DESOLATION_V.swf

[touchingcloth]

From the link here:

Didn't some youtuber who appeared to be a young attractive woman recently get 'exposed' as a much older and less attractive woman who was using a snapchat-esque filter that accidentally vanished half way through a live broadcast? 

Edit; https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-49151042  Yes this was it. I had no idea filters that move with your face even existed.

The sentence:

Consequently, [in China] many live-streamers simply sing karaoke in their bedrooms, or eat snacks for hours on end.

[touchingcloth]

Nigel Farage danced around his kitchen island unit singing "how do you like your Br-eggs-it in the morning? I like mine with a kiss" and puckers up to receive a kiss after each repetition. The person he is puckering for is his daughter and she bestows each kiss on cue. Not because she's afraid of the consequences, but because this whole charade was her idea.

[Lordofthefiles]

A bald man looking in the mirror gets excited that his hair is growing back... what he doesn't know is that there's a massive hirsute melanoma all over the back of his head just out of his eyeline.

[GMTV]

Your stunningly beautiful (if IT illiterate) partner emails you a MS Word doc letter saying they're willing to give things another go. Delighted with this news, you notice Track Changes have been left on, which you then look into:

IM SORRY I JUST DON'T FANCY U LETS GIVE IT ANOTHER GO BABE.

[batwings]

A red-headed Sumo wrestler does a big shit on your driveway.

A tired nonce enjoys a Lion Bar on a park bench dedicated to a victim of a drug overdose.

Bernie Clifton falls to his death when fixing a satellite dish.
Roger Decourcey is fatally electroctued by his router.
Bob Carolgees becomes Amish.

[the midnight watch baboon]

A Fast and Furious marathon is offered in lieu of Kai's bone marrow transplant.

[touchingcloth]

A disembodied anus.

[petril]

assed chaps

[Gregory Torso]

A man on crutches from eating too many spicy nandos birds slouches towards parliament, gurning "pro-rogue, pro-rogue".

He passes a street child that has had its eyesight revoked, gangly arms embracing a tattered anime pillowcase. "nice mum, you kiosk" he sneers.

PRO-ROGUE.

[Gregory Torso]

A centaur, but it's just a horse's body with a man's head on the neck.

[Gregory Torso]

A man lies down on train tracks and is smashed into bits by a tesco express.

[touchingcloth]

Crotchless nappies.

[SteveDave]

An abandoned Anusol branded chair

[NJ Uncut]

You work temporarily for an oil conglomerate 50% owned by the Russian Federation that spews such foul air into the blue sky it turns grey around the monstrous towering plumes of fumes and can be seen from across the coast and inspires protesters to wave placards. You take your inhaler into work, but it just allows in more grot. Even your piss is sooty.

Cadging a lift out of necessity, you sell yourself down the river by shortening your oft-discussed unemployment period by many months and agreeing with your Audi-driving lift-provider that yes, benefit claimants ARE "sponges, the lot of 'em".

You kill the conversation dead by asking him if he's ever considered an electric car. He drops you off early, on a main road without any pavement. It seems like revenge, spite for being carless and poor, but you manage to cough out that he's a "Legend", is this Gary. He grunts and speeds off, but seemed to like that moniker. He's giving you a lift every day this week! And boy, he likes to talk.

An email from the dole arrives the instant you get home, insisting they'd like you to call them to explain what you're doing to find work while you're at your fulltime job they themselves put you onto.

From my Diary

[NJ Uncut]

.

[petril]

a comedy sketch where they do Blue Peter but they're doing drugs aha!

[touchingcloth]

a comedy sketch where they do Blue Peter but they're doing drugs aha!

Do you know what I call that? Blue Peter!

[Cuellar]

man's first erection in ten months comes after telling the therapist about his suicide ideation

[touchingcloth]

man's first erection in ten months comes after telling the therapist about his suicide ideation

The phrasing of this now has this running on a loop through my head:

Of Man's First Erection, and the Fruit Of that Forbidden Tree, whose mortal taste Brought Death into the World, and all our woe.

[touchingcloth]

Gran says "I'll just take out my eyes", but her dementia has degraded to the point where she just plucks her fucking eyeballs out.

[petril]

your nan adopts her new persona of LEGEND GRANNY

[touchingcloth]

Your household utility usage in a pivot table.

[NJ Uncut]

You share a cubicle with a chemotherapy truther and boy he's garrulous

[dex]

The high point moment in your day as you imagine one of the deputy managers at work (who's a twat obvz) breaking down on the motorway during a hail-storm, having to exit his vehicle and the dogs-arse bald patch on the back of his head starting to bleed with the impact of the hail-stones.

[poo]

A centaur, but it's just a horse's body with a man's head on the neck.

This really tickled me

[seepage]

real-life deso:

Your household booze usage in a pivot table.

[pancreas]

You finally decide it's time to break your mother's old toaster out of storage, and in the long-standing family tradition, take a bath with it.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Speed dating is rebooted in Zizzi's, Rotherham

[petril]

he sets the fastest time in qualifying, still doesn't get on the front row of the grid. and it's only the fourth most interesting thing to happen at that Grand Prix

[touchingcloth]

Oilseed gang rape.