What do you actually look like [Please provide photo or other pictorial evidence]

[Ginyard]

I'm sorry this means some of you will have to stand nearer the back

That's always been WIN to me.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The people near the back will not have a very good view, except of course the thousands of variously sized men that are waiting impatiently in front of them. (anyone wet yet?)

[Glebe]

Me drunk in a Brussels bar, having thoroughly enjoyed a Pixies show.

[rudi]

And wearing a jacket. Plus points.

[Ginyard]

Ah, le piace l'opera? You look like you're going all out on the bel canto.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Your mouth is wide-open to receive something.

[Still Not George]

Ello Rab C, you're looking smart these days, those royalties must be impressive.

[alan nagsworth]

Here I am enjoying a nice cup of coffee with the look of apathy I imagine is usually etched on my face when I'm half-asleep and home alone. I probably had a wank after I took this photo.

[Serge]

You look like you're auditioning for Chazz Palminteri's role in a remake of 'The Usual Suspects'.

[Cerys]

Nah, some bird's got her jubblies out unexpectedly.

[gmoney]

I think a pigeon flew in, shat in his Weetabix, then left very quickly.

[An tSaoi]

Nagsy, you look different in every photo I've seen of you.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Your hair looks better when it's visible, alan.

[VegaLA]

No, with the bright white behind him he looks like he's about to get snatched by Aliens.

[NoSleep]

That hairstyle has been painted on.

[ziggy starbucks]

[Cerys]

Sheesh, is everybody being confronted by some bird getting her jubblies out?

[ThickAndCreamy]

You look like Neil Morrisey on hallucinogenics.

[Small Man Big Horse]

"Ziggy discovers http://russianbrides.com/"

[ziggy starbucks]

it reminds me of the famous line by Jane Austen: "a single man in possession of a webcam must be in need of a russian wife"

Spoiler alert

thanks for the wife website small man. But surely the women on the site are all too hot to be real. I mean a lot of them are massively sexy. They must want a husband with money and a successful professional career - something I am unable to offer

[close]

[Little Hoover]

You're just making excuses now, I'm starting to think you don't want a wife at all ziggy, for someone so desperate you're being very picky. Man up and order yourself a russian bride.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I've known very attractive women to have signed up for dating sites, so it is scientifically possible that they are real. But you're right, it's more likely that they've been cloned and aged artificially, and are unable to do anything other than crawl around the floor dribbling and screaming. Too many of my friends are married to women like that, and trust me you don't want to go there.

In all seriousness, you do deserve a wife of high quality - like others on here I think you're one of the funniest people I've ever (virtually) met, and if I was a woman I'd whisk you off to Vegas for a shotgun wedding in a second. Indeed, for not doing so I think all the female posters need to take a long look at themselves and try to discover why they've failed to do this. The bastards.

[Ronnie the Raincoat]

Have you lost weight?  You look narrower.

[Kishi the Bad Lampshade]

Indeed, for not doing so I think all the female posters need to take a long look at themselves and try to discover why they've failed to do this. The bastards.

Ziggy's an artist. I can't be putting up with the tortured genius, the alcoholism, the passionate mood swings and jags of depression as he tries to come to terms with the dark themes he confronts in his latest Maddie mong.

[Lee]

Me drunk in a Brussels bar, having thoroughly enjoyed a Pixies show.

Allan?

[Ginyard]

Ziggy might just make the best Dr Who ever.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Ziggy's an artist. I can't be putting up with the tortured genius, the alcoholism, the passionate mood swings and jags of depression as he tries to come to terms with the dark themes he confronts in his latest Maddie mong.

All of those things make me want to passionately make love to him. You're just weird, Kishi.

[El Unicornio, mang]

it reminds me of the famous line by Jane Austen: "a single man in possession of a webcam must be in need of a russian wife"

Spoiler alert

thanks for the wife website small man. But surely the women on the site are all too hot to be real. I mean a lot of them are massively sexy. They must want a husband with money and a successful professional career - something I am unable to offer

[close]

A work visa for the UK is probably enough. And, having been to a few other European countries in my time, I can confirm there are places where all the women are utterly gorgeous. There might be some cultural barriers to overcome with a Russian lady though.

[Ginyard]

My wife laughed at ziggy's picture and then said he looked quite cute. You should have them flocking to you, ziggy. Work that magic, big man!

[chand]

My wife laughed at ziggy's picture and then said he looked quite cute. You should have them flocking to you, ziggy. Work that magic, big man!

I can just see him in the photo shouting 'IF YOU THINK MY FACE IS FUNNY, YOU SHOULD SEE MY COCK!!!', before whipping it out and watching the ladies swoon.