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Feck it, fed up with sobriety

Started by touchingcloth, January 17, 2022, 07:14:14 PM

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The Ombudsman

Sneaky drinking is a red flag for sure, but doesn't mean you have a problem as such. I would lay off it for a while and let your habits reset. Happy to talk if you want, I'm 16 years sober. Was a very sneaky drinker in my day.

TrenterPercenter

ffs if no one else is going to say it.


Tinita Tikaram considers rewrite.


Literally have to do everything around here.

Emma Raducanu

I secretly drink before parties. I always aim to be perfectly tipsy on arrival; socially lubricated and cool.

It's always my favourite time of any occasion. Wherever I have to go hangs over me all day, leaving a lingering anxiety until I hit the first drop; then it's music on, cigar, feet up and let the relief wash over me.

touchingcloth

Quote from: The Ombudsman on January 18, 2022, 11:13:51 AMSneaky drinking is a red flag for sure, but doesn't mean you have a problem as such. I would lay off it for a while and let your habits reset. Happy to talk if you want, I'm 16 years sober. Was a very sneaky drinker in my day.

Thanks! It feels useful for me to say I have a problem, though I don't have a dependency I don't think. I'm going to not touch any for a while and go through some of the self help resources people have posted here and that I've seen elsewhere (SMART sound like they use video calls for group therapy sessions these days. I'll have a think and see if that's something I want or need to do, as my gut feeling is that group sessions can get in the fucking bin). Maybe I'll reach a point where I can drink like a normal person, maybe I won't - I think I'm fine with either outcome.

Ray Travez

that sounds like a really good strategy

The Ombudsman

Quote from: Ray Travez on January 19, 2022, 01:21:01 PMthat sounds like a really good strategy

Agreed, good plan TC. Find something that works for you. Wish you the best.

Endicott

Here's a reasonably good indicator. Promise yourself you won't drink for a set number of days, just for the hell of it, because you're in charge of you, right? If you make it through then maybe you don't have a problem. Then increase the number of days.

I am quite comfortably failing to achieve this at the moment, having been slack-handedly attempting to cut back for about 4 months. But I've just had a gee up as the doctor wants to put me on statins for my high cholesterol. I've got high cholesterol because I drink too much booze and don't exercise, so I have to shape up on both of these.

Anyway good luck.

TrenterPercenter

Quote from: Endicott on January 19, 2022, 02:03:44 PMHere's a reasonably good indicator. Promise yourself you won't drink for a set number of days, just for the hell of it, because you're in charge of you, right? If you make it through then maybe you don't have a problem. Then increase the number of days.

I'm not poo-pooing the mechanistic approach you've suggested; but I'll just highlight that this is a very drug service/AA based approach to addictions.  You can be addicted to things for lots of reasons but generally alcohol and drugs are about anaesthetising yourself or stimulating (and distracting yourself). Drugs and alcohol are addictive in themselves but that is most of the time only half the picture.

It's an external way to manage internal states, put booze in get x affect out (depending on why we are using).  We should try and move away from this idea that people just drink to get drunk that is what people do without addictions and it feeds into "the weak addict" stereotype of the past.  Addicts are something else; for example you could be abstinent for months but you could then have a couple of drinks and not be able to stop, drinking yourself into oblivion.  Then you wake up the next day and say I'm not drinking for another however many months.  These are the differences with addiction it's not quantity consumed versus time and why you'll here some addicts say once an addict always  an addict (not true imo you can get help though it is long haul and difficult) or that there is no safe amount of drink/drug for an addict.

The Ombudsman

Quote from: TrenterPercenter on January 19, 2022, 04:35:54 PMI'm not poo-pooing the mechanistic approach you've suggested; but I'll just highlight that this is a very drug service/AA based approach to addictions.  You can be addicted to things for lots of reasons but generally alcohol and drugs are about anaesthetising yourself or stimulating (and distracting yourself). Drugs and alcohol are addictive in themselves but that is most of the time only half the picture.

It's an external way to manage internal states, put booze in get x affect out (depending on why we are using).  We should try and move away from this idea that people just drink to get drunk that is what people do without addictions and it feeds into "the weak addict" stereotype of the past.  Addicts are something else; for example you could be abstinent for months but you could then have a couple of drinks and not be able to stop, drinking yourself into oblivion.  Then you wake up the next day and say I'm not drinking for another however many months.  These are the differences with addiction it's not quantity consumed versus time and why you'll here some addicts say once an addict always  an addict (not true imo you can get help though it is long haul and difficult) or that there is no safe amount of drink/drug for an addict.

Further to this and to add weight to TP's point (I think) when I was drinking, I'd go a week without any alcohol, a month etc to 'prove' I was in control. I've heard other people talk about having a drinking problem but going on holiday for example and not touching a drop as they don't want to be seen in that state or they know they just couldn't stop after a sniff of plonk. One person I talked to had a year off drinking as they were doing time, got out and just started like they never stopped. Not saying this is you, but be careful thinking you are in control because you can managed n days drink free. I think as TP says, you need to fix the cause, and that can be fucking ugly to deal with.

I started my sobriety by having a year off to get in to peoples heads that I didn't have a problem. It was after 6 months I came to the realisation I'd been thinking every day about that first drink I could have in January, what it would be, how it would feel, what it would taste like etc. That level of fantasization didn't seem healthy to me. I managed a year and two months then slipped. After four pints I was looking for whiskey. That's the last time I drank.

FWIW I just could not get on with AA, it seemed geared to replace the booze in people with Christ. Also felt a few people actively enjoyed telling their war stories and that didn't gel with me. YMMV.