Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => General Bullshit => Topic started by: Indomitable Spirit on March 31, 2021, 08:17:17 PM

Title: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Indomitable Spirit on March 31, 2021, 08:17:17 PM
How do people post on here so much everyday? Some people post all the time and the posts are generally really good. Smart. Insightful. Funny. A clear line of thought running from beginning to end. Their posts are really long too. So long I can't be arsed to read them most of the time, but I assume they're pretty good.

I reckon some people on here pump out 10,000 words a day that make actual sense. What the fuck?

I've just spent about 30 minutes trying to write a reply in the IDLES thread in Oscillations and all of my thoughts sort of congealed and collapsed into nothingness so I gave up. I'm not thick - I have thoughts in my head that I reckon are quite good - but the moment I try and collect and regurgitate them into actual, written sentences they don't make no sense no more.

I'm 37 by the way and I have read books, though I probably should read more I suppose. That might be it.

It's taken me nearly 25 minutes to write this shit post.

Can some of the good posters on here (not you) please advise?
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: bgmnts on March 31, 2021, 08:20:14 PM
I have nothing better to do.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Chedney Honks on March 31, 2021, 08:24:11 PM
No problem at all. I just go for a shit on work dime and bang em out. If I'm working from home, I'm shitting pretty much non-stop and raking it in. I almost consider posting on the john more of my job than the actual job itself which I do with my eyes closed (usually with a grimace as well while I'm squeezing yet another one out). I don't know if you have predictive keyboard as well because that has exponentially increased my rate of posts personally but Mavis Deacon Teaches Typing has also been recommended by a lot of posters who have more limits on both time and technology. Once you lower your standards to a certain degree that your thoughts no sooner enter your hollow skull than appear on the page, you will also 'step up your game' to  compete with some of the top posters. Back in the day it was all about the craft for me but I suddenly realised at some point that the faster I post, the less likely I am to be know what will come out and so I can also be entertained by it when I read it back, sometimes.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on March 31, 2021, 08:25:13 PM
I'm sorry I wrote such a long post, I didn't have time to write a shorter one.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Indomitable Spirit on March 31, 2021, 08:34:36 PM
Once you lower your standards to a certain degree that your thoughts no sooner enter your hollow skull than appear on the page, you will also 'step up your game' to  compete with some of the top posters. Back in the day it was all about the craft for me but I suddenly realised at some point that the faster I post, the less likely I am to be know what will come out and so I can also be entertained by it when I read it back, sometimes.

Good insider knowledge here. The time constraints of heavy posting has always been a mystery to me, but i guess I was viewing it through the prism of my own dogshit, finicky posting style. Nice to know the real key is absentmindedly smashing out a few hundred words whilst pebble dashing the work bogs. Will try this tomorrow.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: flotemysost on March 31, 2021, 08:41:45 PM
Yeah, I've often pondered the OP's question myself too. Wish I could one day be even a fraction as knowledgeable, well-read, cosmopolitan and generally cultured as some of you lot, and yet alongside finding the time to immerse yourselves in all these broad and catholic pursuits, you also write about it extensively, smartly and eloquently. Dunno how anyone does it.

I'm no good at multitasking, the idea of (for example) watching something/listening to something while penning semi-coherent thoughts about it at the same time feels nigh on impossible (I often find it hard even to listen to music while I'm working, just can't focus on both things at once and struggle to hear music as "background noise" - but that's a whole other topic in itself).

I also work from home at the moment but I've never ever browsed CaB while working, for a start I'd be terrified of being "outed" somehow, but also I'd just never get any work done - that's not to say I don't spend plenty of time pissing about on non-work websites, but to me much of the content in this place commands "deep" rather than "hyper" attention, a long read rather than a skim read.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: turnstyle on March 31, 2021, 08:44:48 PM
I employ a ghost writer to pen my posts. Same bloke who did Alan Sugar's autobiography.

He's really good. Quotes available on request.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Chedney Honks on March 31, 2021, 08:48:25 PM
to me much of the content in this place commands "deep" rather than "hyper" attention, a long read rather than a skim read.

Woah literally the exact opposite here. I read a few words about of the a sentence and then I get the an gist and just reply to what I assume they said. Don't think about it too much, most of these guys are charlatans, hacks, blowhole.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Inspector Norse on March 31, 2021, 08:51:00 PM
I know I can never reach the heights of erudition frequently evinced by some posters on here so I just scroll through their posting history and painstakingly put together my own posts by copying and pasting individual words from a selection of theirs. I figure that if I can take just one word from each different post, nobody will ever cotton on.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Jockice on March 31, 2021, 08:58:49 PM
I have no life. I barely have an existence. However I have a girlfriend.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: non capisco on March 31, 2021, 08:59:14 PM
Yeah, I've often pondered the OP's question myself too. Wish I could one day be even a fraction as knowledgeable, well-read, cosmopolitan and generally cultured as some of you lot, and yet alongside finding the time to immerse yourselves in all these broad and catholic pursuits, you also write about it extensively, smartly and eloquently. Dunno how anyone does it.

While I'm still in smoke blowing mode from the 'Now That's What I Call CAB' thread I think your posts are notably smart and eloquent, flotemysost.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Captain Z on March 31, 2021, 09:04:03 PM
I have no life. I barely have an existence.

That doesn't explain how you manage to encounter on average two celebrities per day.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: M-CORP on March 31, 2021, 09:27:06 PM
How do people post on here so much everyday? Some people post all the time and the posts are generally really good. Smart. Insightful. Funny. A clear line of thought running from beginning to end. Their posts are really long too. So long I can't be arsed to read them most of the time, but I assume they're pretty good.

I reckon some people on here pump out 10,000 words a day that make actual sense. What the fuck?

I've just spent about 30 minutes trying to write a reply in the IDLES thread in Oscillations and all of my thoughts sort of congealed and collapsed into nothingness so I gave up. I'm not thick - I have thoughts in my head that I reckon are quite good - but the moment I try and collect and regurgitate them into actual, written sentences they don't make no sense no more.

I'm 37 by the way and I have read books, though I probably should read more I suppose. That might be it.

It's taken me nearly 25 minutes to write this shit post.

Can some of the good posters on here (not you) please advise?

All I can say is I hear you - I rarely post, because I'm only a figure of authority on three things: Doctor Who, music I like, and chips. When I do post, it takes me far too long given its relative importance, and I always come away feeling I've contributed nothing but incoherent bilge, that's nowhere near as insightful or funny as what other people are saying.

Also feel like I've not read enough, and it took me 30 minutes to write this. Though that is admittedly down to an eBay offer getting in the way and distracting me.

Basically my advice is, don't worry, you're not the only one. Also, consult your local Citizens' Advice bureau. And don't kill otters. (That's what advice is, isn't it, Mummy?)
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: pigamus on March 31, 2021, 09:38:05 PM
Wish I did post like the proper posters. I can never be arsed.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: flotemysost on March 31, 2021, 09:51:23 PM
While I'm still in smoke blowing mode from the 'Now That's What I Call CAB' thread I think your posts are notably smart and eloquent, flotemysost.

Aw, cheers. Likewise to you!

Woah literally the exact opposite here. I read a few words about of the a sentence and then I get the an gist and just reply to what I assume they said. Don't think about it too much, most of these guys are charlatans, hacks, blowhole.

See, for me, much of the joy is in the detail - even in the most nonsensical whimsy or crass indulgence on here, there's often a subtle artfulness to the choice of words, however brief, that has to be absorbed in full to be really enjoyed. Not to crossover with the "Now That's What I Call CAB!" thread too much here, but something like for example poo's Eggdillis-9 for me gets that balance right, delightfully so.

I think generally it's pretty easy to see when someone's self-consciously going after that rambling, surreal, juxtaposing-big-clever-words-with-colloquialisms Blue Jam monologue tone, which admittedly may well be a sort of blue(jam)print for the overall "house style" here - but there's so much original, sharp, startling and plain hilarious content in this place I wonder that more of you lot aren't pro wordsmiths (especially given the amount of shite that does get published professionally, and after being proofread and edited and all).

Not necessarily exactly what this thread is about, I know, but I'm frequently astounded by the volume and quality of the content that many posters manage to bash out on a regular basis (they're all ahhhhh.)
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Wonderful Butternut on March 31, 2021, 09:55:31 PM
I can talk extensive amounts of bollocks about specific things that I'm interested in:

Star Trek
Liverpool Football Club
Certain periods in Irish history
Occasionally political stuff if I'm arsed.

Not much in the old brain case after that and it does take me a while to compose a long post and I usually butcher some sentence structure somewhere after rewording something.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Chedney Honks on March 31, 2021, 09:56:53 PM
flotemysost

I was being faux-glib, itself an incredibly studied and refined approach to posting which few can compete with.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on March 31, 2021, 09:59:39 PM
"Fuck it, post"

Words to live by. I always just assume that nobody reads my bits anyway, so why not post whatever I want?
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: pigamus on March 31, 2021, 10:05:03 PM
Always feels like pissing down the sink to me

That’s a terrible attitude I know, I mean how would the forum be any good if everyone thought like that
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: greenman on March 31, 2021, 10:09:32 PM
A good amount of my not very eloquent posting tends to be to stop my eyes melting from prolonged photo editing.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: All Surrogate on March 31, 2021, 10:21:47 PM
I seems to be trying to post more. Unfortunately it's mostly politics.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: lankyguy95 on March 31, 2021, 10:44:31 PM
They don't have to be cogent, articulate posts cock bum willy poo.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: flotemysost on March 31, 2021, 11:14:48 PM
flotemysost

I was being faux-glib, itself an incredibly studied and refined approach to posting which few can compete with.

See, I can only dream of unlocking such lofty meta-posting wizardry.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Dusty Substance on March 31, 2021, 11:31:22 PM
I've just spent about 30 minutes trying to write a reply in the IDLES thread in Oscillations and allf my thoughts sort of congealed and collapsed into nothingness so I gave up. I'm not thick - I have thoughts in my head that I reckon are quite good - but the moment I try and collect and regurgitate them into actual, written sentences they don't make no sense no more.

Mate, if it makes you feel any better, I do this all the time. I've been on CaB for a decade and have abandoned more posts than posted posts. Although I've never had a formal diagnosis of OCD, I'm pretty certain I'm on the "OCD spectrum" and it factors into almost any kind of writing I attempt. For example, I have to put an entire day aside to fill out job applications forms.

As for how others post so much, can't vouch for everyone but my CaB activity has exploded during lockdown, with 600 of my 1200 posts  made since February 2020. Despite a bit of bickering here and there, in all honesty, CaB's actually been a bit of a lifeline over the last year.

Just short of 15 minutes for two paragraphs :)
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Retinend on April 01, 2021, 07:41:23 AM
As for how others post so much, can't vouch for everyone but my CaB activity has exploded during lockdown, with 600 of my 1200 posts  made since February 2020. Despite a bit of bickering here and there, in all honesty, CaB's actually been a bit of a lifeline over the last year.

Likewise, my posting history could be neatly divided into "pre" and "post" COVID, and I signed up in 2009!

To answer the OP's question, "how do you post so much?": the answer is currently "lockdown and home office". Previously, the answer would have been "university and unemployment".
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 01, 2021, 07:58:27 AM
Woah literally the exact opposite here. I read a few words about of the a sentence and then I get the an gist and just reply to what I assume they said. Don't think about it too much, most of these guys are charlatans, hacks, blowhole.

wHAT This gUY said
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: TrenterPercenter on April 01, 2021, 08:40:43 AM
Not buying all of this "lockdown, working from home" balls, most serial posters have been pumping out the same level of posts for years. I reckon they are all doing bird for sex crimes.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Blue Jam on April 01, 2021, 09:25:31 AM
I seems to be trying to post more. Unfortunately it's mostly politics.

Can you post more pics of beautiful men with big dark eyes please? I miss those.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Head Gardener on April 01, 2021, 09:33:46 AM
posting pics is quicker & easier
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: TrenterPercenter on April 01, 2021, 09:45:40 AM
It's funny as there has just been grumblings over the length of some posters posts in another thread; I'm not sure if a series of one line Garyisms are any different though.  That being said I do reckon CAB could largely be distilled down to about 6-7 onomatopoeias for most threads


Grrrr!
Hmmm
Naaah
Grrrr!
Haw Haw!
Boo-hoo
Hmmm
Laaaaaads!


Maybe we should save the planet and just stick to these.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: phes on April 01, 2021, 10:18:04 AM
pride myself a being a bland and unremarkable poster. A necessary palate cleanser that serves to further accentuate the more remarkable posts.

your turn, don't fuck this up
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Retinend on April 01, 2021, 01:22:56 PM
pride myself a being a bland and unremarkable poster. A necessary palate cleanser that serves to further accentuate the more remarkable posts.

your turn, don't fuck this up

I'll take the compliment-bait: you're actually one of the best posters 🤗🤗🤗
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Jockice on April 01, 2021, 02:44:50 PM
That doesn't explain how you manage to encounter on average two celebrities per day.

They stalk me.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: thugler on April 01, 2021, 05:31:07 PM
I write poorly written posts without much time spent on them. Also I read the site while working currently as I am able to balance fucking about online and getting work done fairly easily.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Indomitable Spirit on April 01, 2021, 06:22:12 PM
All great insight here - deffo think I've just not been blessed with the "poster's mindset" and can't be arsed to put in the man hours to get any good at it. Too easily distracted, not clever enough, no confidence in my own opinions - you're never going to be one of the big boys with that sort of mentality.

Definitely think the "post whatever bollocks you like, no one actually cares" style some of the more seasoned heads have advocated is the way forward for me - as evidenced by this very post.


Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: TrenterPercenter on April 01, 2021, 06:29:54 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWWzFwDTVz4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWWzFwDTVz4)
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Tony Tony Tony on April 01, 2021, 06:39:22 PM
I try not to post long responses in case they make my computer too heavy.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Glebe on April 02, 2021, 01:50:20 PM
I've got too much spare time in lockdown an am hugely thankful to have CaB to spew me mad thoughts onto, but yeah, there's times when I get tired and depressed and arsed, mate.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Stonefish on April 06, 2021, 01:42:59 AM
WE ARE STONEFISH
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 06, 2021, 01:54:04 AM
I’m effortlessly funny and charismatic, and CaB is crying out to hear about my tribulations with sump pumps or the type of top soil I intend to put down in the back yard.

Once I understood that, I was able to really go for it.

Also I have a very addictive personality (and a cell phone), and tapping away my thoughts on here on a break between diapers and student shit is better than day trading or getting back on amphetamines.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on April 06, 2021, 04:09:28 AM
Your students shit themselves?
Also, diapers is a ghastly Americanism and you should feel bad for saying it.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 06, 2021, 01:33:43 PM
Your students shit themselves?
Also, diapers is a ghastly Americanism and you should feel bad for saying it.

I am a grad student and I regularly shit myself.

Annoyingly, the North American words for a lot of baby things are now stuck in my head as the default because that is where I come across them. Didn’t have much use for “nappies” (diapers) and “cots” (cribs) as a teenager in the midlands, but since having a child in Canada I’m constantly striving to find superior snow suits or an all-weather stroller.

Such is life.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: TrenterPercenter on April 06, 2021, 01:39:58 PM
Also I have a very addictive personality (and a cell phone), and tapping away my thoughts on here on a break between diapers and student shit is better than day trading or getting back on amphetamines.

Do you really write all your stuff on your cellphone? I've heard a lot of Cabbers say they do I can't fathom it but then I have a hard enough time writing on the laptop.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 06, 2021, 01:45:16 PM
Do you really write all your stuff on your cellphone? I've heard a lot of Cabbers say they do I can't fathom it but then I have a hard enough time writing on the laptop.

I have a really strict internal rule that the laptop is For Work; no games, no aimless browsing the internet, nada. I’ve never logged onto CaB via my laptop or PC - I am trying very hard to keep the subconscious realization that laptop internet (For Work Only) is the same internet as the fun internet on my phone that I muck about on.

If my lizard brain figures that out then I’ll never do any work ever again.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: TrenterPercenter on April 06, 2021, 01:49:59 PM
I have a really strict internal rule that the laptop is For Work; no games, no aimless browsing the internet, nada. I’ve never logged onto CaB via my laptop or PC - I am trying very hard to keep the subconscious realization that laptop internet (For Work Only) is the same internet as the fun internet on my phone that I muck about on.

If my lizard brain figures that out then I’ll never do any work ever again.

It's a good rule; I used to do this but I'm now using the laptop I work on; I'm usually quite busy so it doesn't cause these issues but it used too when I was a bit more prolific in my postings (though I've not been too bad recently).
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 06, 2021, 03:23:33 PM
It's a good rule; I used to do this but I'm now using the laptop I work on; I'm usually quite busy so it doesn't cause these issues but it used too when I was a bit more prolific in my postings (though I've not been too bad recently).

Being busy has not historically stopped me - I ran a made up Ricky Gervais choose your own adventure/RPG[1] on HS Art when I was working 70+ hour weeks a few years back.

This way though I can look at my phone, then stick it on a charger in the other room and I’m left with only work to fill my time. Another invaluable productivity hack for my obsessive brain during lockdown.
 1. and I think it was quite good? Though I was too exhausted to really determine that
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 06, 2021, 03:25:14 PM
NB: I am now putting my phone on a charger in the next room because I have 600 words to write and 2 loads of laundry to get through and the kitchen is a mess and I want to make a curry for tea... etc
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Chedney Honks on April 06, 2021, 04:07:55 PM
Not typed a post on anything other than phone or tablet in a good ten years.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 06, 2021, 05:36:51 PM
I just generally post shit photoshops and gifs.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on April 06, 2021, 06:17:45 PM
I just generally post shit photoshops and gifs.

That's fair enough. You have chosen to express yourself via the medium of art, rather than the medium of words.
Title: Re: How do you post so much, mate?
Post by: ProvanFan on April 07, 2021, 02:08:02 PM
Semi-lurkdom is the soul of wit