Main Menu

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 08:35:36 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Insufferable Workmate Ryan

Started by the Fallen, December 14, 2021, 08:03:05 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

the Fallen

Ryan goes home and tweets passive-aggressively about the football teams his workmates support in an illfounded attempt to offset his personal grievances

as if what I'm doing is any better

the Fallen

Ryan Teams you at your bedsit flat shivering there unhappy and wrought in your aching bones to announce that

Its cold 🥶

Cheers mate you cunt but when you announce the moon enters sensual earth sign Taurus at 3:11am his all-smiles loquacity is suddenly as dry as your nan's dog's twat

frajer

Ryan says don't even talk to him before he's had his coffee haha but seriously he will attack you if you do.

Glebe

His surname is Ayers and he always travels economy class.

Ryan Ayers - The Insufferable Low Fares Workmate.


Glebe


the Fallen

You make one little joke buttering Ryan's doorstep and it's all he can do to cryarse off to HR saying he can't work with you....

Because you're gay and, yknow. Fine with it. Neither here nor there really is it. Barely worth remarking on. Except Ryan did.

the Fallen

#7
In an attempt to deflect the obvious joke that Ryan's head is all-too-massive even for his frame, Ryan makes a self-deprecating joke about his own giant noggin.

"Heh", you agree, foolishly, so it's straight through the Aviva grievances process for bullying Ryan.

the Fallen

You catch Ryan posting pisstakes about his thinly-veiled 'flamboyant colleague' (you) over on chortle.com

And don't even let him think of DigitalSpy. You can't out-Ryan Ryan. He's got Joe, he's got Petrolheads. Don't play this game with Ryan if you wanna talk shit online. Don't even mess mate

.... It seems like he just posted you are a nonce

the Fallen

Ryan, clearly schooled on the totality of your being, insists almost angrily that you prefer the company of men, as if that is an end in itself or would indeed solve or have bearing on anything, when let's face it, who doesn't?

the Fallen


the Fallen

Ryan founds a middling-to-good rock band and spends the next decade steadily building critical and commercial acclaim, just so he can rip you obliquely with his lyrics in one throwaway diss track when he's big and you're still on the vine there at Aviva thinking Oh I Knew Ryan When

frajer

Ryan saw a fucking great film last night, couldn't tell you what it was about but it was fucking great. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest it was called, don't know why. Fucking hilarious. The way some people act. Couldn't do it these days, of course. Oh it had that cunt from Stephen King in it.

Sebastian Cobb

Ryan doesn't even like mackrel but microwaves it for lunch every day.

the Fallen

Ah, it must be Wednesday. Ryan has come in with his joke

the Fallen

'Anyone free to help? Emergency' you ask in the Teams chat.

'No' says Ryan, the only one to respond.

the Fallen

Ryan 'takes a screenshot' with his iPhone pointed at his unusually filthy laptop screen (what the reflections imply about his wfh attire is calamitous enough in itself and all the Radox you have won't get you clean again after seeing his danglers) which, to be frank, is a very Ryan thing to do.

GMTV

Come on guys, I can't believe anyone would want to talk about work at a works night out

Proceeds to talk incessantly about work for the duration of the evening

the Fallen

Well he calls it hump day and always has, for your information.

GMTV

Loudly states in the office he's too loud mouthed and on the edge for a senior management position, but of course its what he desperately craves.



Jokes that he's occasionally somewhat cruel to his girlfriend, although when pushed clearly thinks very highly of her and is mainly trying to act cool.



Owns an aged Aston Martin. It's barely road worthy, but allows him to have an Aston Martin key which he sits on his desk at work, on the same key chain as the 4x4 pick up truck he normally drives.

the Fallen

Ryan pronounces scone incorrectly

Glebe




Poobum

Ryan's doing a tiktok he's seen! He's roping you into his tiktok! An incredibly sexist tiktok!

frajer

Ryan is going round the office collecting tenners for a charity marathon he's running erm next year, yeah next year probably.

Catalogue of ills

Ryan has a season ticket at Chelsea, which he mentions 3.4 times per day on average

Ryan is incensed that the office Christmas buffet has been cancelled due to COVID.

"THIS IS JUST LIKE THE HOLOCAUST"

Replies From View

Ryan professes himself "a bit of alright" when he catches a reflection of himself in the water cooler

and he winks at you as he adds "nice butt too"

frajer

Ryan bends over and grabs his arse cheeks and makes them talk like Ace Ventura but can't remember any of the film's dialogue so just delivers his monthly audit report.