what books do your stupid cunt kids read

[madhair60]

i had this thread idea before i saw the one in oscillations so fuck off. some of you have got kids haven't you. what do they read. what books. tell me for fucks sake. thats the whole point of the cunting thread. i don't fucking know.

[Evil Knevil]

Facking BeastQuest innit.

Utter shit for cunts and all produced in a factory in Australia.

Wouldn't mind so much as the boy is only in year 2 but I've seen much older children even up to 14 read this shite.

When he first got into them before he could do the blending and anaphoria and all that and I had to spell the difficult words (which included all proper nouns) I went a bit insane. Started inhaling the Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction. Decided to rename some of the characters after the lads from the Frankfurt School of Critical Theory.

Wizard Aduro= Wizard Adorno
King Hugo = King Herbert (Marcuse)
Tom = (still Tom, little cunt could blend that)
Elenna = Hannah (Arendt)
Storm (Tom's horse) = Eric Fromm

Every minor character is called Walter, or Benjamin or Walter Benjamin. Even got A Hektor Rottweiler in there once, which is a deeeep cut.

Can't tell the gap toothed shitebag but he's started playing along too and calling them by their Frankfurt names, much to the detriment of his long term literacy.

[Mister Six]

If I had kids, they'd read Bone, which is basically "What if Mickey Mouse, Goofy and Scrooge McDuck were actually funny and they ended up in Lord of the Rings?"



I don't have kids, though, so I just read it myself. Double win!

[kittens]

Tony the tank endgine

[13 schoolyards]

According to my librarian sister, if the kid's a boy they'll read anything with bums or farts up until around age ten or so, then they decide that readings for girls and give up on literacy. Might pick up a book about the SAS when they're 17 if you're lucky.

If they're a girl, they'll be obsessed with some weird fantasy franchise full of horses until they're old enough to start reading romance novels with pastel-coloured covers, then it's time for crime.

[Milo]

Calvin and Hobbes, Invader Zim comics, Bunny vs Monkey, Captain Underpants, Dog Man, some minecraft books and video game art books.

Bone looks good, I'll get that.

[Mister Six]

Calvin and Hobbes, Invader Zim comics, Bunny vs Monkey, Captain Underpants, Dog Man, some minecraft books and video game art books.

Bone looks good, I'll get that.

How old are the kids? I think Bone is more along the 8+ mark. Gets a bit dark towards the end (but if they've seen the Lord of the Rings film it'll be nothing they can't handle).

[Milo]

How old are the kids? I think Bone is more along the 8+ mark. Gets a bit dark towards the end (but if they've seen the Lord of the Rings film it'll be nothing they can't handle).

8 and 10. Youngest has seen all the Harry Potter films which is probably a decent benchmark for a bit dark towards the end.

[Mister Six]

Oh yeah, he'll be fine then.

[holyzombiejesus]

He really likes Hilda and reads the comic books during the day and the novelisations in bed. We're currently slogging our way through something called Impossible Creatures but I think it's a bit old for him. Most of the time, he just looks at his umpteen monster books. Oh, he also likes that shitty Tom Gates character.

[Mister Six]

I don't know what any of that means, but good luck!

[holyzombiejesus]

Hilda was initially a (healvily Scandinavian folklore influenced) comic book but is also now a popular Netflix series about a young girl who lives in a town called Trollberg.



Impossible Creatures is a fantasy novel, supposedly the first in a Tolkein-esque trilogy, written by popular children's author Katherine Rundell. There are two worlds - ours and one where the mythical creatures like kraken live, and there's a link between the two.



Tom Gates is a horrible sub-Fido Dido character who has tons of books and tv programmes.

[bgmnts]

Would Indian in the Cupboard still be suitable for children now? It's the only book I remember reading as a child and I half remember it being an excellent read and quite heartwarming and all about coming together beyond our differences and dismantling prejudice and stereotypes.

[Mister Six]

Hilda was initially a (healvily Scandinavian folklore influenced) comic book but is also now a popular Netflix series about a young girl who lives in a town called Trollberg.



Impossible Creatures is a fantasy novel, supposedly the first in a Tolkein-esque trilogy, written by popular children's author Katherine Rundell. There are two worlds - ours and one where the mythical creatures like kraken live, and there's a link between the two.



Tom Gates is a horrible sub-Fido Dido character who has tons of books and tv programmes.

Sorry, I thought for some reason you were replying to me, otherwise I wouldn't have expected an explanation! Apologies.

[Art Bear]

Diary of A Wimpy Kid books are much read here. New one out soon, apparently.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Yeah, my 6 year old likes Jamie Smart - Bunny vs Monkey and Looshkin - and Mega Robo Bros by Neill Cameron, anything that's been in The Phoenix basically. He's technically too young for it (7-14 they say) but whatever I don't give a fuck!

[Oh, Nobody]

No kids but as a soft-brained dum-dum I enjoyed these:

[Fambo Number Mive]

Would Indian in the Cupboard still be suitable for children now? It's the only book I remember reading as a child and I half remember it being an excellent read and quite heartwarming and all about coming together beyond our differences and dismantling prejudice and stereotypes.

There was one of them that was a bit weird, I think some children break into the house of the boy and his titular figure and decide to urinate on their bed.

[Senior Baiano]

According to my librarian sister, if the kid's a boy they'll read anything with bums or farts up until around age ten or so, then they decide that readings for girls and give up on literacy. Might pick up a book about the SAS when they're 17 if you're lucky.

If they're a girl, they'll be obsessed with some weird fantasy franchise full of horses until they're old enough to start reading romance novels with pastel-coloured covers, then it's time for crime.

This is accurate, but I'd add that the romance novels they get into first are stories about manipulative, controlling, borderline abusive relationships, they absolutely lap that shit up

[Senior Baiano]

Also boys occasionally seek out some book (usually <belm> Art of War) that some rapper or Andrew Tate has namechecked