Two true, one fib.

[mook]

This old chestnut of a thread again. The rules are so simple even rudi can understand them. All you need to do to take part is post two true things about yourself and one fib.

I'll go first, which is only fair seeing as I started the thread.


1. I recently underwent a mammogram.

2. I've fucked more redheads than brunettes.

3. I'm not sure how, when or where to use a semi colon.


Right, your turn.

[boxofslice]

2. I've fucked more redheads than brunettes.

Is the fib.



1. I sneezed on Princess Diana

2. I once urinated in a girlfriend's shoe

3. Thinking about the universe makes me dizzy

[Little Hoover]

3. Thinking about the universe makes me dizzy

Is the fib

1. I have a drum lesson today.

2. I have epilepsy.

3. I don't think this thread will get very boring very soon.

[hoverdonkey]

2. is the fib

1. I once masterbated whilst sitting next to snooker ace Terry Griffiths in Sheffield
2. I once beat snooker ace Tony Meo in a swimming race
3. Snooker ace John Spencer (now dead) was my unofficial Godfather

[mook]

^ I hope #1 is the fib. Please tell me it is.

[hoverdonkey]

Nope, number two. It was Tony Knowles I beat in a swimming race

[koeman]

The rules are so simple even rudi can understand them.

Fib.

[the midnight watch baboon]

1. I have 'bought' several items from a well-known online clothes shop without actually having payment requested for any of them.


2. I once blackmailed a former married colleague for over £500 after I caught him at it with a popular member of the canteen staff.

3. I recently threw my shoes away on a night out, ran out into the Yorks countryside and eventually persuaded a scared cabie to take me home for free.

[Marvin]

1. I once asked Bob Geldolf to hold my bag whilst I went for a piss, only realising it was him when I got back

2. When I was younger I used to enjoy blacking up

3. I made Reese Witherspoon laugh at a pretend funeral for Bob Hoskins

[the midnight watch baboon]

2. When I was younger I used to enjoy blacking up

Fib! I think you've done some hob-nobbing in your time. (Hobo-nobbing for Geldz)

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

1. I once shared a joint with an off-duty policeman in Ferrara, Italy.

2. I once did a tightrope walk on the barrier edge of a motorway bridge.

3. When I was 13 I went to lob a stone into the Humber which hit a crow in mid-air.

[Cerys]

^ #2 is the fib

1.  When I was fourteen I had to have an emergency operation to reattach my nose after a car crash.
2.  I am on the blob.
3.  I once dressed as a clown and went busking, which resulted in a gang of blokes bouncing my head of a steel shopfront shutter.

[Captain Mildred]

No 2 is the fib.

1. I have been stung by a scorpion

2. I spent a night in a supposedly haunted castle with The Wildhearts

3. I came into work one day to find Avid Merrion sitting opposite me, neckbrace and all, and blanked him

[Ginyard]

no1

I once blew my load off a balcony in Spain, the spunk fountain landing on a hotel porter 3 stories below.

I almost fell out of an open sided helicopter on the way to a formula one race.

I'm scared of rollercoasters.

[Ronnie the Raincoat]

I'm scared of rollercoasters > lie

1.  Me and my dad were offered a lift in a British army helicopter on the way to a St Patrick's Day party

2. My shoe came off in a fairground ride and knocked a boy unconscious.  The boy later died of leukaemia, however, I was too young to know what that was and believed I had killed him

3. I set fire to a church in North Wales by accident

[Santa's Boyfriend]

1) I have no short-term memory.

2) I have no short-term memory.

3) I have no short-term memory.

[Father O`Blivion]

1. I was once a member of the Goombay Dance Band.

2. I'm a high ranking Magus in the Church of Satan.

3. I have no strong opinion either way about Marmite.

[Ginyard]

3. I have no strong opinion either way about Marmite.

You absolutely love it, you satanic Goombay man. LIE!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

^ #2 is the fib

Yep. It has an element of truth to it, but wasn't nearly as dramatic.

[biniput]

1. when i was small i managed (via a relative) to run around with the head of davros (the prop head) over my own.

2. when i was small i managed (via a relative) to run around with the head of Zaphod from hitchhikers (the prop head) over my own.

3. when i was small i managed (via a relative) to run around with the head of a sontaran (a prop head) over my own.

Both the real ones were hollow and had wire ends and stuff in em attached to frames around which the rubber or whatever it was had been placed. I was small enough for my head to fit in em both.

[Captain Mildred]

no1

Correct. Though it was a bloody close call with the scorpion.

[Ambient Sheep]

Yep. It has an element of truth to it, but wasn't nearly as dramatic.

Interesting, I assumed it had to be #1 because of your famously anti-drugs stance.  (Apart from that, it's quite believable, had it not been for my wrong assumption, I would have gone for #2 as Cerys did.)

1. ...davros...

2. ...Zaphod...

3. ...sontaran...

Both the real ones were hollow and had wire ends and stuff in em attached to frames around which the rubber or whatever it was had been placed. I was small enough for my head to fit in em both.

I say number 3 is the fib, because it'd be no big deal to fit a sontaran prop head over one's own, but you emphasised in both cases you just managed to do it because your child head was small enough to fit in both.

Unless that was a piece of deliberate misdirection, of course.

_{^{Also, a sontaran head probably comes with the whole neck and shoulder arrangement, and might have been a bit heavy for you.}}


EDIT: Ach no, bollocks to that, it has to be the Zaphod head that's the lie, because it's full of electronic robotics 'n' shit...unless there was a dummy one without that, or the latex was removable from the robotic frame.

In summary, I don't know.  That was worth yours and my time and effort, wasn't it?  :-)

[mook]

1... I've looped the loop in a glider.

2... I can cast a fly on a 12' leader with a weight forward line nearly 30 yards.

3... I've never completed a cryptic crossword.

[no_offenc]

1. When I was born my head got stuck in my ma's pelvis, my head wound up bruised and a bit swollen from that (and the forceps, ohhh the forceps) and I got cut out of her caesarean style.  Consequently the doctors thought I was brain damaged and because I had a massive head for a baby - it was even bigger than what they considered abnormally large on some curve or other - they kept tabs on me for a good few months afterwards.

2. I was no less than five doors away from David McAlmont this weekend, as he was 'round at a friend of abbatoir worker's recording, apparently.

3. I once played (rather well, I might add) the part of Mr Bumble in a school production of Oliver, though I auditioned for the part of Fagin (Ron Moody voice and all).  I shouldn't've been surprised that I was yet again typecast as the hilarious fat knobhead character (see also: Potiphar in a shit production of Joseph and his boring badly-stitched fabric shop cutoff explosion).

[Cerys]

No 2 is the fib.

Wrong!

[biniput]

EDIT: Ach no, bollocks to that, it has to be the Zaphod head that's the lie, because it's full of electronic robotics 'n' shit...unless there was a dummy one without that, or the latex was removable from the robotic frame.

Wrong it was the sontaran as the electronics had mostly been removed and there were just a few wires and connections left.

[Ambient Sheep]

Wrong it was the sontaran as the electronics had mostly been removed and there were just a few wires and connections left.

So I was right first time!  Damnit!  Mind you, I did put quite a big "unless" in the EDIT...

[The Boston Crab]

1. I have eaten dog.
2. I have eaten cat.
3. I have eaten moth larvae.

[evelyn_blake]

(2. You've not eaten cat)

1. I once slept in a bed with a terror-stricken woman who was convinced there was a ghost tapping her repeatedly on the head who had just told her 'I don't like you'. To be honest I had gone round there hoping I'd be the one who'd put the willies up her, alas...

2. On two separate occasions I've escorted women home to areas outside my customary patch only to have relations rapidly disintegrate as I've failed to walk the tightrope between having penetrating insight to impart and having 'er part in sight of penetrating. Because of the distance, I've stayed the night...only to be awoken at daybreak by a woman who doesn't remember who I am. So I've paid a tenner for a taxi, to get us somewhere far out of my way, to have an unfulfilling and periodically excruciating conversation and take an addled, numbed, unaffectionate person to bed, so I can lie awake next to them feeling depressed and lonely, before waking up in the morning to be greeting with 'who are you' like the whole ordeal was some simulated Alzheimer's crash course. It turns out the woman is up early as she is leaving to visit her parents, she needs to pack, she needs to get down to the station. Twice this has happened.  I wait as they pack as we're both going back into town. And twice, two separate women, have espied library books strewn on their table, 'Oh dear' they fret 'These are going to be late...oh what to do, I can't take them back now, oh no, I'm going to receive a fine'.  Of course I, despite being all too acutely aware of the females' indifference to me, eagerly volunteer. 'Oh, I'll take them back for you. It's no problem. I get the bus up to the library, when I have to'. Twice. The first time I felt like a decent human being. The second time I actually saw the library books before she did and stood there, anticipating the exchange for five minutes as she filed through her underwear and folded all her scarves, then bundled all her laptop leads together before she reached the books and observed 'Oh dear...'. All the while I knew I was going to volunteer. I think twice constitutes me providing a service. I'm a cuddle and courier service. That makes you question whether you have throbbing sexual potency, that wouldn't happen to Rob Lowe.

3. I met a woman at a party who I invited back to mine, as we chatted I realised I'd seen her vagina. She'd told me she was a student at the university I go to, but it hadn't clicked that she was a specific student who made a habit of flashing her quim about in defiance of something or other.  Possibly it was in defiance of the notion that a vagina is still a wonderful sight at breakfast. I'm someone who likes to have something to look at when I'm eating my cereal, I stare at the cornflakes packet, but as much as I like vaginas there is definitely an appropriate time and place for admiring them...there's a reason Kellogg's chose to put a Cock on the box.  Anyway I had seen a photograph of her against a white backdrop, holding a mirror up between her legs reflecting back a lipsticked vagina. I didn't want to admit to having seen the photograph, as noting that I hadn't recognised her face is an explicit admission that I hadn't really looked at her face in the photograph. Also saying 'Oh...I've seen your fanny!' can undermine a woman's mystique. However I'm ashamed to say I, perhaps wrongly, associated the impulse to whip your vagina out with the impulse to put things in your vagina and was very excited indeed. I went to the toilet, not due to the excitement. When I came back the woman was at the fridge, which is adjoined to my living room, as I walked in she jolted the door shut and snapped around reflexively. She sat down, and as soon as I joined her she stood up. She said she was sorry but she had to go, she was really tired and she had a deadline coming up and needed to be up early the next day. I said fine, said bye and she left. I then went down to the fridge...I'm sure she stole my Garlic Mayonnaise. I'm positive. She never returned my texts after that.

[jutl]

1) I once mistook Fern Britton for Margaret Thatcher
2) I have received a fax from a cannibal
3) I once served Kate Beckinsale at a bar