The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud II: The GUFFAWther Part 2

[mothman]

Re: online shopping substitutions.

A few months back my mum ordered a "sorry for your loss" card which was substituted for a "get well soon".

Absolutely true, still makes me chuckle.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

oh that's good

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Enjoyed ALW's semen shanty

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

Looks like Kevin Costner got in a teleporter with a heron

[canadagoose]

Well this is certainly a startling reinvention of the Wanking Monk character.  Did Boris have asparagus for dinner last night?

[Kankurette]

Graham should try using sock puppets so it doesn't end up all over his trousers

[touchingcloth]

[jenna appleseed]

By idunnosomename
https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,87435.msg4641050.html#msg4641050

A long long time ago, I can still remember
When Glinner used to make us smile
I thought if we gave him a chance
He would back down on his flounce
And maybe he'd be funny for a while

But 2020 made me shiver
With every sick tweet he'd deliver
Groomers on the timeline
I couldn't read one more line

I can't remember if I gave a shit
When I heard his wife had dumped the git
You could say it was deserved karma
The day the cunt went... bananas

So bye bye my old twitter replies
Took my Business to the Bureau but was cruelly denied
No one on our side, on this tactic relies
Stay bananas till the day that I've died

[Theremin]

Just been re-reading the Tom Moore Megathread, which I missed at the time.

It's the Rosetta Stone for understanding CaB.

I particularly love how the ratcheting up of spleen between posts #1 and #6.

1#:

This guy deserves his own thread.

He's 99 years old, served in World War 2, and last week he set out with a modest target of raising £1,000 to help the NHS by completing 100 laps of his Bedfordshire garden by Thursday this week using his walking frame (I think he's aiming to do 10 laps a day).

He's so far raised over £8m, which is fucking incredible.  Watch his response to raising £5m on the video in this BBC article:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-52290976

Here's the link to his donation page, should anyone feel inclined to donate:

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tomswalkforthenhs

Then suddenly #6:

edit: removed stuff about his war rapes

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Just been through the first 40 pages. Averaged about 3 laugh out louds per page, incredible. Great days.

[idunnosomename]

It would be good to remind him that at 99 years old he is very shortly scheduled to die.

spookily prophetic.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Pure intuition, that. Sometimes it pays to listen to your gut. If anyone else knows a 99 year old let me know and I will be able to tell you whether they will soon die.

[chveik]

i really hope he pulls through though

[buttgammon]

It's not fair that Major Tom is at death's door when Prince Philip is still going on strong and destined to live for another century, if not more.

[Dex Sawash]

zetetic and cobb had me chuckling about bikes in the balloon thread but this

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hill
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rain
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luggage
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweat

[jenna appleseed]

Four wheels on my bedstead
And I'm still Rowling along

[madhair60]

McRib with Szechuan sauce. wubalubaba im a pickle morty

[Captain Z]

[SpiderChrist]

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on Today at 06:17:03 AM

    Old ladies sitting in deckchairs eating ice creams and sunbathing


... is no basis for a system of government

[Sebastian Cobb]

There's no way David Baddiel even knows what a bird is let alone a blackbird. He thinks a pineapple is hair.

[Sonny_Jim]

Shouldn't laugh, but regarding the Plymouth shootings:

Fucking hell he killed his Mum.

That bit really upset me. Read on the BBC site that people used to see him helping her out with her shopping at Lidl but also that they had quite a challenging relationship. Poor poor woman, hope it was quick.

It's unlikely to have been sadly, they never have enough checkouts open.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Horrific but maybe the funniest post ever made

[Povidone]

moley madhair's done it again

I don't say this to attack you specifically but I think this sort of misrepresentation makes us look bad and ultimately harms the cause.

Graham doesn't have a wife.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

A certain post on this page made me laugh until I was hoarse and I'm too much of a coward to admit which one.

[Chedney Honks]

Jimmy Savile Cranial Nerve Exam.

Genuine laugh out loud.

[Kankurette]

Steve Bruce looks like mashed potato that was hit by gamma radiation and became some outcast superhero.

[madhair60]

Did she think I was born in the fucking future?

[Tony Tony Tony]

From the Banksy thread...

I take my hat off to you SGN.

[pigamus]

I was watching one of those videos where they give a deaf baby a hearing aid and it hears its mother's voice for the first time and you see all the pure emotions across baby's face.  Nothing.

[The Mollusk]

From the "BBC Casualty in the 1980s" thread

.
Highlights I remember:

*cold open that featured a couple arguing over breakfast, with the camera bopping back and forth between the arguing couple, baby child in its high chair, barky dog weaving in and out of the people and chair, lots of things sizzling on the stove, then the younger son comes in and blasts dad with a shotgun.

*Harry Harper up on the roof, trying to talk a young girl down who is having a moment, and has climbed a bit of scaffolding. He tries in his wooden way to tell her that life always has options, please come down, it'll be a brighter tomorrow. She cries at last that she believes him, and wants to start over, but she can't, she can't come down. Why not, says Harry, come on, no excuses. I can't! I really can't come down! she cries. No, no, says Harry, of course you can. No, no I can't, she says, pulling on hand away from the other: 'I've nailed my hand to the wall!'

It's the fact that they're real examples which is extra great.