Things that make you go aaaarrggghhh

[Jockice]

We're talking here about things you hate doing but are forced to do occasionally. And in my case specifically reverse parking into a small space.

My driving is okay I think but put me in a situation where I have to do this and my entire body freezes up and every single bit of self-doubt I've ever had comes out to laugh at me.

I smashed a back light (on a wall, not another car) doing this a few months but at least I was alone on that occasion. It's much worse when people try to help.

So you can imagine my joy when I turned up for an appointment on Friday and (unusually for this place) the only space left was right at the end of the row, without even space to get my wheelchair out. So I had to beep for the bloke on reception to get the chair out and then guide me into the space. It only took 20 minutes but what can you do when someone's telling you to keep moving in one direction but every time you do your parking sensors go berserk? When I finally got into the building and went off to see the person I was there to see I could hear reception bloke telling others: "I kept telling him to go one way and he was going in the other!" I resisted the temptation to punch him on my way out. He may have found it irritating but I found it incredibly stressful. I may even have told him to fuck off and fucked off myself if he hadn't been holding my wheelchair.

I had a similar situation a couple of years ago while visiting my sister at her new house and she seemed convinced that I could easily get my much bigger than hers car into her drive (and it had to be reversed for some reason) and got very annoyed when I found it difficult. The presence of a small wall that I couldn't even see from the driver's seat didn't help. The small wall that another visitor was to knock down a few months later. But still she denied that the positioning and height of the wall had anything to do with it. I'm glad we don't talk anymore.

At least I have sensors nowadays. I still have a memory of a friend indicating me out of the small parking place at aholiday cottage we were staying at. He was signalling me back when suddenly BANG! Straight into a fencepost. I shouted to him: "Why didn't you tell me about that?" His response: "I thought you could see it!" Er no mate, that's why I was asking you to guide me out...no wonder that sort of thing scares the shit out of me nowadays.

[Proactive]

Never been a confident reverse parker so avoid it at all costs. Now parallel parking on the other hand I'm absolutely superb at (and I'm a very shit driver) because I have a failsafe system that my instructor taught me.

[The F Bomb]

I had a nightmare last night that marrowfat peas were popping out of the pores of my face.

Proper Munch territory.

[jamiefairlie]

Never been a confident reverse parker so avoid it at all costs. Now parallel parking on the other hand I'm absolutely superb at (and I'm a very shit driver) because I have a failsafe system that my instructor taught me.

Don't hit the cars! Don't hit the kerb! Don't block the road!

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

I can reverse park like a champ (and reverse a car in a straight line). Parallel parking? HAHAHAHA FUCK OFF. It's always worse if there's a man anywhere in the vicinity because I imagine he's watching me making a right bags of parallel parking this tiny little girl's car, proving every stereotype about woman drivers correct

[Catalogue Trousers]

FUCKIN NODDY

[Maurice Yeatman]

Tongue depressors.

[jobotic]

FUCKIN NODDY

If you don't like it, don't do it

[touchingcloth]

I can parallel park anywhere because my car's four fucking feet long.

[Zero Gravitas]

Real Monsters

[Dex Sawash]

I have a failsafe system that my instructor taught me.

I learned The Ken Hansell Method in driver's ed. Ken was an absolute dickhead but he nade me a good parker.

[Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle]

What's yiur

Never been a confident reverse parker so avoid it at all costs. Now parallel parking on the other hand I'm absolutely superb at (and I'm a very shit driver) because I have a failsafe system that my instructor taught me.

what's the system then?

[Norton Canes]

[Jockice]

What's yiur what's the system then?

Make sure there's a 30 foot gap between the other cars.

(I'm okay at parallel parking. Except in a situation last year when a friend thought I'd be able to do it into a space that was probably smaller than my car (a Peugeot Rifter. It's practically a van). I told him to sod off and that I was going to park elsewhere. I think I might just know my driving a bit better than other people. And I did warn reception bloke on Friday that reverse parking into tight spaces was something I found practically impossible before we'd even started. He could always have asked someone already in the building if they'd mind moving into that spot. Would have taken a lot less time. But he didn't, so I have no sympathy.)

[Proactive]

What's yiur what's the system then?

I'll try to explain as best I can:

Pull up beside the car you're going to park behind with about a meter between you. Very slowly, reverse with the steering wheel straight, and when the rear of your car is about half a meter past the point the car next to you ends, put the steering wheel on full lock towards the kerb and keep slowly going until you're diagonal to the kerb. At that point, set the steering wheel dead centre, then keep reversing until you can see your rear wheel arch covering the kerb in your wing mirror (the left nearest the kerb). Once you see that, steering wheel on full lock in the opposite direction to the last time you had it on full lock, and the car will basically do the rest until you're nicely alongside the kerb (which should be fairly obvious judging by the cars you're parking between). At that point, centre the steering wheel again so you can adjust back and forth until you're equidistant between the two cars.

Sorry, it sounds more complicated than it is, and should all pretty much be done in one fluid motion. Unless I genuinely don't have the room, this works for me 100% of the time.

[Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle]

I'll try to explain as best I can:

Pull up beside the car you're going to park behind with about a meter between you. Very slowly, reverse with the steering wheel straight, and when the rear of your car is about half a meter past the point the car next to you ends, put the steering wheel on full lock towards the kerb and keep slowly going until you're diagonal to the kerb. At that point, set the steering wheel dead centre, then keep reversing until you can see your rear wheel arch covering the kerb in your wing mirror (the left nearest the kerb). Once you see that, steering wheel on full lock in the opposite direction to the last time you had it on full lock, and the car will basically do the rest until you're nicely alongside the kerb (which should be fairly obvious judging by the cars you're parking between). At that point, centre the steering wheel again so you can adjust back and forth until you're equidistant between the two cars.

Sorry, it sounds more complicated than it is, and should all pretty much be done in one fluid motion. Unless I genuinely don't have the room, this works for me 100% of the time.

Thanks for that, i think I understand.  So is the car on the right of you facing the same way then?  I usually drive up to the wing mirror of the parked car then reverse full lock.  Simmilar to your method i think.

[popcorn]

Tongue depressors.

My mother in law's meatloaf!!

[Good One of Wally]

My mother in law's meatloaf!!

Is she?

[Sonny_Jim]

I was watching Baywatch Hawaii today and the plot line is that there's someone stuck in a tunnel and they've got to swim underwater to get out, so the hunky lifeguard says

"Ok, we'll go on three, you ready?"

"One, two, three!" *dives*

Now can you see the problem (other than a 40yr old man watching Baywatch).  That's not on three, is it you fucking slime?  That's on four.

Please sign my angry petition to make people go on three.

[shiftwork2]

This is why hospitals do patslides on 'Ready Steady Slide' and fewer patients end up on the floor.

It's a solid point Sonny_Jim and I support your efforts to right this wrong.

[SpiderChrist]

I was watching Baywatch Hawaii today and the plot line is that there's someone stuck in a tunnel and they've got to swim underwater to get out, so the hunky lifeguard says

"Ok, we'll go on three, you ready?"

"One, two, three!" *dives*

Now can you see the problem (other than a 40yr old man watching Baywatch).  That's not on three, is it you fucking slime?  That's on four.

Please sign my angry petition to make people go on three.

You have my unwavering support. These people must be stopped.

[Kankurette]

Eye tests. Especially when there's a fire alarm, and you have to go and stand outside in the pissing rain for half an hour and listen to some bloke loudly murdering ABBA songs before you're allowed back in.

I had to go and stand in the Arndale just to get away from him and I hate the Arndale.

[popcorn]

I was watching Baywatch Hawaii today and the plot line is that there's someone stuck in a tunnel and they've got to swim underwater to get out, so the hunky lifeguard says

"Ok, we'll go on three, you ready?"

"One, two, three!" *dives*

Now can you see the problem (other than a 40yr old man watching Baywatch).  That's not on three, is it you fucking slime?  That's on four.

Please sign my angry petition to make people go on three.

When you say "what would you give the film out of five" and they say "hmm... three and a half"

WELL NOW YOU'RE RATING IT OUT OF TEN

RESPECT THE FUCKING SYSTEM

COMMIT TO A SCORE

[Terence Bowl]

Reading an Aramaic inscription carved into a wall in the Cave of Caerbannog out loud.

[WhoMe]

Going to buy clothes generally. Living in hope of a communist takeover so we can all be issued grey overalls and be done with it.

[All Surrogate]

I was watching Baywatch Hawaii today and the plot line is that there's someone stuck in a tunnel and they've got to swim underwater to get out, so the hunky lifeguard says

"Ok, we'll go on three, you ready?"

"One, two, three!" *dives*

Now can you see the problem (other than a 40yr old man watching Baywatch).  That's not on three, is it you fucking slime?  That's on four.

Please sign my angry petition to make people go on three.

Their actions would have been acceptable if the instruction had been "... after three ...".

As it was, I share your anger.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Going to buy clothes generally. Living in hope of a communist takeover so we can all be issued grey overalls and be done with it.

Yeah I have a corded pair of black levi's that are vile really because I bought them cheap as fuck not even realising they weren't just black jeans and thought "fuck it, they fit, can't be arsed sending them back, it's only for work innit?".

[Ferris]

Yeah I have a corded pair of black levi's that are vile really because I bought them cheap as fuck not even realising they weren't just black jeans and thought "fuck it, they fit, can't be arsed sending them back, it's only for work innit?".

Genuinely the only reason I'm a cords man is because i bought a pair of Levi's cords cheap by accident and thought "yeah these are fine".

Been an afficionado ever since.