Festival toilets advice

[Fambo Number Mive]

Etiquette expert William Hanson has shared 10 do's and don'ts for using festival toilets in the Daily Mail (yes, I know, I had a look at the front page of the website to see what they were saying about Johnson)

1. Passing comments about sights, sounds or smells of the lavatory environment is very vulgar and never appropriate. Therefore, keep these comments to yourself. If you are expecting gleaming loos, a festival is perhaps not the best place to look.

2. Should you find a lavatory in a less than fresh condition, don't be afraid to find a festival organiser and politely tell them so they can do something about it. Words to the effect of, 'Cubicle four needs some love and attention' or, 'May I ask you to freshen up the fourth loo?'

3. Should you glance at a bare front or back bottom by accident, swiftly avert one's gaze and don't stare. Exercise some discretion and pretend you haven't noticed - a dying art in the modern age.

4. If your urinals don't have any privacy dividers at eye level, do not make eye contact with the people on either side - whether you know them or not. Look straight ahead or directly down (if you want to), smile sweetly and think of Britain...

All good advice from William but what advice would you give people using festival toilets?

I would advise people to sit the right way round and not have a contest of "whose wee is clearest" at the urinals.

[shoulders]

If you scream 'Aaauauuugrrrhrhhhhhh goddddd, that's sooooooo goooooooood' people will think that cubicle is in mint condition and has excellent facilities.

[JaDanketies]

Take up smoking while you're at the festival. Then you can smoke a fag in the toilet and you won't notice the bad smell.  The most important thing to remember is to quit smoking when the festival is over.

[Glebe]