Desopotamia 8: Lament for Enkidu

[shoulders]

Desolation VII
Desolation VI
Desolation V
Desolation IV
Desolation III
Desolation II
Desolation

[the midnight watch baboon]

A little boy writes you a poem


Caldicott, Caldicott,
-She's my guardian.
Caldicott, Caldicott,
-Never seen again.
Caldicott, Caldicott,
-She pulled out all my tubes.
Caldicott, Caldicott,
-Made me stab nursey in the sluice.

[shoulders]

Playing off two feuding aunts to get ever increasing sized Easter Eggs.

[Cerys]

Vernon eats only branflakes and vindaloo; his faulty toilet must surely be healed by his consequent daily offerings.

[Vodkafone]

Your underpants are sponsored by Red Brown Red and Brown Stripe

[the midnight watch baboon]

You are cajoled into eating the first Leperami

[Huxleys Babkins]

A post-strip club wank from memory is ruined by your brain's insistence on replacing the areolae with the face from Billy Bear luncheon meat.

[Fishfinger]

Your sky burial attracts the expected wild animals, but your remains prove repellent, and they repurpose the site as an open-air toilet.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Your RHS membership is rescinded after you're overheard describing roses as "tulips for wankers".

[Vodkafone]

Three crackers in a row there

[shoulders]

Failing to impress your mates in NAMBLA, one of them replies, "that wasn't really noncing was it?"

[Fishfinger]

Three crackers in a row there

Knicker-clad and flexing before the mirror you recount aloud your greatest culinary achievement. The remaining lightbulb in your flat commits suicide.

[the midnight watch baboon]

You catch your wife taking on all cummers from the Lighthouse Family's legal team

[Bum Flaps]

Snapping out of a reverie, you realize that whilst day-dreaming, you have submitted a letter of support to the local Council regarding a proposed spa building.

[Vodkafone]

Good thread title by the way @shoulders, I appreciate a bit of classicism with my deso

[shoulders]

Desopotamia not my work, but I thought I'd take a look at the 8th tablet of The Epic of Gilgamesh to see what that threw up. Of course, some desolation.

[Vodkafone]

Your kink is kink-shaming

[Fishfinger]

They're not even an original member of Cranes.

[Cerys]

Your goldfish leaves home after a row about Status Quo.

[Theoretical Dentist]

It is announced to the stock exchange that the next Zelda game will have a classic rock soundtrack. Your first thought? 'It's about time.'

[Cerys]

Your GP is incapacitated by a fit of the giggles as he gives you the bad news.

[Kankurette]

Ishtar is mad at you for killing the Bull of Heaven and tells everyone in Uruk you have a small willy. And you fuck clay people.

[the midnight watch baboon]

The clack of baulk colours triggers a Tony Meo-themed wank-for-all down at Club 147

[poo]

A conscripted light infantry regiment comprised of members of the Cooked and Bombed forum

[Shaxberd]

A conscripted light infantry regiment comprised of members of the Cooked and Bombed forum

His Majesty's Cooked and Bombed Rifles, notable for being the only regiment of the British Army comprised entirely of the prematurely balding. All wiped out on the first day of the Somme due to falling down big hole.

[Huxleys Babkins]

His Majesty's Cooked and Bombed Rifles, notable for being the only regiment of the British Army comprised entirely of the prematurely balding. All wiped out on the first day of the Somme due to falling down big hole.

"They've all gone down a big hole by the ti-"

"Yeah, not now, corporal."

[Clive Dogshit]

The ferric, blood-flecked fog that pours constantly from your comatose arse is used to 'rust-ify' a gym in Pyongyang during the monthly "Get Swole For Da Supreme Leader" hell sweat party.

[Clive Dogshit]

Your chemotherapy peacock migrates to Grimsby for a bit of fresh air.

[Clive Dogshit]

You try to play off your botched circumcision as "a mole-trap ting" then suck your teeth.

[dex]

You try and impress your mates by prank calling an insurance company and asking for a quote to insure your cock. "We don't insure things that small, I'm afraid." bellows on your speakerphone.