Football 2017/18

[George Oscar Bluth II]

Ruddy hell, Clive

[imitationleather]

Whilst I'm defending myself with a (working) tea tray, protecting my head with a (hand-knitted) tea cosy and preparing to attack with a (hand-knitted) meat temperature probe? You're as deluded as you are wide of the mark with your kettle purchasing ability.

You're walking a fine line here, sonny. My coffee grinder is pro-grade. It could kill a man if you dropped it on their head and it'd make fucking mincemeat of you.

Good goal, Rashford. He really needs to move to a club where the manager isn't a total prick who murders young talent. Kane's World Cup dream is on shaky ground now.

[imitationleather]

Well, Costa Rica are shit.

[Ferris]

Whilst I'm defending myself with a (working) tea tray, protecting my head with a (hand-knitted) tea cosy and preparing to attack with a (hand-knitted) meat temperature probe? You're as deluded as you are wide of the mark with your kettle purchasing ability.

Getting a bit tasty in here. I have a cafetiere at home from John Lewis, as well as an aeropress in the cupboard. Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.

[imitationleather]

The only way you're going to do someone harm with an Aeropress is if you ram it up their arse and let a rat run through it so it goes right up their sphincter and feasts on their bowel.

And you're not doing that. You ain't got the minerals, son.

[Crabwalk]

England have a Pope in goal. I bet he'll be good with crosses and not cover up historical sexual abuse!

[imitationleather]

England have a Pope in goal. I bet he'll be good with crosses and not cover up historical sexual abuse!

Maybe he can use some of that Nazi gold to bribe the VAR in our favour.

[Crabwalk]

Welbeck for WC top scorer. There's always some dogshit man who emerges from nowhere and scores a hatful.

[Quote]

When did that infernal brass band first show up, Euro 2000? By my reckoning we haven't had a good international tournament since those cunts first started parping out the Great Escape every five minutes.

Get rid of these jonah's.

[Captain Z]

When did that infernal brass band first show up, Euro 2000? By my reckoning we haven't had a good international tournament since those cunts first started parping out the Great Escape every five minutes.

Get rid of these jonah's.

Speaking of Infernal reminds me of this classic: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4olg

[imitationleather]

When did that infernal brass band first show up, Euro 2000? By my reckoning we haven't had a good international tournament since those cunts first started parping out the Great Escape every five minutes.

Get rid of these jonah's.

They were at France '98, I think. Isn't some god-awful end-of-pier comedian that cunts like a member? It's not Chubby Brown, but someone with as much talent.

I have never met, in my life, anyone who does not want that band stood against a wall and bullets fired into their heads. They're an embarrassment. They get free travel and tickets to all England games, y'know.

It's a sick world. It's a sick, sick world.

I hope their plane to Russia crashes.

[Danger Man]

Bernie Clifton

I read somewhere that the band seem to think the entire tournament is about them.

[imitationleather]

I remember at one tournament they weren't allowed in with their instruments and The Sun or some cunts started a campaign of NATIONAL OUTRAGE about how Johnny Foreigner was denying us our right to hear Dambusters done really badly for ninety minutes for three games. I think some people actually supported the campaign to have them allowed in.

On occasion, I think I hate this country even more than Blodders.

EDIT: I mean I hate this country more than Blodders does. Not that I hate Blodders. I don't hate him. Needed to make that clear. I blame those cunts with the brass instruments for this confusion!

[finnquark]

Kieran the West Ham fan is disgusted at Glenn Hoddle giving Rashford MOM. Delph should have had it. If England play with Cap'n Hendo, they'll lose. If they play with Delph, they'll win. It's as simple as that.

[Deanjam]

They were at France '98, I think. Isn't some god-awful end-of-pier comedian that cunts like a member? It's not Chubby Brown, but someone with as much talent.

Bernie Clifton.

[imitationleather]

OHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIT.

I just doubled my England betting winnings on some South American shit.

I now have almost enough to afford a gram of premium London trumpet. And not the sort the cunts in that band play. Shame I don't do that as it makes me sweat too much.

If this run continues, though, I'll be financially solvent within the next decade.

[bgmnts]

Stick it all on 2-1 Saudi Arabia.

[BlodwynPig]

I remember at one tournament they weren't allowed in with their instruments and The Sun or some cunts started a campaign of NATIONAL OUTRAGE about how Johnny Foreigner was denying us our right to hear Dambusters done really badly for ninety minutes for three games. I think some people actually supported the campaign to have them allowed in.

On occasion, I think I hate this country even more than Blodders.

EDIT: I mean I hate this country more than Blodders does. Not that I hate Blodders. I don't hate him. Needed to make that clear. I blame those cunts with the brass instruments for this confusion!

Genau, mon comrade

[imitationleather]

Stick it all on 2-1 Saudi Arabia.

Fuck that. Betting on exact scores is for mug punters.

Also Russia are not losing to Saudi Arabia. I don't care if they need to spend four hours doing VAR reviews. It is not happening.

[New Jack]

Winter break confirmed, season after next!

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2018/jun/08/winter-break-to-come-into-force-in-premier-league-england

Under the auspices of helping Engerland, no less. Right, five me a minute, I need to find something to get furious about...

[BlodwynPig]

Because of fixture congestion? Unless they are extending the season won't this lead to greater fixture congestion.

[imitationleather]

I'm not reading the link, but they're keeping the ten games in three weeks over Christmas, aren't they? British tradition, that. God save the Queen!

This is some break in February that Klopp (sorry Liverpool fans on here, please no salt, snogs still on offer) and Pep want, isn't it? Because they think it will solve a problem that does not exist in a twenty-team league.

All of my dick can get eaten by this.

[imitationleather]

Pep: It was too hard to win the league this season. We only did it by like twenty points. And the £500million I have to spend this summer is also not enough. I demand a break so we can play against Chinese teams for huge amounts of cash.

Klopp: Ah, I love dat heavy metal. I am so charming. Ahhh! Also if we do not have a winter break I will fuck off to another league, you Britisher cunts.

New Arsenal guy: Idea for a programme. "Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank".

Pochettino: I WILL LEAVE SPURS EVENTUALLY STOP ASKING ME ABOUT IT CHRIST.

Mourinho: My friends tell me I am a nice person. I live in a hotel. I guess that new Arsenal man does, too. I wonder if he has his own big plate as well.

[Deanjam]

If anyone thinks the top clubs will actually keep their players rested in that time then I've some magic beans they can buy.

[imitationleather]

If anyone thinks the top clubs will actually keep their players rested in that time then I've some magic beans they can buy.

It's a break so they can go international tours because they weren't allowed to do the "Game 39" abroad thingy.

[DrGreggles]

"The governing body has agreed to move the FA Cup fifth round to midweek and scrap replays, while one round of the Premier League will now be straddled over two weekends."

Oh, fuck off.

[New Jack]

Typical Tories, giving a company director a Knighthood

[bgmnts]

Soccer AID lads!!!

All these banter lads and ex footballers pretending to care about third world countries.

[Rolf Lundgren]

Soccer AID lads!!!

All these banter lads and ex footballers pretending to care about third world countries.

Highlight of the summer.

They've got a right ropey line-up this year. At least Jonathan Wilkes has finally been elbowed thus ending one of showbusinesses longest running anomalies.

What are the poor people in the stadium doing while we sit through VT of Olly Murs trying to cry and interminable chat between Dermot O'Leary and James Nesbitt? 

[DrGreggles]

Probably not real, but it might be.