Cunt neighbour

[Barry Admin]

This is driving me up the walls. Someone finally moved in downstairs, and he's a young cunt, and all his young cunt mates come round and literally shout and scream at each other, like cunts. It's made my anxiety terrible and I realised it's partly because it takes me back to where I was before I got here. I lived in a very, very bad estate where the paramilitaries were always bursting in to the building to get at the cunt downstairs, and I'd see cars being burnt out, and people running about with guns at one point, and the building got set on fire. I got moved here because of intimidation, and it's always been peaceful, and now this shit bastard has moved in. His fucking mates sit in the halls or out the back, smoking and making a crazy amount of noise. I'm at my wits end with it already as I have barely slept for months anyway. Has anyone got experience with complaining to the council about absolute howling cunts like this screeching fucking piece of shit?

[St_Eddie]

In my on-going experience with my local council in relation to cunt neighbours; they are utterly ineffectual.

[gib]

I don't think i've ever heard one of these tales where the council is any use whatsoever. I'd be interested if anyone has.

[Steven]

Become a heroin dealer and get them all on the skag.

Quiet + Profit. It's win-win.

Alternatively become a heroin addict. You will feel all soft and fuzzy from the heroin and won't hear any noise as you will be in a heroin-induced coma. It's win-win.

[alan nagsworth]

Have you considered murder? You know, killing everyone.

[Barry Admin]

Have you considered murder? You know, killing everyone.

Yes. It feels like my life is basically ruined.

[Neomod]

Maybe they are friends you just haven't met yet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRXyYuslTfg

Otherwise, keep a log of the noise, times, length, level etc as the council will need evidence.¹

_{1. Comes with the caveat that this comes from my experience temping at Camden council in the early 90's so may be out of date.}

[the]

I'm not very good at situations like this either, so feel free to ignore whatever I say, but:

First thing to remember is that this situation is not the same as the old (dangerous) situation, this is just a noisy young twat. So don't collapse into re-animating your old feelings in this current situation.

Secondly, he's only just moved in, so try having a word (preferably when he's on his own). Young people who are being twatty usually continue to do so because they don't realise the impact they're having on surrounding people, due to youthful ignorance and self-centredness.

You've got the dimensions to be taken seriously - and in having a word, it's just about striking the right level between being polite and making it obvious that you're getting fucked off and you just want to get on. With any luck, he'll feel a bit embarrassed and apologetic.

If it then carries on, try again. At this point you should get a feel for whether you're being ignored or antagonised, or if he's just plain thick.

That's probably the point you should get the council / landlord involved. Breach of tenancy agreeement innit.

If it gets to that point (hopefully not), might be handy to have some sound recording device about the place so you can prove what a fucking racket is going on.

[Sebastian Cobb]

^this^ although it's clearly winding you up, your current description of events paints them as 'a bit inconsiderate' rather than 'actively cuntish'.

[alan nagsworth]

Yeah, I would also say that you should keep as extensive a log of their activities as you can. Write down times the ruckus starts and (if at all) ends, possibly even get evidence in photographic or audio form, just be a complete anal bastard about it. And hound the living fuck out of the council. Call them up once a week, extensively stress how much of a misery this is making your life, go into detail about how it's affecting your mental health, all that. Don't ever let yourself be convinced that your efforts are in vain. At the very least, it will feel like you are making productive steps towards solving the problem. If it's keeping you awake all hours, I reckon it's better to fill the time with retaliation measures than just sitting about absolutely despairing, because I know how fucking shite that feeling is.

Also if you're going to have a word with them, make sure you do it at a time when they're on their own, preferably sober, and more willing to listen to you. Keep it calm, don't mouth off, and stress how difficult it is to live with the problem.

[Steven]

Otherwise, keep a log of the noise, times, length

Pancreas has a similar log book.

[RenegadeScrew]

You could bang on tunes in the morning when they are going to sleep, so at least they won't get much sleep either.  If you've got a subwoofer get it on full blast and get some bass-heavy stuff on the go.

If that works as well as the council, you could go full on vendetta like hiding some shite under his doormat so it stinks like shite at his door, or post it through.  Or pour some paint through the letterbox when he's out.  Superglue or something on his buzzer button if possible.  Find a sympathetic locksmith (or learn the skills) then change the locks when he's out.  Slowly escalate all this to stabbing.

Or do it cyber-style and hack into his wifi, then his PCs and hopefully mobile.  Slow his internet to a halt and use it for yourself.  If the PC is generally left on, get it mining some crytocurrency for you.

Better still, combine a bit of both methods.

If you could break his buzzer and block all calls on his phone by hacking it, then his friends wouldn't be able to get in touch with him at all.  He might end up having to communicate by letter.  At this point, you can employ the dog shit technique to hopefully persuade the postman away.

[Dr Syntax Head]

Keep detailed logs and try to get recordings of and grief that goes on. It's harsh what you're going through and in my experience it's important to have as much evidence as possible

[the]

You could bang on tunes in the morning when they are going to sleep, so at least they won't get much sleep either.  If you've got a subwoofer get it on full blast and get some bass-heavy stuff on the go.

If that works as well as the council, you could go full on vendetta like hiding some shite under his doormat so it stinks like shite at his door, or post it through.  Or pour some paint through the letterbox when he's out.  Superglue or something on his buzzer button if possible.  Find a sympathetic locksmith (or learn the skills) then change the locks when he's out.  Slowly escalate all this to stabbing.

Or do it cyber-style and hack into his wifi, then his PCs and hopefully mobile.  Slow his internet to a halt and use it for yourself.  If the PC is generally left on, get it mining some crytocurrency for you.

Better still, combine a bit of both methods.

If you could break his buzzer and block all calls on his phone by hacking it, then his friends wouldn't be able to get in touch with him at all.  He might end up having to communicate by letter.  At this point, you can employ the dog shit technique to hopefully persuade the postman away.

Yep, that's the way to deal with it - don't use diplomacy, act like a bully, needlessly escalate the situation, and give the council/landlord 50 reasons to sling you out instead.

[willpurry]

Have you considered murder? You know, killing everyone.

[buttgammon]

I agree that it's a good idea to keep as many detailed records of this as you can and keep the pressure on the council to do something.

My neighbours upstairs are a total pain in the arse. It's a woman and her two daughters, one of whom is about fourteen and the other is about ten. They're never in school, and make a lot of noise in the day, particularly their shitty music. For most of the week, I'm doing college work at home, and hearing that awful "something something in Havana" song being played at deafening volume on repeat isn't conducive to helping me concentrate. My girlfriend and I put a note through their letterbox and to be fair, the music has stopped for the last few days. There was a hammering noise coming from their flat at about 7 o'clock this morning, and I'll be very pissed off if that continues.

Although we only mentioned the music in the note, because it was the most pressing concern at the time, their general behaviour has been atrocious. About a year ago, we would heard them arguing and screaming and shouting quite a lot. From bits and pieces we could hear, we pieced together that the eldest daughter is out of control. The constant screaming stopped, but there have been flashpoints since. A couple of months ago, she had been locked out of the balcony (presumably to calm her down) and was going mad at her mum and sister, banging on the windows and doors, and screaming abuse at them. At the end of last month, my girlfriend heard shouting in the street late at night and went on the balcony to have a look. The girl was going absolutely ballistic with another girl; her mum was on the balcony shouting at her to get back up, but she was totally out of control. The other girl flagged down a taxi, and the girl from upstairs hurled a bottle of vodka at the car as it drove off.

I've often felt sorry for the mum and sister considering they have to deal with this, but the other day, I found out that while I was away last year, my flatmate heard a knock on the door one morning and saw the mum standing there with a big pot full of water. She was ranting and raving about someone from downstairs who had given her daughter a bollocking about something or other the previous night, and asked if she was the person. My flatmate had been out the night before, and didn't know anything about this. Naturally, she just said no and shut the door, but it was a very strange episode, not least because the girl had almost certainly deserved it.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

1) Log each instance meticulously and where possible make recordings - what was going on, how long it was going on for, what you did about it and importantly - the effect it had on you. Then, whatever bad effect it had on you mentally, physically, multiply it by 5 times/10 times in your description - Remember, deep down the council don't want to have to do anything, and will therefore only intervene in urgent/repeat cases. Sadly embellishing the truth is necessary to reach that threshold as many personal tales will attest to.

2) The council will expect you to take your own steps to escalate your own personal attempts to resolve the situation, namely:

- Verbal requests made face to face
- Speaking with any other members of the house about it where possible
- If it continues another more formal request making it clear you have previously asked them not to do x thing after a certain time, and setting out reasonable hours where you expect peace and quiet
- If it continues, a warning to not persist any further as you will be henceforth noting down each instance where this reoccurs and reporting it to the council and to the freeholder/their agents
- Contacting the letting agent if it is a private tenant, even better the landlord if possible explaining they are in breach of the terms of their tenancy - quite often troublemakers tend also to have poor relationships due to arrears, failing to upkeep the premises and it may provide due ammunition to serve them with eviction

In nearly all cases this escalation ought to be sufficient.

The best advice is to make contact in person with your neighbour as quickly as possible - ideally the very first time it happens as this is the best chance you have of establishing a respectful relationship with that person and quietly setting out ground rules without it being taken badly. Primarily though because it brings your existence into their mind, which is gold dust in situations like this.

[WestHill]

You could download a sound-level meter app for your phone to take objective readings of the ambient noise level. You could then screenshot the readings, or I'm sure more complex apps would take readings over time, which you could present as evidence.

[canadagoose]

I lived in a very, very bad estate where the paramilitaries were always bursting in to the building to get at the cunt downstairs, and I'd see cars being burnt out, and people running about with guns at one point, and the building got set on fire

Jesus! That sounds awful. I'm honestly not being facetious here, but could you possibly have PTSD from those incidents? It might explain the lack of sleep and anxiety. Of course, it's the twat neighbour at fault here, but I guess you could get help on both fronts, i.e. from the council and from a medical professional.

I've not got much experience with councils dealing with noise. The last time I had continuous noise issues, I didn't even think of calling them, because I was younger and more naive. At the moment, I've got a slight problem with drunks gathering on a bench nearby and making a racket. They're not within the grounds of our flats, but I can hear them clearly from the living room and bedroom, and it's a pain. Apparently here you're supposed to just call the police on 101 if you have noise complaints, so it's maybe a bit different.

[im barry bethel]

Have you thought about inviting him up for a beer and telling him what a noisy cunt he's being?

(If it's his first time away from home he might not realise)

[Emma Raducanu]

As Tony Blair might have put it

Communication communication communication

I once parked my car only to return and find someone had parked at an obscure angle, so close to mine that I couldn't open the door.

I wrote a brief but firm letter instructing that they learn to park properly and posted it behind their windscreen wiper.

Never had any problems since.

[biggytitbo]

Have you thought about inviting him up for a beer and telling him what a noisy cunt he's being?

(If it's his first time away from home he might not realise)

Or bum him.


Nothing makes me rage more than inconsiderate neighbours, I can totally understand why some people lose their shit and do stupid stuff. It's not even the noise that annoys me the most, its the the persons lack of consideration for other people. I currently live opposite a building site that makes a racket 12 hours a day 6 days a week, and that doesnt bother me at all, but the person next door constantly banging or playing loud music makes me want to go on a killing spree.


Thankfully I'm moving soon, but if my new neighbour turns out to be noisy I may have to kill them and myself and burn both houses down.

[canadagoose]

I may have to kill them and myself and bum both houses down.

Would that make you a home-o-sexual?

[im barry bethel]

I currently live opposite a building site that makes a racket 12 hours a day 6 days a week, and that doesnt bother me at all, but the person next door constantly banging

You're only jealous

[ollyboro]

I don't understand why noisy neighbours can't be a matter for the poiice. The first time they pop round and witness unruly behaviour, they should issue a warning. If it happens again, within say a fortnight, they should arrest the ignorant cunts. It's reasonable for people to have the occasional piss up, but when it happens nightly....

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

In fairness biggytitbo's neighbours have to listen to his toilet activities.

[Twed]

Here you go Barry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRXyYuslTfg

[Shay Chaise]

I confronted my neighbour about her noisy grandkids last year and although our previously quite warm relationship is now basically a fake smile and quick word or two in passing, I am so relieved I did it. Since then, I've only occasionally heard a peep out of them and I've heard her tell them off when they're being noisy, so she's at least got the message. I would have no qualms about reporting her to the police and council if it ever starts up again. Just be polite about it, give clear expectations and record absolutely everything. Then follow the advice of the council/Feds. It's a nightmare situation but you can take control of it. Best of luck mate. Best case scenario, the lad gets ebola.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Plan #2 -

Go dark

• - First incident
  Knock on door. Get up in grill. Outright threat, no second warning and no compromise.
• - Second incident
  Batter door down. Baseball bat. Go absolutely apeshit. Trash equipment, steal a possession. Point end of bat threateningly.
• - Third incident
  Brick through window. Set garden on fire. Wait for the resident to leave the property then sneak in and gas a pet. Corpse head through hole in sofa. Note on table pointing out that you will always escalate this to a more extreme degree than he will
• - Fourth incident
  Tell the EDL it is the home of a Pakistani paedophile grooming gang. Concurrently inform Antifa that the EDL are about to launch an unprovoked attack on a transexual mental health worker. Call the police.
  
• - Fifth incident
  Kick the living shit out of the fucking cunt and hover over him as he bleeds. Mutter a threat to his life and make sure some phlegm gobs out onto him to ensure onward compliance.
• - Sixth incident
  Dig a grave in his garden and slaughter him with some salvaged mining equipment, carefully depositing the evidence in the grave. No more disturbance, ever.
  

[Mr Brightside]

Sneak into their home at night and put broken biscuits in their shoes.