Football Thread 2022/23 - [Redacted] is available for selection

[Crenners]

Erling GRAVERAPER

[shoulders]

Everyone else has to hope that Man City's squad die in an air disaster.

[Crenners]

I will take oil PIGDOGS over self-pity VENEERS any day.

[Gurke and Hare]

Hahaha, it's the first game of the season! Welcome to every other fuckers world.

And any other fuckers would have been entitled to boo if presented with that performance.

Some Man United fans are like Americans who talk about politics. In their world literally no other club/country has been used as a frame of reference before composing their opinion.

Did you forget to quote whatever the fuck this is supposed to be responsive to?

[TrenterPercenter]

Hehe Stevie G is now on the same amount of dropped points as Dean Smith was when he got sacked (only in just over half a season). 

[bgmnts]

Everyone else has to hope that Man City's squad die in an air disaster.

Drowning in a oil spill would be much funnier.

[Kankurette]

I don't think I'll ever tire of Man Utd being toss.

I don't want them to get relegated, I just want them to have amazing players that can't play as a team and finished in 11th for the rest of eternity.

Same.

[BlodwynPig]

Preddo - positions in the league table will not change for the rest of the season and every game will be a routine 2-0 for the favourite or a 1-1 between equally matched sides. Yet...YET...people will still be frothing and raving about the "Game".

[BlodwynPig]

Bonus "A Goal For All of Arabia" sometime in December.

[dontpaintyourteeth]

more than happy for man united to get relegated personally

[kalowski]

more than happy for man united to get relegated personally

Yeah, let's face it that would be fucking beautiful.

[Gurke and Hare]

Well, given that they now seem to be trying to solve their problems by buying Marko fucking Arnautovic you might live to see your dreams come true. And arseholes try to tell me United fans shouldn't be complaining.

[DrGreggles]

Arnautovic* is either desperation or a sign that the well is running dry.
£1.2 Billion 'invested' in 9 post-Fergie years, and that is the team they have to show for it.

^{*He's a talented player on his day, but he only has a handful of days per season.}

[Mobius]

Apparently the Arnautovic deal is dead already because he's a racist.

Just loving Man Utd carrying on as they left off. Imagine starting another season with McTominay and Fred in midfield.

[Stone Cold Steve Austin]

There's not a great market for strikers right now, they're too late. Chelsea don't have a striker (besides Broja, who they were reportedly close to sending out on loan and still might), Real Madrid don't have any cover for Benzema, Bayern and PSG spent their money on very expensive teenagers because they have the luxury of not needing an immediate fix. Possibly the best available forward out there is Alvaro Morata. United's best bet would have been keeping Cavani but that relationship was untenable by the end

[imitationleather]

Maybe they can buy Harry Kane again lol

[jobotic]

more than happy for man united to get relegated personally

Things that good don't happen in football any more. If they did Newcastle would have got relegated last season, before the murder money kicked in.

Should City be crowned champions now? How tedious this season will be. In the Premier league anyway.

[Psybro]

United should sign a winger of similar ability to Arnautovic with youth on their side like [rustles papers] Wilf Zaha or Dan James.

[Captain Z]

They could do much worse than bring back the 49-year-old Ibrahimovic.

[Joe Qunt]

There's not a great market for strikers right now, they're too late. Chelsea don't have a striker (besides Broja, who they were reportedly close to sending out on loan and still might), Real Madrid don't have any cover for Benzema, Bayern and PSG spent their money on very expensive teenagers because they have the luxury of not needing an immediate fix. Possibly the best available forward out there is Alvaro Morata. United's best bet would have been keeping Cavani but that relationship was untenable by the end

No centre backs, no strikers. Just a shit load of wingers, full backs and central midfielders it seems.

[Inspector Norse]

So Manchester United have decided to solve their central midfield issues by signing an underperforming Frenchman with an oversized ego and lengthy history of clashes and off-field issues from Juventus.

[SpiderChrist]

Seriously, I'll make it two hundred quid, I can't take another season of this displaced monomania.

Fuck me. Leave Kanks alone, you steaming great twat.

[drummersaredeaf]

Arnautovic* is either desperation or a sign that the well is running dry.
£1.2 Billion 'invested' in 9 post-Fergie years, and that is the team they have to show for it.

^{*He's a talented player on his day, but he only has a handful of days per season.}

I'm not claiming Arnautovic is the solution to any problems, but as a Stoke season ticket holder, I think you're being harsh. He's probably too old and too off the pace of the PL to be playing at a team with top 4 pretentions (lol).

When he left us he could have easily played for a top 6 club, or other (nearly) elite clubs across Europe. I saw him do things with a ball I've never seen from anyone else. His technical ability was outrageous, he was physical, fast, and also worked hard. He would occasionally sulk but would frequently shake that off in an instant, skin three players and create a goal. It was incredibly rare for him to have an off game.

His issue was that he was greedy and his agent (his brother) was a cunt. Stoke had three consecutive 9th placed finishes, and at one point I thought we were a couple of positions off pushing even higher. His move to West Ham was sideways at the time and was clearly for the money. He also was reported to always have designs on China, and went there at a surprisingly young age.

In 2017 he could have gone to an Everton/Spurs/Arsenal (or whatever the 4th-7th placed equivalent at the time was) and been a regular starter. He could have gone to a team like Seville and drag them a few places up and play in Europa League finals, or a team in the lower stages of the CL. Instead he went wherever he was going to get the most money and so is finished at any decent level.

I'm not exaggerating to say he's the best player I've seen in my lifetime at Stoke. Not just in terms of the flashy stuff, but in terms of taking a game by the bollocks and winning it. The team that went down in 2018 was dysfunctional, but it had Shakiri in it. Arnautovic would have kept us up singlehandedly where the power goblin could not. 

[Crenners]

So Manchester United have decided to solve their central midfield issues by signing an underperforming Frenchman with an oversized ego and lengthy history of clashes and off-field issues from Juventus.

Who have they signed?

[FalknerHinton]

Fuck me. Leave Kanks alone, you steaming great twat.

Seconded.

e: fucked up the formatting didn't I.

[dontpaintyourteeth]

gonna stick my neck out and say that Rabiot probably will NOT be the answer to all of Man U's problems

if he turns out to be good I was only joking

He won't, though.

[FalknerHinton]

gonna stick my neck out and say that Rabiot probably will NOT be the answer to all of Man U's problems

if he turns out to be good I was only joking

He won't, though.

Isn't he more of an offensive midfielder like, say, Fernandes? Albeit slightly further back.

Or wait, am I thinking of someone else?

[Crenners]

Fuck me. Leave Kanks alone, you steaming great twat.

Seconded.

e: fucked up the formatting didn't I.

Thirded.

In my exhausted infirm state, I lamentably reached breaking point.

I apologise wholeheartedly to @Kankurette for being rude and may the posts on any desired topic long continue. I really hope we can all be pals.

But I'm not offering to pay, mind you! Haha.

[jamiefairlie]

Isn't he more of an offensive midfielder like, say, Fernandes? Albeit slightly further back.

Or wait, am I thinking of someone else?

Attacking is the word you're looking for.

[FalknerHinton]

Attacking is the word you're looking for.

Bruno offended me last season with his fantasy performance. I know what word I was looking for.