Saddest moments in children's television shows

[Kankurette]

Ah, Grandpa and his bloody flumpet.

Those Flump names in full, then, since it's promised on the jacket. In descending order of seniority: Grandfather Flump, Father Flump, Mother Flump, Perkin, Posie and Pootle. Six owl pellets, kitted out in the bobble hats and cloth caps left over from a Blue Peter bring and buy sale. (...) The Flumps had a strong sense of masculine rule, with Mother Flump usually consigned to the dishes and the cooking. In one episode she had a headache. It might have been Grandfather that did it for her. The old boy was known to parp out a tune on his flumpet (a pun on the word "trumpet") until baby Pootle stuffed a carrot into it. (...) The best episode was "Where's Grandfather?" That one had real promise, until they found him.

(Incidentally, if you're like me and you love retro British kids' TV from the '60s to '80s - I don't think it covers the '90s, Byker Grove isn't in it for a start - this book is worth a read.)

[jamiefairlie]

Did one of them have a chronically blocked nose? Probably from all the industrial pollution in that Northern town they came from.

[Alternative Carpark]

Did one of them have a chronically blocked nose? Probably from all the industrial pollution in that Northern town they came from.

Pootle, I think. Isn't there also an episode where Pootle dreams he's gone to the moon in a rocket?

It was quite a while before I realised Posie was a girl too, for some reason.

[jamiefairlie]

Pootle! Or Poodle as she'd say

[jobotic]

Imagine if everyone you loved just one day...became a testicle.


I liked the Flumps.

[flotemysost]

The section headings in this article are just as bleak as I remember it - https://screenrant.com/animals-of-farthing-wood-most-traumatic-deaths/


The Badger Dies Of Old Age
Mr. & Mrs. Hedgehog Are Run Over By A Truck
The Pheasants Are Killed & Eaten By A Farmer
The Baby Mice Are Impaled By The Shrike fucking hell
Dreamer Fox, Mrs. Rabbit, Mrs. Hare, & Mrs. Vole Are Mauled By Scarface
Mrs. Fieldmouse Is Mistakenly Killed By Kestrel
Sinuous Is Strangled By A Rat
Bold Is Shot & Attacked By Dogs & Dies From His Wounds
Scarface & Bounder Are Bitten By Adder And Die From Her Poison

Think I've managed to suppress the worst excesses of that onslaught of pastoral brutality, but I *definitely* don't remember this bit:

Bold passes away from his injuries but not before he mates with another fox, completing his goal from the start.

LEGEND

[touchingcloth]

Bald, more like.

[Kankurette]

He was a pretty ravaged fox by the time he came home. IIRC he met a vixen on his travels and managed to impregnate her with his cubs before dying.

[flotemysost]

Well I'm pleased to say that the bloodcurdling shrieks of vulpine shagging did not feature as one of the noises on that Animals of Farthing Wood picture book I've mentioned on here before that played sounds (and then started malfunctioning in a characteristically disturbing manner), at least.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Think I've managed to suppress the worst excesses of that onslaught of pastoral brutality, but I *definitely* don't remember this bit:

LEGEND

The way thats written just makes me think it's like a cross between bojack horseman and the video from Regulate.

[touchingcloth]

Did anyone ever read the books, and if so did they make the same mistake as the TV series of naming the fox "Fox", the vixen "Vixen", and so on for all the other species, before realising that they needed to introduce a third member of a particular species and think up an actual name for them? Even Marwood gets a name, for fuck's sake.

[Kankurette]

Saw the series first, then read the books and was glad that the male Weasel wasn't as annoying as the female one in the series.

Well I'm pleased to say that the bloodcurdling shrieks of vulpine shagging did not feature as one of the noises on that Animals of Farthing Wood picture book I've mentioned on here before that played sounds (and then started malfunctioning in a characteristically disturbing manner), at least.

I love foxes, they are adorable, but the horrifying sex noises they make are not. Badgers shagging as well, when we lived in the country, my mum once heard a horrible noise and thought it was me screaming, but it was actually a pair of horny badgers.

The answer to Ylvis' question is 'AAAAAAAAARRRGHHHH'.

[geeef]

Dead Dicky

[ros vulgaris]

Think I've managed to suppress the worst excesses of that onslaught of pastoral brutality, but I *definitely* don't remember this bit:

LEGEND

From what I remember she initially takes pity on him and only copped off when she realised who his dad was.

[Kankurette]

The fox gang war arc also had one of Fox and Vixen's daughters being killed by the evil blue foxes. And the other daughter going out with Scarface's son, it was like furry Romeo and Juliet.

On the subject of dead animals, if they make that Mog book where Mog dies into a film, I will probably end up crying like a little baby.

Birdi Shittypin falls into a fire and is completely vapourised

Except, wait - that did actually happen, in oft-overlooked Smallfilms deso-fest Tottie: The Story of a Doll's House. Birdie, a celluloid doll from a Christmas cracker, attempts to prevent her son, the tiny doll Apple, from playing near a candle's naked flame and in the process is herself instantly incinerated.

Properly macabre stuff, all narrated in the honeyed tones of Oliver Postgate. You can watch the first series:
 

Fucking hell, talk about a tone shift. Birdie goes from dancing around whimsically to being set on fire and Emily and Charlotte get rid of that bitch Marchpane because she was definitely in on it. ETA: Wikipedia summary says she started the fire to kill Birdie because she knew Birdie would try to save Apple.

(If anyone wants to see the scene where Birdie gets fried, it's a few minutes away from the end.)

While discussing Birdie's demise, Tottie remarks that "Birdie did look beautiful in the flame", and Mr. Plantaganet agrees.

DESO

[ros vulgaris]

The premise of James the Cat always upset me. A cat is abandoned by its owners. I only had one episode on a video, and it was the first one, where that happens.

That's reminded me of The Forgotten Toys from the 90s, about a doll and teddy bear who get dumped in the bin. Bob Hoskins and Joanna Lumley voiced it.

[madhair60]

dexter when he could only say omelette du fromage. imagine having to live that way.

[Kankurette]

I mainly remember James the Cat because of its annoying theme tune and some kids in primary school singing 'James the Cat, he's so fat, what a prat'.

I'm sure there was a programme where a dog called Snowy died and came back as a ghost and it made me cry, and no, it wasn't Tintin. It was a live action show.

[Catalogue Trousers]

Film spin-off rather than the actual show, but Florence's sad song in Dougal And The Blue Cat will reduce you to hopeless tears. Guaranteed.

[Aaron500]

The TV show on which John Noakes announced Shep's death was Fax!, which filled the 5.30-6 slot on the BBC before they realised how popular Neighbours was at lunchtime and shunted it there as well.

It had a presenting team of Bill Oddie, Debbie Rix and Billy Butler, and part of the format was viewers' questions, one of which was "What Happened To John Noakes and Shep?" (Note to children - we didn't have the internet back then, so celebs could and did disappear into obscurity.) So they booked Noakes to answer the question in person, but seemingly the production team didn't ask the question themselves backstage, because Shep's death was a genuine bombshell.

But I wouldn't weep for Noakes too much - he'd already given Shep up, as Biddy Baxter had cut off his allowance for Shep's keep, and had also reaffirmed that, as Shep was technically BBC property, Noakes could not use him in adverts. Noakes eventually did a dog food ad with a lookalike Shep, renamed "Skip". I'm not sure how much Noakes' "dog money" was, but I suspect it was generous judging from his reaction to its removal.

[flotemysost]

Film spin-off rather than the actual show, but Florence's sad song in Dougal And The Blue Cat will reduce you to hopeless tears. Guaranteed.

hoooo boy I'd forgotten this one

[Catalogue Trousers]

hoooo boy I'd forgotten this one

'Shall we ever see the sun again...Or will the games we played end here?...'

[Catalogue Trousers]

I mean, look at it. Listen to it. Weep not, and ye are men of stone.

[touchingcloth]

But I wouldn't weep for Noakes too much - he'd already given Shep up, as Biddy Baxter had cut off his allowance for Shep's keep, and had also reaffirmed that, as Shep was technically BBC property, Noakes could not use him in adverts. Noakes eventually did a dog food ad with a lookalike Shep, renamed "Skip". I'm not sure how much Noakes' "dog money" was, but I suspect it was generous judging from his reaction to its removal.

Petra's grave or memorial is next to the team stop at Media City. I was walking my dog round there one day and he took himself off to do a poo, and I didn't realise that Petra's grave was there until I was reading the plinth by where my dog had shat.

So if you want to interfere with the memorial of a beloved children's TV familiar, Metrolink station at Media City.

[Kankurette]

It's what she would have wanted, I'm sure.

[Cloud]

Pokémon: Pikachu's Goodbye when Ash convinces himself the most loving thing to do for Pikachu would be to run away and leave him with his kind (because he's seen how happy he is meeting them) before the loyal little thing notices and tries to stay by his side.  Complete with a sad little song.  Wah.

(He fails of course, but it's a moment)

[madhair60]

oh yeah the butterfree episode where he sets it free as well

and also the realisation Misty wasn't real and i would never kiss her

[jamiefairlie]

Dead Dicky

Fuck man, those fucking puppets look like they should be in The Wicker Man or some satanic disemboweling/mass fucking scene.

"Hold him still! Johnny you have been chosen to be the receptacle of my golden sceptre and it's unholy oil!"

[Psybro]

oh yeah the butterfree episode where he sets it free as well

Fucking hell forgot about that, makes me well up thinking about it.  I seem to remember that episode being quite beautifully animated too.  About five episodes in to the run and I think it's still going now.

[Pimhole]

he'd already given Shep up, as Biddy Baxter had cut off his allowance for Shep's keep

what