, 09:12:56 AM
Just seen your dad with my dad, down at the food bank, both are CEO's at Muck Donalds, but they only came out with rubber gloves and no burgers....
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Sherringford Hovis on August 07, 2019, 02:51:03 AM
Quote from: Mr Banlon on June 27, 2019, 06:41:22 PM
Your dad is Paul Gadd

Is his dog dead?
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 07, 2019, 07:27:22 AM
It's Father's day and your dad is rabidly searching punternet using the NordVPN you got him
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Bazooka on August 12, 2019, 11:41:25 AM
Just seen your dad mopping the sweat off his forehead with a slice of warburtons thick white slice.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: seepage on August 13, 2019, 08:42:24 AM
just seen your dad by the bins, giving a one-inch punch to a piece of polystyrene foam
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 13, 2019, 08:44:22 AM
Just seen your dad carving a raw turkey at a municipal wastewater treatment plant, oblivious to the sirens.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on August 13, 2019, 08:58:15 AM
Maybe you should check if your dad is okay mate


Last time I saw him he was giving out samples of radiation poisoning to everyone on the northern line. A completely unneeded facility in this day and age.

You tell him.  Nobody is needing all rotting bone marrow and things.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on August 13, 2019, 09:41:43 AM
Just seen your dad jump starting some woman's Mazda MX5 in Morrisons car park. Don't tell your mum, eh, it'll finish her off.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Lordofthefiles on August 13, 2019, 06:03:49 PM
Just seen your dad, he's was wearing that ostrich suit he got off of Bernie Clifton.
He was running up and down outside the school trying to give the kids a laugh but I don't think he realised that the crotch of the tights is all worn out.
As I'm sure you remember, your dad always goes commando these days because of his enlarged left testicle.

Last I seen of him, a few of the dads got him in a headlock and dragged him behind the bus stop.
He was shouting something about not telling his son about what had happened... oops, forget I said owt.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on August 14, 2019, 12:02:24 AM
Just seen your da in a child's cowboy outfit, a rootin' and a tootin' down the precinct.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: non capisco on August 14, 2019, 12:07:08 AM
Just walked in on your dad knocking one out to a drawing he'd done on a post-it note of Minnie Mouse with a speech bubble saying "FUCK ME, GRAHAM."
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: poodlefaker on August 14, 2019, 03:55:23 PM
In the Spoons near the bus station, 9am. Jacinta starts pouring his John Smiths Smooth as soon as she hears his mobilty scooter pull up outside.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Cuellar on August 14, 2019, 04:03:49 PM
Just seen your dad do a double take at two guys walking the street holding hands
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Cuellar on August 14, 2019, 04:05:30 PM
I have just seen your father double click on a hyperlink
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on August 14, 2019, 04:26:22 PM
Shakin' that ass
Shakin' that ass
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on August 14, 2019, 04:44:47 PM
Just seen your dad sobbing whilst he chucked a cheap Nokia phone into the canal.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: idunnosomename on August 14, 2019, 08:23:48 PM
pissing on a banjo then hoofing it into the reservoir
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 14, 2019, 08:44:15 PM
Why's your dad always near water?

Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Twit 2 on August 14, 2019, 09:20:29 PM
Just seen your dad dressed as Hank Marvin, flogging his genitalia with a tennis racket and telling me all about it.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Twit 2 on August 14, 2019, 09:29:43 PM
Quote from: BlodwynPig on August 14, 2019, 08:44:15 PM
Why's your dad always near water?

Why's your dad fucking a crayfish wife?
Why's your dad slashes gills into his anus?
Why's your dad scudding along the ocean floor in a hydraturd?
Why's your dad gone all Jules Verne on his cunt?
Why's your dad in Eastbourne docking fleets in his arse?
Why's your dad a karaoke mermaid?
Why's your dad stringing kelp round his belm?
Why's your dad piss blue fin tuna out his seaslug?
Why's your dad a maritime lawyer specialising in brig-based buggery?
Why's your dad CEO of POSEIDON BUM-DILDS?
Why's your dad listening to Vaughan Williams's Sea Symphony on a circus of fucking machines?
Why's your dad got Stevie Wonder to sing at his sea ceremony and kidnapped him in a cave?
Why's your dad cunt piss fish wank?


Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Replies From View on August 24, 2019, 03:48:36 PM
Just caught your dad farting in the aisles of IKEA mate.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Lordofthefiles on September 16, 2019, 08:32:48 AM
Just seen your dad in the town centre. He had a mop on his head and was shouting "I'm Boris Johnston and I've undermined my backstop" while shit ran out of the legs of his Bermuda shorts.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 16, 2019, 10:53:35 AM
Just seen your dad getting chucked out the Toby for stripping naked and lying on the hot plate. He's calling himself "the fifth meat" and he demands to be sliced.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 16, 2019, 11:15:19 AM
Just seen your dad being bundled into the back of one of those prison vans, trying to hide his face with a blanket as the press vultures circle around...he's forgotten that he's wearing the Daz's Stag-Do Magaluf 2012 t-shirt with the words "Paedo Dad 10 bellies John Watson" on the back and a photo of him mullered in a Thai brothel on the front.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 18, 2019, 05:27:51 PM
Just seen your dad eating E45 cream out of a tub with a spoon.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on September 18, 2019, 05:32:05 PM
Just seen your dad losing a fight to a scarecrow, and why hasn't he been at work for 3 weeks?
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Fishfinger on September 18, 2019, 05:47:25 PM
Just seen your dad cosplaying as Chun-Li on Twitch. Reported.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Bazooka on September 20, 2019, 07:11:26 AM
Just seen your Dad trying to turn on a Gameboy. 
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 20, 2019, 10:16:54 AM
Just seen your dad brawling with a salesman at the Ford dealership after he was told that "we don't make the Granada any more".
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on September 22, 2019, 05:42:51 PM
Just seen your dad unable to handle Brian Cox right now.

Just seen your dad going into a vape shop and walking out ten minutes later, baffled.

Just seen your dad in a corduroy romper suit in Wilco asking one of the workers where they keep the assault rifles.

Just seen your dad eating an apple right in front of its tree in a vulgar display of power.

Just seen your dad screaming WHAT ARE YOU, CAN YOU TALK into a bee hive.

Just seen your dad in Argos asking one of the staff if he can buy a fucking submarine or does he have to come back here with a machete and start a war.


Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on September 22, 2019, 05:46:34 PM
Just seen your dad whisking his dick all around the egg farm.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: rasta-spouse on September 23, 2019, 10:15:32 AM
Just seen your dad sitting in a room listening to Astral Weeks smoking a blunt. Might go silently join him in a bit, seems alright this.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on October 03, 2019, 03:04:15 PM
Saw your dad watching tv with a duckling in Hooters.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on October 03, 2019, 03:15:12 PM
Saw your dad in Pets At Home, being told quite clearly "Guinea pigs can't eat meat. A guinea pig cannot digest meat." Saw your dad nodding, going "Ah right". Saw your dad coming out of the butchers with a shopping bag full of raw chicken. Saw your dad burying a tiny shoebox in the flowerbeds.
Title: Re: Just seen your dad
Post by: Gregory Torso on October 03, 2019, 03:16:01 PM
Just seen your dad and he told me he's changed his name to Guy Fucks.