A thread for moaning on and on about how the Marvel films are shite

[Goldentony]

fuck off discussing this shite dickhead films in here, fucking hell, spiderman is worse than gary ridgway, utter tit film, waste of hard drive space, waste of fucking imax space, goatse live in 4k, tke the kids to that before I go to see thor

[bgmnts]

I wish I could explain why, say, the first three Star Wars films are amazing yet the current assembly line of Marvel's adventure schlock fests are not amazing.


I want to believe there are genuine differences but it's probably just age and that depresses me.

[Replies From View]

I think that if the first three Star Wars films were exactly the same film but with a personality void at the centre with the power of wielding a hammer, and the next one just had the power of wielding a frisbee, they'd probably be less amazing too.

[Dex Sawash]

What subforum will @popcorn take over next?

[Crenners]

Marvel films still shite

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Marvel films still shite

Agreed; they haven't improved.

[Replies From View]

I think that if the first three Star Wars films were exactly the same film but with a personality void at the centre with the power of wielding a hammer, and the next one just had the power of wielding a frisbee, they'd probably be less amazing too.

To clarify - this doesn't mean that I hate playing the games 'pin the hammer on the donkey' and 'frisbee', but they are not spectator sports, and Marvel are very stupid to think they are.

[Crenners]

Imagine watching one of these and then pretending to get on with your day like a real person

[Dr Rock]

Cenners, where do you stand on the films of Wes Anderson?

[Crenners]

Cenners, where do you stand on the films of Wes Anderson?

I don't like them at all.

I acknowledge that his films have a distinct visual identity and a carefully crafted voice. I find them lifeless, dull and hollow.

[Dr Rock]

Well we're on the same page there at least

[madhair60]

fantastic mr fox is good

[evilcommiedictator]

I want to believe there are genuine differences but it's probably just age and that depresses me.

In each subsequent movie there is less Jar Jar, which is a clear improvement

[Crenners]

Well we're on the same page there at least

I don't really have an opinion on the mcu, to be honest. I can't remember ever seeing one of the films. The first Raimi Spiderman? I don't know if that's mcu but I enjoyed them twenty years ago or whatever. Spiderverse was spectacular. I seem to remember a film with hulk smashing a guy in the floor and laughed at that. I'm sure they're entertaining enough.

I just don't really like superhero stuff or the comics I've tried so I'm not interested in the films or characters.

[Replies From View]

Isn't it just the fact that superheroes are comprehensively covered by Spider-Man, Superman, Batman and a few token girl ones, and all the rest are increasingly diminishing returns?


Superman can rebuild walls with his eye zapping powers, so what's the point having HyperBuilder alongside him?

[Crenners]

I like some of the Bat-man movies, really enjoyed rewatching the Burton one last year and then the Nolan trilogy. Very entertaining.

If I enjoy some Spiderman and some Bat-man I suppose I can say I do enjoy the mcu.

[Replies From View]

We're straying more into DC universe territory here, but did you know that "Batman" is short for "bathroom"?

And in America did you know that "bathroom" is a euphemism for "toilet room"?

It's because when they were first coming up with the name of Batman all they could think about was a bat signal that lured everyone up inside Batman's anus where they immediately started pissing and shitting and putting on make-up and things.


Interesting isn't it.  Also, he doesn't use a gun.

[touchingcloth]

"Batman! Is that a gun in your pocket, or..."

"OK. Yeah, so. It's the 'or'. Tiny narrow bat penis, angry and red and just aching to fill you full of hot white novel coronavirus.

I'm Batman."

[Replies From View]

YOUR PENIS IS DOUBLE-A, BATMAN!

THANKS BRO!

IT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT, DURACELL COCK!  *drives off*

[touchingcloth]

Have you ever panicked that you might unexpectedly encounter a Batman, for example if he comes into the shop or restaurant where you work and says "I'm Batman"?

To put both yourself and Batman at ease and avoid embarrassments, simply say "I have an aunt who's a Batman".

[Goldentony]

how many of these Spiderverse films are they going to get out of the idea but with other characters? IRL Spider's Man has been done and now Dr Nonce, do we get a multiverse that allows I, Ron Man back?

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Iron Man except he spends the entire film jammed to a magnet.

[dissolute ocelot]

Until Spider-Pig gets his own movie, Marvel will always be shit.

[touchingcloth]

Iron Man except he's Sherlock Holmes except Sherlock Holmes is Charlie Chaplin except Charlie Chaplin is munted off his face on cocaine and booze.

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I'd prefer Buster Keaton please

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Dr Strange except he isn't even that weird, to the extent that other characters routinely remark that he is a very normal man in all respects.

Captain America except he is Swiss.

[Crenners]

Imagine watching these films and talking to other people who watch these films and going about your day thinking "I'm not a cunt"

[Magnum Valentino]

State of this thread, wise up lads.

[Crenners]

I'm pretty sure that past the initial discussion, there's almost no serious posts in the thread.

Apart from all mine.

[Replies From View]

The Incredible Hulk except he is a different colour - yellow for example!

Thor except he has a screwdriver instead of a mallet



Any characters left?