Weirdest Dreams II

[Baxter]

I have a recurring dream since I was about eight years old:

I'm in a large hay barn in the middle of the night yet the moon is streaming amber light through the cracks and skylight, can't move or can only move very slowly as human-sized rats wearing thick brown hooded cassocks devour chunks of flesh from my arms and legs. The last time I had it my girlfriend woke me up because I was screaming in my sleep.

Any artistic recreations of this would be greatly appreciated in fact that's such a good idea I'm going to try to draw some of the other dreams in this thread.

[alan nagsworth]

I can't mention any of the dreams I have, for fear of being imprisoned for a 'thought crime'.

Really? Judging by this:

I once had a dream where I was snogging Britney Spears. She was dressed in that blue t-shirt and shorts combo from the 'Sometimes I Run' video.

The weird part was that I wasn't me in the dream, I was the pop star/actress Billy Piper, dressed in the red cat suit she wore when she was part of the Abba medley at the Brits a few years back.

I should mention that I am male.

...I'd say you have nothing to worry about.

[falafel]

I dreamed I had Alzheimers last night. What worries me is that I can't remember much else about it.

[Still Not George]

Last night I dreamed that I'd discovered EA was a front for the mafia (hence them getting all the big sports licenses, as all the sports orgs were mafia-riddled too) and they'd sent hitmen to silence me before I could talk. Luckily I woke up after they cornered me in a banana plantation.

[buttgammon]

I had an extremely bizarre dream last night where I was in my old RE classroom from about 3 years ago, and got into a loud and unpleasant argument with a the teacher, who I didn't actually recognise and never did teach me. It was a lot stranger at the time than it sounds in writing. I remember waking up, feeling thoroughly freaked out at about 9am and then going back to sleep.

[Ambient Sheep]

I had a dream the night before last in which I was wandering around some vaguely concrete building trying to find DVD boxed sets of all five seasons of some show or other...

...With the music fading fast, I woke up properly, sat up to write it down and suddenly remembered that in real life I can't play music, much less transcribe it. I was quite angry about that and didn't go back to sleep for some time.

That's a wonderful story!

[Mister Six]

Thanks! I didn't think it was too wonderful at the time, mind you...

[trotsky assortment]

The other night I had a dream where Andy Partridge of XTC came to stay at my house and attempted to steal my stuff.  I kept having to tell him in a patronising tone 'now, c'mon, you know that's not yours...put it back.'

[buttgammon]

A few nights ago, I had a dream that was nothing short of weird.

In this dream, there was a huge, medieval style banquet in my aunt's hall. The hall is overlooked by a balcony type thing which acts as a landing and I spent the whole time up there, looking down on everybody, because virtually everyone I know was at the banquet. However, I was only there to fit laminated flooring and help out with the construction of a recording studio upstairs, so I got annoyed when a friend sidetracked me to have a drunken argument about Pink Floyd over a goblet of mead. In the meantime, somebody I really dislike (an Inuit-hater who I almost had a fight with yesterday 'in real life') had constructed the entire recording studio from scratch and put flooring in the other room, so he got lots of money and kudos from all of my family. I spent the rest of the time watching him being patted on the head and being told "Why can't you be like Jonny? He does things for us just out of the goodness of his heart. You're our nephew and you just come hear to get drunk you little twat!"

I've had some weird dreams but that is one of the strangest.

[Kays]

I dreamt Drew Carey was trying to bone me.  I woke myself up before he could. 

[LeboviciAB84]

I recently dreamt, on consecutive nights, that Emma Thompson and Fred MacAulay had died. Since then, neither of them has died.



. . . SO FAR.

[Ambient Sheep]

I've just had an early-evening nap </pipe-and-slippers> in which I dreamt that Maddie McCann had been found dead, buried in England somewhere just outside Liverpool.  Or maybe just outside Milton Keynes; the dream didn't seem to be able to make its mind up on that one.

It's not really weird, but it just happened, and this handy thread was here, so I thought I'd type.

[neveragain]

I was in a car crash with Cosmo Kramer last night. Broke both our hips.

Had some pretty strange dreams after that I can tell you, arf arf arf!

[chocky909]

A few nights ago, I had a dream that was nothing short of weird.

In this dream, there was a huge, medieval style banquet in my aunt's hall. The hall is overlooked by a balcony type thing which acts as a landing and I spent the whole time up there, looking down on everybody, because virtually everyone I know was at the banquet. However, I was only there to fit laminated flooring and help out with the construction of a recording studio upstairs, so I got annoyed when a friend sidetracked me to have a drunken argument about Pink Floyd over a goblet of mead. In the meantime, somebody I really dislike (an Inuit-hater who I almost had a fight with yesterday 'in real life') had constructed the entire recording studio from scratch and put flooring in the other room, so he got lots of money and kudos from all of my family. I spent the rest of the time watching him being patted on the head and being told "Why can't you be like Jonny? He does things for us just out of the goodness of his heart. You're our nephew and you just come hear to get drunk you little twat!"

I've had some weird dreams but that is one of the strangest.

Good one Buttgammon. You have a good memory for the details. I haven't remembered a dream for yonks and yonks.

[buttgammon]

It's the first one for a very long time I have remembered. I always had a good memory for dreams until I decided to start writing a diary of them. I started this in December and have only recalled about 6 since.

Edit:

My dream diary does have one gem though.

I sit at my bedroom window, looking out. It is just before Christmas. A man, who has been standing outside talking to people on the other side of Holt Road, tries in vain to get people up my road to accept a frozen pizza which is piled high with pepperoni and grated cheese. He eventually dangles it on a long rod or pole, bashes it against my kitchen window and my mother presumably accepts it.

[Ginyard]

I'm in a large hay barn in the middle of the night yet the moon is streaming amber light through the cracks and skylight, can't move or can only move very slowly as human-sized rats wearing thick brown hooded cassocks devour chunks of flesh from my arms and legs. The last time I had it my girlfriend woke me up because I was screaming in my sleep.

Scorpio on top of Libra says: Your failure to become a baptist could have serious consequences


I haven't had a bad dream for years, but I used to have a recurring one that terrified me. It concerned staying in a large house in Wisconsin (where I once went on holiday). I'm sitting with friends on the bottom floor, beautifully lit and white walls and furniture..nice and relaxing. I'm asked to go and grab something from a bedroom on the top floor so I go up the stairs and, as I go up, the stairs get narrower and narrower and darker and darker until I'm on the top floor. Once there, an old friend from school called Rob, who I've not seen in years, opens a door and his room is nice and bright in contrast to the dark, oppressive landing. He then shuts the door and I have to walk to the end of the dark corridor to the room at the end. All I remember before waking up is opening the door and having a very brief glimpse of dark purple wallpaper before I wake up screaming. I've no idea what is in the room but it scares the shit out of me.

Its indicative of the power of dreams that I can still recall this one vividly.

[chocky909]

I had a recurring dream when I was young where my granda was driving us along somewhere when all of a sudden I notice we're on a runway. Still pootling along with my granda unaware of the problem I notice that a space shuttle is approaching and set to land right on top of us. At this point I shriek in panic causing my granda to wildly steer the car off the road and suddenly we're plummetting down a 45 degree slope of thick green forest (the woods in Saltburn where I visited as a child) but it's seemingly bottomless and we just keep going faster and faster until it becomes unbearable and I wake up.

There was also another one (a one off I think) where I had to kill my cousin because he was a werewolf. I woke up crying.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I had the most frightening dream of my life the other night. I was stranded in a cabin in the countryside, and next to it was a disused military hospital that was used for injured and dying men in WWII. I kept catching glimpese of figures, including a deathly white bloated man wrapped in barbed wire who stared at me with gouged out eyes from one of the windows, and it all went a bit Jacob's Ladder (think the scene where he's being pushed along the corridor, but actually thinking it's happening to you). Cars kept going past but no-one would stop for me. There was one bit where I saw someone walk into the hospital and all these severed hands appeared and attacked them. Fortunately a bunch of American teenagers turned up and it became more like a cheesy horror flick, which wasn't so bad. Still fucking scary though.

[trotsky assortment]

Ms Trotsky dreamt fairly recently that she kicked an old friend to death against some park railings.  I still wonder if I should fear for my life.

[Captain Crunch]

Ms Trotsky dreamt fairly recently that she kicked an old friend to death against some park railings.  I still wonder if I should fear for my life.

Have no fear Trotters my man, it was her old friend therefore she was actually kicking her past to death and obviously her future is with you so it's all green lights, blue skies from here.  Basically.

And now I would like to share with you a dream I had just two nights ago which qualifies as one of my Best, Dreams, Ever.

So I was having sex with Michael Stipe in a hotel (it's great already) and it's during skinhead-and-sixpack circa Green Tour phase (even better) but then when I start paying attention, I realise his cock is about eighteen inches long and it's spraying out continually like a fire extinguisher (cor!)  I ended up soaked in it, along with the mattress, the floor and most of the walls as well (brilliant). 

Considering I normally dream about getting on buses and maybe measuring some skirting boards it qualifies as a really really decent dream.

[Goldentony]

There's a oub in the city centre here that i haven't been in for years, but recently had a dream i had become new owner of the place and to christen the bar i was trying desperately to get a blow job off Susan Kennedy from Neighbours. As she was about to go for it Will Smith rode in on a scooter and started muttering a laughing noise like he was an authority figure catching out some illegal activities, as i was about to scream the word "BASTARD!" the flor opens up from under me and lands me in an empty swimming pool in what looks like a giant disused factory which has somehow been kept miraculously clean through all the years of neglect, the pool starts to fill up with blood and for every inch of blood, the escape ladder edges slowly towards the sky.

I manage to escape onto the roof where i draw up some plans for a ramp

[olafr]

I've had a recurring dream from being about 7-ish (more than 30 years ago) that frightens me shitless, to be honest.

You know how the sun can be out but hang low in the sky and give everything a weird overcast feel, where everything feels wrong and muggy yellow? In the dream, I'm stood on a balcony of block of flats and the sky is like a big yellow bruise colour and in the near distance a fucking giant wall of grey water is heading towards me. I know from the wreckage in the water that it's torn through a big town or city already. I can see in my mind's eye how the top of this wall reflects the sun and kind of 'glitters'.

I'm not alone on this balcony either as there's a woman with me. When I was growing up, the distinctive look of this woman made me believe it was some weird fantasy about a friend of the family, my 'Auntie Marion' (Reni from the Stone Roses' mum, trivia fans) as she had a very similar look to the woman in my dream. Throughout the 70s and 80s she had dyed black hair, worn up and very heavy eye make-up - and she looked quite unlike anyone I knew as a kid. Back then in the mid-70s, I'd never knowingly seen a block of flats, let alone been in one or knew of anyone that lived in them. I wasn't even aware of tsunami until I was a good few years older at grammar school either - this was a good few years before the Discovery Channel &c!

In the early 1990s, I moved out of a residential spazz home into a block of flats as it was the default housing strategy for the mental health services. I found my new balcony faces towards Manchester a few miles in the distance. Then, a couple of years later, I got involved with the significant otter and when we got together she had big, bleached blonde, spikey hair. A couple of years later, when I was in hospital recovering from a load of operations, she turned-up with jet black hair and looked uncomfortably like my 'Auntie Marion': at the time she knew nothing about my recurring dream or knew what my 'Auntie Marion' looked like.

Fast forward a decade and the significant otter and I split up for a few brief months towards the end of last year, and, as self-serving as this sounds, I was kind of glad in a small way as I thought this broke my dream: no way could we be stood on my balcony watching a tsunami in my future. Then, before Christmas, we got back together and to be honest I think about this all the fucking time now.

[Caroline]

Last night after watching two episodes of The Wire before bed, I dreamed that Avon Barksdale was trying to kill me by landing on me with a helicopter.

[mister_enmity]

A couple of nights ago, I dreamt that I was aboard a freight train that was recently hijacked by this Ivan Drago person. He had strapped a bomb somewhere on it and intended to blow up the train along with its passengers for no apparent reason. As soon as I learnt this, I felt compulsed to escape. I managed to jump off at a depot where the train momentarily stopped, only for him to spot me and begin, unerring, sprinting towards me.

I just ran about anywhere, bewildered with intense fear, and eventually found myself in this warehouse, full of boxes and chairs and all kinds of miscellania; it was a labyrinth of sorts. Hiding myself was no big deal, but the guy somehow also miraculously appeared here  and directed himself, focused, to where I was. So I had to climbed out and begin maneouvring myself out and away as quickly as possible. After that, I was dancing about and around the warehouse, trying to elude him as best as I can. I distinctly remember having a difficult time of it, and not particularly succeeding in losing him in any way. I think what horrified me the most about it was the guy's hair. It seemed so vertical and domineering.

[Pylon Man]

The other night (and this was specifically the night before Clinton won Texas and Ohio, which is relevant) I dreamt I had been invited to Barack Obama's house. It was a modest affair, probably only slightly bigger than an average semi-detached house. I remember the sofa diagonally faced the front window. There was no front garden, directly outside was a pedestrianised street. Often people would look in the window, wave at Obama, he would smile and wave back and go to the front door for a chat. I remember thinking what a great exercise in democracy this was. Then, I was invited to Hilary Clinton's house, which was a much bigger house and also completely closed off to the public and staffed with advisors, in stark contrast to Obama's. Sometime between me leaving Obama's house and arriving at Clinton's, Clinton won the democratic nomination. When I got to her house, she was celebrating this, but then I pointed out that McCain was probably going to win because no-one liked her to which she replied "I know", without sounding at all surprised or disappointed.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I have a recurring dream where I'm in a futuristic American city. It's all identical skyskrapers which are a metallic green colour and glow in the dark. For some unknown reason David Caruso (NYPD Blur version) is with me, and we're being chased by a manic five year old with a machine gun. Every time we think we've escaped her, she manages to find us, and it seems only a matter of time before she'll kill us both. Fortunately I've woken up before she's had the chance so far.

Another, duller, one is where I'm at university and I'm supposed to attend a seminar. I've missed the first three already, so if I miss this one I'll be booted off the course, and yet I can never find the room it's in. This goes on for ages as the panic in me rises, until I inevitably wake up feeling oddly stressed by it.

And I get the infamous "about to do a school play but I haven't learnt the lines" one a lot, but then I know many people who do too.

[Galeee]

I was kind of glad in a small way as I thought this broke my dream: no way could we be stood on my balcony watching a tsunami in my future. Then, before Christmas, we got back together and to be honest I think about this all the fucking time now.

Have you considered moving to a basement flat?

About once a year, my brother is in my dream. It's not actually about him, he is just included in whatever action is going on at the time. Sometimes he is very helpful, other times we just chat & have fun. He used to have long hair in a ponytail, but I noticed he'd cut it off, the last time I saw him. He doesn't exist in my waking life. I wish he did.

[Suttonpubcrawl]

Another, duller, one is where I'm at university and I'm supposed to attend a seminar. I've missed the first three already, so if I miss this one I'll be booted off the course, and yet I can never find the room it's in. This goes on for ages as the panic in me rises, until I inevitably wake up feeling oddly stressed by it.

And I get the infamous "about to do a school play but I haven't learnt the lines" one a lot, but then I know many people who do too.

I get dreams of that sort all the time. When I was working as a research interviewer I kept getting dreams that I'd arranged an interview but completely forgotten to be there at the right time, or that I'd left my PDA at home or that I was miles away from where I was supposed to be whatever. Now I'm working as a courier I keep getting dreams that I'm late to deliver some package or I've lost something or I've got lost on the way somewhere or I've gone to completely the wrong place. These dreams aren't really interesting or weird, but I do wish I'd stop having them.

[explodingvinyl]

I had a funny half-waking dream a while ago.  The girlfriend woke up and had a shower in the process of going to work and I was kind of dozing.  I half woke up and I dreamt that she was filling her backpack with six-packs of beer.

"Why are you taking beer to work?"  I asked, at which point she turned around and laughed at me "Why are you taking beer to work? it's not a barbeque!" I insisted adamant and more than a little annoyed that she was laughing at me.

Then she made some toast and sat of the bed and fed me some and I was convinced that she was trying to feed me red lego bricks and promptly spat out the toast.

That was pretty weird.

I always do that! Well, I always used to do that.

I had one of those dreams last night, where something horrible happens and you can't move or do anything in your dream, so you have to forcibly wake yourself up and tell yourself that you're having a bad dream. So I did that, or I THOUGHT I had, then some old man came into my room, waving his cane in my face, and it became apparent that I hadn't actually woken up at all. So I had to wake up properly, but for some reason, it was really really difficult.

Argh! MY INSIDES ARE ALL WRONG!

[trotsky assortment]

So I was having sex with Michael Stipe in a hotel

I was surprised to see Stipey tucking in to a huge slab of birthday cake on The Thrills' DVD.  He looks like he's eaten nothing, ever.  At least not cake.