Dad survey

[Smeraldina Rima]

What does dad have for breakfast?

Muesli with tinned fruit.

What does dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

Alright, cock.

What does dad do for a living?

He is retired

According to dad, how many beans make five?

Bean and a half, bean and a half, half a bean and bean and a half.

Alter the questions of the survey as you wish.

[gmoney]

What does dad have for breakfast?

Nothing during the week, fry up at the weekend

What does dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

Hello

What does dad do for a living?

Photocopier repair man

How many hairs on dad's head?

Very few

[ziggy starbucks]

What does dad have for breakfast?

brains

What does dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

"brains urghhhhh"

What does dad do for a living?

eats brains

What annoys you about your dad?

His cancer was not much of a money spinner for his kids. I wish Jade Goody was my dad (don't tell dad I said that, he'll try to eat my brains)

[boxofslice]

From memory -

What did dad have for breakfast?

Tea and toast

What did dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

What are you doing at my house?

What did dad do for a living?

Gas engineer

What did dad do on a Sunday?

Car, pub, sleep.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

What would dad have for breakfast if he could get away with it?

Gin

What?

Seriously.

What annoying habits does your dad have?

He always goes on and on about things he is proud of as if they are annoying. For example "You should see the number of raspberries we have at the allotment, it's ridiculous!" or "Look at the size of this parsnip, it's far too much for us to eat." or "My pension is so massive that I don't know what to do with it all".

What?

Seriously. But not like Fred Goodwin.

According to dad, how many beans make five?

This last question surprised me. This has always been a riddle/joke that my grandfather would say. His answer was 'two in each hand and one in the mouth', so my father's response would be the same. But what is point? Is it actually a joke? Is it a riddle? What is funny/clever about this? I'm sure I came up with the reasoning behind it once while stoned once but as with all moments of stone clarity, I can't remember. Please tell me why you wrote this!

[Danger Man]

What does dad have for breakfast?

Nothing. He's dead.

What does dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

Nothing. He's dead.

What does dad do for a living?

Nothing. He's dead.

According to dad, how many beans make five?

None. He's dead.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Sorry Danger Man, I laughed a lot at the last answer.

[Ronnie the Raincoat]

What does dad have for breakfast?

Nothing. He's dead.

What does dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

Nothing. He's dead.

What does dad do for a living?

Nothing. He's dead.

According to dad, how many beans make five?

None. He's dead.

This.

[biggytitbo]

What does dad have for breakfast?

A dog turd in a beret.

What does dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

I am Jesus.

What does dad do for a living?

Senior management.

According to dad, how many beans make five?

He reckons 5 beans make a fart

[Saucer51]

What does Dad have for breakfast?

Nothing fried.

What does Dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

Hello

What does Dad do for a living?

Ex RN

According to Dad, how many beans make five?

Um...five (he said)

[hpmons]

What does dad have for breakfast?

a supermarket's worth of fruit, all put in a HUGE blender to make a HUGE smoothie.  And some toast probably.

What does dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

Γειά σου

What does dad do for a living?

Works for the Greek Mafia

According to dad, how many beans make five?

The answer is probably related to his Oedipal feelings towards his mother and his angst towards his father in childhood, his Freudian interpretations of his dreams, and whatever his psychoanalyst says. Theres no straight-forward answer to that question, ahhhhh.

Whats the difference between the amount of money dad claims he has, and the amount he actually has?

A couple of million?

[Ambient Sheep]

What did dad have for breakfast?

Half a grapefruit and/or a bowl of cornflakes.


What did dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

"Evening squire, do come in!"
or
"Hello, good to see you again!"
or
<similar>


What did dad do for a living?

Award-winning mechanical design engineer, initially of aircraft, latterly of optical and respiratory equipment.  Several of you have probably used, or even own, his most famous design, and many others will have had a gadget inspired by one of his early designs used upon them (oo-er!).


What did dad do on a Sunday?

Wake, breakfast (see above), car wash, pub, Sunday lunch, afternoon nap, tea, growl at Esther Rantzen, sleep.

[Tokyo Sexwhale]

What did dad do for a living?

Award-winning mechanical design engineer, initially of aircraft, latterly of optical and respiratory equipment.  Several of you have probably used, or even own, his most famous design, and many others will have had a gadget inspired by one of his early designs used upon them (oo-er!).

Oh come on - you've got to tell us who he is, or at least what the famous design is.

[mook]

optical and respiratory equipment

He invented goggles and a snorkel.
Actually it's probably something even cooler than that, if such a thing is possible.

[Ambient Sheep]

You won't have heard of him, and it's not really as exciting as I might have made it sound.  Useful for some people though.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

What does dad have for breakfast?

He's on holiday in Australia at the moment, so he probably has Dingo eggs with that degenerate perversion called Vegemite.

What does dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

Ey-up, you chaffer.

What does dad do for a living?

Decorating.

According to dad, how many beans make five?

Oddly enough, the subject has never come up in conversation.

[Ginyard]

What does dad have?

An ability to bore on about the Ardilles/Hoddle years and all relevant but thoroughly banal statistics. God I hate football statistics.

What does dad say?

Lots about the Ardilles/Hoddle years.

What does dad do?

Not my mum anymore. They're divorced.

According to dad....

Ardilles should never have used so many forwards to compensate for the lacklustre spurs defense when he was manager.

Whats the difference between the amount of money dad claims he has, and the amount he actually has?

He's tighter than a clam's cunt so I'll never know.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Whats the difference between the amount of money dad claims he has, and the amount he actually has?

A couple of million?

Couple of million more or a couple of million less...?

[Ginyard]

Couple of million more or a couple of million less...?

If its positive you're going straight and setting your sights on her aren't you?.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

No.

On her dad.

[Ginyard]

haha

[Cambrian Times]

This.

Ditto.

[hpmons]

Couple of million more or a couple of million less...?

Im guessing he has a couple of million more than he claims. 

Please do seduce him.  Twould be amusing.

[evelyn_blake]

What does dad have for breakfast?

His (I imagine) answer: Nothing, he is an important busy man with no time for petty meals.
Actual answer: He ambles down to the cafe down the road and has a sausage sandwich five minutes after he's turned on his computer at work.

What does dad say to welcome visitors to the house?

I don't know, but if anyone is remotely middle class he shows them the painting of a rabbit he bought in Kendal. The one he uses as an all-encompassing reference point when he wishes to denounce modern art, despite knowing nothing about art.

What does dad do for a living?

Owns a cleaning firm. Registered on my birth certificate as 'Window Cleaner'. He hasn't cleaned a window for a number of years now.

If your Dad is to cook a meal for the family, what does he cook?

Fray Bentos pies and instant mash. This is what he cooked for me last time I visited and he was ineffably proud of his efforts.  He seemed genuinely wounded when, on being informed he was cooking Fray Bentos pies, I pulled a face indicating what my face would look like after tasting a Fray Bentos pie. He's never lived alone.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Please do seduce him.  Twould be amusing.

In my completely unacceptable and xenophobic way I've decided to imagine your dad as that Stelios easyJet bloke. I've always fancied that guy.

[chocky909]

Firstly, can all the people with dead dads please keep quiet or start their own thread please. You're really killing the atmosphere.

Ginyard- There's more to LMC than his sexuality. He also does puns.

hpmons- That's a smashing blouse you have on.



Has dad had a relationship since splitting up with your mother 20 years ago?

No.

[biggytitbo]

Does your Dad Look ike Magnum?
Yes

Is your Dad Magnum?
No

[Danger Man]

Firstly, can all the people with dead dads please keep quiet or start their own thread please. You're really killing the atmosphere.

Sorry about that.


My dad died in his sleep. Aged 49. I didn't bother going to the funeral.

[mook]

Did he?

[ziggy starbucks]

here he is, pre-death obviously. The post-death photos are kept in a special folder* and are for my eyes only

*

Spoiler alert

wanking folder

[close]