If I Ruled The World...

[Neil]

Right, you're in charge.  The reins are yours, you can make your own laws, provided you give a full and frank explanation for them.  Crossover here with the 'unpopular' opinions thread, as I was intrigued by Jemble's notion that all cars should be banned, but to differentiate this from t'other one, you MUST give persuasive arguments for your serious or whimsical suggestions. 

What would YOU ban?  What would you make compulsory?  Would you attempt to solve the world's problems, or would you be much too busy insisting that everyone died their hair ginger for a laugh?

Could be interesting. 

I heard a debate on immigration on local radio last week, and one of the absolute FUCKWITS who called in was adamant that them there foriegners shouldn't be coming overe here, taking our jobs etc.  However, he was also adamant that people should NOT be allowed to move to a different country, at all, ever!  You could travel for holidays, but essentially you would be stuck in the country you were born in.  Do you know of equally ridiculous laws that people would instate, given the chance?

[Gulftastic]

Twat Clarkson would apparently make the speeding system be based entirely on trust.

[buttgammon]

If Clarkson was to become PM, I'd move to Iran or North Korea as people there would have more rights and their rulers aren't as twattish.

[Neil]

Twat Clarkson would apparently make the speeding system be based entirely on trust.

A popular talk radio staple is that all athletes should be ALLOWED to take steroids.  And they should be allowed to take as many as they damn well like.  The end result would be much more exciting sport, with drugged-up freaks breaking records left, right and center.

I'm never sure if I agree with that or not.  There would have to be a two-tier system, I reckon - an option which is never suggested - so that we could see what we're judging the steroid-enhanced against.  I mean, it's fascinating to see the limits to which the human body can be pushed in competitive body-building, but it's equally fascinating to see how far people can go without pumping steriods into their buttocks. 

[jaydee81]

Agreed, what if you were a promising sprinter but didn't want to endanger your health taking steroids?

[Gulftastic]

A popular talk radio staple is that all athletes should be ALLOWED to take steroids.  And they should be allowed to take as many as they damn well like.  The end result would be much more exciting sport, with drugged-up freaks breaking records left, right and center.

I'm never sure if I agree with that or not.  There would have to be a two-tier system, I reckon - an option which is never suggested - so that we could see what we're judging the steroid-enhanced against.  I mean, it's fascinating to see the limits to which the human body can be pushed in competitive body-building, but it's equally fascinating to see how far people can go without pumping steriods into their buttocks. 

Danny Baker used to put this forward years and years ago, when he was doing the breakfast show on Radio Five (as was).

[buttgammon]

A popular talk radio staple is that all athletes should be ALLOWED to take steroids.  And they should be allowed to take as many as they damn well like.  The end result would be much more exciting sport, with drugged-up freaks breaking records left, right and center.

I'm never sure if I agree with that or not.  There would have to be a two-tier system, I reckon - an option which is never suggested - so that we could see what we're judging the steroid-enhanced against.  I mean, it's fascinating to see the limits to which the human body can be pushed in competitive body-building, but it's equally fascinating to see how far people can go without pumping steriods into their buttocks. 

Yeah, it would be interesting to see the superhuman feats that could happen if athletes all had steroidstreams instead of blood but it would cease to be sport and end up becoming a scientific experiment instead. So I'd rather not see it allowed to happen.

It might be exciting but it would feel like watching a load of people cheating basically.

[Neil]

Ooh, I know what I'd do, I'd totally abolish the notion of employment, and of working for a living.  I figure we have the technology now to do pretty much everything with robots and that, and if we haven't, well, we bloody well should do.  I remember hearing Scott Chisholm some years back on Talk Radio stating that planes could now completely fly themselves, from take-off to landing, and the only reason they put human pilots in is for the peace of mind of the passengers.  Is that bollocks?

Either way, I'd try and completely change people's value systems.  The practicalities are obviously a nightmare, but I'd like to try and make it so that people could spend their time having fun and enjoying and/or creating art, instead of working. 

Imagine if you did that with just one country...installed a base level of comfortableness, made working an unpaid, voluntary thing, and encouraged everyone to try writing music or painting a picture. 

[Neil]

Yeah, it would be interesting to see the superhuman feats that could happen if athletes all had steroidstreams instead of blood but it would cease to be sport and end up becoming a scientific experiment instead. So I'd rather not see it allowed to happen.

It might be exciting but it would feel like watching a load of people cheating basically.

Well, the argument is that it WOULDN'T be cheating, because everyone would be doing it.  And eventually there would come a point where people max out steriod-enhanced abilities, so I guess it would once again be down to genetic factors and such-like. 

[bennett]

Now that I'm clean I'd legalise and tax all currently illegal drugs, in a similar way to alcohol and tobacco and similarly legalise and tax prostitution..  Just imagine how quickly crime would drop...

[jaydee81]

Ooh, I know what I'd do, I'd totally abolish the notion of employment, and of working for a living.  I figure we have the technology now to do pretty much everything with robots and that, and if we haven't, well, we bloody well should be.

That's funny, it relation to Bennett's point about reducing crime by legalising drugs and prostitution, I was going to suggest EVERYONE be forced into some kind of employment.
As much as I'd love to wake up when I want and watch TV all day, can you imagine how many scallies would go around nicking stuff if they had no responsibilities?

[its not cool to be weird]

I'd genetically engineer the human race into different breeds of varying intelligence, who would all have different roles in society. And everyone would spend their lives popping pills and shagging. And anyone who didn't like it could go live on an island somewhere.

May have stolen that idea.

[SetToStun]

Now that I'm clean I'd legalise and tax all currently illegal drugs, in a similar way to alcohol and tobacco and similarly legalise and tax prostitution..  Just imagine how quickly crime would drop...

I'm not sure that's workable on the large scale. If you tax a product - any product - then there will always be people who will operate outside of the system and sell that product without the tax, i.e. illegally, in order to be cheaper than the "official" channels. Look at tobacco for a great example. If you smoke rollies and pay full UK price, you're clearly just not trying. When you get people selling illegally, as is now the situation with drugs, you get proper criminals involved. All you'd be likely to do by legalising and taxing cannabis would be to get the middle-class, professional types out of the clutches of the dealers - everyone else would just carry on the same. It's a guess, obviously, but it does have a certain logic to it.

Anyway, If I was in charge, I'd ban faith schools but make the comparative study of religions compulsory until the age of 14. There is no excuse for state-sponsored indoctrination and all schools are state-sponsored to some extent - public schools, for example, enjoy charitable status and get huge tax-breaks, paid for in part by my taxes. If parents want to brainwash their children then there's little that can be done to stop it, but herding 1,300 children into a religious complex five days a week is, frankly, scary and unjustifiable. Forcing schools to use a centrally-planned curriculum for RE which gives no emphasis to any religion in particular and compares all the major ones as well as as many as possible of the minor ones would at least allow children to have a fighting chance of making up their own minds. Also, atheism, agnosticism and humanism would be promoted into the RE curriculum with equal status to any religion.

[Neil]

As much as I'd love to wake up when I want and watch TV all day, can you imagine how many scallies would go around nicking stuff if they had no responsibilities?

Urgh, no, I can't.  This touches on one of the problems, though, in that some people are actually at a complete loss how to fill their time when they don't work.  I know people who are GLAD to get back from their holidays, as they don't know what to do all day.  *Scoff*, there's a big, wide beautiful world out there to be explored and enjoyed - all it takes is the merest bit of imagination!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to close my curtains and play Quake all day.

[Blumf]

As much as I'd love to wake up when I want and watch TV all day, can you imagine how many scallies would go around nicking stuff if they had no responsibilities?

Easy, legalise guns, all types and allow people to shoot anyone on their property for whatever reason they like. It'd be a bit messy to start with, lots of crying family members, boo-hoo! But after a while the drop in population would help reduce our nation's environmental footprint. We could hit those Kyoto targets yet!

[Neil]

I'm not sure that's workable on the large scale. If you tax a product - any product - then there will always be people who will operate outside of the system and sell that product without the tax, i.e. illegally, in order to be cheaper than the "official" channels. Look at tobacco for a great example. If you smoke rollies and pay full UK price, you're clearly just not trying. When you get people selling illegally, as is now the situation with drugs, you get proper criminals involved. All you'd be likely to do by legalising and taxing cannabis would be to get the middle-class, professional types out of the clutches of the dealers - everyone else would just carry on the same. It's a guess, obviously, but it does have a certain logic to it.

Actually, I think that's wrong.  Cannabis is the perfect example, as it's become so polluted and tainted by the sheer fucking GREED of the black market that people are now risking silicosis and all sorts by smoking it.  We only ever used to get soap bar over here, really, and that was horrid shit - very low-grade hash with bits of plastic in it, henna, all sorts.*

So the black market, if it wanted to survive, would need to stop endangering people's health by spraying buds to make a few more quid.  Sure, if they did, some people may still buy it illegally, but the majority would go for the taxed, properly-grown stuff that's not going to make their lungs collapse.


* Actually, the efficiency with which cannabis has been all but erradicated here over the last three years or so, has made me wonder if the 'war on drugs' is just a big pile of wank.  One of the big bad wolves that the government and meeja seem to engineer/tolerate, so they look effective and sell papers/win votes.

[its not cool to be weird]

Isn't the argument against legalising drugs more along the lines of: whilst crime and the dangers of poorly produced and cut drugs are damaging, so is addiction pure and simple. Most people who remain addicted to drugs for a long period of time eventually come to wish they weren't, and if they were legalised more and more people would become addicted. Mind you if they don't have jobs at least they'll have something to do.

[jaydee81]

* Actually, the efficiency with which cannabis has been all but erradicated here over the last three years or so, has made me wonder if the 'war on drugs' is just a big pile of wank. 

Oooooh it's like the Wire season 3 on here now.

[jaydee81]

I know people who are GLAD to get back from their holidays, as they don't know what to do all day.

I used to be a bit like that. I can't go exploring every day of the fucking week though. How would the tax/benefits system work then?

[Emma Raducanu]

The world would be comprised of villages of no more than 100 people. Each year is spent perfecting various culinary dishes, paintings, sculptures, games and literary works. Children would be in charge of growing the vegetables and Grandads rearing, loving and murdering the animals. Women would cook for the 'family, give the men sex, teach the kids to read and get along and generally keep the place clean and tidy. The men would pioneer the arts, they'd take cooking to the highest level and make each other laugh.

Each village would have a football/rugby and poker team and play regular tournaments against surrounding villages within 200 miles, Des Lynam would present the weekly tv roundup. If he refused to, he'd be killed.

While inter-village rivalry is encouraged, it is kept friendly by having weekly gatherings of four villages, where everyone would drink, smoke and put on a play.

[jaydee81]

Wow, that's amazing. I'm in!

[George Oscar Bluth II]

I'd rename Christmas "winterval".

[Santa's Boyfriend]

I'd have the entire country mounted on a giant underwater monorail, so the country could be towed south in winter and back up north in summer.

[Jemble Fred]

If I ruled the world 'If I Ruled The World' would still be on telly.

[biggytitbo]

I'd abolish all government and public services except a much reduced police force and other emergency services. Fiat currency would be abolished and all money made debt free. I'd turn all golf courses into public parks and force all large private landowners to turn their land over for public use, especially low cost self sufficient houses with big gardens. Apart from that I'd legalise pretty much everything except the obvious - murder, robbery, assault, kicking a vicar etc.

[the midnight watch baboon]

There'd be slow and fast buses- slow one for people who take an eternity to produce a fare or pass and when they come to getting off the fucker feel the need to start a conversation with the bus driver while he's trying to drive away, and a fast one for people who have garnered quite excellent paying and alighting skills. No prams on either.

[Blumf]

I'd legalise pretty much everything except the obvious - ...kicking a vicar

Awwww! Come on! Might as well just ban enjoyment full stop.

[Milo]

I would:

Abolish first class on the trains and replace it with an adequate standard of carriage for everyone. It always disgusts me when people are crammed into a few standard carriages while the 3 or 4 first class ones are occupied by about 12 toffs.

Adopt a reduced rate of pay for everyone who is paid by the treasury while placing them on a zero-rated income tax and NI band. Instant reduction of pointless admin. As it is, all public sector workers give back a lump of money each month which goes towards paying them the following month. Lunacy.

Remove road tax and institute a system which cannot be realistically dodged and requires no admin - tax on petrol. Use your car less, pay less tax. Use a more efficient car, pay less tax.

I've also wondered if a flat rate of tax might be worthwhile. Say, 20% income tax for absolutely everyone. Get rid of all the weird tax code wrangling and the associated administration. Bound to work out cheaper.

Idea pinched off Yes, Minister: Failure standards for all government projects with a named person to be held responsible. ie; a project is a failure if it costs more than x or takes more than y months. Standards overseen by an independent body.

[its not cool to be weird]

kicking a vicar

Is that a euphemism?

[its not cool to be weird]

Milo are you planning to stand? Because I would vote for that manifesto.