Things your dad is still doing.

[frajer]

Your dad is in a playful mood, so carefully conceals himself behind the couch before you enter the room, and then - quick as a flash - fires off an email on his phone to your boss saying you're a renowned paedo and should be summarily dismissed. "I'm such a stinker!"

[Glebe]

"Bring back the old days!" beams your dad from his couch, his crow's feet glowing with the radiance of nostalgia!

[Glebe]

"Son, I've started my own 'streaming' movie service - I've set up a VHS player and a library of 1,000+ video tapes by a nearby stream!"

You're highly amused by this but then you're driving past a river the following day and you spot the shelves of video cassettes and your heart sinks.

[Kankurette]

Your dad is very excited about When We Were Young.

[Glebe]

It's your dad's 'Dolmio Day', all are invited to dinner with the strict proviso that you must wear a foam muppet head.

[Glebe]

Your dad has gathered the family around as he has a special announcement to make;

"I am Loans the Clown!"

[Glebe]

Your dad thinks And Just Like That... is a series about Tommy Cooper.

[frajer]

Your dad thinks And Just Like That... is a series about Tommy Cooper.

As someone who's been subjected to the first ep, I dearly wish your dad was right!

Your dad is collecting all of his belly button lint in an empty milk bottle for reasons lost to time.

[Glebe]

As someone who's been subjected to the first ep, I dearly wish your dad was right!

"Turns out it's them flipping women from that Sexy City programme! Tommy would be turning in 'is grave he found out they had appropriated his catchphrase like that!"

[Glebe]

"Get busy with the fizzy, son!"

"I'm sorry Dad, but nobody is getting busy with the fizzy for several decades."

Your dad sighs and stares at the carpet. "Aye son, I suppose you're right. It was worth a try though. 1982."

[frajer]

Your dad is chuckling away to himself about some remark he heard earlier on Radio 2. You press him for further details but he just drops down to his haunches, swipes at the air in front of your face while hissing, then darts under the airing cupboard.

[Glebe]

Ever wanted to know what's going on in your dad's mind as he quietly spends hours applying Cuprinol to every wooden surface in the garden? It's this:

[jenna appleseed]

You dad is now demanding you buy him the game that toe tapper came from for the ZX Spectrum.

[Glebe]

"Have you seen the new Muppets, son?"

"The 'new' Muppets, Dad? You mean the 'modern' Muppets with Ricky Gervais et al?"

"Eh?! No, Muppets Tonight! There's a rastafarian one and all!"

[frajer]

"They've done a new Fraggle Rock as well! I watched a bit of it last night, shit me right up!"

You check your dad's Netflix history and see he stopped halfway through The Descent.

[Glebe]

"They've done a new Fraggle Rock as well! I watched a bit of it last night, shit me right up!"

You check your dad's Netflix history and see he stopped halfway through The Descent.

"It was just women in a cave! And there were no Muppets in it!"

[Glebe]

Your dad gets Wordled into the back of beyond.

[frajer]

You let out a ripe but silent fart and your dad sniffs the air and frowns.

"He who smelt it dealt it!" you grin.

Your dad considers, then nods. "Game respect game."

[Glebe]

Your dad has some orange paint left over from sprucing up the outhouse so you wake up to discover that "You've been Tangoed!"

[frajer]

Your dad has some orange paint left over from sprucing up the outhouse so you wake up to discover that "You've been Tangoed!"

"Ok but now it's time for the video replay dad, come here so I can give you a double slap."

"Oh grow up son! You always take things too far."

[Glebe]

"Ok but now it's time for the video replay dad, come here so I can give you a double slap."

"Oh grow up son! You always take things too far."

"Now if you'll excuse me, got a hot Tindar date; my modern American body spray will make me irresistible - bow chicka wah wah!"

[drummersaredeaf]

Your dad dresses up like a goblin and will only call you 'lager boy' in a sneering tone.

[Glebe]

Your dad is singing "Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace!" to the neighbour's cat.

[frajer]

Your dad reckons The Simpsons is racist.

"Oh you mean because of Apu?"

"Eh? Because they're yellow, son! You can't be doing yellowface in this day and age. I'm disappointed I had to tell you that to be honest."

[Glebe]

Your dad reckons The Simpsons is racist.

"Oh you mean because of Apu?"

"Eh? Because they're yellow, son! You can't be doing yellowface in this day and age. I'm disappointed I had to tell you that to be honest."

"Also they only have three fingers and a thumb, it's a mockery of digitally-challenged people. Dave Allen must be spinning in his grave."

[drummersaredeaf]

Your dad is singing "Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace!" to the neighbour's cat.

I once had Talksport on in the car and automatically chanted "Autoglass sniff farts, Autoglass fuck dogs" and it was the most I've ever made myself laugh

What does your dad think about that?

[Glebe]

I once had Talksport on in the car and automatically chanted "Autoglass sniff farts, Autoglass fuck dogs" and it was the most I've ever made myself laugh

What does your dad think about that?

Over to you, Dad!

"I find that quite offensive actually. Mwhum... hahaha!! Actually it is fairly decent!"

[Glebe]

"You know son, your sister is a lot better looking than you are. Maybe she's born with it... or 'Maybe it's Mabeline!'"

[MrsWarboysLover]

Your Dad gets furious when you try to put a plastic bottle in the recycling bin.
"DON'T YOU DARE" he insists. "Not in this house. I refuse to be part of all this 'recycling' nonsense"

[frajer]

Your dad grows his ball hair into an immaculately waxed topiary because he's gotten muddled about Movember.