Welcome to Wonka World (Glasgow edition)

[Kankurette]

I mean, it is a bit shit for the kids but I wouldn't say it's emotional trauma.

[WhoMe]

Curious what a non-immersive experience might look like. Stepping outside of time and space maybe? I'd pay 35 quid for that.

[Catalogue Trousers]

Described as a "full Wonka Experience" tearful kids received only two jelly babies and a quarter of a can of Barrs limeade

Well, on the bright side, they might at least not have Type II diabetes and still have some of their own teeth by the age of ten. Swings and roundabouts innit.

[Zero Gravitas]

Well, on the bright side, they might at least not have Type II diabetes and still have some of their own teeth by the age of ten.

These are Glaswegian children.

[steve98]

These are Glaswegian children.

Mmm. Forget The Krankies Extravaganza; The Gorbals Experience  might be better...


Includes *real* grit.

[Midas]

Spoiler alert

[close]

[Zero Gravitas]

Jimp bearns greeting in a close.

Those were the days.

[Captain Z]

ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Has anyone got a link to that Facebook page? I could do with a good guffaw.

edit ooh never mind 'ere we go

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1128277194850803/?hoisted_section_header_type=recently_seen&multi_permalinks=1128704798141376

I have started to organise the FREE event for the kids who had ticket's to willys chocolate experience, this will not be like what was sold to us however it will be a fun filled day for the kids to enjoy who were disappointed, email ur proof of purchase/ order and I can get an idea of numbers and issue tickets and dates.
Email: notbillywonka@gmail.com

Fool me once... shame on... shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

[touchingcloth]

Green Day consider rewrite.

[idunnosomename]

Despair thy charm, and tell the warehouse whom thou still hast served,
Willy McDuff was from his mother's womb...

untimely ripped.

[Theoretical Dentist]

The Illuminati's ambitions have let themselves go.

As Wonka-related scams go, at least this wasn't as potentially fatal as this cunt selling chocolate from Lidl relabelled as Wonka bars with knock-off packaging that didn't mention that it was hazelnut chocolate.

[TheAssassin]

I'm wondering - while we've got the eyes of the world on us - if Glasgow could cash-in; I'm thinking possibly a ... Krankies Extravaganza. I know quite a few people who might pay good money to see such a thing; if it was shit enough.

If he has sex with his wife dressed as a 14 year-old schoolboy, should he be Yewtree'd?

[Brian Freeze]

What's in the bottle that's so special it has to be kept in a perplex box?

There's loads of other bottles over the counter willy nilly but that particular one is secured away. WHY?????

[Fambo Number Mive]

Why do people keep falling for this con?

Desperate people trying to entertain their children on a budget I assume.

Could be worse, could have taken them for a curry with Murray. "They are six and four Paul, they havent even seen Only Fools and Horses"

[kalowski]

If he has sex with his wife dressed as a 14 year-old schoolboy, should he be Yewtree'd?

If...

[jobotic]

Time to paraphrase one of my favourite Viz letters:

Recently I've found myself fantasizing sexually about Wee Jimmy Krankie. I don't mind but wondered if your readers could help me out. Am I gay, straight or a paedo?

[Shaky]

I love the idea people had such an underwhelming time they called the police.

"Hello - can I speak to the detective in charge of disappointing amusement parks, please?"

[thr0b]

What's in the bottle that's so special it has to be kept in a perplex box?

A Perplex Box is very much in keeping with the theme.

[Mr Trumpet]

The Americans get Evermore, we get this

[BlodwynPig]

Less Disney, more Does Nae

[Consignia]

Teams, there's a bleeding load of money in live experiences these days, and I want a piece of that action. I could do it easily with skills making money on property, but you task this week is to put on a Willy Wonka experience for the kiddies. I'd sending you to Glasgow, the home of Willy McWonka, to make loads of money. I'll see you in the board room in the next few days. I expect none of you will be fired.

[idunnosomename]

I know there's very little worth donating to these days, what with the world largely solved disease, poverty and war, but here's a gofundme for a FREE event to make up for this one that left children in tears

https://www.gofundme.com/f/fun-event-for-kids-affected-by-willy-wonka-event

This random Emma Keyes (a name, incidentally, you can also sing to "Daddy Cool") person would like 5 grand please

[Better Midlands]

Spoiler alert

[close]

Still image doesn't really do this character justice

[Brian Freeze]

A Perplex Box is very much in keeping with the theme.

Aye, such a perfect typo that my phone didn't even bother to correct it.

[idunnosomename]

Digging into the McWonka lore, this would appear to be the climactic final scene where Willy faces The Unknown.

Scene: Willy vs. The Unknown - The Anti-Graffiti Gobstopper

Showdown

Scene: The excitement within the Imagination Lab reaches a crescendo as the guests
gather around for an unprecedented spectacle. The lights dim, and a spotlight
illuminates Willy McDuff standing at one end of the room, holding the last Anti-
Graffiti Gobstopper in his hand. Opposite him, shrouded in darkness, emerges The
Unknown, with a device that emits a sinister glow. The air crackles with anticipation.
Willy McDuff: (holding up the Gobstopper) Behold, the culmination of imagination
and ingenuity—the Anti-Graffiti Gobstopper! A sweet so powerful, it can make any
room sparkle without lifting a finger. But it seems, our friend, The Unknown, would
rather use it for... less tidy purposes.
The Unknown: (sneering) That's right, McDuff. Imagine the chaos, the absolute
power of turning tidiness into turmoil. Hand it over, and I might consider sparing
your precious lab.
(The audience gasps, tension mounting as the two adversaries stand ready.)
Willy McDuff: (resolute) In the spirit of imagination and the pursuit of joy, I cannot
let that happen. If it's a showdown you want, it's a showdown you'll get!
(Suddenly, the room transforms into a battlefield of lights and lasers. Willy uses a
device resembling a futuristic remote, activating traps and illusions around the lab to
thwart The Unknown's advances.)
The Unknown: (dodging a beam of light) You think these parlor tricks will stop me?
I've come too far to be foiled now!
(He retaliates with his own device, shooting beams of light towards Willy, who
skillfully evades them, using the lab's inventions as shields and counters.)
Willy McDuff: (with a twinkle in his eye) It's not about stopping you with tricks, but
with creativity! For every dark intention, there's a light of innovation ready to shine
through!
(Willy activates a machine that releases a dazzling display of holographic images,
momentarily disorienting The Unknown. Seizing the opportunity, Willy sets the AntiGraffiti Gobstopper into a contraption that amplifies its clean-up capabilities, sending
a wave of sparkling cleanliness towards The Unknown, neutralizing his device and
rendering him harmless.)
The Unknown: (stumbling, caught in the sparkling wave) No! My plans, thwarted
by... tidiness?!
(The guests cheer as The Unknown is gently swept up by a robotic vacuum,
humorously ending the confrontation.)
Willy McDuff: (addressing the audience) And so, my friends, we see that even in the
face of darkness, the light of imagination, joy, and a bit of clever cleaning can prevail.
Let us remember, the greatest adventures and the most enduring victories are those
we achieve together.
(The room lights up, returning to its vibrant state, as Willy offers a bow, the Anti-
Graffiti Gobstopper safely in hand. The guests erupt into applause, celebrating the
triumph of creativity and courage over chaos.)
Scene ends with Willy McDuff and the guests reveling in the success of their
imaginative endeavor, reinforcing the power of unity and the endless possibilities
that lie within the realms of imagination and innovation.

From the mind and chatgpt account of master of imagination, Billy Coull PhD.

If you read the directions you can see how the actors were like "how the fuck do I do that then"

[TommyTurnips]

Still image doesn't really do this character justice

Which character from Charlie and the chocolate factory is that again?

[Senior Baiano]

I might possibly be losing my mind and critical faculties, but the more I see of this, the more I think it isn't actually so bad. They've put a good bit more effort into it than I'd ever have guessed from the AI advertising.

Yeah mate, it isn't really a magical sweet factory, because such places don't exist.

It's meant to be a "world of pure imagination", maybe these moaning jocks could try using theirs 😂

The sort of people who'd storm out of a production of Hamlet because the ghost is unrealistic

[Glebe]

Roald Dahl's CatCF: The Tales of Unexpected Version.

Sue Lawley: What I'm Doing in My Retirement.

[lazyhour]

All jokes aside, the script and promotional image of swirling lollipops in a bucolic setting are pretty obviously AI confections.

It's just really sunk in that AI is going to be used, again and again, to generate shite like this in order to con people and/or promise stuff that is impossible and undeliverable. Cafes will use AI to generate photos of the perfect cooked breakfast (which they can't deliver), spas will use ChatGPT to generate elaborate descriptions of the incredibly curative treatments they offer (which they can't deliver)...

They should save us all some time and energy and just use AI to generate a load of grumpy people in local newspapers. That way no real people need to be traumatised by a sub-par chocolate-themed family event.

[Shaxberd]

There's already a plague of AI generated kids' books on Amazon churned out by chancers. It's obvious if you know what to look for, but clearly there's enough suckers for tech-assisted PT Barnums to get away with the ruse.

Ooh, PT Barnum, there's an idea - Billy could try a Greatest Showman knockoff next time, wouldn't even have to buy a new top hat.