More inessential shit from the backwaters of old TV you somehow still remember

[ProvanFan]

Advert with a Japanese man shouting "impossible!"

[Famous Mortimer]

A TV talent show of some sort, around the mid to late 80s.

A male vocal comedy group won the first week with a song that was very popular, and then came back the next week with a song called "One Night Stand", which wasn't very good. I'm not sure I even want to rewatch either of the songs, it just wandered through my head last night and I spent about an hour trying to find it, before passing it on to the CaB hivemind.

It would, admittedly, be better if I could remember anything at all about the first song, as that's the one that people are likely to remember, likely being perhaps too strong a word.

[neveragain]

Does anyone remember the name of a late night Channel 4 or 5 clip show made up of obscure films and TV? Half hour episodes, purely clips. I remember one episode featuring the ending of Meet The Feebles.

[PowerButchi]

Outhere on Channel 5? Was hosted by Emily Booth and later Anneka Svenska. Both were tidy.

https://dai.ly/x6rsjwd

[neveragain]

Might be... Will check YouTube.

Edit: Yes, that was it! Thank you. Funny I didn't remember the presenter(s).

[Yussef Dent]

A short film, probably on Channel 4. Woman riding a bike, bloke steps out into the road not looking, bike wheel goes over his foot. Woman feels bad and takes him back to hers to survey the damage and bandage him up, they then find themselves instantly attracted to each other and end up in bed. Bloke wakes up the next day, she's asleep and he goes to make himself a cup of tea but there's no milk or teabags, can't remember exactly, so he goes out looking for a shop. Gets milk or teabags, but has forgotten where she lives, and as it's a massive sprawling estate of flats that all look the same. Every door he knocks on thinking it's hers, it isn't, and he eventually gives up.

[Replies From View]

A short film, probably on Channel 4. Woman riding a bike, bloke steps out into the road not looking, bike wheel goes over his foot. Woman feels bad and takes him back to hers to survey the damage and bandage him up, they then find themselves instantly attracted to each other and end up in bed. Bloke wakes up the next day, she's asleep and he goes to make himself a cup of tea but there's no milk or teabags, can't remember exactly, so he goes out looking for a shop. Gets milk or teabags, but has forgotten where she lives, and as it's a massive sprawling estate of flats that all look the same. Every door he knocks on thinking it's hers, it isn't, and he eventually gives up.

The final act is the format of so many of my dreams.

[Sonny_Jim]

Isn't the the plot of a Game On episode?

Martin finally gets a girl to have sex with him, they go back to hers but he doesn't have any condom's, goes out to buy some but gets lost etc etc

[KennyMonster]

Here's a query: possibly early channel 5 or maybe channel 4, early 00s I think. A reality show about people going to a health farm of some sort. I remember a chubby cheeky cockney guy called Monkey and a glamorous lass who apparently worked in nightclubs doing some hosting type job. I remember Monkey questioning the nature of her job and whether she was really "a brass". They also did some colon cleansing thing and I remember Monkey saying "the shit was OOZING out my arse" with really funny emphasis that has always stuck with me. Anybody recall that?

There was a celebrity health spa reality tv show back then where Brass Eye's Richard Blackwood had colonic irrigation on camera.

[Andy147]

A TV talent show of some sort, around the mid to late 80s.

A male vocal comedy group won the first week with a song that was very popular, and then came back the next week with a song called "One Night Stand", which wasn't very good. I'm not sure I even want to rewatch either of the songs, it just wandered through my head last night and I spent about an hour trying to find it, before passing it on to the CaB hivemind.

It would, admittedly, be better if I could remember anything at all about the first song, as that's the one that people are likely to remember, likely being perhaps too strong a word.

Could be "Rosser & Davies", a Welsh duo who won Opportunity Knocks in 1987? "Friends" was their famous song, but apparently they also had a song called "One Night Stand".

[Famous Mortimer]

Fuck me, you're right! Thanks @Andy147, my memory was very faulty but that's definitely it.

[Yussef Dent]

Isn't the the plot of a Game On episode?

Martin finally gets a girl to have sex with him, they go back to hers but he doesn't have any condom's, goes out to buy some but gets lost etc etc

It is but this short film could have been before that. I vividly remember the guy's foot being ran over, and I think at one point as he's trying different flats an old woman attacks him with a broom.

Anyway... another short film!

I thought this featured the actor who played Karen Colman in I'm Alan Partridge but I can't find owt on her IDMB page so it could be someone else. Again, it's from decades ago so my memory is sketchy. Young bloke tries to burgle a suburban house but f***s it up when he finds the occupants, a middle class husband and wife, are still inside it. He panics when caught and pleads with them not to contact the police as he's a serial offender and he faces a long prison sentence. The couple wonder why if he doesn't want to go to prison, surely the best thing to do is not to offend, and engage in a conversation with him to find out why. Eventually, the woman starts talking dotingly of her own son, how he was brought up and what he had achieved. However, it then becomes apparent that the son is deceased. The woman then makes the young man a deal. They will not report his crime to the police, however the condition of that is he has to effectively take on the role of their dead son, despite being an almost complete polar opposite. From what I remember, the film ended with the youth accepting it but being completely bemused by his new identity and wondering if he'd made the right choice.

[Ambient Sheep]

That sounds very familiar, even more so than your other one, but I can't help with either, I'm afraid. Sorry.  Looking forward to the answer, though!

[Sonny_Jim]

Any of these?

https://www.imdb.com/search/keyword/?keywords=bicycle%2Cindependent-film&ref_=kw_ref_typ&sort=moviemeter,asc&mode=detail&page=1&title_type=short

Also any idea when it was made?

[Mobbd]

Reminds me slightly of the Jam sketch with the "uncomplicated" girl played by Julia Davis.

[curiousoranges]

Early 90s. A story on the UK news about a toddler having a hit novelty rap single in America. It included lyrics "it's hard being a baby" or something similar. It was news because the "rapper" was an infant.

[KennyMonster]

Early 90s. A story on the UK news about a toddler having a hit novelty rap single in America. It included lyrics "it's hard being a baby" or something similar. It was news because the "rapper" was an infant.

It was probably something like Eurotrash or Rapido.

It was a french baby, title was something like "Dur Dur D'etre Baby" which means something like "It's tough being a baby"

Baby had a name like 'Jordi' IIRC

[Famous Mortimer]

It was probably something like Eurotrash or Rapido.

It was a french baby, title was something like "Dur Dur D'etre Baby" which means something like "It's tough being a baby"

Baby had a name like 'Jordi' IIRC

Well, the years haven't improved it:

[Replies From View]

From the description I thought you were talking about Hanson's Mmmbop.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Well, the years haven't improved it:

Oh that is disappointing.  From the little photo in the corner of the thumbnail I was expecting a video of the now 30-something year old Jordi doing the song, which would have been amusing.

[Mobbd]

Oof. How's this for inessential?

A recurring sketch on Beadle's Hot Shots (a spin-off of You've Been Framed where members of the public submit short films and sketches) in which a backyard strongman called "Hard as Nails" attempts a feat of strength and injures himself horribly.

He'd go to, say, karate chop a load of telephone directories and bust his hand up into a gory mass. The character's actual name was "Hard-as-Nails" and he'd be interviewed by a sports presenter-style straight man who'd say things like "so what's all this about, Hard-as-nails?"

In the spirit of this thread, the sketch has stuck in my memory, uselessly, forever. But when Adam Buxton interviewed Edgar Wright on his podcast a few years ago, Edgar told the story of how he'd worked on Beadle's Hot Shots and most of what the public submitted was unbroadcastable so he'd made the sketches himself. I wonder if Hard as Nails was one of his? I bet it was. I bet this is why it stood out a bit and why I remember it. It would also explain how they had enough hard as nails sketches to run the whole single season.

There's only one clip of Beadle's Hot Shots on YouTube and it's not Hard as Nails. It's a parody of Speed and On the Buses. Some people in the comments say that Buxton's podcast led them to it.

There's also this guy's blog which mentions Hard as Nails. Tellingly, in his description of the show, he says "I'm not sure if there was any professional involvement in the making of [the sketches]" and later mentions Adam Buxton. He probably listened to that podcast and thought the same as me.

Anyone else remember this? Could it really be an early Edgar Wright production? Or just another piece of old tot? Probably "a little from Column A and a little from Column B."

Further to this pointless but sticky memory, I've been reading about Wavis O'Shave, an outsider comedian type who used to do sketches on The Tube. He had a character that was probably ripped off by whoever did Hard-as-Nails for Beadle's Hot Shots.

From Wikipedia:

Wavis O'Shave performed many original comedy characters including the cult figure "The Hard", a bizarre character who made brief appearances on The Tube hitting his hand with a hammer and saying "I felt nowt (nothing)!"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wavis_O%27Shave

Photograph recently added to Wavis' own Twitter account:

https://twitter.com/Wavis0Shave/status/1558013979812847616

[Capt.Midnight]

Apologies if it's already been mentioned, but does anyone remember Frontal on 4later? Seems to have been lost to time. Looks like one other person is on the hunt https://forums.lostmediawiki.com/thread/7888/frontal-late-night-show-channel

I vaguely recall it had a Mr Oizo music video where he was getting disemboweled(?) It always stuck with me.

[Famous Mortimer]

That's the sort of thing where I'd try sending an email or two to people credited as writers and producers on it, see if someone has a tape in their attic.

[willbo]

A late night channel 4 one off play/film with Danielle McCormack, who was then playing the older sister in "My Parents Are Aliens", as a teen girl who sinks into drugs and sex work after making bad friends and giving blow jobs at a party.

A short film, probably on Channel 4. Woman riding a bike, bloke steps out into the road not looking, bike wheel goes over his foot. Woman feels bad and takes him back to hers to survey the damage and bandage him up, they then find themselves instantly attracted to each other and end up in bed. Bloke wakes up the next day, she's asleep and he goes to make himself a cup of tea but there's no milk or teabags, can't remember exactly, so he goes out looking for a shop. Gets milk or teabags, but has forgotten where she lives, and as it's a massive sprawling estate of flats that all look the same. Every door he knocks on thinking it's hers, it isn't, and he eventually gives up.

I saw a short film on late night C4 with the almost exact same story, except he was looking for a condom, and I think the guy was Richard Coyle. Someone here knew what it was and linked me to it. It should be a few pages back on this thread.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Do any former NOTBBCers remember Wavis O'Shave on there? He made a bit of a that of himself by mak8ng a play for a very popular and funny member of that forum who he believed was female, but was actually male.

[Bently Sheds]

Photograph recently added to Wavis' own Twitter account:

https://twitter.com/Wavis0Shave/status/1558013979812847616

"I'm soooo hard, soooo hard I've got that many tattoos they carry on onto me mate's back"

[Gurke and Hare]

Do any former NOTBBCers remember Wavis O'Shave on there? He made a bit of a that of himself by mak8ng a play for a very popular and funny member of that forum who he believed was female, but was actually male.

Yeah, he was a fucking nuisance.

[willbo]

Isn't the the plot of a Game On episode?

Martin finally gets a girl to have sex with him, they go back to hers but he doesn't have any condom's, goes out to buy some but gets lost etc etc

it was possibly a short film with the actor from game on

[Famous Mortimer]

I have a memory of (I think) Kate Copstick doing a variety of sketches, ongoing stories, and so on, with the central conceit being it would move from one TV  to another TV, where a different "show" would be playing. Maybe she was just in one of the sketches?

The only reason it popped into my head is there's a conversation about shows named after their star, even if they're playing a character (The Phil Silvers Show, for example) and I was going to make a crappy joke about Copstick's, but then I didn't remember the name of the show and can't find it hide nor hair of it online, which indicates this could all be a dream of some sort.

[PammySpacek]

Apologies if it's already been mentioned, but does anyone remember Frontal on 4later? Seems to have been lost to time. Looks like one other person is on the hunt https://forums.lostmediawiki.com/thread/7888/frontal-late-night-show-channel

I vaguely recall it had a Mr Oizo music video where he was getting disemboweled(?) It always stuck with me.

Reading that link has given me a name for a programme I saw in 1999 that stuck in my mind - turns out I watched the pilot of Frontal. Or at least the first five minutes of it. Didn't record it or anything, sadly, despite the fanfare it got from the announcer.

I do recall being immensely put off by one of the presenters, who according to that forum thread was Italian music producer Charlie Rapino. My two memories of him on the show were of the realization that Channel 4 had allowed him the swearing equivalent of diplomatic immunity (every fourth word seemed to be "fuck" or "fucking"), and also that he was the very worst kind of late 90s beery laddish media wankstain.

I do recall sticking around for that Vast music video which is also mentioned, and being impressed by it (although not so impressed that I was willing to sit through more of Charlie Rapino for whatever was after that). Thinking about it now it seemed to be mainly crossing Little Red Riding Hood with Don't Look Now, the latter of which I wasn't properly aware of at the time. It's probably aged like milk.

There was so much of this "too dangerous for TV!" music video shit around at that time, wasn't there? To the extent that it got parodied by Charlie Brooker in the TV Go Home book.

I have a memory of (I think) Kate Copstick doing a variety of sketches, ongoing stories, and so on, with the central conceit being it would move from one TV  to another TV, where a different "show" would be playing. Maybe she was just in one of the sketches?

The only reason it popped into my head is there's a conversation about shows named after their star, even if they're playing a character (The Phil Silvers Show, for example) and I was going to make a crappy joke about Copstick's, but then I didn't remember the name of the show and can't find it hide nor hair of it online, which indicates this could all be a dream of some sort.

For some reason this is vaguely reminding me of a listing in Fist Of Fun which may have been parodying this. Or maybe it was a bit in the Fist Of Fun book? I can't find those listings anywhere so I can't check that.