Most hated human behaviours.

[Huxleys Babkins]

i think it is very similar to 'no'. it can't really mean anything else can it.

I did the online dating thing a good few years back and I had a couple of women get back in touch after long periods of no contact. One had a broken laptop and had to wait 'til payday to get a new one and the other had a mum with late stage cancer who'd suddenly died and she was too busy grieving/arranging shit.

Of course, that was ten years ago now. Perhaps the rules of engagement have changed. Christ, imagine meeting new people in the world of emojis and social media. You poor fuckers.

[Replies From View]

Yeah if that was ten years ago I think it's safe to say you are free to move on now with your life.

[kittens]

well, yes, people can stop talking for a number of reasons and may start talking to you again. it is best to assume that they are no longer interested and move on, and if they get in touch again then that's good, if not who cares. don't want to spend your life pining after a skeleton with eyes.

[Golden E. Pump]

well, yes, people can stop talking for a number of reasons and may start talking to you again. it is best to assume that they are no longer interested and move on, and if they get in touch again then that's good, if not who cares. don't want to spend your life pining after a skeleton with eyes.

Yeah I did that enough in the 1990s with Ally McBeal.

[Replies From View]

Grown adults who cough without covering their FUCKING mouth.

[AsparagusTrevor]

Grown adults who cough without covering their FUCKING mouth.

Or grown adults who yawn without covering their FUCKING mouth. Or grown adults who do anything which involves presenting the glistening, bubbly insides of their gob to the world without making any effort to spare us civilised humans of the disgusting spectacle.

[Twed]

I hate detectable eating by anybody I don't love.

[paruses]

I hate detectable eating by anybody I don't love.

My wife has an unconscious (I fucking hope) habit such that if we have a stressful situation that requires me to sit and write an email or follow something on the laptop - tasks she is instantly unable to do - she will sit next to me to "help" but will open a packet of crisps or have some biscuits to eat RIGHT NEXT TO MY EAR while I work.

They probably train bomb disposal techs or special forces how to operate under pressure using this cheap but effective system.

I have a more thread-relevant post to make about a man buying cinema tickets so check back in later.

[holyzombiejesus]

Since we had a baby, we've eaten our meals at the kitchen table and I had never realised what a noisy eater my wife is, especially if it's something slippy sloppy like tagliatelle. Even writing about it now puts me on edge. I love her as much as it's possible for me to love anyone but by god, I want to throw her plate across the room when she starts champing.

[checkoutgirl]

People scratching their head, touching their face, poking their ear. People who can't keep their hands away from their face for more than 30 seconds. Especially within close proximity like on the bus or in a queue. Eugh.

People in work who you have to explain the same thing to them 4 times when they could take notes once and refer to these notes. They'd rather waste your time than take notes.

[Replies From View]

Since we had a baby, we've eaten our meals at the kitchen table and I had never realised what a noisy eater my wife is, especially if it's something slippy sloppy like tagliatelle. Even writing about it now puts me on edge. I love her as much as it's possible for me to love anyone but by god, I want to throw her plate across the room when she starts champing.

Set up dehydration units around her face, so the food's slippy sloppiness is subtracted before it hits the internals of her mouth.  Or maybe lace all her food with cream crackers?

My motto is "silence that menace!" and I'm sure you can tell I have had a lot of experience resolving the issues that arise alongside human efforts to survive.

[Icehaven]

People scratching their head, touching their face, poking their ear. People who can't keep their hands away from their face for more than 30 seconds. Especially within close proximity like on the bus or in a queue. Eugh.

If someone touches/flips/brushes their fingers through/generally adjusts their hair within the first minute or so that you can see them, then chances are they do it at least once a minute, constantly. I'm sure for a lot of folk it's just an unconscious or possibly even nervous habit, but unfortunately that doesn't make it any less annoying.

[checkoutgirl]

If someone touches/flips/brushes their fingers through/generally adjusts their hair within the first minute or so that you can see them, then chances are they do it at least once a minute, constantly. I'm sure for a lot of folk it's just an unconscious or possibly even nervous habit, but unfortunately that doesn't make it any less annoying.

I'm on the lower end of the OCD spectrum, if such a thing exists. So I imaging the microbes and skin cells flying through the air and landing on me, like on my lips etc. When I'm on the bus and there is a powerful sun shining in you can quite literally see these microbes filling the air which makes it worse for me. The only way around it is to remind myself it's harmless.

Well that or buy a car which is what I'm doing imminently.

[Replies From View]

The joke will be on you when I somehow fill the inside of your new car with all skin cells.

[Sebastian Cobb]

My wife has an unconscious (I fucking hope) habit such that if we have a stressful situation that requires me to sit and write an email or follow something on the laptop - tasks she is instantly unable to do - she will sit next to me to "help" but will open a packet of crisps or have some biscuits to eat RIGHT NEXT TO MY EAR while I work.

They probably train bomb disposal techs or special forces how to operate under pressure using this cheap but effective system.

I have a more thread-relevant post to make about a man buying cinema tickets so check back in later.

I had a colleague do this with rice crackers when I was  sat showing them how to do something on their computer. I was fuming.

[paruses]

I had a colleague do this with rice crackers when I was  sat showing them how to do something on their computer. I was fuming.

Did you also have a massive row when they thought that chewing slowly would in some way be better?

[checkoutgirl]

The joke will be on you when I somehow fill the inside of your new car with all skin cells.

I'm assuming that would be too onerous an undertaking for you to be feasible.

[Replies From View]

I'm assuming that would be too onerous an undertaking for you to be feasible.

Assume that I have the time and the motivation to make this work.

[Endicott]

I'm on the lower end of the OCD spectrum, if such a thing exists. So I imaging the microbes and skin cells flying through the air and landing on me, like on my lips etc. When I'm on the bus and there is a powerful sun shining in you can quite literally see these microbes filling the air which makes it worse for me. The only way around it is to remind myself it's harmless.

Well that or buy a car which is what I'm doing imminently.

Unless you seal off the car and supply it with its own pure air supply, it won't make any difference.

[The Lurker]

Work colleagues putting on a cloying, cutesy baby voice when they want you to do them a favour that's a big ask or is otherwise a bit cheeky:

"Oh hey guys! I was wondering: would one of you lovely people be so wonderful as to let me borrow your computer? For about six hours, yeah? That wouldn't be too cheeky would it? Oh pwetty pwease?"

Similarly, people who use the word cheeky incorrectly.

"Yeah, I've put a cheeky bet on"
"Might treat myself to a cheeky takeaway later"
"Had a few cheeky pints last night"

How the fuck are any of those things cheeky?

[manticore]

A woman who gave me piano lessons when I was about ten would always have a cup of coffee next to her and would slurp from it gently at regular intervals. I loved that, I think it was what they call an ASMR thing, and also had the feeling of comforting ritual. It relaxed me, put me at ease. I still like it when people do that.

This is the opposite of what this thread is for.

[Replies From View]

A woman who gave me piano lessons when I was about ten would always have a cup of coffee next to her and would slurp from it gently at regular intervals. I loved that, I think it was what they call an ASMR thing, and also had the feeling of comforting ritual. It relaxed me, put me at ease. I still like it when people do that.

This is the opposite of what this thread is for.

I had an elderly piano teacher who without fail would always need to go for a shit halfway into our lesson.  It took about ten minutes, and afterwards she'd say "We'll add those minutes to the end of your lesson," so my mum would be kept waiting in the lobby every week.

I hated it, especially since the toilet was right next to the room with the piano in it, so the second half of the lesson always had the smell of shit hanging in the air.  A lot of piano music now permanently has that smell affixed to it for me.  I've been to concerts where two or three pieces are clearly evoking all manner of emotions for everyone else in the audience, and all I can think of is a stinky room and a distracting concern that the piano keys might have germs on them.

[Uncle TechTip]

Similarly, people who use the word cheeky incorrectly.

"Yeah, I've put a cheeky bet on"
"Might treat myself to a cheeky takeaway later"
"Had a few cheeky pints last night"

How the fuck are any of those things cheeky?

Because you're not supposed to do them very often?

Why is everyone pissed off about language so much?

[Uncle TechTip]

I did the online dating thing a good few years back and I had a couple of women get back in touch after long periods of no contact. One had a broken laptop and had to wait 'til payday to get a new one and the other had a mum with late stage cancer who'd suddenly died and she was too busy grieving/arranging shit.

Of course, that was ten years ago now. Perhaps the rules of engagement have changed. Christ, imagine meeting new people in the world of emojis and social media. You poor fuckers.

Ghosters do the same as this person described above except they don't make up bullshit stories about broken laptops or dead parents.

[paruses]

Why is everyone pissed off about language so much?

I take your point but isn't it more the users of the language - fucking "can I getters"?

I am still laughing at Replies' piano lessons story.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Ghosters do the same as this person described above except they don't make up bullshit stories about broken laptops or dead parents.

I went on dates with them both so nyaaaaaah!

Laptop girl was nice enough but no spark. Dead mum girl was in no fit state to be dating. Both were ended with the customary "I've had fun, but I think we should just stay friends." Like proper humans do.

Similarly, people who use the word cheeky incorrectly.

"Yeah, I've put a cheeky bet on"
"Might treat myself to a cheeky takeaway later"
"Had a few cheeky pints last night"

How the fuck are any of those things cheeky?

The one that annoys me is "a cheeky Nando's". Nando's is probably the most nutritious mass market restaurant chain out there. It's literally lean, unprocessed chicken meat cooked on a grill. The unhealthiest things on their menu are halloumi cheese, bread rolls and mashed potatoes. How the fuck is a Nando's "cheeky"?

[Blue Jam]

People in work who you have to explain the same thing to them 4 times when they could take notes once and refer to these notes. They'd rather waste your time than take notes.

The worst version of that is waiters who take your order without writing it down. This is a major source of angst for me as someone who frequently requests "No mayonnaise":

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jan/14/12-things-restaurants-must-stop-doing-in-2016-jay-rayner

[Twed]

My wife has an unconscious (I fucking hope) habit such that if we have a stressful situation that requires me to sit and write an email or follow something on the laptop - tasks she is instantly unable to do - she will sit next to me to "help" but will open a packet of crisps or have some biscuits to eat RIGHT NEXT TO MY EAR while I work.

I bet due to your irritation the way she eats the crisps seems especially deliberate and slow. Like she's contemplating each crisp, and then eating it in a way that seems like she's giving a demonstration on how to eat crisps.

[paruses]

I bet due to your irritation the way she eats the crisps seems especially deliberate and slow. Like she's contemplating each crisp, and then eating it in a way that seems like she's giving a demonstration on how to eat crisps.

Pretty much - she starts off normally then each time I flick my head and glare she slows down bit by bit. I know she thinks that by doing that she's helping but she really isn't.

[Huxleys Babkins]

She probably thinks that it's like walking slowly on tip-toes. It makes less noise than if you run.

On this evidence it's pretty clear you need to get shot and shack up with a young dollybird as quickly as possible.