The Last CaB post that made you GUFF-FOUR : The LOLy and the IV

[Kankurette]

For Whom the Sausage Rolls

[RetroRobot]

The year: 3065. Peter Kay's transparent graphene zeptotube exoskeleton enables him to swing from the rafters of the Cardiff Quadrant X17 Megalodrome like a big chimp. Materials science has evolved so much so that he now weighs just 300 grams.

[Icehaven]

Papa Pastry

Cut my tea into pieces
This is my sausage roll
Sausagation, no ketchup
Don't give a fuck if I feel your mum up

[mattyc]

I met my love by the gas works wall
Dreamed a dream by the old canal
I kissed my girl by the factory wall
Mouldy old weed
Mouldy old weed

The silliness of this really got me!

[Paul Calf]

Are rabbits a Qanon symbol? They're such beautiful, joyful animals. I'm guessing this comes from the idea of going down a rabbit hole, as if that's supposed to be a good thing.

I imagine it's not because they do lots of shagging.

Still chuckling at this.

[buttgammon]

Still chuckling at this.

Yes, I enjoyed that too.

[Captain Z]

Observational guffaw:

I went to the link but just scrolled past like it was one of our textwall posters

[Tombola]

Whatever you do, do it quick. I had a
mate once who popped out an unflushable  and he left it and went to work. When he got back home that night, the turd was lying on his couch reading all his magazines with all the central heating on.  Well he peeled him off and popped him down again but as we know he was going nowhere. He nipped the shop for some accessories and when he got back he was just floating in his bath listening to his 2021 unwrapped on toddify. Had the scented candles out and everything.

Went on for a few weeks until he decided to sell up but even that didn't work because every time a possible buyer came round this big turd, and he was massive by now as you can imagine given how emboldened and nourished he was, opened the door and told them the place wasn't for sale.

Last I heard he was back in with his parents and this big poo had a string of buy to lets in his portfolio.

[Vodkafone]

That is excellent

[Pink Gregory]

love the idea of a poo being 'nourished'

[Ferris]

I received a sock subscription as a gift in Feb 2020.  The socks were very good.  The company panicked a month later when the pandemic hit and sent me the remaining 11 pairs all at once.  It was a visceral reminder of the force of coronavirus.

The image of a man who sells socks watching the news and seeing a burgeoning pandemic, then responding by hurriedly shoving 22 socks in an envelope out of sheer confusion made me chuckle.

[Paul Calf]

I'm only pointing this out for legal reasons, but I wrote that, and you've just offended me. You bozo. What put you off, couldn't you stand the twinkle in your eye when you read it, did you find that too itchy, was your masculinity challenged when I moved you to tears? Was it the pacing, the relatable characters, the zest, the gripping storytelling or were you just cross it wasn't all pictures? Couldn't hack a real book, eh, thought it'd be like one of your pub football women's bum annuals, or a magazine of different sorts of monkeys fighting, but you can read a betting slip just fine, can't you, or a beer menu, or a pair of tracksuit bottoms with "juicy" written on. Probably you spent all day bobbing along an underground river clutching your penis, you horrible man, and you got out just to be more awful, whilst I've written something that ended all human suffering.

[Fr.Bigley]

The image of a man who sells socks watching the news and seeing a burgeoning pandemic, then responding by hurriedly shoving 22 socks in an envelope out of sheer confusion made me chuckle.

This definitely made me chuckle too.

[Cuellar]

Another from the above Pijlstaart

Probably you spent all day bobbing along an underground river clutching your penis, you horrible man

[shoulders]

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=99894.0

Football based Cocteau Twins lyrics made me laugh.

[Paul Calf]

Ian Ponzi

[flotemysost]

I once had a cup of mulled wine in Germany that made me do a shit in my trousers.

I think the shit was already there and you are using the German mulled wine as an excuse.

The above offering from Pijlstaart is wonderful too.

[Norton Canes]

I once knew a guy with Korsakoff's... People with Korsakoff's can't remember shit (he once went to phone the fire service when there was a fire in his flat and by the time he got to the phone he'd forgotten about the fire)

[Vodkafone]

It's a great story, though also pretty sad that his memory was that fucked. Don't abuse alcohol, kids!

He was one of the most resourceful people I've ever met. He used Outlook reminders all the time but was prone to ignoring/forgetting about them so he made them play a Queen song when they were due because he despised Queen and would rush to his laptop to turn it off and then go "Ooh, doctor's appointment in 15 minutes".

[Blue Jam]

Who was the Greek fella who had a shit in the bath and got excited when it knocked all the water out.

Loving your work, @Spode.

[Cuellar]

Your dad has decided to become a nonce.

[Glebe]

Cheers Cueller! Haven't had a lol post in awhile!

[non capisco]

Icehaven's mate's Pete from Fist Of Fun-esque festive drink shortcuts.

Was at a friend's for her birthday in December once and someone said we should have some mulled wine, so she poured some red wine into a few mugs and microwaved it for 30 seconds, then wondered why it tasted horrible and not remotely like mulled wine.

[idunnosomename]

Let's stonk, to the rhythm of the honky tonk.

[

cant stop laughing at the idea of Trump in The Stonk video

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Doof Poopem

[Des Wigwam]

(You are Raoul Moat)

there is GAZZA to the north

a FISHING ROD is here

[eat kfc]

You are satisfied

[Better Midlands]

I done a Christmas music.

https://vocaroo.com/1nKW3wOP8fUE

DO NOT click if you are a fan of Radiohead or singing in tune

Marvellous

[shiftwork2]

and look at that it's just about bathtime!!!!!

The post in general but this bit floored me.

[Mobbd]

I added one more dickhead to my giant dickhead bin
And youve given that dickhead a chance though you've never heard of him

Turns out hes some random cunt from off Five Live
Hes not interesting just an arsehole no one likes

My name is Adam Buxton I touched a bu uuum
I hope I dont get cancelled thats no fun

[Glebe]

Was just searching for something and this came up as a suggestion. If you were selling customisable photo albums that you can add pages to, personalise the cover etc, what would you call them? Because I can 100% guarantee you, it would not be this.

Seriously, what the fuck.