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That thread about that nonce or whatever

Started by Barry Admin, May 04, 2022, 05:17:46 PM

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flotemysost

Quote from: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on May 08, 2022, 09:53:28 AMYeah a fucking 17 year old can't even vote and is barely out of school. I don't think 21 year old college students should get in trouble for banging 17 year old freshmen but I do wonder why the hell a 30 or 40 something would cultivate a relationship with someone who has zero life experience. Oh look I just answered my own question.

This. I think the situation in the original thread was especially troubling because of the obvious (from the sound of it) mental/emotional vulnerability of the 17 year old, but even with the most self-aware/confident/intelligent/whatever person of that age, they just don't have the same life experience and social standing as someone in their mid-30s, and I guess I find it a bit odd that someone in their 30s (or older) would seek that out, over someone who's a bit more on the same level as them. (And as mentioned in the previous thread, even when I was an emotionally unstable self-harming teenager myself, I found it a bit fucking weird when a middle-aged man who I sort-of knew seriously asked me out on a date.) It's not the legality of it that bothers me, it's the motivation behind it, I just can't not find it creepy.

I'm 33 now, and on one of the... fruitier dating apps I've occasionally used, users' ages aren't shown on their profiles (unless they voluntarily mention it. And obviously it's all 18+), so you can't add a preferred age range. I get the odd message on there from guys who say they're 18/19/20, and even if I did find them attractive on a purely physical level, I just don't find it appealing at all, the idea of trying to flirt with someone that much younger - even for the most casual of situations, let alone anything more serious. (It also makes me laugh how many of these guys describe themselves as "VERY experienced Dom" - how old were you when you got into the scene then, eleven?! Again, don't find it appealing whatsoever).

I mean, each situation is different and as per my posts in the old thread, I don't think anyone who has a significant-age-gap relationship is automatically Saville or anything. On a broader cultural level I just really hate the widespread adultification of children and teenagers (especially when it's coming from adults who want to fuck them but play their motivation off as something more noble), I think it actually does the opposite of giving them agency.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

I've had girlfriends 11, 19 and 20 years younger than me they were all fit as fuck as well, and I like to think that I 'd still be regarded as a great bunch of lads regardless of this ( or people thinking I'm a cunt would be nothing to do with me girlfriend's age).
That finally stopped when I proposed a relationship with Her Who Plays Villanelle Features, and the first thing she said to me ( well, after she'd pointed out I was an ugly cunt with a crap personality)was " what about the age difference?" Then she asked me my actual age, as during all the time I'd known her I'd wisely not volunteered that information, and when I told her, well, if she'd been drinking a cup of tea from a fine bone China cup at the time, she'd have spat the fucker out. The last lady I was romantically involved with was a mere 7 years younger than me, impressive eh?


touchingcloth

I won't admit it, what's to say?
She won't relive it without pain
Pre-teen lover, yeah that's my mode
I got a bomb in my pocket and it's gonna explode
Will that sweet sixteen get on under my clothes? Lord, I pray

Nonce. Is it a crime?
I can't control myself
Nonce. It's not a crime
It's just sle-eazy.

OK cheers. This next one's about a man who went mental in a class full of teenagers, and it's called Jeremy.

touchingcloth

Quote from: flotemysost on May 08, 2022, 01:06:12 PMThis. I think the situation in the original thread was especially troubling because of the obvious (from the sound of it) mental/emotional vulnerability of the 17 year old, but even with the most self-aware/confident/intelligent/whatever person of that age, they just don't have the same life experience and social standing as someone in their mid-30s, and I guess I find it a bit odd that someone in their 30s (or older) would seek that out, over someone who's a bit more on the same level as them. (And as mentioned in the previous thread, even when I was an emotionally unstable self-harming teenager myself, I found it a bit fucking weird when a middle-aged man who I sort-of knew seriously asked me out on a date.) It's not the legality of it that bothers me, it's the motivation behind it, I just can't not find it creepy.

I'm 33 now, and on one of the... fruitier dating apps I've occasionally used, users' ages aren't shown on their profiles (unless they voluntarily mention it. And obviously it's all 18+), so you can't add a preferred age range. I get the odd message on there from guys who say they're 18/19/20, and even if I did find them attractive on a purely physical level, I just don't find it appealing at all, the idea of trying to flirt with someone that much younger - even for the most casual of situations, let alone anything more serious. (It also makes me laugh how many of these guys describe themselves as "VERY experienced Dom" - how old were you when you got into the scene then, eleven?! Again, don't find it appealing whatsoever).

I mean, each situation is different and as per my posts in the old thread, I don't think anyone who has a significant-age-gap relationship is automatically Saville or anything. On a broader cultural level I just really hate the widespread adultification of children and teenagers (especially when it's coming from adults who want to fuck them but play their motivation off as something more noble), I think it actually does the opposite of giving them agency.

I think if a friend brought a new girlfriend round and said "this is Nina, she's 17," I'd have pretty much the same reaction as if they went "this is Nina, she's our age but she's simple as fuck - it's like she has the mind of a 17-year-old!"

I wouldn't go to the police in either case, but it's probably the last time I'd have him round for Sunday lunch for a while. I'd leave it a good decade or two.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy


Replies From View

Quote from: flotemysost on May 08, 2022, 01:06:12 PMThis. I think the situation in the original thread was especially troubling because of the obvious (from the sound of it) mental/emotional vulnerability of the 17 year old, but even with the most self-aware/confident/intelligent/whatever person of that age, they just don't have the same life experience and social standing as someone in their mid-30s, and I guess I find it a bit odd that someone in their 30s (or older) would seek that out, over someone who's a bit more on the same level as them. (And as mentioned in the previous thread, even when I was an emotionally unstable self-harming teenager myself, I found it a bit fucking weird when a middle-aged man who I sort-of knew seriously asked me out on a date.) It's not the legality of it that bothers me, it's the motivation behind it, I just can't not find it creepy.

I suppose one answer to that - and this isn't to condone anything - is that not everyone has the same level of life experience when they reach a certain age.  It's quite probable for somebody in their 30s to believe that they have missed out on a lot of what life has to offer, and consider themselves more on the level of people 10+ years younger than people their own age.

I'm 42, and in lots of ways I feel locked into my early 20s version of myself as my body ages.  Meanwhile, throughout my 20s and 30s I had an aloof and distant persona and couldn't feel on a level with people my own age.  Always felt older than my peers, and yet younger at the same time, especially more recently as people my age have teenage kids and their own houses and jobs that'll see them out forever with decent pensions.

This isn't the same as being drawn or attracted to people significantly younger, though.  At some point you should strongly recognise that it's a younger generation there, rather than simply people your own age that you can't connect with.  Your brain automatically brackets them off as "children", even when they're 25 years old.

touchingcloth

Quote from: Replies From View on May 08, 2022, 02:27:20 PMI suppose one answer to that - and this isn't to condone anything - is that not everyone has the same level of life experience when they reach a certain age.  It's quite probable for somebody in their 30s to believe that they have missed out on a lot of what life has to offer, and consider themselves more on the level of people 10+ years younger than people their own age.

It would be pretty difficult for someone to reach their 30s with a 17-year-old's experience of navigating the adult world as an adult. Rita in Arrested Development, maybe.

Replies From View

In case you are wondering, the objective cut off point is anyone who could have seen Tellytubbies when they were a child.

Replies From View

Quote from: touchingcloth on May 08, 2022, 02:35:52 PMIt would be pretty difficult for someone to reach their 30s with a 17-year-old's experience of navigating the adult world as an adult. Rita in Arrested Development, maybe.

"Difficult" is your own projection.  Can you understand why they might?

flotemysost

Quote from: Replies From View on May 08, 2022, 02:27:20 PMI suppose one answer to that - and this isn't to condone anything - is that not everyone has the same level of life experience when they reach a certain age.  It's quite probable for somebody in their 30s to believe that they have missed out out on a lot of what life has to offer, and consider themselves more on the level of people 10+ years younger than people their own age.

Yeah, that's undoubtedly true - my friend (who I mentioned in the old thread) who was 25 when he started going out with a 16-year-old had never had a girlfriend before her, and they already knew each other well via a mutual hobby (which is also how I know them), though aside from the relationship stuff I'd say he was a pretty experienced and cosmopolitan person at that point. I'm sure that didn't stop people from judging him in that situation though.

16 and 25 isn't even as significant a gap as some of the other situations being discussed, but I still just can't imagine the idea of hanging out with a bunch of 16-year-olds (i.e. a partner and their mates) having any appeal when I was 25.



pigamus

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on May 08, 2022, 01:24:31 PMI've had girlfriends 11, 19 and 20 years younger than me they were all fit as fuck as well, and I like to think that I 'd still be regarded as a great bunch of lads regardless of this ( or people thinking I'm a cunt would be nothing to do with me girlfriend's age).
That finally stopped when I proposed a relationship with Her Who Plays Villanelle Features, and the first thing she said to me ( well, after she'd pointed out I was an ugly cunt with a crap personality)was " what about the age difference?" Then she asked me my actual age, as during all the time I'd known her I'd wisely not volunteered that information, and when I told her, well, if she'd been drinking a cup of tea from a fine bone China cup at the time, she'd have spat the fucker out. The last lady I was romantically involved with was a mere 7 years younger than me, impressive eh?



If you're an ugly cunt with a crap personality then how are you getting these attractive young women to go out with you?

The Mollusk

Wow this thread's ropey as fuck. Not that I'm surprised.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Barry should do a nonce subforum, considering how popular it is here.

Video Game Fan 2000



H-O-W-L

Quote from: touchingcloth on May 08, 2022, 02:09:48 PMI wouldn't go to the police in either case, but it's probably the last time I'd have him round for Sunday lunch for a while. I'd leave it a good decade or two.

Got pork for lunch on Sunday?

Armed Traffic Warden

I was 18 when I met and my wife, 20 years my senior; married now 15 years with 2 kids. Case by case is the only way to view anything that falls in the 'grey areas' of life. Concerns over those who are potentially vulnerable is understandable but equally a respect for others to make their own choices also comes into play. People who talk about absolutes about such things, either way, pollute conversations such as this.*
  Plenty of you seem to be speaking respectfully and thoughtfully on the issue. The rest are, hopefully, being flippant in their accusations.
  There's only two reasons that an age disparity in my relationship has caused a problem. The first is the practical fear I have of (probably)seeing the woman I love die and leaving me alone and unsupported in my last years. Secondly is when other people decide it's their business to give a shit about our ages to us. To be clear I don't mind people thinking whatever they might think but I do mind when they decide to pass down from on high their ill  thought out, self righteous bollocks. Largely consisting of 'well I can't imagine thinking of someone that age...' - then don't, fuck off. Vive la difference. It's just a way of saying i don't like what you're doing and I want you to know I'm judging you negatively on it. As before, case by case but I'd air on the side of keeping my nose out unless I had reasonable cause to suspect abuse in some form.

My apologies for waffling. Seeing as someone mentioned Teletubbies and this is supposed to be a comedy forum, one of my favourite 'stupid' jokes is:
Why do the Teletubbies always go to the toilet together?
Because there's only one Tinky Winky.

*That's absolutist statements other than the various ones I'm making of course. I'm great and never hypocritical.

*edit* Obviously I appreciate that the dynamic is slightly different to the ones being discussed due to the reversed genders of the young/old dynamic and the way that changes the framing of the power balance of the participants; but I think much of what I wrote still applies and besides I've written it now and it took a long to time to do on my phone so I'm not deleting it now.

Dex Sawash

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on May 08, 2022, 03:43:35 PMBarry should do a nonce subforum, considering how popular it is here.

Just change the B to an N

pigamus

Narry should do a nonce subforum, considering how popular it is here.

touchingcloth

Quote from: H-O-W-L on May 08, 2022, 04:53:21 PMGot pork for lunch on Sunday?

I actually do. Chinese style. How do you like them apples?

H-O-W-L


touchingcloth

Quote from: pigamus on May 08, 2022, 04:59:44 PMNarry should do a nonce subforum, considering how popular it is here.

Sunforum. 

Butchers Blind


willbo

thing is he didn't "seek it out". She chased him and worships him while he was getting dumped. I don't think he'd have gone after a teen if she hadn't come on so strong and taken all the initiative. But once he was sucked in, he was the one making the plans and setting up hideaways.

touchingcloth

What is love?

Looks like you just set one up yourself.

Butchers Blind


willbo

Quote from: touchingcloth on May 08, 2022, 06:13:16 PMWhat is love?

Looks like you just set one up yourself.

how did you know...?

Replies From View

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on May 08, 2022, 09:30:59 AMDating a young adult of legal age who happens to be a fair bit younger than yourself is *not* being a nonce.Maybe make references to The Fast Show's Mid- Life Crisis Man instead of this self-righteous , self-satisfied shenanigans?

It is when you're of the age where you can't tell apart a 17 year old from a 13 year old, which is once you hit your 30s at the latest.

It's a nonce acting carefully within the law, and everyone can see it.


Replies From View