What Do We Really Know About Dinosaurs' Cocks?

[jutl]

It's unnerving to run up against the limits of our understanding. Topics that we feel are well understood - if not by ourselves then at least by mankind as a species - are often more mysterious than we imagine. So it is with dinosaurs. Respected minds in the field of dinosaurology like Steven Spielberg and Kenneth Branagh have gone a long way towards explaining the mysteries of their existence, but the one key question remains largely unanswered - what were their cocks like? Were they very big? Surely they were very, very big? How could they not have been absolutely enormous - particularly on a brontosaurus?

Of course, some people try to pretend that these issues are well understood, but a short examination of the provenance of such knowledge reveals a tissue of assumption and wishful thinking. Penises, howsoever mighty and scaly they may be, are not evidenced in the fossil record. What knowledge we can claim to have is deduced by looking at the cocks of dinosaurs' living descendants, specifically birds and crocodilians. Close study of these creatures suggests that dinosaurs may have kept their penises inverted internally within a structure called the 'cloaca', a kind of combined anus and urethra. To put it another way, they turned their cocks inside out and stuck them up their arses. If this model is correct, and years of squeezing crocodiles until their cocks pop out suggest that it is, then we must face the dismaying conclusion that dinosaurs' cocks were probably quite modest in their proportions.

How did this issue arise? Recently I have been investigating a pet theory of my own related to Tyrannosaurus Rex. It is clear to even the most misguided of dinosaurologists (such as Sir Richard Attenborough) that the anatomy of the T Rex suggests strong aggressive tendencies. Perhaps, I reasoned, it could be established that this situation arose through the T Rex's anatomical inability to have a wank, and consequently chill out a bit.

Can anyone help cast any more light on this topic?

[Famous Mortimer]

This is the best thread title ever.

[Jemble Fred]

Ducks don't wank, and some of them seem quite chilled. Think again.

[jutl]

Ducks don't wank, and some of them seem quite chilled. Think again.

They do say 'wank' quite a lot though: 'waaannnnk'. It's probably a meditation technique like Sting does.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

So David Icke's reptile baddies are really just consumed with penis envy.

[Suttonpubcrawl]

Ducks don't wank, and some of them seem quite chilled. Think again.

Oh, they're quite chilled are they?

When they pair off with mating partners, often one or several drakes will end up "left out". This group will sometimes target an isolated female duck — chasing, pestering and pecking at her until she weakens (a phenomenon referred to by researchers as rape flight), at which point each male will take turns copulating with the female. Male Mallards will also occasionally chase other males in the same way. (In one documented case, a male Mallard copulated with another male he was chasing after it had been killed when it flew into a glass window.)

[Jemble Fred]

Well they're not exactly up tight, let's put it that way.

[Morrisfan82]

To put it another way, they turned their cocks inside out and stuck them up their arses.

If only we could ask them: "D'yer ass-dick park?"

^*Shame*

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Rape Flight.

Soon to be a major motion picture, starring Ashley Judd and Nicholas Cage.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Ptero-dick-tyl

[Wiggy]

To put it another way, they turned their cocks inside out and stuck them up their arses.

This would explain why many dinosaur names end in 'saurus' - presumably derived from 'sore arse'.

[Backstage With Slowdive]

This ancient penis doesn't have an interesting history.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

SPC's mum knows everything about dinosaur cock, ask her.

[Ginyard]

JURASSIC PARK IV  -   opening scene

EXT:   JUNGLE   NIGHT

A pterodactyl flies overhead and knocks Dr Ian Malcolm out of a tree with its giant cock.

[stickiwee]

Soon to be a major motion picture, starring Ashley Judd and Nicholas Cage.

Trouser snakes on a plane.

[biggytitbo]

Dino-phrrwwooaaarrr-us.

[Wiggy]

T-Rex A Pum Pum

[biggytitbo]

Dildo-docus.

[Ginyard]

The-tosser-slapped-'er

[candlelightoptometrist]

I always thought that birds didn't have cocks, merely cloaca and/or pseudo-penises. I was surprised to read that some birds do;
the Argentine Lake Duck in particular is blessed with a rather impressive member.

[non capisco]

Huh. Where's the girth? That duck's cock is rubbish.

[biggytitbo]

I always thought that birds didn't have cocks, merely cloaca and/or pseudo-penises. I was surprised to read that some birds do;
the Argentine Lake Duck in particular is blessed with a rather impressive member.

Looks like he's twatting a worm.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

It's like one of those planes that refuel while in flight.

[samadriel]

T-Rex A Pum Pum

T-Rexer.

T barely knew 'er!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cerys]

Iguankadon.

[Epic Bisto]

Tubduck?

[Ginyard]

Dicklodocus

[Cerys]

Pteranodong.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Velocirapetor? He hardly knew 'er

[Ginyard]

Tyrannosaurus sex
Trycherrypops