You cunts doing gardening at all this year (2024) or what?

[Buelligan]

Just wanted to mention, there are Corne de Gatte and Rattes chitting on my bedroom chair.  I have Rose de Roscoff onion sets waiting in the wings.  Fucking hell, doing a new garden for someone.  Huge amount of digging and stone removal already done.  Hardly looks any different, though it looks propre.  Beautiful spot, dry stone walled, just above the (dry) river, overlooking vinyards and the little mountains beyond.  Spot already picked out for, as yet, invisible bench.  Sit and watch the sun set over the hills when work is done.

Planning mixed herbs mostly for use in salads and tisanes, substantial veg + edible flowers.  Wildflower bit too where the soil is thin. There are two green oaks, an ash and a couple of olive trees already established, plus three or four young almonds.  I've added another green oak (a special one I grew from the acorn of a favourite tree I know), also a young bay tree I've been growing, again from seed, for the past five years or so.  There's a bit with a stony bank I've put in masses of wild iris there (were dug up by the boar elsewhere) and various naturally occuring stonecrops and so on. 

Think it's going to be beautiful, just depends on the water situation really.  Am trying to plan for that but veg growing needs water.

Tell if you're doing some fucking gardening this year if you want.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Usual greenhouse shit:

Habanero x2

Sweet Chocolate Pepper
Napia Pointy Red Pepper
(Both the peppers are apparently hybrids that have been bred for cooler climates, so quids in)

French Dwarf Bean
(I think these are just green beans or runner beans or something)

I've got all the above stuff indoors on one of those heated mats, and you know those plastic containers you get grapes etc in from the supermarket? Turn it upside down, pop it over your seedlings, and you've got an indoor greenhouse. They've even got little ventilation holes.

I have also been nurturing a rosemary plant indoors that I started growing from seed last summer. I'll put it outside in April.

[Buelligan]

Have you done the chocolate pepper before?  Were they good?  Was tempted to try them but chickened out.  Not sure why.  Doing a pointy yellow pepper - Corno di toro jaune, a bog standard red - Quadrato d'Asti and a bog orange - Eternity.

Where are you in terms of highness up the planet (if that's not too rude a question)?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I did last year, but I arsed the timing up. You're meant to start growing them indoors in about February, but I didn't get round to it till April, so when I put the plant outside I got the grand total of one pepper off it. It tasted nice though.

I'm up in the provinces in Lancashire.

[Buelligan]

That's really good going if you're in the UK.  Have the opposite problem here, I'd love to grow stuff like purple sprouting broccoli but I think the heat in August would bugger them.  Going to try something called Cima di rapa quarantina - a sort of flowering turnip top from Italy that I'm hoping will be similar and more heat/drought tolerant.

You have to be quite on it with planting your seeds at the right time because of the day length issues, obviously worse the further north you go.  You really did alright though if you got a good pepper from such a late planting.

[extraordinary walnuts]

I got into hydroponics as a lockdown hobby and now have a couple of grow tents in my basement filled with various types of leafy greens, herbs and hot peppers. I took cuttings from a few of my outdoor pepper plants at the end of the season last year, stuck them in the grow tent and have been harvesting delicious Chiltepin, Lemon Drop and Sugar Rush Cream peppers since around Christmas. Did the same with my rosemary plant, the cuttings provided me with fresh herbs all winter.

Having the tents has been a game changer for seed starting, no more weak ass, leggy seedlings. I've got green onions, lettuce, mustard, parsley ready to go outside as soon as it's warm enough. Fuck, I love gardening!

[Buelligan]

That sounds incredible.  How do you manage to acclimatise plants before you move them outside or do you just keep them growing in the tents until proper summer?

[extraordinary walnuts]

I have a little outdoor greenhouse about the size of a wardrobe, and a cold frame, so I can harden off the seedlings in there before I fully expose them to the elements. I think I might keep the pepper plants in the tent and see how long they keep producing for. I've hear of people keeping them alive for years! They looked a little stressed for the first few months but seem happy now. I'll probably take cuttings from those plants to put outside in the summer, rather than starting more from seed.

[lauraxsynthesis]

Going to try for the umpteenth time to grow some food. Will pick up raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, spinach, cucumber, salads, and probably some other bits. The one thing that didn't die last year was the rainbow chard and hopefully that'll come up again.

I back onto a little park with wonderful flowering shrubs and 3 awesome Japanese cherry trees that are in full bloom the first week in April every year.

[Buelligan]

All sounds very promising - your rainbow chard might not come back, chard is a bienniel, so I suppose, if you grew it from seed last year it should but if it doesn't, it's pretty easy to get going again.  And it is beautiful and healthy and delicious.  I'm planting some later in the spring, a great thing for young salad leaves too.

[Vodkafone]

Done all of mine already - get it all out of the way early, then I can chill the rest of the year 🙂

[king_tubby]

Got the spuds chitting at the weekend, and just finishing off last year's crop. The leeks are being harvested that were planted last year. The garlic is coming along nicely. The next big job is getting all the crap from the allotment to the tip, we may need a man with a van.

[Dex Sawash]

Put in a magnolia out in the front last fall, paid $100 for one big enough that I definitely wouldn't drive the lawn mower over it second week. Put one of those self-watering sacks on it. Month later some itchy-antlered deer cunted it to fuck. Now it's just a little stub I am certain to run down with the mower.

[shoulders]

I sawed a tree back that had been growing prodigiously last year. I won this round but it's staring at me as if it knows it's going to be back on top come September. Just try it mate. Just try it.

[madhair60]

i saw a tree too

[shoulders]

Now it's just a little stub I am certain to run down with the mower.

At least you can use its carcass for food

[Buelligan]

leeks

Was at a friend's house recently and they (not veggie) made for my lunch a dish of homegrown leeks, steamed whole, warm, dressed simply with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  Fuck me.  Try it.

[king_tubby]

Oh that sounds good.

[KennyMonster]

All sounds very promising - your rainbow chard might not come back, chard is a bienniel, so I suppose, if you grew it from seed last year it should but if it doesn't, it's pretty easy to get going again.  And it is beautiful and healthy and delicious.  I'm planting some later in the spring, a great thing for young salad leaves too.

I've found Chard can keep going for a few years with our mild winters, if it survives the frosts it'll come back.
It might bolt but can then be cut right back and it will return.

[Blumf]

Maybe this is the year we actually produce a tomato. Had great results with spuds, but tomatoes just seem to hate us and despite the foliage growing well, the actual fruit just ends up manky.

[thenoise]

Year 2 of Noise's Allotment, successes last year included garlic, gooseberries, radishes, spinach, courgettes (too many), summer squash and herbs.
Mixed results for strawberries (planted a shed load for a meagre crop), blueberries, brussels sprouts.
Dismal failures included potatoes (how can you fuck up growing potatoes?), plums, lettuces, kale (successful for the rabbits).
I have ordered a big bag of shit from my local Young Farmers Club. Can't wait!

[extraordinary walnuts]

courgettes (too many)

Stanley Tucci has a great recipe for anyone with a glut of courgettes, I made this a lot last summer.

[king_tubby]

We never bother with courgettes cos invariably someone will offload their surplus on to us.

[Emotional Support Peacock]

I've had a couple of strolls around the garden and scowled at the weeds. That'll show 'em.

[Buelligan]

We never bother with courgettes cos invariably someone will offload their surplus on to us.

Only doing a couple of plants, Atena Polka, this year because of this.  And because they're small and yellow (so a little different) and because the flowers can be tempura'd, making a beautiful, light, seasonal meal and avoiding having lots of courgettes.

[Mister Six]

Already half-killed an orchid I picked up for Mrs Six on Valentine's Day, so I'm well on my way.

[Buelligan]

If it's a phalaenopsis, the most common shop-sold orchid, they're pretty tough.  Have a phalaenopsis hospital right here, people chuck their exhausted ones my way when they're done flowering. 

Main thing is, don't leave them in direct sun, somewhere with reasonable light but not harsh unfiltered glare.  They must have natural light obviously.  Water (about half a teacupful with some fertiliser added around once a week).  Never ever leave it sitting with water sloshing around in the bottom of the pot.  It might be a bit wet when you've just watered but that should be the limit, it should never live with habitually wet roots.  Obviously keep it in orchid substrate (not normal potting compost or garden soil). 

Do not cut back the flower stem once the flowers have died (which should take months), let the plant reabsorb any goodness it wants to, more likely, it'll (in a fair few months if it's looked after) put out a new flowering spike (maybe more than one) from one of the scale-like budding points you can see every 6cm or so along the existing flower stem.  Don't leave it in the freezer or anything, they're comfortable when humans are comfortable.

[KennyMonster]

Maybe this is the year we actually produce a tomato. Had great results with spuds, but tomatoes just seem to hate us and despite the foliage growing well, the actual fruit just ends up manky.

Once tomato plants are established there are tips to encourage fruit growth by removing unnecessary leave and make them concentrate on fruit growth instead.

Halt their growth, remove side shoots, remove lower leaves (because they can attract disease).
Worth looking it up.
 

[Blumf]

Once tomato plants are established there are tips to encourage fruit growth by removing unnecessary leave and make them concentrate on fruit growth instead.

Halt their growth, remove side shoots, remove lower leaves (because they can attract disease).
Worth looking it up.

Yep, done all that. That bastards still only produce manky crap, if anything.

[Buelligan]

Have you thought about pollination?

Also, what kind of manky crap?