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Messed-up kids movies

Started by Famous Mortimer, August 05, 2022, 04:00:34 PM

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Famous Mortimer

One of my friends runs a semi-regular night where he shows weirdo movies designed for children. Last week's was -

Biokids
Made in the Philippines as a low-budget ripoff of "Choudenshi Bioman", it made me realise how many different things follow the template which I'd describe as Power Rangers, but obviously predates it by ages. Like, how many shows and films about kids wearing single-colour outfits and combining to beat large monsters does any world need?

This one is particularly shrill, though, as well as being cheap and annoying. In a few weeks, though, he's showing "Creating Rem Lezar", which is a banger.

Do you have any favourites?

zomgmouse

Deadly Games, the French film that Home Alone ostensibly stole from. Christmas horror/thriller about a kid left alone and a home invader dressed as Santa Claus.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: zomgmouse on August 06, 2022, 11:15:22 PMDeadly Games, the French film that Home Alone ostensibly stole from. Christmas horror/thriller about a kid left alone and a home invader dressed as Santa Claus.

I've seen this but I think it was released as Dial Code: Santa Claus round here.

Was pretty good apart from the minitel nonce.

Spiteface

Quote from: Famous Mortimer on August 05, 2022, 04:00:34 PMOne of my friends runs a semi-regular night where he shows weirdo movies designed for children. Last week's was -

Biokids
Made in the Philippines as a low-budget ripoff of "Choudenshi Bioman", it made me realise how many different things follow the template which I'd describe as Power Rangers, but obviously predates it by ages. Like, how many shows and films about kids wearing single-colour outfits and combining to beat large monsters does any world need?

46. 47 if you count Akibaranger.

imitationleather

The Japanese version of Pinocchio. My Nan, in Classic Nan-style, bought me that for Christmas one year because she mistakenly thought it was the Disney film.

As Wikipedia says:
QuoteUnlike the lighter, more cheerful tones of the Disney film adaptation and Nippon Animation's version Piccolino no Bōken, this series has a distinctly darker, more sadistic theme, and portrays the main character, Pinocchio (Mock), as suffering from constant physical and psychological abuse and freak accidents.[2]

This version tells a story of an extremely gullible, naive and morally confused wooden doll/marionette brought to life by a mystical turquoise-haired fairy.[3] Pinocchio (Mock) is characterized as having many character faults which he must learn to overcome in order to be worthy of being granted humanity. Some of these character faults include selfishness, sarcasm, insensitivity, indolence, obstinacy, dupability, self-pity, over-trusting, gullibility, stupidity, disobedience, compulsive lying, arrogance, greed, cowardice, recklessness, pettiness, cruelty, foolishness and an inability to learn from mistakes.[4]

I think watching it repeatedly as a child went some way to making me the person I am.


Something Wicked This Way Comes

neveragain


Sebastian Cobb

Entirely predictable post but Watership Down, obviously.

Glebe

I only watched Return to Oz for the first time about a year or so ago but that's pretty mental.

Crenners

Time Bandits, for the ending but plenty more.

That Japanese Pinocchio sounds hilarious.

idunnosomename

Problem Child 2 is like John Waters making a children's film

George White

The 1971 Black Beauty
Has Patrick Mower being called a bastard, mondo-ish scenes of a dog fighting a monkey, and a grim softcore porno aesthetic, but it is a Harry Alan Towers production.

Mister Six

Quote from: imitationleather on August 07, 2022, 12:11:15 AMThe Japanese version of Pinocchio. My Nan, in Classic Nan-style, bought me that for Christmas one year because she mistakenly thought it was the Disney film.

As Wikipedia says:
I think watching it repeatedly as a child went some way to making me the person I am.

Ah, looks like it was a show edited into a movie, which is presumably the one your nan got you. They showed the original TV version of that on (I think) weekend mornings in the 1990s. It had a catchy theme tune ("P-I-N-O-double-C-H-I-O it's Pinocchio!") but I didn't pay much attention to it because Pinocchio is for benders.

Return To Oz reduced me to terrified tears as a kid, although I see that's Ben mentioned upthread. Absolutely fucked up for a kids' movie, though.

I remember being scared by the villain (Mr Eldritch, I think) in Russell T Davies's TV series Dark Season as a nipper, but watching it recently was disappointed to see the actor is about 18 years old or summat. Little baby pretending to be Albert Wesker. Pathetic.

Return to oz was the first film I saw at the pictures!
Scared the fucking life out of me. I loved it.
Mombi with the hall of heads, those wheelers and that nasty rock king.
I don't go to the pictures, and I wonder if seeing that during my formative years played a big part in it.
Everything was too loud and you could feel everything, and it was all just too much. I fucking loved it, I was smiling afterwards, but it was way too intense.

Me and my sister were big fans of the wizard of oz so we were expecting more of the same. Everything was so different and sinister. It was fucking brilliant.
I rewatched it about a year ago when I was on holiday. It's still fabulous.

Yeah, watership down is great.
I loved time bandits when I was little, it was one of those films I'd watch a lot on video after taping it off the telly, but I can't remember anything dodgy. I might have to watch that again.

I remember the dark crystal being a bit scary. Those skegsy things. Brrrr.

Glebe


Rolf Lundgren

Quote from: idunnosomename on August 08, 2022, 01:40:49 PMProblem Child 2 is like John Waters making a children's film

The first Problem Child was a horror story retooled into a kids film. Must be a first.

I find that weird clowny, brightly coloured aesthetic of all those films totally indistinguishable from the Child's Play series.

fucking ponderous

Mouse Hunt has been a favorite of mine for a while. Plotwise it's not that unusual for a kids movie but visually it sort of feels like Coens circa Miller's Crossing or Barton Fink, and there are quite a few deaths.

I watched maybe the first hour of Return to Oz late at night a while and my god it's bleak. It just feels so desolate. Totally devoid of cheer. I'll have to watch the whole thing.

elliszeroed

That Martin Short film where he's obsessed with going to a Dinosaur Park. Clifford!

kalowski


dontpaintyourteeth


Angst in my Pants


Replies From View


beanheadmcginty


Joe Qunt

Help! I'm A Fish is genuinely scary. Allan Rickman, Peter Jones and a very young Aaron Paul (from Breaking Bad)

George White


Virgo76

I saw the film Coraline based on the Neil Gaiman book when it came out. It was good but the showing was disrupted by parents and traumatised children fleeing the cinema throughout.


badaids


Wasn't Arachnophobia a PG and therefore a kids film?  No way that should have been allowed to happen.

The same for Jaws and Ghostbusters.


Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: badaids on August 31, 2022, 08:36:14 PMWasn't Arachnophobia a PG and therefore a kids film?  No way that should have been allowed to happen.

Yep, and I genuinely had no issues with spiders beforehand, but came out of it with a life long phobia!

badaids

Quote from: Small Man Big Horse on August 31, 2022, 09:03:42 PMYep, and I genuinely had no issues with spiders beforehand, but came out of it with a life long phobia!

Same here - it's a seriously fucked up film.  Even as a kid I knew it was beyond the pale.