Main Menu

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at

Support CaB


Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

December 07, 2023, 01:00:34 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Viz Highlights

Started by Theremin, March 04, 2012, 10:08:42 PM

Previous topic - Next topic


35. The Davy Jones one where Slipknot go back in time and Corey gets Queen Vic's attention by taking a massive huff from a dead crow in a jar and shitting himself.  "I mean no disrespect, your majesty."



Quote from: Harry Badger on March 05, 2012, 02:34:06 AM

You could probably do a whole thread just on Davy Jones' (not the dead Monkee) contributions.

I'd love a compilation book of just Jones' stuff. The other writers are excellent but it his strips that always make me laugh the most. He has that ability to present disgusting acts of human suffering in the most benign way.

And I second whoever nominated Terry Fuckwitt. Beyond absurd.


38. Ken the drummer from Bros.

Catalogue Trousers

39. "...every one of them had a face like an arse."


Raffles. Every single frame, penstroke and letter of Raffles.

The Postman Plod 'This is the night train' parody from Christmas many years ago.

Roger Mellie in a fairly recent strip: 'I once got drunk at the Blue Peter Christmas party and fucked Peter Purves's dog for a bet.' I think it was the sorrowful look on his face while he said it that got me.


Junior casualty.
The way they captured the build up to an accident was perfection. Viz has an uncanny sense of timing for a static strip.


"Britain's ghost are getting ruder" says Edith Shitbag. "Gone are the days when they would walk through the wall with their head under their arm. We had one in here the other day. He said the F word, the B word and cunt."

Or very similar.


"It's not magic all the time, only when I talk in Rhyme".


I can also remember a one off strip called something like "Dottie joins The Fall" which was very amusing, but sadly I seem to have lost my scan of it.


That Littlejohn one's ace.

I'm always pleasantly surprised by how well these sorts of strips are paced, in terms of how they use repetition.

Effectively, there's only one joke there. Character says something, Littlejohn misunderstands it, and makes some kind of kneejerk response. But the greatness comes from pushing the joke to the point where it stops being funny, then to the point where it becomes funny again, through the author's sheer bloody-minded repetition of it, to the end, where it's cleverly subverted.

And to think people used to roll their eyes when I said I read Viz. Cuh. Cuh, I say.


There was a tasteful mug too.


Quote from: holyzombiejesus on March 05, 2012, 03:19:29 PM
28. A news report about how Jimmy Nail was scared of Frankensteins.

There was a series of those. The best one was "JIMMY NAIL: I WILL NEVER EAT SNAKES"

"It's not that I'm afraid of them or anything. I just wouldn't eat them".


Santa smokes Benson and Hedges advert.

'May cause rotund jocularity and ruddying of the cheeks'


To misquote Victorian Dad on Christmas day.

'Now were going to go to church for three hours of hypocrisy in subzero temperatures, but first your daily beatings'


How about these gorgeous RAF pin-ups from the first Gulf War.


I wish I could find it.  It was a story called David Blaine - Stalag Magician, and he's a POW in WW2 with these British soldiers who've heard all about captain Blaine! The Brits are planning an escape and Blaine keeps fucking up by pulling random stunts, like hiding in the freezer in the kitchen resulting in two Brits getting executed, he swallows the map and he pulls it out his stomach and they can't read it.  It finishes off with the Brits talking about the possibility of getting sprung by the yanks and one of them says "where's Blaine" and the sergeant says "he's talking about some claptrap about making the camp disappear in a puff of smoke" and this other guys like "where's my shaving mirror", then it cuts to the  army passing by wondering where the camp is and how the whores in Berlin are not getting any younger.

hee hee........ahhhh, you'd have to read it.  I'd scan it but it's lost!


I've never read this one, but I heard second-hand of a feature they did on "The Curse of Dad's Army", wherein cast members were dying not long after the series drew to a close.

the psyche intangible

I'll pay good money for the issue with Lord Shite and Nanny No Dumps if anyone has it?

Big Jack McBastard

'The Scaffolders were Bastards' was a favourite of mine.

I also love the fantastical 'real life' stories recounted by what turn out to be incredibly dubious characters in the last paragraph, usually finding out they're on remand for stealing valuables or underwear from the celebrities they've encountered or are in fact stalkers cashing in with their tales.

I've got a fair number of the annuals but am missing one or two surely someone has scanned and .pdf'd them all by now...

Anyone else feel like Jack Black and his dog Silver has lost all it's umph since the artwork changed over to a far crappier style?

the psyche intangible

It just took about seven minutes to look for "no dumps" then buy the annual it's on for under 3 quid.

Fuck me, I'm as thick as fuck.

Big Jack McBastard

This family deserve to DIE

Meet the Dougan family, husband Bill and wife Doreen are Britain's biggest scroungers. They pocket an amazing £120 a week in handouts and live a life of luxury in a three bedroom house paid for by the council.

Bill hasn't done a single days work in the two years since he was blinded and partially paralysed in a car accident. He claims he's not fit for employment. But he still manages to get to his front door mat once a week where he picks up a whopping £85 state benefits cheque for so-called 'invalidity'. Unable to walk he sits at home on his arse all day counting his cash.

Dole family Dougan claim to be hard up - yet they still have TWO children, and soon there'll be more. They breed like RABBITS, and yo-yo knickered slut Doreen, 28, is hoping for ANOTHER sprog later this year, leaving tax payers like YOU to fork out another £12 a week in child benefit.

Perhaps next time she should spend some of it on contraceptives.

Free school milk for their ugly brood costs YOU the taxpayer another £2 a week. Yet bone idle Bill, 33 still wants MORE "It's difficult getting by on benefits and I'd like to be able to provide better for my children" the grasping git told our reporter.

Kids Michael, 9, and Angela, 5, have already jumped on the gravy train. Like their work-shy parents they expect something for nothing and collect a thumping 50p a week EACH in pocket money

Their house is crammed with tell tale signs of their cushy lifestyle. In the kitchen Mrs Dougan offered us a cup of "tea or coffee". Oh yes the big spending Dougans have BOTH. Their fancy swan kettle probably set them back £20 and a swish pedal bin in the corner must have cost thirty or forty quid.

But then that's hardly surprising. Because wife Doreen isn't short of a few bob. she works nights as a cleaner picking, up a hefty £42 a week as well as cleaning up on state hand outs. Nice work if you can get it.

But she still MOANS "What I'd really like is to take the family on holiday." she told us. "We've never been away at all since before we were married.". But wait a minute that's not all.

"With Bill unable to work I'd like to go out and pursue a career of my own. But it's difficult finding people to look after the kids." said the money grabbing bitch as she sat there sipping her expensive Nescafé coffee and offering fancy chocolate biscuits like there was no tomorrow.

Doreen's weekly shopping bill comes to £60 and she claims it's hard to make ends meet, despite raking in POUNDS in discount vouchers at the supermarket check-out. And the whining sow isn't even happy with her FREE council home. "One day I'd like to own a house of our own, with a garden for the kids to play in", groaned the grasping trollop.

Last night a senile Tory MP stopped wanking for five minutes to BLAST the Dougans before we'd even told him anything about them: "These people are a disease on our society", he ranted drunkenly "Why should the taxpayer fund their disgusting, depraved lifestyles? They should send them back where they came from and beyond."

A spokesman for the Labour party failed to say anything we could use out of context, despite several cleverly weighted questions.

What do YOU Think?

WE'VE whipped up our ignorant readers into a bigoted frenzy of hatred. Here's the kind of hand outs THEY'D like to see doled out to the money grabbing Dougans

"I think it's disgusting" said Dawn Shitehouse, bulldog faced moron mother of six.
"Their house is better than mine. People like that don't deserve to die, never mind live." she added.

"They should tattoo the words FILTHY SCUM BASTARDS on their foreheads and put their children in a mental home". said neighbour Edna Pigshit who gets 20p an hour LESS than Mrs Dougan at her cleaning job, "They're just vermin that's what they are. Hanging's too good for 'em they should string them up and throw away the key."

"Cut off his cock and make him eat it" said disabled war veteran Joe Mengler, 82, of Leeds. Plucky Joe who lost all his teeth biting a U Boat gets by on a paltry 2p a week army pension and is regularly mugged in his home by glue sniffers. "And I'd pull the lever myself", he added.

"They should cook him in his own blood and make him eat himself, then stone him to death with his own knackers", said taxi driver Ron Bigot, who works a 60 hour week and comes home with less than £200 since all the foreigners came over here an took all the jobs and the women. "If he has any more babies the doctors should pop their heads with their fingers like baby rats", he added.

Ring our HATE LINE

Have YOUR neighbours got a nicer house than you?
Do they appear better off than you are?
Or perhaps their garden is a mess or their kids have got snotty noses.
Ring us today on 0171 922 7386 and tell us about your nightmare neighbours. Perhaps we can arrange for a lynching. Rind us today. There's dozens of jumped up little cunt reporters fresh out of college and with no morals whatsoever waiting to take your call.

Catalogue Trousers

Pretty much any crap, one-panel pun is good for inclusion here, but I really like this one.



QuotePlucky Joe who lost all his teeth biting a U Boat gets by on a paltry 2p a week army pension and is regularly mugged in his home by glue sniffers. "

I think I just woke the whole house laughing at that.


Quote from: Catalogue TrousersPretty much any crap, one-panel pun is good for inclusion here, but I really like this one.

I can't see that on this PC, but if it's not 'Things Aren't Working Out Between Us' then I nominate that one.


Quote from: Big Jack McBastard on March 06, 2012, 03:13:50 AM
This family deserve to DIE
The caption on the photo, too - all smiling, "unaware of the editorial line this article was going to take" or something like that.

Absorb the anus burn

I haven't seen it for years (so below is just paraphrasing) but there was a Christmas 'Star File' profile on Noel Edmonds that still tickles me.

Question: What's your ideal Christmas?
Noel: All the family together, going to church, then returning home to ride a massive steam engine around my estate, stoking the engine with diamonds as big as your fist.

Question: What's your worst memory of Christmas?
Noel: When I was ten. I came downstairs to find that there was only one bag of money under the Christmas tree. I don't think I ever forgave my parents.