School photos

[Jockice]

Right, you're probably expecting me to go on about that story in the news today about that firm who offered parents pictures of the class either with or without disabled kids in it.But I'm not going to, although I can give plenty of examples of being excluded from things both during childhood and adult life. Still, mustn't moan eh? Some people might not like it and of course they're the important ones.

But I'm just wondering how many photos you had during your schooldays. There was only one full class one I was in (or perhaps allowed to be in, eh?), taken during the first year at secondary school. It's not a pretty sight. I'm on the far left at the back, with my tie at half mast, someone else's blazer on (I managed to rip my jumper that morning) and I'm looking to the side as the little wanker next to me whispered something just as it got taken. He was a teacher's son too, so I couldn't even beat him to death afterwards.

And as for the hair, well it was 1978. My young Mark E Smith look wasn't great, but my best mate had a proper bowl cut and even that was put in the shade -literally - by Martin *******,who appears to have a lampshade in the shape of a giant Toblerone on his bonce. Even none of the girls had anything as spectacular. What was his mother thinking. Could have asked her I suppose, as she worked at the school too. But not as a teacher. I don't actually know what she did. She was just there.

Apart from that I had several solo ones during my time at various schools. One in the first year at primary school. I look shy. Because I was. I hadn't seen this one for a long time until a relative sent me it recently. By the time of the next I was nine and considered myself cool and went to a non-uniform school. Actually I look like a rabbit wearing an 88 t-shirt. I was a neo-nazi even then.

There was one taken at my next and last primary school (or junior school as I was forced to call it in England) which for some reason was sold to our parents as key-rings. I haven't got that one but remember I was laughing with my mouth open because a girl in my eyeline pulled a face. Which is quite unusual because in the period between the two pictures I'd snapped one of my front teeth in half in a cycling accident and was very self-conscious about that.

Which is why by the time I was 14 and in the heights of early adolescence the very last thing I needed was a snapper who wanted everyone to give a big wide mouth open smile. We had a short stand-off before I eventually gave him what he wanted. You can see the  hatred radiating from my eyes. Probably the only photo taken during from the ages of ten to almost 17 (when the dentist finally allowed me to get it capped) in which I haven't got my gob firmly shut. Just to make it worse I have what appears to have a coffee stain on the collar of my enormously-collared white shirt (I'd never even had a cup of coffee at that age) and my collar length hair had done its usual party trick of having a large flyaway clump on the left side. I don't know why it did that. But it did. And probably still would if I gave it the chance.

Luckily the photographer let me keep my mouth shut for the last one when I was 16, as I still hadn't had my tooth done by then. I don't look too terrible on that one. A couple of spots but no eruptions of red, my hair isn't exactly stylish (it was still over my ears. I have tiny ones. Another of the many things I was self conscious about) but it isn't awful either and I have a similar shy smile to in my very first one. Because I was still shy. And still am.

So there we go. Did everyone else except me have regular class photos, or was it a totally random system as it seemed to be at the schools I went to? There was one I went to for two years I haven't got a single picture from. And how did you look? But please don't send me any of them. I'm already under investigation by the police for that sort of thing.*

(*Not really.)

 

[Underturd]

The older I was in school photos, the worse I looked. Thirty isn't a good age for trying to run all the way to the other end, so you can be in the photo twice.

[Butchers Blind]

From about the age of eleven I didn't get my school photo done. My mum never bought them so I didn't bother going to the big hall to have it taken. No-one checked so there is no photographic record of me being at that school.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

The one of me in my first year at secondary school was so appalling that I got it back from my mum, months ago, and destroyed it, along with a number of other less-than-flattering images of my good self while I was growing up.

[Jockice]

The one of me in my first year at secondary school was so appalling that I got it back from my mum, months ago, and destroyed it, along with a number of other less-than-flattering images of my good self while I was growing up.

There is an absolutely horrible one with me in it taken during my sister's second wedding when I was 16. The worst photo ever taken of me. I look deformed. Well even more deformed than usual. It was in an album my mum had. I took the photo out and ripped it up. The next time I looked at the album several years later it had mysteriously reappeared. One copy was bad enough but to know that there were two in existence...

[Underturd]

I don't think there's a court in the land would convict you, mate.

[Kankurette]

that firm who offered parents pictures of the class either with or without disabled kids in it

...Jesus H tapdancing Christ what is wrong with people. Way to stigmatise disabled kids, as if they don't get enough shit.

Most of mine are very unflattering, apart from the one where I have straight, shoulder-length hair with a bit of a flick. I think I was 16 in it. I missed the class photo for the school yearbook so I had to have a separate one done, and my eyes are closed in it. In my primary school, siblings could have their photos taken together and there's one somewhere of me and my brother aged 8 and 10. He's got a gappy-toothed smile and a Mickey Mouse sweater, I'm wearing a dark grey sweater and have my hair tied back. The absolute worst one of me, though, is a graduation photo where I look like I'm stoned off my tits, and I was fatter then and that didn't help.

One of my eyes is slightly higher than the other and it is so very obvious in my childhood photos.

[Jockice]

I don't think there's a court in the land would convict you, mate.

If only you knew what I've done...

[Underturd]

:-D

[madhair60]

cool photos

[Fambo Number Mive]

Surely offering the choice of having disabled children removed from a school photo is a breach of the Equality Act?
I hope everyone boycotts Tempest Photography now. Britain is a very abelist country full of bigoted cunts but I didn't expect a photography firm to be this blatent.

Had lots of whole school photos, which always seemed a bit pointless to me. I don't think I had an individual school photo since I was in primary school.

[Cuntbeaks]

One year when both my kids were still in Primary school, they got them all to draw a small 1" square pencil portrait of themselves and then printed them all onto two teatowels. One for Primaries 1-3 and another for 4-7.

We put them into frames and would regularly piss ourselves laughing at the assorted madness. Drawing conclusions about they'd turn out in life etc

Unfortunately they never did it again, which was shit because I wanted to track the artistic growth of the kids.

[dissolute ocelot]

We got them at primary school maybe every other year, and they were pretty dismal, but I don't recall any at all when I was at secondary school. Surely my parents wouldn't hide all photos of both me and my sister???

[Underturd]

Hide, no. Sell, maybe.

[Glebe]

[The Culture Bunker]

The only school pic of mine that I have is the class pic from my last year at Junior school (1992) - I'm at the back, wearing a Judge Dredd t-shirt, which I give my 11 year old self some kudos for. My mam has a pic just of me from the year after (my first at seniors) but I guess wasn't arsed after that. My skin looking like the surface of the moon may have played a part.

[SpiderChrist]

I look like an absolute plum in my school photos, and I have managed to maintain this throughout my adult life. Four of my friends at school were asked not to turn up for the final sixth form group photo, as they modelled their appearance on Elizabeth Fraser/Robin Guthrie. Ah, the 80s.

[SpiderChrist]

Oh, and Tempest Photography want boning up the arse with a 9 iron, the cunts.

[Dex Sawash]

In my four high school yearly pics I'm wearing the same shirt in 3 of them. A peak 70s stretch terry 3 button shirt, white with light blue yoke like a shit casual cowboy 

[imitationleather]

Weren't cameras in my day. A portrait artist from the court would come round and you had to sit there still as anything for nine months while they painted you, even when they had their frequent tantrums. They'd throw their easel about and you weren't allowed to dodge out of the way even if you saw it coming a mile off. As a result, factoring in holidays, it meant there was barely any time to do classes and due to this I can barely read or write.

[jamiefairlie]

That's us! I was pretty much Jonah Jones in looks and personality.

[jamiefairlie]

Right, you're probably expecting me to go on about that story in the news today about that firm who offered parents pictures of the class either with or without disabled kids in it.But I'm not going to, although I can give plenty of examples of being excluded from things both during childhood and adult life. Still, mustn't moan eh? Some people might not like it and of course they're the important ones.

But I'm just wondering how many photos you had during your schooldays. There was only one full class one I was in (or perhaps allowed to be in, eh?), taken during the first year at secondary school. It's not a pretty sight. I'm on the far left at the back, with my tie at half mast, someone else's blazer on (I managed to rip my jumper that morning) and I'm looking to the side as the little wanker next to me whispered something just as it got taken. He was a teacher's son too, so I couldn't even beat him to death afterwards.

And as for the hair, well it was 1978. My young Mark E Smith look wasn't great, but my best mate had a proper bowl cut and even that was put in the shade -literally - by Martin *******,who appears to have a lampshade in the shape of a giant Toblerone on his bonce. Even none of the girls had anything as spectacular. What was his mother thinking. Could have asked her I suppose, as she worked at the school too. But not as a teacher. I don't actually know what she did. She was just there.

Apart from that I had several solo ones during my time at various schools. One in the first year at primary school. I look shy. Because I was. I hadn't seen this one for a long time until a relative sent me it recently. By the time of the next I was nine and considered myself cool and went to a non-uniform school. Actually I look like a rabbit wearing an 88 t-shirt. I was a neo-nazi even then.

There was one taken at my next and last primary school (or junior school as I was forced to call it in England) which for some reason was sold to our parents as key-rings. I haven't got that one but remember I was laughing with my mouth open because a girl in my eyeline pulled a face. Which is quite unusual because in the period between the two pictures I'd snapped one of my front teeth in half in a cycling accident and was very self-conscious about that.

Which is why by the time I was 14 and in the heights of early adolescence the very last thing I needed was a snapper who wanted everyone to give a big wide mouth open smile. We had a short stand-off before I eventually gave him what he wanted. You can see the  hatred radiating from my eyes. Probably the only photo taken during from the ages of ten to almost 17 (when the dentist finally allowed me to get it capped) in which I haven't got my gob firmly shut. Just to make it worse I have what appears to have a coffee stain on the collar of my enormously-collared white shirt (I'd never even had a cup of coffee at that age) and my collar length hair had done its usual party trick of having a large flyaway clump on the left side. I don't know why it did that. But it did. And probably still would if I gave it the chance.

Luckily the photographer let me keep my mouth shut for the last one when I was 16, as I still hadn't had my tooth done by then. I don't look too terrible on that one. A couple of spots but no eruptions of red, my hair isn't exactly stylish (it was still over my ears. I have tiny ones. Another of the many things I was self conscious about) but it isn't awful either and I have a similar shy smile to in my very first one. Because I was still shy. And still am.

So there we go. Did everyone else except me have regular class photos, or was it a totally random system as it seemed to be at the schools I went to? There was one I went to for two years I haven't got a single picture from. And how did you look? But please don't send me any of them. I'm already under investigation by the police for that sort of thing.*

(*Not really.)

 

Right, you're probably expecting me to go on about that story in the news today about that firm who offered parents pictures of the class either with or without disabled kids in it.But I'm not going to,

"Not like you lot thought eh? Aaaaaahhhhh, do you see"
       - The Ironic Review, 14 March 1997

[Phoenix Lazarus]

I don't think there's a court in the land would convict you, mate.

I'm sure no-one said that to Ken Dodd.

[Underturd]

He was acquitted!

[Glebe]

That's us! I was pretty much Jonah Jones in looks and personality.

[Jockice]

I look like an absolute plum in my school photos, and I have managed to maintain this throughout my adult life. Four of my friends at school were asked not to turn up for the final sixth form group photo, as they modelled their appearance on Elizabeth Fraser/Robin Guthrie. Ah, the 80s.

The sixth forms in the year above and the two years below (at least) all had group photos taken. In fact the year below seems to have had two done, with quite a few pupils appearing in both wearing different clothes. You didn't have to wear uniform by then. Maybe they had them done in the lower AND upper sixths. But we never did. I don't think we were particularly ugly or anything so I reckon it was just that random thing again.

However when someone from two years below posted theirs on Facebook I was contacted by a girl I always got on with at school convinced that the photo was of our year and featured both of us. It didn't. The kid she thought was me (he was called Tim) had a mullet, which I admittedly had in the upper sixth, but mine was long gone by 1986. As far as I was concerned there was nothing on earth less fashionable by then. If I'd bumped into Tim around that time I'd have sneered straight in his face.

And as for the girl she thought was her, I had no idea who she was. Someone who as far as I was aware had never crossed my path. She may have only joined for the sixth form by which time I'd left. She did bear a vague resemblance to Catherine though. So maybe she went back to retake her A-Levels or something and then forgot about it. Stranger things have happened.