Coffee bastard

[Sebastian Cobb]

Am I a coffee lobbyist now?

I'm not mad keen on the human labour aspect.

[TrenterPercenter]

I don't mean to disparage baristas but I'm confused as to how one could be better than the next?

Definitely a craft.  I'm not a big coffee drinker but there is a local barista who has his own pop up by me and it's next level shit.  None of the coffee art pictures in froth stuff though just incredible tasting coffee (especially the iced stuff).

[Zero Gravitas]

You can get caffeine in pills now, just have a pint of milk after and you're done.

You can even add ice cubes to the milk if you like.

[madhair60]

Definitely a craft.  I'm not a big coffee drinker but there is a local barista who has his own pop up by me and it's next level shit.  None of the coffee art pictures in froth stuff though just incredible tasting coffee (especially the iced stuff).

Trenter, this is one subject where you and I can be brothers. not particularly close brothers, but brothers nonetheless. perhaps one of us brothers is estranged due to something shameful they did. me, perhaps. i did it.

[Urinal Cake]

That happens regularly, people straight-edge caffeine loads without a coherent argument beyond 'I think it's probably bad'.

And 'I sleep better and when I do have a coffee it now makes me go in predator mode'

[FeederFan500]

I don't mean to disparage baristas but I'm confused as to how one could be better than the next? Bean selection, roasting etc fair enough, but making it in one of those machines they have looks to be a piece of piss. What am I missing?

See you'd think that, but I used to get a hot chocolate if a particular staff member was working at my local cafe because they made coffee badly and I wasn't heartless/gutsy enough to just walk out again.

I'm waiting for the 'coffee is actually very bad for you' trend to come in. It feels like every few years it might pop by but then it gets overtaken by energy drinks, vapes or weed.

There was a Sliced Bread BBC podcast that suggested decaf coffee gives you the benefits of coffee without the drawbacks of caffeine, which don't seem to go far beyond interrupting your sleep.

[Ferris]

who is this dry roasted cunt

[TrenterPercenter]

"My guy" does this thing were he steeps his milk¹ in cornflakes over night and then you get that milk² in your coffee<sup>3

1</sup>Not his own bodily milk or cum
²Yes I'm aware "real" coffee drinkers don't take milk, I don't all the time
³He takes the cornflakes out first

[touchingcloth]

"My guy" does this thing were he steeps his milk¹ in cornflakes over night and then you get that milk² in your coffee<sup>3

1</sup>Not his own bodily milk or cum
²Yes I'm aware "real" coffee drinkers don't take milk, I don't all the time
³He takes the cornflakes out first

Funnel him into Vesuvius.

[Zero Gravitas]

Sugar milk.
Sugar milk.
Easy drinkin', mumble mumble sugar milk.

Disgusting fucking treat guzzlers, I bet they take a sprinking of lucky charms on top.

[TrenterPercenter]

Funnel him into Vesuvius.

His vintage corduroy dungarees would go up a treat.

[Poobum]

Best coffee is made by tiny elderly Italian ladies in dying Apennine villages. YouTube man can't recreate.

[Butchers Blind]

We're coming for the bubble tea bastards next.

[mjwilson]

I confess to watching quite a few British Coffee Guy With Glasses videos and even converting over to his Aeropress recipe.

(Yes I know it's ridiculous to talk about Aeropress recipes but there you go)

I even bought some of those silly little coffee scales because I'm so impressionable.

[touchingcloth]

I've got a friend who's into coffee - expensive beans, roasting it at home, little brewing device that looks like a conical flask fucked a cork oak - and the coffee they make is shit. Too thin, like coffee oolong or something. Nasty, tangy stuff; million quid a cup.

[Zero Gravitas]

Just for balance, Tea Cunt

[touchingcloth]

I even bought some of those silly little coffee scales because I'm so impressionable.

The box says "coffee scales", but that's only because it's not allowed to say SCALES FOR DRUGS, you rube.

[Dex Sawash]

cornflakes

JESUSCHRIST

[madhair60]

literally anyone: "here's a way to even slightly improve your coffee"

CaB: (INTERMINABLE SCREECHING)

[touchingcloth]

JESUSCHRIST

Yeah, Vesuvius is too good for him. Drop him in Etna with a box of Special K.

[phes]

this Hoffman bloke is fine but I bet there's an army of flying hoffcunts if you suggest otherwise

[Proactive]

You've seen them, the baristas.

[Goldentony]

like wine and guitars all this shit is exactly the same and everyone pretending otherwise has some sort of oedipus complex or insatiable desire to fuck animals

[Oosp]

We're coming for the bubble tea bastards next.

I keep the bubbles in my mouth for hours. Just swishing them around and tonguing them individually. If one of them pops, I do a tiny moan, like a sexy person doing a little orgasm. Then I slurp the bubbly juice with my tongue, tossing the remaining bubbles around in the squirt of fruity goop. We won't listen to reason. We're too randy

[Zero Gravitas]

That's how I imagine the universal bubble tea decorum works.

Who else other than a pervert would want to publicly fill their mouth with globules?

[The F Bomb]

Just for balance, Tea Cunt

Don is actually really sound and Mei Leaf sell consistently great tea. Of the dozens of orders I've made with them, I once had a pu'erh I didn't like/agree with the description. He sent me a replacement in the style I was looking for and various complimentary samples. Great company, nice people, arguably the best tea you can buy in this country.

[Mobius]

I just drink instant

I've stopped telling people that in real life though because they look at you like you're some sort of cunt

[thenoise]

Fell for this cunt hook line & sinker. Told me I needed to ponce around with my bialetti (which apparently I should be calling a moka pot) to make it taste better. Tried filling it with already hot water, I tried taking it on and off the heat so it didn't splutter so loudly etc. The result? Tasteless shite. Straight back to filling it from the cold tap and boiling the hell out of it.

[Mobius]

Don is actually really sound and Mei Leaf sell consistently great tea. Of the dozens of orders I've made with them, I once had a pu'erh I didn't like/agree with the description. He sent me a replacement in the style I was looking for and various complimentary samples. Great company, nice people, arguably the best tea you can buy in this country.

Got these teabags the other day that are biscuit flavoured, like the tea tastes like it's had a biscuit dipped in. and it really does.

[thenoise]

That aside, he's fine as a YouTuber, knowledgeable and passionate and niche, just the kind of person that ought to be on YouTube really. This guy gets it in the neck and a hundred brain dead loot crate cunts get off scot free?