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March 28, 2024, 09:53:44 PM

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Oreos are dogshit

Started by touchingcloth, April 28, 2022, 10:09:25 AM

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touchingcloth

Disagree? You're an idiot, absolute chump.

"Oh, they're like bourbons but cool and American." Fuck off, pal. Why don't you choke on one and do a cool American Heimlich?

"Milks! You can eat them with milks!" I hope you drown in the milk.

Fr.Bigley

I always thought they were biscuits

Butchers Blind

All American sweets are shit. Literally.

When I was a kid, it was all white dogshit. Now it's black dogshit and you buy it in a packet from Tescos. Country's gone.

JaDanketies

Crumble 'em up and use them as an ice-cream topper.

They're actually quite nice, Oreos. I used to buy them regularly (cos they're vegan) and I've been buying Bourbon biscuits instead to save 30p because of soaring gas and electricity bills, and they're actually really inferior now you force me to think about it. And I would've thought Bourbons were my favourites but Oreos are a step above.

Magnum Valentino

They're shite on their own but when they appear in anything else (like in 'creme' form in Cadbury's chocolate, or their own ice cream sandwich version) they're deadly.

Sebastian Cobb

Agreed.

American chains don't really help dissuade the stereotypes about American food when they make things like this:


I remember nearly 10 years ago a big gaudy 'American Candy' store opened in town. I popped in because curiosity over Twinkies were getting to me. They really are disappointing, like a very rubbish, small bready eclair but with over-sweet paste where the cream should be.

touchingcloth

Quote from: JaDanketies on April 28, 2022, 10:30:46 AMCrumble 'em up and use them as an ice-cream topper.

No. Every fucker around here does that as the topping of their desserts of the house, and it's dogshit. Oreos are dogshit, and since when has crumbling up and scattering dogshit been an idea people are into?

Norton Canes

No flavour, just sugar. Might as well eat sugar.

Beagle 2

Yep, 100% in agreement on this one. They're in every shop in the country and I'm convinced nobody actually likes them.

The Ombudsman

The golden ones are much better.

Gulftastic

The Aldi rip offs are as nice and much cheaper.

Kankurette

They're ubiquitous now. I don't mind them, but Bourbons are nicer and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong.

Blumf

Bourbons are superior in every way. Does America even have an equivalent to a garibaldi? Pop-Tarts probably.

You know who'd like Oreos? Tim Westwood, that's who. The kind of wanker who loves every trashy American thing and wants to pretend they're a yank. He'd be sat in his stupid big import SUV stuffing his face with them. "Yo-yo-yo! I like me some Oeros, init!"

So, basically, if you like Oreos, you're a try-hard sex pest tosspot.

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth

Custard Creams are the best sandwich biscuit.

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on April 28, 2022, 10:37:57 AMI remember nearly 10 years ago a big gaudy 'American Candy' store opened in town. I popped in because curiosity over Twinkies were getting to me. They really are disappointing, like a very rubbish, small bready eclair but with over-sweet paste where the cream should be.
The way American pop culture goes on about Twinkies, I assumed they must either be really nice, or really awful. I finally got to try them a couple of years ago and they're just kind of bland.

Kankurette

Twinkies have the texture of foam rubber and the cream stuff is gruesome. It barely tastes of anything, it's just this claggy mess. Pop Tarts were a huge disappointment, they taste of cardboard.

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, on the other hand? Very yes.

Captain Z

100% agree. You can blame the Mondelez buyout of Cadbury for their increased appearance over here.

Give it up, guys, nobody likes them.

pigamus

Quote from: Norton Canes on April 28, 2022, 10:45:49 AMNo flavour, just sugar. Might as well eat sugar.

Actually they're weirdly salty

BeardFaceMan

I had some mint Oreos once, they had some kind of green monstrosity sludge in them, genuinely looked and tasted like someone had spread some spearmint toothpaste in between 2 subpar chocolate... Well, biscuits, I suppose.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: BeardFaceMan on April 28, 2022, 11:29:02 AMI had some mint Oreos once, they had some kind of green monstrosity sludge in them, genuinely looked and tasted like someone had spread some spearmint toothpaste in between 2 subpar chocolate... Well, biscuits, I suppose.

want a viscount now

Dex Sawash


Oreo taste mostly of black. They are better than chocolate chips when paired with mint ice cream  because frozen actual chocolate isn't optimal.


Joe Qunt

I'm indifferent to them. Pretty sure they contain dairy so I can't have them anyway.

boki

Quote from: touchingcloth on April 28, 2022, 10:43:48 AMOreos are dogshit, and since when has crumbling up and scattering dogshit been an idea people are into?
Is this your first visit to the Reeperbahn?

Butchers Blind

The fact they have to put their name on the biscuit is a mark of shiteness.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Butchers Blind on April 28, 2022, 11:51:43 AMThe fact they have to put their name on the biscuit is a mark of shiteness.

bourbons and custard creams have their names on but they're both alright

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth


Gurke and Hare

[tag]CaB gets tediously parochial about American things[/tab]

Quote from: Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth on April 28, 2022, 11:08:59 AMCustard Creams are the best sandwich biscuit.

Nah, that's either Fox's golden crunch creams or lemon puffs.

Replies From View

We have real biscuits in this country - why would we ever want to indulge this fantasy American scenario where they have managed to come up with a biscuit as well and it's somehow incredible and deserves to attain world domination.

I can appreciate why they might be parcelled in tins for the American military to carry around all day, or sent in bundles to American convicts, because they last forever and they would give Americans that sweet taste of home like a Coca Cola logo or a Nike sponsored basketballer or a trailer for Santa Claus the Movie.


But here in the rest of the world we have real biscuits and we aren't swayed by images of American nuclear families wanking rhythmically over a solitary carton of milk!  So grow up!!

Joe Qunt

Quote from: Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth on April 28, 2022, 11:08:59 AMCustard Creams are the best sandwich biscuit.

Those Prince biscuits from Lidl are nice.