Star Trek: The Next Generation Rewatch (oh god no)

[Lemming]

And that's the end of TNG! A lot of fun to watch and discuss it, and to compare ratings! We'll take a look at all the ratings soon and see if we can find the best seasons/episodes/what-have-you.

EDIT: Oops, new page. Posted the second part of All Good Things at the end of the last page.

Think it's always been one long episode hasn't it? It's presented like that on my blu ray set & seems just to have one airdate (May 23, 1994).

You're right - Netflix confusingly lists it as "All Good Things Parts 1 & 2", but Wikipedia says it was aired as one episode and later then split into two by channels for syndication. So we should probably count it as one episode for scoring purposes.

[daf]

176 | "All Good Things..."



Recounter at Endpoint

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Highlights
• Moustache Geordi's Vineyard Visit
• Un-dead Tasha
• Redshirt O'Brien
• Chirpy Early Data
• The Cockney Charlady Sketch
• The "Ignite the Petroleum" Sketch
• Professor Data's Holographic Fireplace
• Tea Earl Grey Hot #0 : Non-programmed Beverage Bummer
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Other Bits :
• Judge Q's Yes-No Game Sketch
• Doctor Kiss Kiss
• Crinkly Captain Crusher
• Orson Wills Riker
• Maximum Worf
• Primordial Pond of Goo
• Triple Tachyon Time-Tear
• Red Hot Poker #14 : New Deck of Picards
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Score :

[Blumf]

Still bugs me that this whole mess was created by Q in the first place. "Take that, Picard! I'm blaming you for something I put into action."

On the other hand, maybe this is Q showing Picard what it's really like to be a Q. Flow of consciousness flitting between timelines, forcing you to have your wits about you, because anything you do could fuck everything. So is this Q's way of showing Picard friendship, letting him into Q's poker game, figuratively?

[elliszeroed]

Still bugs me that this whole mess was created by Q in the first place. "Take that, Picard! I'm blaming you for something I put into action."

On the other hand, maybe this is Q showing Picard what it's really like to be a Q. Flow of consciousness flitting between timelines, forcing you to have your wits about you, because anything you do could fuck everything. So is this Q's way of showing Picard friendship, letting him into Q's poker game, figuratively?

Wait, when was it said that the anomaly was created by Q?

[Blumf]

Wait, when was it said that the anomaly was created by Q?

It wasn't, directly. But Q was the one fucking with Picard that led him to shooting the DATABEAM in three time periods that created the reverse time bastard in the first place.

[MojoJojo]

But the Q Continuum wanted the test, Q volunteered because he wanted humanity to pass. It's a bit weird - it's a causal loop*, but actually it does have a distinct cause, which is the Q dicking about with things.

It's a nice send off. No Katherine Pulaski, and the Tasha Yar bits just felt a bit awkward, but for everyone else they get a plausible and apparently happy future. Except Troi who's dead. Strange how Worf has had a few glimpses of the future, and none of them include DS9.

Can't help thinking that all these adventures that only Picard gets to witness would be a severe strain and Picard's grip on reality. It could have all been a dream.

(* which isn't actually a paradox, but whatev's)

[Zero Gravitas]

Feels a bit like a civies day, Picard and Deana get to wear pyjamas half the episode, Geordi gets to take his hairband off, low effort.


Bit too handsy Patrick.


Bit too handsy Patrick, are you gonna get changed?


AH COWSE ITS OT ITS EEEE IZ OHT!


Put that in himself, ponce.


Comfortable reunion, less hands Patrick.


Crabby old git.


This caused body image issues that caused Gates to replace her entire face.


All dead again.


Does Q LOVE Picard!!??


Ahhh, all along he just wanted to play poker! Clever.


Fuck you Rick, not for this just generally.

[MojoJojo]

Oh yeah, the Picard/Beverly getting married and divorced felt like a misstep. And Geordi marrying Leah Brahms just brings up all the ick again. Riker/Worf falling out over Deadanna felt right.

It's possible I just don't like the crew having any personal relationships.

[Lemming]

SEASON SEVEN ULTRA-ROUNDUP

It took us just over a year to watch all of TNG! It doesn't feel like it, feels like, maybe six months at the most. Perception of time going all wonky with age, I suppose.

Descent Part 2 - me 3/10, daf 4/10
Liasions - me 5/10, daf 4/10
Interface - me 6/10, daf 4/10
Gambit Part 1 - me 5/10, daf 4/10
Gambit Part 2 - me 6/10, daf 4/10
Phantasms - me 7/10, daf 8/10
Dark Page - me 8/10, daf 9/10
Attached - me 3/10, daf 7/10
Force of Nature - me 5/10, daf 3/10
Inheritance - me 3/10, daf 4/10
Parallels - me 7/10, daf 7/10
The Pegasus - me 6/10, daf 5/10
Homeward - me 1/10, daf 6/10
Sub Rosa - me 8/10, daf 9/10
Lower Decks - me 7/10, daf 9/10
Thine Own Self - me 5/10, daf 6/10
Masks - me 4/10, daf 5/10
Eye of the Beholder - me 5/10, daf 4/10
Genesis - me 3/10, daf 6/10
Journey's End - me 3/10, daf 5/10
Firstborn - me 4/10, daf 5/10
Bloodlines - me 2/10, daf 4/10
Emergence - me 4/10, daf 5/10
Preemptive Strike - me 5/10, daf 4/10
All Good Things... me 7/10, daf

My average is 4.8, while daf's is 5.5!

My favourite episodes are, according to the scores, Dark Page, Phantasms, Sub Rosa, Lower Decks, and Parallels. Sounds about right. Sub Rosa is the pick of the bunch because it's fucking incredible. THE CANDLE, BEVERLY... GIVE ME THE CANDLE ;(

Season 1 average = me 3.5, daf 3.3
Season 2 average = me 4.9, daf 4.7
Season 3 average = me 5.3, daf 5.1
Season 4 average = me 5.7, daf 4.8
Season 5 average = me 6.0, daf 6.1
Season 6 average = me 5.6, daf 6.0
Season 7 average = me 4.8, daf 5.5

Broad consensus there, season four being the only one with a really significant difference in ratings.

Just for amusement's sake, if you get the average of the season scores and assume it's an average score for the entire of TNG...
Mine is 5.1 and daf's is 5.0!

Here's a list of episodes we thought were the best, going purely by rating. Anything 8/10 or over gets on this list. Included both our scores for each one. 10/10s are bolded to make it easier to see which episodes received the vaunted WORF OF HONOUR:

Spoiler alert

Elementary, Dear Data (me: 4/10, daf: 10/10)
A Matter of Honor (me: 8/10, daf: 7/10)
The Measure of a Man (me: 4/10, daf: 8/10)
The Royale (me: 9/10, daf: 6/10)
Q Who (me: 7/10, daf: 8/10)
The Survivors (me: 9/10, daf: 5/10)
Who Watches the Watchers? (me: 8/10, daf: 6/10)
The Bonding (me: 9/10, daf: 4/10)
The Defector (me: 9/10, daf: 4/10)
Deja Q (me: 4/10, daf: 8/10)
Yesterday's Enterprise (me: 6/10, daf: 9/10)
The Offspring (me: 6/10, daf: 10/10)
Sins of the Father (me: 7/10, daf: 8/10)
Hollow Pursuits (me: 3/10, daf: 8/10)
Family (me: 4/10, daf: 8/10)
Remember Me (me: 8/10, daf: 5/10)
Clues (me: 8/10, daf: 7/10)
Night Terrors (me: 8/10, daf: 3/10)
Qpid (me: 6/10, daf: 10/10)
Half a Life (me: 9/10, daf: 8/10)
Darmok (me: 10/10, daf: 9/10)
Ensign Ro (me: 8/10, daf: 5/10)
Disaster (me: 10/10, daf: 10/10)
New Ground (me: 8/10, daf: 5/10)
Power Play (me: 8/10, daf: 5/10)
The Outcast (me: 2/10, daf: 8/10)
Cause and Effect (me: 7/10, daf: 9/10)
Imaginary Friend (me: 8/10, daf: 6/10)
I, Borg (me: 8/10, daf: 9/10)
The Inner Light (me: 7/10, daf: 9/10)
Relics (me: 6/10, daf: 8/10)
Rascals (me: 8/10, daf: 7/10)
A Fistful of Datas (me: 5/10, daf: 8/10)
Ship in a Bottle (me: 7/10, daf: 10/10)
Face of the Enemy (me: 8/10, daf: 4/10)
The Chase (me: 7/10, daf: 8/10)
Frame of Mind (me: 8/10, daf: 7/10)
Second Chances (me: 10/10, daf: 8/10)
Phantasms (me: 7/10, daf: 8/10)
Dark Page (me: 8/10, daf: 9/10)
Sub Rosa (me: 8/10, daf: 9/10)
Lower Decks (me: 7/10, daf 9/10)

[close]

[Blumf]

So S05E05 Disaster is the bestest TNG episode eva, with 10s from both Lemming and daf


https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Disaster_(episode)

Not bad, I can live with that. Lots of good stuff going on there.

Fan favourite, S05E02 Darmok, must have been a close second, with 10 and 9.

EDIT: Just had a quick look and only see one 'best of' list mention Disaster, and then, it only put it in 15th.

[daf]

I actually had 'Sub Rosa' at 11/10 for a while (mr Homns), but thought that might have looked a bit silly and banjaxed up the stats - On reflection I should have given it a 10!

My favourite this season was probably 'Lower Decks' - I enjoyed all the new characters and was genuinely rattled by the death at the end (I'd either forgotten it or hadn't seen it before - so was confidently expecting the usual narrow squeak escape and a cozy reunion!)

[Mobbd]

Dark Page, Phantasms, Sub Rosa, Lower Decks, and Parallels. Sounds

Yeah! I don't like Sub Rosa (even though I dig "bad" episodes) but your other choices are my faveys too. Also nice to see Elementary,  Disaster, and Darmok ranking so highly. Love those ones.

I'd rate Yesterday's Enterprise a lot higher than that; will seek out your review.

[daf]

My Series 7 | Top 3 :
1. ⬅ Lower Decks
2. ⬆ Sub Rosa
3. ⬆ Dark Page

and just for fun . . .

My Series 7 | Bottom 3 :
23. ⬇ Interface
24. ⬇ Bloodlines
25. ⬅ Force of Nature

[Lemming]

EDIT: Just had a quick look and only see one 'best of' list mention Disaster, and then, it only put it in 15th.

That's surprising, it's such a strong episode. Riker carrying Data's head!

It's interesting to see how our ratings differed from popular opinion - the one that stands out to me is that we were both just sort of lukewarmly positive about BoBW, when most people seem to think it's the high watermark of all of Star Trek.

Similarly, after thinking about it a bit, "The Royale" might actually be my favourite episode of TNG, even though I couldn't justify the full Worf/10 rating. Never seems to show up on best-of lists, though. Just love the concept, the weirdness and the striking visuals, and the way it smoothly transitions from being initially quite frightening and eerie to being outright comedy over the course of the episode.

"When the train comes in, everybody rides!"

[Mobbd]

What are you re-watching next, @Lemming?

*crosses fingers and hopes for Dr. Zitbag's Transylvanian Pet Shop.*

[Lemming]

I think we're doing the TNG movies! There was some talk of doing DS9 next too, which I'm absolutely up for since I've not seen it in years but I remember really loving the earlier seasons (including, and especially, "Move Along Home").

[Mobbd]

I think we're doing the TNG movies! There was some talk of doing DS9 next too, which I'm absolutely up for since I've not seen it in years but I remember really loving the earlier seasons (including, and especially, "Move Along Home").

Huzzah!

[Blumf]

That's surprising, it's such a strong episode. Riker carrying Data's head!

Yeah, it's a good all rounder.

It's interesting to see how our ratings differed from popular opinion - the one that stands out to me is that we were both just sort of lukewarmly positive about BoBW, when most people seem to think it's the high watermark of all of Star Trek.

Glancing around, I get the feeling most the lists are picking the big Picard-speech episodes (e.g. Drumhead, Measure of a Man), ones where Stewart gets to flex his acting chops (Chain of Command, Inner Light), and the usual show-piece episodes (BoBW, All Good Things).

Think you and daf have been seeing through the hype and picking the fun episodes.

[Lemming]

Star Trek: Generations

Picard's first silver-screen adventure sees him face off against the dastardly Malcom MacDowell.

Spoilering the rewatch for length:

PART 1: THE HUNT FOR MCDOWELL

Spoiler alert

- Here's the mark of quality. You know we're in for a masterwork with this one.


- Welcome to the TOS movie era, where Jim Kirk has arrived (with Chekov and Scotty) to accompany the maiden voyage of the Enterprise-B. Jim meets Demora Sulu, the daughter of Starfleet's best most middling helmsman! Jim, Chekov and Scotty all drone on about how fucking old they are until the real captain shows up and tells them to stop fucking around because the voyage is set to begin.

- Tim Russ!

- The plan is to ride around Pluto and go back to Earth, just to impress the journalists who are on board. But there's a distress call from some El-Aurien refugees! Somehow, some idiots have actually managed to run into trouble in the fucking solar system, easily the safest place in the galaxy. Moving closer we see a BASTARD FIELD with two ships trapped inside. The new captain starts to freak out a little asks Jim for help, who springs into action acting like he's insanely hot shit and orders that the Enterprise rush into the anomaly. He's told that this will destroy the Enterprise, but don't worry, he reckons it'll be fine. The survivors be beamed aboard. Thanks to Kirk's ace plan of smirking and saying "risk is part of the game", the Enterprise is sucked into the anomaly and torn apart.

- As Jim paces around the bridge looking meek while the Enterprise is shredded like paper, Malcolm McDowell, one of the refugees from the ships, freaks out in sickbay and has to be sedated. We also see that Guinan's here, what are the chances eh?

- We're gonna die if someone doesn't do something or other with the deflector array. The captain is about to do the task but Kirk, being a glory-hunting dick, senses the opportunity to redeem himself and impress the journos, turning this from "fucking moron traps new ship in nightmare deathtrap" to "hero man saves everyone". Jim heads into the deflector room, which is some hilarious platforming challenge full of collapsing catwalks and shit, and hauls his weighty body over numerous obstacles until he reaches the array. He repairs it with seconds to spare and the Enterprise is able to break free and reach safety, but the deflector is struck by the anomaly, whisking Jim away.

- Everyone agrees it's sad that Kirk just fucking died. Scotty and the captain go to the deflector room and see that it's been blown apart and opened to space. RIP Kirk.

- 78 years later, Kirk is a distant memory. The TNG crew are having a right laugh dicking about on a sailing ship (guess what its name is) on the holodeck. This is, believe it or not, Worf's promotion party. I don't know why they're doing it like this. There's something wrong with them.

- Riker deletes the holo-plank that Worf's standing on, plunging him into the holo-water. Ho ho ho! While Data shoves Bev into the water (deemed not funny by onlookers, even though it's objectively extremely funny), Picard revels at the idea of being on a sailing ship with no computers, technology, food, or hope. Distress call (from the real world, not the holo-game): An observatory is under attack! The Enterprise crew rush to the rescue, still wearing stupid fucking naval uniforms, and find the observatory in ruins. Picard puts Riker in charge, yells at him, then goes to cry in his ready room. Troi senses that something might be up, there.

- Riker leads an away team to the observatory, and finds a shitton of corpses. There's one survivor - oh my GOD it's Malcom McDowell! Born in Horsforth, by the way, and acting alongside Stewart, who was born in Mirfield. Everyone in this film is from the Leeds area, which is ace.

- The team find a disfigured Romulan corpse. To stop the plot from getting too exciting, we cut to Geordi and Data glumly discussing Data's major-league anti-Bev faux pas earlier. He decides to insert the emotion chip, which he's kept here with him since "Descent" I guess.

- Why's the ship so fucking dark by the way? Were they afraid it wouldn't look suitably "cinematic" if everything was normally lit?

- Riker returns to the ship and reports to Picard in the ready room, which is like, pitch fucking black. Picard and Riker stumble about in the dark discussing the Romulan presence. Picard is brusque with Riker again, but Riker's too weedy to do anything about it, so shuffles off.

- In Ten Forward (oddly lit), Guinan gives Data a drink. The beverage produces an emotional response! He hates it, but nobody seems too concerned that he's gonna go apeshit and start strangling people in a repeat of his "Descent" antics. Picard enters to meet with McDowell, who stands dramatically at the back on his own. He impresses upon Picard the importance of continuing his experiments, but Picard is a moody dickhead to him as he is being with everyone today. McDowell creepily leers at him and says cryptic shit about time, which convinces Picard to back down a little. While he leaves, McDowell stops when he sees Guinan (he somehow walked through Ten Forward and to the back without noticing her earlier?).

- In Engineering, Riker and Worf bumble around in the darkness, trying to see where the fuck they're going. Geordi heads down to the ruined observatory, which is actually way better lit than the Enterprise, where Data's losing his goddamn mind already. Ignoring the complete decay of Data's mind, Geordi goes around pushing bits of the wall like he's playing Doom and discovers a secret. Behind the wall, they see the best-lit room in the film, which contains a SOLAR PROBE. We don't get the chance to give it a proper checking out because Data's face starts warping then he collapses. Another Soong-tech disasterpiece. Suddenly, McDowell arrives and knocks Geordi the fuck out with one killer punch!

- Troi finally comes to see Picard in his quarters (dimly-lit) to find out what the fuck his problem is today. TRAGIC NEWS: Robert and his son are both fucking dead because Chateau Picard burned down. Really good, great plot point, really adds so much to "Family". Troi tries to comfort Picard, but can barely see him in the dimness. He begins to weep, more at the death of his family than at the low quality of the lighting (though that may also be a contributing factor).

-
I'm not joking, the entire movie is shot in darkness. The ship isn't on emergency power or anything, this is just what it looks like now. It's a hundred thousand times worse than the regular TV series. Why did they do this? I guess maybe to hide the relative cheapness of the sets (which I'm sure most people agree look great, even if you can tell they're a bit flimsy)?

- Picard says that the real tragedy here is that there'll be no more Picards, because he loved learning about the previous ones, like that one who killed Native Americans. Amazingly, the room is suddenly lit up, and we can see things! Turns out it's the result of an exploding sun just outside. Geordi and Data aren't back yet and we've got like three seconds to save them before the explosion tears them apart. Down on the station, McDowell steals Geordi's VISOR and then opens fire on Riker and Worf. A Klingon BoP arrives and teleports McDowell and Geordi out while Riker and Worf roll around on the ground trying to dodge McDowell's PLASMA BLASTS. The Enterprise recovers Data and the away team and retreats, but it's too late for Geordi.

- Turns out the BoP belongs to the Durex Sisters (and is slightly better lit than the Enterprise). McDowell and the Durex Sisters are in an uneasy alliance - McDowell wants to complete his experiment, and the Durex Sisters want to, uh, "re-conquer the Klingon Empire".

- Look at his Wikipedia picture:


- Bev reads out the results of her research into McDowell 0in a dreary monotone, informing the crew of that shit we saw at the start where Kirk died and the El-Auriens were rescued. Picard goes to see Guinan to ask her for info about McDowell. She says that McDowell's ultimate aim is to return to THE NEXUS, the energy ribbon that shot Kirk in the cock at the start. Guinan went to THE NEXUS once and it was great, she gives it a really good review. She and the other El-Auriens were pulled out against their will, which sucked, but Guinan learned to accept there was no way to return. But McDowell couldn't accept it, and will do anything to get back - even PUNCH GEORDI. Guinan warns Picard that if he enters THE NEXUS, it will ensnare him and he'll be too deleriously happy to ever leave it.

- Look at the lighting conditions in Guinan's quarters, by the way. I'll stop mentioning this in every scene now but holy fuck:



- McDowell is checking out Geordi's VISOR. It's a remaaaahkable piece of equipment. "Not very stylish, though," he erroneously concludes. He asks Geordi, who's tied to some weird chair, to clue him in on TRILITHIUM.

- Guess where we're going now. That's right - STELLAR CARTOGRAPHY. Yes! YES! 360 DEGREE SCREENS! It's like Seven's Astrometrics Lab in Voyager, but with higher screen coverage of every given wall. Picard and Data (who's still fucked from the emotion chip) gawk at the cool graphics they can make appear on the screens. Despite a bit of a wobble where Data demands to be deactivated, they manage to figure out that McDowell is exploding suns to change the gravitational properties of space to redirect THE NEXUS RIBBON so he can reach it. The problem is that one of the suns he'll have to blow up next is near a populated planet, so the Enterprise hauls ass to get there before he does.

[close]

PART 2: SHATNER IN THE NEXUS

Spoiler alert

- The Durex Sisters arrive at the system first, but the Enterprise is close behind. Picard enters negotiations with the Durex Sisters, and offers himself as their prisoner in exchange for Geordi.

- OGAWA FANS REJOICE! Here's her four-second cameo as a blurry figure moving past the camera (in a dimly lit room)!


- McDowell has already beamed down to a planet in the system. Picard beams down and walks face-first into a 50 GIGAWATT FORCEFIELD which sends his dumb ass tumbling to the ground. Meanwhile, it turns out the Durex Sisters have turned Geordi's VISOR into a camera with which they can spy on the Enterprise, revealing its SECRETS.

- Behind the forcefield, McDowell prepares THE PROBE which will destroy the sun. Picard implores him to stop, and promises another way of getting him into THE NEXUS. He even brings up the Borg's annihilation of the El-Auriens, in which McDowell lost his wife and child. This stirs something in McDowell, who goes off on a speech about how old Picard is (all anyone seems to talk about in Star Trek movies is how old they are). But time doesn't exist in THE NEXUS, and you can live forever there in PERMANENT ORGASM MODE.

- This is going to make me sound like a complete dunce because this was probably already the case in the TV show I've just spent an entire year watching, but... what's happening with the uniforms? Why do some people (Worf, Troi) have the more colourful one while others (Data, Riker) have the mainly-black one? That's the DS9 one, right? What's going on? Dodgy rollout where not everyone gets the new ones at the same time?


- The Durex Sisters use the GEORDI FOOTAGE to discover the Enterprise's shield modulation frequency. Their torpedoes tear through the Enterprise's shields, blowing consoles up and sending dudes and chicks flying. Riker uses his famous "throw shit at the wall and see what sticks" method to come up with an epic plan to strike back at the Durex Sisters by abusing a weakness in their plasma coils. When the Durex Sisters try to cloak, Riker gives the order to fire, which blows up their main reactor and destroys their ship, consuming them in a fireball. Data cheers. Well, that's one way to write out those characters, I guess.

- Enterprise is blowing up anyway for some reason. Children from the nursery (fucking hell) are rushed up to the saucer section because this is a SAUCER SEP SITUATION. Geordi gets to do a much less shitty version of his famous blast door roll from BoBW. 

- And there goes the Enterprise! Delighted to note that this happened under Riker's watch.


- Troi's on the conn and manages to pilot the saucer section into an emergency landing on a planet. I've heard the joke about how Troi crashes the Enterprise, but what are people talking about? That was like, a fucking wicked crash-landing, the space equivalent of that guy who landed that plane in the Hudson River with no casualties.

- A much more tense situation is emerging planetside: Picard's bald head is starting to sunburn. While probing for weaknesses in THE MCDOWELLFIELD, he discovers a small hole in a rock in which the forcefield inexplicably isn't present. It's too small to squeeze his fat ass through! Dare he try anyway?

-
The plot of this film is now that chunky Picard has gotten his arse stuck in some rocks and McDowell is about to shoot him with his one-of-a-kind plasma-magnum.

- Despite being killed by a volley of fire from the plasma-magnum, Picard's fine, and engages in one of the wimpiest fist-fights ever with McDowell on a precarious birdge, in order to stop him from launching THE PROBE. Picard loses, of course, and is sent hurtling down a cliff. THE NEXUS RIBBON appears, and THE PROBE is launched. The Enteprise's mission has failed on literally every level.

- THE RIBBON drwas near and pulls McDowell and Picard in just before the supernova shockwave destroys the planet and the remains of the Enterprise.

- Picard arrives in THE NEXUS where he finds an IDYLLIC HOUSE with IDYLLIC CHILDREN and an IDYLLIC WIFE, who serves him IDYLLIC EARL GREY. To top it all off, his IDYLLIC NEPHEW is here who has IDYLLICALLY NOT BURNED TO DEATH! This is great (though it looks like hell to me, personally)! The kids all run to and fro saying shit like "may i have a pastry, papa". Picard becomes giddy with glee.

- Guinan pops up and tells Picard he's in THE NEXUS. He hadn't figured that out despite literally being hit in the face with the nexus ribbon. Like, he's genuinely surprised, he says "this is the nexus?". Anyway, Guinan's about as much help here as she is in the real world, which is to say none. She does tell him, however, that if he leaves the nexus, he can go to any time or place he wants, since the nexus is so weird like that. He resolves to go to just before THE PROBE was launched and stop it. Why not go further back?! Why not go back to when he first encountered McDowell?! He can go anywhere but he decides to put himself in like, the shittest possible position where the most could go wrong, for no fucking reason.

- To do this, he'll need the help of Jim Kirk, who's also trapped here, chopping wood like a twat. Fat Shat, in his wildest fantasies made real by the nexus, burns some eggs. He has some trouble understanding the concept of the nexus, as if weirder shit didn't happen to him every week like clockwork at the height of his Starfleet career.

- Fat Shat refuses to leave the nexus, because he's having too much fun preparing eggs on a loop forever, and tells Picard he'll have to go stop McDowell himself. Patrick Stewart and William Shatner, both horse fans (Shatner so much so that he jerks them off and sells the cum, IIRC) take the opportunity to ride some horses around at Paramount's expense.

- The novelty of riding horses wears off after three seconds and Jim decides he's had enough, and that he's absolutely up for stopping McDowell now.

- Time reverses to the point where Troi crashed the ship performed a skilful safety landing which literally saved everyone on board. Picard clambers up towards McDowell to get his ass handed to him again, but this time, Jim's here! Picard rushes to disable THE PROBE while Jim chases McDowell in a sort of half-run half-stumble. In a bit of truly shocking choreography/editing, McDowell is punched off a cliff, and saves himself with a cool rope. He cloaks THE PROBE but then drops the controller.

- Kirk waddles towards the controller, which has landed on the precarious bridge. A blast from McDowell's plasma-magnum takes the bridge out! Excitement bursts from the screen as the remains of the bridge begin to buckle hopelessly under Shatner's weight! Three aging men all scramble about in the dirt trying to sell you on this hunt for the probe controller.

- Jim leaps heroically across a chasm and the bridge collapses under his girth. He manages to hold on just long enough to de-cloak THE PROBE and then falls to his death, crushed by the bridge. Well, that's one way to kill off James T Kirk, I suppose. Duras Sisters died in a generic space battle, and Kirk has been... crushed by a bridge that collapsed under his weight.

- McDowell pursues Picard to THE PROBE.

- Holy FUCK I howled at this next scene. There's like, a sudden zoom onto McDowell's sweating face, and then the probe explodes, flinging a McDowell dummy into the air. There have been some funny shots in this film - the obvious stuntmen riding the horses earlier being another great - but this was just fucking sublime.

- Picard clambers down to the collapsed bridge, where Jim is crushed to death. He reflects that his life was pretty fun, then dies of severe injuries. Picard buries him and then fucks off in a shuttle that shows up to rescue him.

- EPILOGUE: Data is pleased to see Spot, who survived the total destruction of the Enterprise.

[close]

To be honest I think this suffers from being a film rather than just a two-parter (or, really, a one-parter). I like Soren, I like the nexus as an idea, and I like the tragedy of Soren trying to return there. In practice, in addition to any pacing issues the film has, the plot just doesn't come off. Soren doesn't come across as tragic, despite great work from McDowell, he just comes across as a prat. The Kirk stuff is honestly totally superfluous to everything - I rate Shatner really highly as an actor and I think he's got a gift for breathing a lot of life into just about anything (a lot of later TOS is only watchable thanks to him), but while he's fun to watch in this film, Kirk just didn't need to be featured in the plot at all.

On top of that there's a lot of stuff that feels like it's here just because TNG is now a film series - the battle against the Duras Sisters is pointless, not particularly exciting, and feels tonally inappropriate (the script does try to engineer a situation in which Riker has no real choice other than to go straight for the kill, but it's just lame to see them blowing up a ship full of people after a whole TV series in which "disable their weapons" was standard protocol, and it's a shit send-off for two reasonably fun recurring antagonists). The destruction of the Enterprise is dumb and also just there to make you go "ooh wow" when you see it happen on a big screen.

I feel like Guinan should have featured much more heavily as well. You could easily write a plot here about a man, Soren, who wants to return to the nexus to see his wife and child, who were taken away by the Borg (this is mentioned in the script very very briefly, but I don't think it was even stated as his intention for wanting to return to the nexus, even though it's a perfect hook and directly mirrors Picard getting to see his brother and nephew again). His plan to do this is unconscionable as it involves destroying an inhabited world, and he's become blinded by his goal, so Picard - and Guinan, since she's so fully connected to this plot* - have to talk him down somehow. If this was a regular episode, that'd likely be what we got. Because it's a film, we have to watch the Enterprise explode, the Duras Sisters explode, Kirk ride a horse for like three hours, and Soren ultimately catch an explosion to the face after an embarrassing five-minute running fistfight/gunfight through California, during which many things explode. Like half the movie is just shit exploding.

*the under-use of Guinan in this film is honestly pretty staggering - she's undergone the same emotional journey as Soren, but reached the obviously more moral conclusion. She should be the one to guide him back to reason, but the two never even speak (and Soren doesn't get guided back to reason anyway, he gets blown up). We even find out that an "echo" of her remains in the Nexus, such was her connection to it. But she's barely in the film. It'd be like having a film where we discover another Soong-type android, and then have Data in for like five minutes just to tell us what a Soong-type is, then never show up again until the end credits.

We don't even get to see Soren's nexus, which is a massive, movie-crippling omission. When Picard was fucking around in his boring Christmas Carol dream, why couldn't he have gone into Soren's nexus? Why not let us see exactly what Soren was prepared to go to such lengths for, what brought him from someone who "would never hurt a fly" to someone who was prepared to sacrifice an entire world? Travelling into Kirk's was as easy as just wanting to go there/being nudged by Guinan, so I assume you can go to anyone's nexus at will - surely if you were Picard, Soren's nexus would be the absolute first place you'd want to visit?

The other big thing to note is Data's emotion chip. I found the whole plot kind of annoying to be honest, possibly because it demanded focus since it's such a big thing for his character arc but was battling for screentime against all the other shit that was going on. It didn't really play into the main plot with the nexus, it basically just meant that Data acted weird throughout.

Also I just want to complain about the visuals one last time - the lighting is awful, and I don't like the more "cinematic" direction either. What's wrong with just shooting it like a TV episode? Would that get the film laughed out of the cinema? I mean, yeah, just having the camera positioned in the corner of the room and pointed at actors doesn't give you that "summer blockbuster" feeling, but it's better than thirty rapid cuts around the bridge to show people being ragdolled by exploding consoles, interspersed with shots of Frakes' dimly-lit face.

So yeah, there are interesting ideas hidden away in the script but they're buried under a ton of crap action sequences, unnecessary extra content (Kirk, emotion chip, etc), the good ideas aren't explored suitably, and there seems to be a need to end everything with explosions.

4/10



I read a fanfiction a long time ago, and I wish I could credit whoever wrote it, that portrayed the nexus as a place just for El-Auriens, and the reason they like to listen to so many stories over their lives is because all those stories are then stored in the nexus. When El-Auriens die, they go to the nexus, and they'll be able to travel through each of those stories for eternity. That was such a beautiful idea that I think I thought it was actually basically canon, and since I don't remember any of these films too well, I kept expecting it to come up. Wonderful idea though, shoutout to the fanfiction author who came up with a way cooler concept than Braga and Moore did.

[daf]

177 | "Star Trek Generations"



Star Trek : The Nexus Hallucination

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Highlights
• Worfing The Plank
• The "What is Fun" Comedy Conundrum
• Data's Cat Spot #10 : Emotion Chip Choice
• The Revolting Drinks Sketch
• Data's 7-Year Punch-line Penny-drop
• The Talking Tricorder Sketch
• Picard's Burnt Nephew Meltdown
• Guinan's Candle Collection
• The "Tiny Little Life Forms" Song
• Soil-Scouring Seperated Saucer Slide Ride
• Kirk's Massive Chopper
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Other Bits :
• Smashing CGI Bottle
• Tuvok!
• Klingon Boob Hole
• Klingon  De-Kloaking Ka-BOOM!
• Data's "Oh Shit" Shocker
• Picard's Perfect Progeny
• The Bauble Clue
• Captain on the Broken Bridge
• It's death Jim, but not as we know it
• Data's 261 Emotional States
• Data's Cat Spot #11 : Yellow Robo-Tears
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Score :

[Spoon of Ploff]

I saw Genetations at the cinema and the thing i remember the most is the audience laughing when picard follows egg carrying kirk into the bedroom which turns out to be the stables.

Not just one or two titters either.. a hearty laugh from a sizeable chunk of cinema goers.

..the edit made it seem like the captain had married a horse.

[elliszeroed]

Generations has too many plots- The Klingons, Soran, Data's emotion chip. Also, the only interaction between the crews were Kirk and Picard, on a planet, shooting laser guns. It would have worked better if the two crews had to work together, with Picard and Kirk butting heads over how to settle a situation.

[Chairman Yang]

You have to give it to Generations for crushing René under a burning beam. A pointless piece of tragedy so horrifying that it's about the only thing anyone actually remembers about the film.

Since he doesn't mention it again, Picard presumably made peace with the death of his entire family, up to and including digging his nephew's shattered rib cage out of the ashes of his vineyard before Star Trek: Picard.

The plot of this film is now that chunky Picard has gotten his arse stuck in some rocks and McDowell is about to shoot him with his one-of-a-kind plasma-magnum.

Incredible work, Lemming, as always. :D

[Wonderful Butternut]

I agree with Lemming's general assessment that there were some interesting ideas in the movie, but a lot of poor exection and unnecessary action. The Enterprise being blown up is kind of a classic symptom of the "we need more action!!!" approach to the movies. Tbf, it does work in TWoK and First Contact, but there are other occasions where they could've eased off. It's all because the first Star Trek movie was criticaly panned at the time for being too cerebral and slow. They never forgot that making Star Trek movies.

It would've been potentially interesting to see Soran's nexus. Soran would be all happy and inviting Picard in to his house to have tea with his not dead family, and Picard would be all: "No Soran, this is fake, your family are dead. You have to come back with me and unkill those 300 million people." and Soran would just not listen to him.

Kirk is kinda shoehorned in, but the producers, largely Berman, wanted the movie to act as a 'handover' from the TOS crew to the TNG crew. I don't really see why that was necessary, but then again, Rick Berman is a prick. As is seen, they weren't able to write a plot that weaves the TOS crew into the movie properly and all they could do in the end is kill Kirk. They could've just as easily had the rest of the TNG crew swept into the Nexus when it hit the planet too, and Picard goes to them one by one to persuade them to leave their fantasy worlds and help him, as have him get Kirk.

At least they realised their original idea of having the two crews fight each other was fucking stupid and ditched it.

Other random thoughts:

- Data dumping Bev in the sea is apparently not funny, and sets Data off to break his brain with the emotion chip. Except literally everyone I've talked to or read opinions from agrees that Data dumping Bev in the sea was hilarious, and appropriate for situation. Is there anyone who genuinely thinks that it was really mean and tone deaf? Anyone? In the entire world? Apart from pRick Berman, obviously.

- The uniform thing is really weird. I haven't heard a satisfactory explanation for it.

As far as I can piece together, the original plan was to have new uniforms for Generations, that looked like modified TNG uniforms. Their merchandising partners actually made action figures with the new uniforms, if you ever want to see what they looked like. Then they dropped the idea. But  I don't know how they went from that to mixing TNG and DS9 uniforms. It couldn't be because they started modifying the TNG uniforms into the new ones, because I'm nearly certain that every character wears their TNG uniform at some point in the movie. So they obviously still had TNG uniforms in their original condition available for shooting. Idk, maybe they didn't have enough TNG uniforms left for background characters or something?

Then to compound the bizarre mix, they didn't make bespoke DS9 style uniforms for the entire TNG cast. Some sources say bespoke ones were made for Stewart and Spiner, others say none of the TNG cast had their own uniforms. But at least some of the cast had to raid the DS9 & VOY wardrobes for uniforms. It's most noticeable on Riker in the last act. Frakes is wearing Avery Brooks' uniform, which clearly does not fit him properly. The sleeves are miles too short.

- How quickly was Geordi back on duty? Doesn't Worf say the Nexus is less than an hour away when the arrive? I know they scrapped the heart probe torture scene, but from the fact that he collapses on the transporter pad, I think the audience can derive that he wasn't having pleasant afternoon tea with Soran. You think they might keep him in sickbay for observation for more than 5 minutes or tell him to have the rest of the day off? And obviously they didn't search him for surveillence equipment.

- The Enterprise being blown up by an old Klingon BoP was stupid. A combination of wanting a big action set piece and the model being awkward, to the point where they hated using it. Still, shield trick or not, watching the Enterprise be gradually blown to bits by a rustbucket whilst Riker & Data scheme a scheme instead of just firing everything at them like they did against the Borg and the fake Husnock ship in Survivors is annoying. Also haven't Riker or Geordi heard of ejecting the warp core?

[Mr Trumpet]

They thought Soran's little mechanical pistol was so cool they put it in the trailer, but it's the silliest prop in the whole film

[Blumf]

Yep, the whole film has interesting bits sprinkled about, but is overall crap.

And, as soon as you find out what Soreen's plan is, you spend the rest of the film wondering why he doesn't just hijack a ship and slam it into the Nexus (the Japanese Laguar) instead of genociding a whole star system. They half-arsed hand-wave it away but fuck off. On a one and done episode, maybe you can ignore that, but for a film you really need a solid plot without those kind of holes.

Wonder how possible it would have been to involve Spock and Scotty in the story, in universe and production-wise, they're both about in the TNG era (is McCoy still? He was getting on a bit at Farpoint)

God, I hated that emotion chip plot!

Also haven't Riker or Geordi heard of ejecting the warp core?

You do the paperwork for that!

[Bad Ambassador]

You'll be shocked to hear that this is David Carson's only theatrical release as a director. He made two DTV movies and a bunch of TV stuff (including a remake of Carrie and a John Lennon biopic) before apparently retiring in 2008.

[Chairman Yang]

You know, I never even considered who directed the TNG films. I just assumed it was some rent-a-director from the TV show (i.e. Frakes)

Edit: And I guess it was!

[Poobum]

The Corridor Crew covered the saucer section crashing I think. Done practically with a pretty massive model and is quite amazing to see. I think the dark lighting was done purely because they didn't want it to look like the TV show, they did similar for the Undiscovered Country though it worked way better there as it was more an informed stylistic choice.

[Zero Gravitas]

Feature length gif posting:

Spoiler alert

If you see a sucking blue funnel in space, it's probably fine, a glowing ribbon, or thread, or filament, or stand, you're fucked.


The opinion that this is funny is cause for neural net restructuring.


We needed a much bigger prop, so we decided to make it shit.


He was a robot this whole time!?


More? Please!


No, this is unfunny!


Wipe him!


Mylar holographic borders? Fucking tacky Picard.


Acting!


We need a new room to jazz up this dry space shit! Of course the room will fix the dialog and pacing!


Bear down.


Old girl down.


All dead again, #8 or #∞ not sure.


Your fantasy Picard, a very handsome woman.


French, German, English? Good old pan European post-Christian post-faith Christmas.


Fat fuck.


the old docking clamps are still engaged on the rocket zoom.


Should have been more disrespectful to generate additional youtube gotcha videos.

[close]

Didn't find Shatner too clippable, he's either dying or patting a horse.

I had quite a weird recollection of the flow of events,  it felt like there was more 'film' between the initial Enterprise-B and the Geordi capture but there's really not a lot going on, or rather there is but it's all short scenes of irrelevant rubbish, the whole what'd I'd view as the core story Nexus-Soran-Kirk-Missile-Nexus-Boom is a surprisingly short slice.