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Things your dad is doing.

Started by Glebe, May 05, 2021, 07:40:29 AM

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Glebe

Your dad is phoning dirty chat lines when everyone is gone to bed.

idunnosomename

Your dad is rotating a frozen swan.

Your dad has broken his beautiful cot.

Your dad is celebrating his delicious soup made from old watch batteries.

Your dad is trapped inside the wrinkled scrotum of Lionel Blair.

Your dad has posted a saucy letter addressed to the Statue of Liberty.

Your dad can't stop farting!

Your dad no longer lives on land.

Glebe

Your dad laughs at "them two tattoo women over there holding hands."

Your dad brings his Nissan Micra in to be serviced.

Glebe

Your dad says The Demon Headmaster is his favourite show from childhood, but by my calculations he was 35 years old age that first aired.

The Bumlord

Your dad has become Death, destroyer of worlds.

Glebe

Your dad dresses up as Mario to "surprise the kids playing the Atari machine!" While your wife calms the kids down, you organize a barring order against your dad.

Glebe

Your dad leaves a Wu-Tang Clan CD on the dashboard. He's never listened to it, but "you've got to look modern."

Your dad is going around telling everyone that The Phone Book is a great summer read: 'It's action-packed, and it's not even as long as it used to be.'

chveik

Quote from: Glebe on May 19, 2021, 08:06:41 PM
Your dad leaves a Wu-Tang Clan CD on the dashboard. He's never listened to it, but "you've got to look modern."

your dad's favourite is Cappadonna

frajer

Your dad ate all of the potato salad again and changed his username to Creamy Spuds.

Glebe

You dad is on the mike and recording a diss track about your Granny.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Your Dad is looking at you across the dinner table and wondering if you've got a bigger willy than him.

Your Dad is dead. Haha.

Replies From View

Your dad is testing out what he is maniacally calling "the potentially infinite differences" between his belly button and his urethra

Your dad is trying to sell his imaginary friend on eBay.

Glebe

Your dad catches you watching hardcore porn on your computer.

"Er, I'll just switch this off then, dad."

"No no, leave it. Why don't you go outside for awhile?"

"It's pouring rain, dad."

"Go on."

frajer

Your dad keeps pointing the telly remote at the iPad uh-oh

popcorn

Your dad is making a beautiful wooden rocking horse for your son's third birthday.

popcorn

Your dad supports your gender identity 100% and loves you no matter what. "You're the same to me as you always have been," he says.

popcorn

Your dad's teaching you how to fish this weekend.

popcorn

Your dad has kept in shape and has a lot of admirers - but he only has eyes for your mum.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Your Dad keeps touching the radiator and saying "Have you been messing with this?".

frajer

Your dad keeps all his old cinema tickets in a photobox and can tell you what snacks he had to eat at any of them - go on, ask!

Replies From View

Your dad is on local news service Points West playing Kid Icarus on the NES.

Replies From View

Quote from: popcorn on May 21, 2021, 02:36:09 PM
Your dad is making a beautiful wooden rocking horse for your son's third birthday.

By the time it is finished he is calling it "a rocking porpoise, as I always planned".  Looks like an MDF gigantic sock parked on a clothes rack.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Quote from: popcorn on May 21, 2021, 02:36:09 PM
Your dad is making a beautiful wooden rocking horse for your son's third birthday.



For fuck's sake Dad...

Replies From View

Your dad is leaping up from his chair - a eureka moment.  And bounding off to his shed "to make a toilet seat entirely out of M&Ms!!"

Captain Poodle Basher

Your dad thinks all dogs look the same.

Your dad can't stop tweaking your nipple.

Your dad can't say Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and keep his false teeth in place.

Your dad is a little-known tv star in Trans-Dniester.

Your dad tells everyone but you that you're his favourite.

Your dad thinks socks with sandals will be 'in' this year. Every year.

Your dad doesn't like honey "Because of that one time..."

Your dad grinds the queen's head off any coin he receives in change.


frajer

Your dad loves a western but doesn't like them zomboid films.

Captain Poodle Basher

Your dad has tasted every 'A' road in England & Wales

Your dad says he "Can't get it up anymore since Elton John died."

Your dad is changing his name by deed poll to "Mrs. Barry 'Biscuits' Tubshaw". It's going to impress the neighbours he says.

Your dad is phoning people at random to ask if they're preparing themselves for living in the near future and the challenges it will undoubtedly bring.

Your dad is developing an app that will let you know when it was 14 years ago at any given moment.


idunnosomename

Your dad's on fire! put him out! he's going to die!