Nicknames for kids at your school

[baptist]

each of the years in our school always had a "Spaz", often from the same family.

[Kankurette]

The one I always remember was a guy in my year being called Grandad because he had mousy hair that looked grey.

[Gurke and Hare]

One of Greg Davies's standup shows has a load of these in from his school. My favourite was the kid called Baghdad, because he had a bag that his dad had bought him.

[Mr_Simnock]

Nearly all of them have carried over into adult life to the chagrin of the owner.

Anyone who still calls folk by their school nickname is, well, a cunt with their brains stuck very firmly back at school.

[Vodkafone]

Johnny Wobbler. Fat lad.

Shouldn't laugh.



Laughed, obviously.


There was a kid at my school, Chris Ward, who had a longer than average neck. Nickname: Neck.


I think school nicknames are kind of dying out aren't they?

[Vodkafone]

I've written a short play - on soon in Sheffield fans - featuring three blokes from the same year at school all called Mark and nicknamed Mark One, Mark Two and Mark Three. I made it up though. There was nobody in my year called Mark.

Tell me when and where this is on.

[Jockice]

Tell me when and where this is on.

Since I have nothing to hide. And I really mean nothing. Haven't a clue what any of the other stuff on that night will be like though. I'm taking a back seat.  My bit has been performed elsewhere a while ago and went down well. But this time it's different actors (professionals apparently), a, different director and a different audience. If anyone from here does attend feel free to come up and say hello to me. I think I am fairly identifiable.

https://twitter.com/EleanorMayBlac1/status/1767233468314886531

[Kankurette]

We had three Stevens in my class. Everyone usually referred to them by their surnames.

My best mate's nickname was Cheese and I can't remember why, but apparently it was because he had a cheesy grin.

[Mr_Simnock]

At both primary and secodary school the vast majority of 'nicknames' was just a persons surname with y at the end

[Icehaven]

My mate has two friends called Paul and he's always referred to them as Paul one and Paul two, however I only very recently discovered that the Pauls themselves don't know about this because he's worried Paul two would be offended at being the second Paul. I am of course going to tell him first chance I get. 

[Butchers Blind]

From the ones I can remember:

Wank Hands
Baboon Nips
VD
Durr
Spacbeth
Lice
Feetabix
Dead Dad
Dead Mum
Adam Pants
Lord of the Lies
Cumforth
Incest Sally

[the ouch cube]

Somewhat overweight girl - Wagon

Somewhat bad tempered girl - Chainsaw

[Blinder Data]

can't think of many from school that aren't just variations on surname, but someone i met at university was christened *REDACTED* due to likeness. this was a celebrity who had died in tragic circumstances and was in the news at the time. (name redacted because it's so niche it could easily identify me)

he actually had a rival surname which was much more affectionate and used by more kind-hearted souls, but we refused to budge. as if we could ever call him that or, even worse, Tom.

we've had to explain the nickname to others over the years which is a lot less funny now that i'm no longer an immature 18yo. but do we call him Tom instead? do we fuck

[Anagram of a Shit Name]

The only one from school I can remember is a lad called Turkey.
He got that because during lunch on the first day in high school he choked on some turkey.

Others I know now include Catherine, who's actual name is James.( James the cat, cat = Catherine)

And a man called Hippo. He got this from being a rotund schoolboy, he's now in his 70's and most people don't know him by any other name. His whole life as Hippo.

[imitationleather]

You're in your 70s? Or had this guy been held back a lot?

[Anagram of a Shit Name]

No I know him from a pub quiz I used to go to. I do often feel like I'm in my 70's though.

[Sarnie Rudeboy]

My Dad was called HOGWEED at school. Because he stank.

[badaids]

From the ones I can remember:


Baboon Nips

Please elaborate.

[Butchers Blind]

Please elaborate.

It was given to this boy who when he got undressed for PE it was noticed he had really long nipples.

[badaids]

It was given to this boy who when he got undressed for PE it was noticed he had really long nipples.

How long are we talking here, and how did you know they resembled baboon nipples?  Was it like a simian physiology course or something?

[Butchers Blind]

How long are we talking here, and how did you know they resembled baboon nipples?  Was it like a simian physiology course or something?

Fuck knows, you're talking about the mentality of 13 year old boys.

[Tony Tony Tony]

I went to college with a guy who was nicknamed Wiggy. It was only when it was pointed out this was short for Piggy Wiggy I realised how appropriate it was.

[Dex Sawash]

Shoebox- was caught wanking into a shoebox. I have my doubts

[JesusAndYourBush]

At both primary and secodary school the vast majority of 'nicknames' was just a persons surname with y at the end

Mine too, as well as some that were the first 2 letters of their 1st name + z.

One who's last name was Duck was nicknamed Ducky but none of us saw the kind of comedy shows (it was late 70s/early 80s) that would have alerted us to the comedy potential.

[Aaron500]

I used to be called Jock at junior school. I wasn't Scottish, still aren't come to think of it, I think it was because the actor who played Jock Ewing in Dallas had a similar surname.
Popular culture then provided me with a new nickname when Joey Deacon rose to prominence, so I was Joey. Combination of my madcap zany antics and similarity to my real name. Most of the teachers called me it FFS, not sure how aware they were of the derivation.

A few more pop culture references which stuck as nicknames:
Kojak - once had a short haircut
Gandhi - once came back from holiday with a tan (my school was all white [by demographics, not by decree]).
Webbo - surname wasn't Webb, but he was a big bastard and there was an advert for Webster's bitter featuring a giant character of that name.

Some physiological ones:
Beaky - big nose
Nit - small and wiry
Mouse - small but chubby

I'm still in touch with Mouse, who still calls himself that name at 50ish. As I do him. He's Mouse.

One more memorable one - a lad in juniors called Fido because he had a dog by that name and cried in class when it died. LOL.

[Anagram of a Shit Name]

I forgot my old best mate who i  christened Gut because he was a bit fat. That lasted over 25 years.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

there was a "Crunchy" in primary school whose name came from his disabled sibling being unable to pronounce "Christopher" when he was born. pretty sweet to be honest

he got hit by a car and broke his arm and leg, so the reason for the name was retconned

[SpiderChrist]

Lem - surname was Leman
Sven - obsessed with Sven Hassell books
Vegetable Soup - thick as shit
Fred - shortened from Fred 50, wore thick specs, resembled Joe 90
Bruno - surname was Brown
Jic - had sweaty hands, acronym of John Is Clammy
Donger- traded grumble mags in school
Les - surname was Dyke
Moose - sticky out ears like antlers and a big hooter. Looked like a moose.

[kalowski]

Daz Leppard.

[Gulftastic]

Cheesy - he was the most strawberry blond person I've ever seen and someone decided he looked like he was made of cheese.
Pigeon - he accidentally stood on a pigeon in Trafalger Square when we were on a school trip.
Chuck - he looked like a young Prince Charles
Tortas- rhymed with his surname.