A Wonderful World

[Partridge's Love Child]

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I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you

[...]

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night

[...]

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

If only.  A romantic sod I may be, but I still reckon the world would be a better place with a bit more of that type of behaviour, and a few more people like Satchmo around to point it out to us when things look like shit.

Anyway, I've just been sat eating my rather disappointing lunch, a couple of ham butties that I discovered where going penicillin green around the edges, washed down with a limescale-tinged coffee.  Whilst musing upon the disappointments of my comestibles, I was reading The Clothes They Stood Up In which is a novella by the ever wonderful Alan Bennett, and this cropped up:

Mr Ransome having told her the storage firm was in a business park, Mrs Ransome, who was not familiar with the genre, imagined it situated in a setting agreeably pastoral, a park that was indeed a park and attached to some more or less stately home, now sensitivelt adapted to modern requirements; the estate dotted with workshops possibly; offices nestling discreetly in trees.  At the hub of this enterprise she pictured a country house where tall women with folders strode along terraces, typists busied themselves in gilded saloons beneath painted ceilings

That would be lovely, wouldn't it.  The grim reality is, of course, those dreadful, quickly assembled warehouses, where everyone parks and looks miserable.  Driving out to the corner of some revolting motorway-neighbouring backwater, desperate to find a new Breville in the shape of a comedy cow, and inevitably having a look around the Halfords which looks exactly like all the other Halfords in the world and never sells anything you need anyway and smells of Magic Tree and sells overpriced shit bikes and all the staff are call Kev and smell of last night's alcohol.

About 18 months ago, I said to someone, don't remember who now, that "if more people thought like me, there'd be less crime."  It was a suffixed line, muttered in jest, to some half-baked theory or daft train of thought that got the desired laugh.  However, the more I think about it, and the more I use the line, the more I believe it.  I'm a fairly laid back fellow, with a liberally-minded outlook on the world with a few theories that have been developed by spending too much time thinking them through to some illogical conclusion when I should have been doing something else.  If people took more of this approach to life, I think the world would be a nicer place to live in.  Consideration, and a touch of patience is what's needed I think.  The one thing that really makes me lose my patiences is people who have no patience.  Thankfully, I'm smart and considerate enough to recognise the irony in such a state of affairs, and laugh to myself about it whilst drinking coffee.

Anyway, this is getting waaay off the point and beginning to sound like a personal mastorbatory thread of self-congratulation, which was never my intention.  What is the intention, is to try and build our own Jerusalem, here on CaB's blue and pleasant land.  Whilst some sort of functioning internet pseudo-idyll is not going to make us happy beyond the 'pooter screen, it can't do any harm.  And so, my children, I ask that you use this thread not only to rail against the ills of the real world, but, like Alan's business park, suggest a better alternative.  Only not too much greenery eh, some of us prefer the city...

[Uncle_Z]

[predictable trollery]You seem like a nonce.  Fuck off, nonce.[/predictable trollery]

[TraceyQ]

Shut up, P. It's pissing it down outside and I have to go and stand in a freezing playground, waiting for my kids to come tumbling out of school with paint all up their arms and shoes on the wrong feet.

edit: Actually, yeah, that's quite sweet really. Bless.

[smoker]

i think the immigration and taxation policies put forth by the erstwhile mp for staines deserve greater consideration.

me, i'd be happier with blinkers

[Morrisfan82]

Rules for making the world bleedin fantastic if everybody followed them:

1) Don't bullshit anyone ever
2) Respect everyone else

And I don't mean 'respect' in a sort of Normski way either.

I had a dream when I was about ten that all the pavements round where I live, instead of being made out of tarmac, were made from butcher's grass instead. Like all the streets were one big washable squishy play surface.

[hencole]

Free satchells for all.

[NattyDread]

the world would be a better place with a few more people like Satchmo around ...

I'm with you.
My Girlfriend's Dad would be too. He was lucky enough to see the man play live, and is convinced that Satchmo was a heavenly being sent down to earth to add a touch of sunshine to our lives.
Him and Fats Waller.

Actually, before meeting my girlfriend, I didn't have the slightest interest in poetry. As her Dad is a poet, it was only polite to give some of his stuff a bash. Now, to me, reading a nice poem is just like stopping once in a while to smell the roses. Consider the lilly and all that.
I think that most people I know could benefit from more stillness and quiet in their lifes, and a nice bit of poetry can be read anytime, anywhere.
Maybe I should go and read some out down the chippy, see if that quietens the noisy young scamps.

[Gazeuse]

I'm having a good day (Touch wood)...

1) Been to the accountants and he's cooked the books in a very satisfactory way.
2) Had luncheon in a nice little pub in a village nearby.
3) Booked up a dirty weekend.

So yes, it is a wonderful world (Touch wood again).

[Partridge's Love Child]

Touch wood [...] Booked up a dirty weekend [...] Touch wood again.

Doing a bit of There's Something About Mary-style prep there, eh Gaz?

[Gazeuse]

Touch wood [...] Booked up a dirty weekend [...] Touch wood again.

Doing a bit of There's Something About Mary-style prep there, eh Gaz?

hehe...Well, you've got to limber up a bit, haven't you???

[TraceyQ]

<Alarm goes off in Clique H.Q>

"Wanking thread alert, Captain"

[Partridge's Love Child]

A number of times I've considered that a solution to Tube train congestion would be to do away with the train part all together and have some sort of conveyer belt contraption instead, like they do in the mines (or they did before they closed them all down).  Admittedly this has unfortunate overtones of us all being like robots on a production line, but at least you'd get a bit of elbow room.

[smoker]

a lot slower though. what if we flooded the tunnels and had gondolas going along them? and red ken could breed his newts down there too

[Partridge's Love Child]

It could be like the swimming baths where you have a fast lane and a slow lane.  Though you'd be bound to get some inconsiderate doing the gondola equivalent of the butterfly in the same lane as the learners.

[Lady Beany]

I swear to God they should have slow and fast lanes on the pavements.  It would save me a lot of pedestrian rage.

Conveyer belt tube is another fab idea.

Sorry,  that was a bit off topic... had some medication.  Thats my excuse and I am sticking to it.

[9]

great thread PLC, you have buoyed my already good mood!

I agree with you about the need for more patience and consideration.without wanting to go all 'american beauty' I reckon that if there was about 3 hours each day when no TV was shown then people would have more chance to think and explore stuff they wouldn't usually think of doing.

obviously i've not thought this through in any way but it seems like a good idea to me.

[Partridge's Love Child]

I swear to God they should have slow and fast lanes on the pavements.

They were seriously talking about introducing such a thing on Oxford Street.  Whether or not you have to indicate to change lanes, using a flashing light on your arse, I have no idea.

[Purple Tentacle]

All my personal utopias are where I control a uniformed secret police, despatching gunishment to anybody that mildly irritates me, so I'm afraid I'm no use to you on this thread.


Sorry.

[Lady Beany]

Ooooh oooh oooh, I could get some trailing coloured tape hanging from my arse and a little bicycle bell stapled to my bellybutton and and and.... mmmmmmm the medicationnnnnn....

[Johnny Yesno]

I reckon that if there was about 3 hours each day when no TV was shown then people would have more chance to think and explore stuff they wouldn't usually think of doing.

obviously i've not thought this through in any way but it seems like a good idea to me.

You were too busy watching TV, weren't you?

[untitled_london]

<Alarm goes off in Clique H.Q>

"Wanking thread alert, Captain"

thats was good - hehehe

[El Unicornio, mang]

Sadly, with so many twats in the world, it's never going to be the utopia that most of us hope for.
The other day for example, I was sitting on the balcony having a fag and a car goes past and this guy on the passenger side shouts: "I FUCKING HATE YOU FUCKER!!!!". I just thought, what was the point of that?
It seems odd to me that people can't just get on. People seem to get annoyed by the smallest things, and I have to include myself in this, and I think we're all guilty of getting mad at small things like Busted being popular or kids dressing like goths which are utterly irrelevant.
I have to say, as much as I love this forum, I do find it pointless some of the insults that get thrown about for no good reason, and I think it just increases the hate levels among all of us. If we all just sat back for a moment and thought, people might be nicer to each other.
I dunno, we're never going to have utter peace, but I think it's possible to make things better with a bit of understanding and thoughtfullness.

[grindyourmind]

oh fuck off you patronising cunt

[El Unicornio, mang]

Yes, that's the sort of thing I'm talking about

[grindyourmind]

Sorry, It had to be done. I agree with your sentiments. I think a little bit of hate can be healthy though. Students for example.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Actually, re-reading my post I've made myself sound like some kind of mawkish Michael Jackson-type figure.

Come on though, we have to love and cherish each other, not be afraid to kiss and hug and fondle each other to make the world a better place. Look at this butterfly in my hand, it's delicate like the world. Let us love it. Etc, etc

[Lady Beany]

Do we REALLY have to fondle again?  I could do without another restraining order right now...

[TraceyQ]

You're all a bunch of fucking hippies. Stop this right now or be spanked by me with a wet plimsol.

[european son]

You're all a bunch of fucking hippies. Stop this right now or be spanked by me with a wet plimsol.

you tart! i used that line on the old board!

and i illustrated it with a Morrissey-Plimsol-Thoughtbubble.

[TraceyQ]

I'll fight you for it!!